Newspaper Page Text
Health and Wellness at the Crossroads, July 30, 1997
Page 2
Supporting others when someone close dies
By PAULINE LEWIS
Health and Wdhen ff
Many people wonder what to say
or do when they contact someone
who has just lost a.close relative.
Oftentimes, they freeze and can
think of nothing to say.
Some will even admit they haven’t
visited friends simply
because they didn’t know what to
do. /-■
According to the Rev. Dr. Marcus
V. Tripp, pastor of Perry United
Methodist Church, “Death is a part
of life. Try as we may to avoid it or
pretend it will never happen to us, it
will. And it will come to those
whom we know and love.”
Tripp says people occasionally
ask their pastors, “What do I say
when a friend loses a loved one?
What do I do? How can I help those
who are grieving?”
“There is no magic formula that
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%alth and Wellness Staff
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*... listen! If you have never learned to focus on others enough
to hear them, this is as the place to start. Let them tell you how the
death came about, and how they are feeling " Marcus Tripp
will take away our friend’s hurt, no
perfect sentence that will keep us
from feeling uncomfortable. But the
most basic rule of helping is as sim
ple as it can be.— Be there. Your
very presence speaks volumes, and
will almost always mean more than
anything you say.
“Then, Listen! If you have never
learned to focus on others enough to
hear them, this is as the place to
start. Let them tell you how the
death came about, and how they are
feeling,” Tripp continued.
“If they start to tell you a story
about the deceased, sit back and
encourage them to give you every
detail, because storytelling is a
means the Holy Spirit uses to heal
Samples of these documents are presented
to all patients who are admitted to the hos
pital, said Becky Stuckey, utilization review
coordinator and discharge planner for Perry
Hospital.
“It is the patient’s preference. You can fill
(See LIVING, Page 5)
wounded hearts,” Tripp said.
“If they are not in a mood to talk
at that time, make a mental note to
come back the next week or the next
month. By then, the crowds will be
gone, and they may feel more alone
than ever,” he said.
“When you do speak, focus on
your concern for your friend. ‘We
know you are hurting. We love you
and are praying for you.’ is a good
beginning,” Tripp said.
Tripp, whose Methodist ministry
has included churches in Irwmton,
Hawkinsville and Warner Robins, as
well as Perry, said too many visitors
try to shift die emphasis to them
selves.
“They say, ‘Let me tell you about
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when I lost my loved on.’ Often this
is the attitude of one who wants to
receive attention rather than give it,”
Tripp said.
“Others try to solve insoluble
problems, as when parents who lose
children are told, ‘God just wanted
another angel in His choir.’ Others
may try to avoid their own sense of
loss by minimizing theirs. ‘l’m sure
you’ll feel better soon.’ If you knew
the deceased, share something of
your own feeling, as in ‘Your father
meant so much to me when he...’
(you fill in the blank.),” Tripp said.
“What about sharing our faith?
Of course! Your simple statement of
how God has helped you in difficult
times will mean a great deal. But
only when you’ve first proven your
Christian concern by your willing
ness to listen. God can then use you
to help heal the deepest hurt this
world has,” Tripp added.
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