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(Breakdown) submarine “suspense
drama" follows a WWII Navy crew as it
carries out a dangerous, top-secret mis
sion to seize an Enigma deciphering
machine from a disabled German U-
boat in the mid-Atlantic. Starring
Matlhew McConaughey. Bill Paxton.
Jake Weber, Harvey
Keitel and Jon Bon
Jovi. Ends Thursday.
(Mall)
VIRGIN SUICIDES
(R) Sophia Coppela
directs this
drama/comedy about
five luminous teens
in 1970's Michigan.
Based on the novel
by Jeffrey Eugenide.
(Georgia Theatre)
WHAT LIES
BENEATH (R)
Harrison Ford and
Michelle Pfeifter are a
happily married
couple who sink into a not-so-happy
(other)world of trouble in this supernat
ural thriller from Academy Award-win
ning director Robert Zemeckis (Contact.
Forrest Gump). Pfeiffer becomes con
vinced that her house is haunted by her
husband's dead lover—who happens to
look just like her. With Diana Scarwid,
Joe Morton and Amber Valletta.
(Beechwood, Carmike)
X-MEN (PG-13) After years of specula
tion and anticipation in comic book
geek circles, the big-screen adaptation
of the enormously popular “X-Men"
series of comic books has finally come
upon us as one of this summer’s requi
site blockbusters. Centering around the
recruitment of Wolverine (Hugh
Jackman) and Rogue (Anna Paquin)
into the X-Men, a group of superhuman
mutants (blessed/cursed with powers
due lo genetic mutations) who protect a
society that fears and hates them from
evil mutants led by Magneto (Ian
McKellen). Like most blockbusters, the
visuals are stunning, particularly the
heroes' powers in action, and the action
is mile a minute, but the plot is a bit thin
and the characterization is a bit wooden
(particularly, disappointingly enough,
Patrick Stewart's por
trayal of the X-Men's
mind-reading head
honcho Prof. X).
There's a few goodies
that'll appeal to long
time fans of the
comic, both past and
present, but that will
slip fight over the
head of the casual
viewer and. of course,
they beat you over the
head with the promise
of the inevitable
sequel. The movie's a
lot of fun and not a
bad way to kili a hot
afternoon. Recommended, but not more
than once for all but the hardcore comic
book fans. With Famke Janssen, James
Marsden, Halle Berry. Rebecca Romijn-
Stamos, Ray Park and Tyler Mane.
Directed by Bryan Singer (The Usual
Suspects). [Matt Thompson)
(Beechwood. Carmike)
STUPID CUPID
LOSER (PG-13) The plot is simple, and has been
tried and done before and better in other
movies. Briefly, boy meets girl, boy falls for girl,
girl likes more attractive guy, boy shows
uncharacteristic signs of kindness and compas
sion to girl, girl gets treated like shit by attrac
tive guy, attractive guy unintentionally reveals
certain facts that show that the boy is God's gift
to women, girl realizes how wonderful the boy
is through a colorful montage of past happiness
complete with Disney music overture, boy gets
girl, credits, the end. So boys and girls, can you
think of a movie that fits this diagram? If so,
send your list of possible candidates to
Columbia Pictures c/o director Amy Heckerling
(Clueless, Fast Times at Ridgemont High) so she
can see how to make this tired formula work
much better. I'd list some here, but I've only got
limited space to say how bad this movie is, and
the list would take up half of it.
The boy in this case is Paul Tannek (Jason
Biggs of American Pie fame), a New York City
college student who is a good-natured country
bumpkin armed with a strong dose of idiot
savant and a plaid hunter's cap (because he's a
loser, see). After numerous madcap scenes of
Paul tripping over things, he stumbles across
the girl of his dreams, Dora (played by the
patriotic Mena Suvari of American Beauty and
American Pie ). She has a likes Everclear, dark
clothes and eating honey out of condiment
packs (because she's alternative, see). Their
blossoming romance is thwarted by her extra
curricular relationship with Professor Alcott
(the always wonderful Greg Kinnear) and Paul's
trio of roommates, who spend their time playing
practical jokes, skipping class, doing drugs,
bribing teachers and throwing parties (because
they're cool, see). Cameos by Dan Aykroyd,
Steven Wright and David Spade litter the film
once the plot wears thin (because they needed
tire money, see).
The film's fundamental flaw is that it is
unsure of its direction, audience and purpose.
Offspring and Everclear tunes are strangely
mixed with Simon and Garfunkel. On a sadder
note, Paul abandons aU his "loser" quirkiness
before he actually gets the girl, so the film isn't
about a loser keeping his individuality in order
to succeed. It's all right to be a loser, just make
sure you get a haircut, a nice wardrobe and a
new hat if you want to get some play. In hind
sight, the only redeeming notion in Loser is
that all the characters, good or bad, make Sam
Adams their beer of choice. The real losers are
the people who shell out seven bucks to see
this him.
Geoff Carr
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