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Feelings of inadequacy
Glover offers suggestions on how to deal with grief, the bereaved
By PAULINE LEWIS
Health and Wellness Staff
Many people express feel
ings of inadequacy when
faced with death, espe
cially among family and friends.
According to
local funeral
director Bobby
Glover, there are
ways to cope with
these feelings and
be of help to
those who are
grieving.
“Avoid saying,
‘I know how you
feel.’ No one real
ly knows how
someone else feels even if there has
been a similar loss in your family,”
Glover advised
Instead, Glover suggested, let
them know by saying “You are not
alone in this experience. I am here
for you.”
Respond immediately, Glover said
“Call to express your sympathy. Do
this by simply saying ‘l’m so sorry’.
Offer practical help, such as offering
to shop, drive or provide child care.”
Glover, who operates a mortuary
in Perry with his wife, Lossie, and
his son, Eric, said friends should
remember to treat the bereaved nor
mally.
“The burdens are already there.
Don’t add to the load by acting as
though the person has suddenly
become incapable of making logical
decisions and having good judg
ment,” he said.
Another suggestion is to refrain
from giving advice. Glover said the
person in mourning is already
loaded. Instead, “Bea good listener.
Be ready to hear the grief and allow
the victim time to sort through
details and find their own way,” he
said.
People grieve differendy. Glover
said some individuals welcome com
panions to come to their home and
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at the crossroads
Vol. 3, No. 2 Aprcdvct at the Houston Tmes-Jeumd, Perry, Ge, Wed., July 30,1997
sit with them during the grieving
period. Others need more space, and
prefer to be alone during the first
few hours following a death.
Glover advises visitors to avoid
platitudes such as “He’s out of his
misery,” or “She’s in a better place.”
Other similar phrases, all well
meaning, but which do not really
help the situation include “It’s a
blessing this happened,” “He’s had a
long life,” “She’s out of her misery,”
“At least he didn’t suffer,” and
“Time heals all wounds.”
Glover suggested reassuring the
bereaved. “Let them know confusion
and disorganization will soon pass,”
he said.
He also suggested spreading out
support, to remember the person
after the death, after the flowers
have faded and the crowds have
gone home.
“Don’t second guess God. Avoid
giving a theological explanation for
why someone died,” Glover said.
Glover also believes people
should not make sudden, life-chang
ing decisions following a death.
“Whatever changes need to be
made, they should wait. Avoid mak
ing any changes for at least one full
year following a death,” he said.
He also urges those who are in
grief to learn about grief issues.
Read about the process and attend
classes where available to cope with
the changes in life.
“Be patient with the grieving.
People heal and recover from grief.
A recovery of 3-5 years is not unusu
al. Never rush them to get over it,”
he added.
Glover, like all funeral directors
in Georgia, has been trained to meet
regulations of the Georgia State
Board of Funeral Service.
“We must serve as an apprentice
for two years under a licensed
Funeral Director. Then we may
apply to take the National Funeral
Board Exam. We must pass the test
with 70 percent or above to be eligi
kIP
Glover
"Be patient with the griev
ing. People heal and recover
from grief.." Bobby
Glover
ble for a license,” Glover said.
The applicant can be working at a
funeral home, or just be interested
in going into this profession, attend
a school of mortuary science, and
attain an associate degree in this
area, he said.
“The applicant must still pass the
State Board before licenses are'
issued and must have completed
their apprenticeship training,” he
said.
Bobby and Lossie Glover are
licensed funeral directors. Eric
Glover is a licensed director and an
embalmer. Lossie Glover is a certi
fied counselor, trained at Fort Valley
State University for that part of the
business.
Standards are set by the Georgia
State Board of Funeral Service.
Glover said the Funeral Board also
serves as a watch dog to ensure that
all establishments are in compliance
with the standards.
“A State Inspector is required to
inspect all Funeral Homes in the
State to ensure that they are in com
pliance with Occupational Safety
and Health Administration, the
environmental agency that monitors
all funeral homes and other health
agencies to ensure that they are
complying with the state law/regula
tions,” Glover said.
Training required includes continu
ous education , such as seminars, vari
ous meetings that update the funeral
directors, publications and newspapers
that give information related to this
profession, as well as everyday experi
ences and on-the-job training.
The Glovers entered the profes
sion because it is rewarding; a help
ing profession; a form of ministry,
and it keeps the name-sake on
going, he said.
Picking
Up The
Pieces
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By Jj JOHNSON >
Death is no easy sab- ,
jeet. In fact, most
people are reluctant
to discuss it unless forced to do
so.
Yet death is a part of life
the last stage of every life.
Death is not a pleasant thing,
especially to those left behind
to mourn the loss of life and
the loss of family or friends.
There is also the prospect of
dealing with what happens after
death. There are immediate
decisions such as who should
handle the funeral arrange
ments, when the service should
be and where the person might
be buried.
Within hours there are other
problems to face the legal
problems of how to pay for the
funeral, access to the deceased -
person's financial records and
will, the distribution of any
material wealth to survivors
and the legal procedures for
the days there are
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