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OUR EXTRAORDINARY MISERY:
AN INDICTMENT
By Richard Evans Lee
“....for the sin of self-
indulgence when the
truth was writ quite
clear I must spend
my life amongst the dead
who spend their lives
in fear of a death that
they’re not sure of of
a life they can’t control’'
Keith Reid
After physical survival
the central reality of our
lives is the fear of
(emptiness.j L Boredom,
lonlihess, lack of self
esteem, IRe feeling
that existence is unim
portant, each has its own
special nausea. And its
various remedies: poli
tical eschatology, faith
in something transcen
dental, television,
chemical highs, belief
that we have unique
talents or perceptions,
and manifold other pro-
tectives.
We, seemingly more
so than members of pre -
vious cultures immerse
ourselves in these
mechanisms Leisure
has become a problem;
only 50 years ago a
fine appreciation of the
connection between
one’s labor and keeping
alive, and of the luxury
of whatever moments
were unoccupied rend-
red each gratifying. Few
had the idle time to
fret and pout universe
wasn’t congruent to
their wishes.
And since God died (or
in some instances,
mutated almost beyond
recognition) the tra
dition s and social
imperatives Christiani
ty once ballasted have
lost their sense of
validity.
Without these things
to lend significance and
a satisfying orientation
to existence iman sits:
alone and bored. Thus,
nowadays, many-but not
all for a few conduct
their comings and
goings with a measure
of complacency-are en
trapped . in efforts. to
give* their lives a
sense -.of value mid
worth: to. sh&ild them?
selves from the void.
Now having.laid some
necessary' groundwork
(thougi in almost fatally ,
abbreviated- : form) * we
can narrow.: our focus
and descend into . the - ,
vertiginous v sub- world
called the ?gay sdend.’.
Gays, being morally
weird, - wo have fcft en
been regarded as little
more than; alien scum- .
almost automatically
stand athwart file con
ventions or this world.
This alienation, to in
dulge the popular term,
has poisoned many of us
with guilt and created a
social context in which,
love other than trivial
hedonism is an anomaly;
and thereby has pushed
gays into a peculiarly
warped and. frantic
search for an adequate
and pleasurable life...
Most of us Restrict
ourselves to bars when
looking for entertain
ment or to meet people.
The very setting-in-it
self picture, if you will
(using the standard City
of Night imagery, thogh
toned down a bit) a
smoke filled noisy room
crowded with people in
exaggerated dress, the
booze and pot mingling
with blood and brain
cells dislocating vital
portions of psyche and
persona - this setting
precludes valuable or
honest contact with
people.
Yet it is this cold impersonal
context that exerts the most
potent influence upon us;
shapes our life-styles and
personalities. It is easy to see
how the practice of tricking
emerged: realizable alternatives
have been rare.
The notion that gain
ing emotional and intel
lectual intimacy prior to
sex would invest them
with any special
dimension is infre
quently considered.
Nonetheless one of the
largest shocks awaiting
me in my early sexual
experiences was the
disinterest- Bays often
have in forepjay: one
doesn’t even brother de
veloping the sensual
excitement, one simply
fucks and sucks and
thats it. True intimacy
is one of the authentic
forms of salvation left
and we do not even trifle
with in the erotic range.
LETTERS
Dear Friends, ,
I was awakened recently to
the tone of a “forbiding
message of doom” of which I
am sure everyone is aware of
by now, the burning of the
Cabaret. My initial concern
was to find out if anyone was
hurt. I was very much relieved
to hear no one was.
Since then I have been
constantly asked the question,
“How do you feel?” To
answer this, I first have to say
that I feel sorry that the people
of Atlanta did not have a
chance to enjoy the many
aspects of entertainment that
they would have found at the.
Cabaret.
".Secondly, my apologies to
all those who were unneces-
• sarily put out of a job. because
of: the tragic incident.
v '• Lastly, my strongest feeling
is that a building was burnt
■ (town, “not the Cabaret,”
• • because the Cabaret is a
feeling, and whoever is
connected with the Cabaret
carries this feeling. So no
matter how many buildings
may be destroyed, the Cabaret
lives on. To quote the song,
“LIFE is a Cabaret ole chum;”
so come to the Cabaret in the
near future. I love you all.
Brandy Lee
THE BARB - 3
But, alas, it is in
words that the po
tentialities rest. One of
the frozen patterns that
has evolved among gays
is compulsive conver
sation. Words rush
willy-nilly without ces
sation - perhaps for fear
of the emptiness that
might return during a
moment of silence; and
there is such a gigan
tic emphasis on being
‘charming’ and inter
esting’ that being found
‘boring’ would only re
affirm the inner feeling
of worthlessness.
Hence, an abundance of
people whose neverous
systems seem to consist
of am radio circuitry
barring the artsy types
who are fm: fluent but
cheap wit and im
possibly exotic
anecdotes.
To proffer a solution
is the well-thought of
conclusion to an essay
o f this sort, an essay,
that is, which describes
the problematic nature
of being alive. Unfor
tunately man (generally,
not just gays) is so often
a silly frail creature
inspiring more more
pathos than hope.
Still, some effort is
due, if only for the sake
of good form; and so,
ignoring the apparent
truth of absolute deter
minism.....
Of principle necessity
is a clear knowledge of
the community of nu
ances that compose one
self. Without culivating
the wit and sagacity to
understand deal with one
desires, weaknesses,
talents and the sundry
other components of
one’s makeup failure is
ineluctable.
The other half of
our solution is even
more cliche (though un
like the old know thy
self rhetoric only
Carl Casteneda has
yet to embody it in con
temporary hip). We, the
children of affluence un-
paralelled, live in a
world where the
materials needed to
sustain life and many
extra luxuries are easi
ly acquired (if not given
to us by our family,
friends, or govern
ment). In such a world,
it is exceptionally dif
ficult for will, dilligence
patience, and restraint
to flourish.
People of this breed
have always been
have always been a
minority and today with
so many regularly
ingesting alcohol and
marijuana (the alterna
tive culture’s alter
native to televison) and
thus corrding the
physical basis of their
consciousness the like
lihood of their appear
lihood of their appear
ance is diminished.
The universe, if it
is here for any parti
cular purpose at all is
obviously not there for
our present enjoyment;
a reality we must accept
and accomodate, other
wise there is no way to
live with serenity.
Many truisims yes
but ones we often ignore.
“...I sing with im-
perinance, shading im-
permenant chods with
my words. I’ve borrow
ed your time and I’m
sorry I called but the
thought just occuredthat
we’re nobody’s children
at all...” David Bowie
George and Mike
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Founder of MCC • the Christian Church for Gays -
Troy Perry is a “with it” man of God, able to help
us live in our own society ethically and with
dignity. Troy is coming to Atlanta to lead a
special week-long program:
it
COMING OF AGE
JUNE 6-11
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(SOCIAL)
Fri. 6/6 9pm
Sat. 6/7 5:30
Son. 6/8 7:30
Wed. 6/11 6pm
GAY WORKSHOPS
Sat. 6/7 1:30
Sat. 6/7 2:50
Sat. 6/7 4:10
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Sat. 6/7 6pm
Sun. 6/8 4:30
Wed. 6/11 7pm
GAY BAR VISITS
Fri. 6/6 10pm
Sat. 6/7 10:30
SPECIAL WORKSHOP SERVICES
Weeknights at 8 p.m.
Sundays at 2 and 6 p.m.
800 N. HIGHLAND AVE.
MCC 876-2246