Newspaper Page Text
October 16, 1991 ^ FLAGPOLE MAGAZINE Page 13
Observations from Pete McCommons
Void Where Prohibited
As if the economy weren’t already bad
enough, this sexual harassment thing may
finish us off.
The building industry:
How can anything ever get built again if
construction workers can’t shout, whistle
and gesture at every woman aimless enough
to walk by their erection site?
The entertainment industry:
Who’s going to play all those prettygirl
bit parts if producers can’t couch their
auditions in that L A. way that gets a girl to
bare her soul’s facsimile?
Music:
What’s this going to mean for the macho
image of rock bands? Can there be danc
ing if the boys can't com
mand the adulation of
bimbos wanting to be used
and handed from hand to
calloused hand?
Sports:
Will the millions be
enough to field a team if big
league players can’t use
their talents to cultivate a
cutie in every town? Can
they still swing their bats if they're called out
when they use their star power to muscle in
on the misses?
Education:
How many superstar professors will lose
their quantum electromagnetism if they’re
shortcircuited from using their power to cow
co-eds into extracurricular coitus?
Transportation:
America will grind to a halt if truck driv
ers lose their freedom to honk, leer, drool
and otherwise throw their big rigs into the
paths of any woman whose reflection pene
trates the amphetamine-glazed retinas
behind the wraparounds.
Self-improvement:
How can America be America at all if it's
curtains for beauty contests? Will there be
anybody left in that industry with the cour
age to go on if he can’t get his kicks by
bringing in all his friends to dominate all
those poor girls who just happen to be
proficient at singing “Jesus Is All the World
to Me" while dancing buck-naked-but-for-
sequins and twirling twin flaming batons?
You may laugh. You may think this
Judge Thomas sexual harassment thing
will end when he sits down on the bench
and offs Roe v. Wade and all that other
liberal commie self-indulgent bilgewater.
But it won’t end. This is just the begin
ning. This sexual harassment ploy is just the
cutting edge of the New World Order mas
ter plan that the Russians have designed so
they can just walk in our back door and take
us over without firing a shot.
Preposterous, you say? You won't say
preposterous when you stop to think that
this whole sexual harassment thing is all
pointing in cne direction, and if you haven’t
seen it by now, let me spell it out and make
it crystal clear.
What’s the most male-
dominated, sexually har
assing institution ever wit
nessed on the face of this
planet?
Yes, of course: the
American military. Throw
out male domination and
sexual harassment and you
have effectively disarmed
this nation.
Do you see it now? This thing is not
about Professor Anita Hill and Judge Clar
ence Thomas at all. It is a carefully crafted,
come-from-behind-and-hit-them-on-the-
blmd-side strategy made in Moscow to
emasculate America.
And it’s working, my friends, it's work
ing. While our nation sat spellbound, the
powerful medium of television robbed
American men of the only strength they
have for accomplishing anything: the power
to intimidate women into doing the shitwork.
Our nation lies impotent, destined to rise
no more, easy prey for the Russians.
But wait. There, framed in the television
screen at the very epicenter of the firestorm
cauterizing chauvinism from the heart of the
American male, there sat a man whose
propensity for sexual harassment is so firm,
so big that he and he alone can lead us
back to the old values.
He has diligently prepared himself for
his country’s hour of need. A man among
men, a sexual harasser among sexual har
asses: Teddy Kennedy, the last, best hope
of mankind.
Our nation lies
impotent,
destined to rise
no more, easy
prey for the
Russians.
Seba-dabba-doh
Lou Bahow was always more deserving of Rock God status than J. Mascis ever was,
so it was only natural after Barlow’s departure from Dinosaur Jr. that the band would be
pretty lame in the studio and in a live setting. If you thought that something was amiss when
you listened to Green Mind, you can breathe easier now that Lou Barlow’s side-project-
turned-career-move band Sebadoh will be gracing the stage at the 40 Watt Tuesday the
22nd. True, some were taken aback by previous “studio” albums (actually home recorded
meandenngs) that were at times a bit too much for people not used to it, but then again
some people can’t appreciate anything. With the new release of Sebadoh III, the duo of
Barlow and Eric Gaffney expands to a trio with the addition of Jason Lowenstein, plus they
get the money to go into a studio to preach to the unconverted with a cohesive album of
really good songs Yeah, I’ll miss the purposeful goofiness of yesteryear (you've got to hear
“Land of the Lords’ to know what I'm talking about), but it’s a swell trade-off. I’d say this’ll
easily be the best show of the fall. The almighty Jack-C-Nuts open.
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