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LESBIAN WEDDINGS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER, EXCEPT DIFFERENT
a sunny afternoon in June of 1999,
Mel -and Julie were joined forever in
the bonds of matrimony. The setting was
dreamlike—from the fragrant roses placed
around the gazebo to the peaceful church
bells ringing softly in the distance. It was
anyone's fantasy wedding, with one modem
exception: at tie alter stood two brides, but
no groom.
Though legal marriage is almost univer
sally denied to same-sex couples at this time,
ceremonial marriage is possible almost every
where in the world. More and more, lesbian
couplps are pledging their alliance through
these ceremonial weddings. In a national
survey, known as the Partners survey, which
interviewed 1266 gay couples, 67 percent said
they were committed "for life." Nineteen per
cent of these couples had held, or were plan
ning to hold, a ceremonial wedding.
Ellen Lewin, associate professor of women's
studies and anthropology at the University of
Iowa, has conducted extensive research on
the wedding rituals of gays and lesbians in
the United States. According to Lewin, same-
sex couples often see marriage as a way for
their relationship to be acknowledged, just
like any heterosexual couple would. "These
ceremonies draw on related sources of
meaning and stand together about what it
means to be gay and American," says Lewin.
It is a chance for them to celebrate their love
and "he just like everybody else."
Aside from f he same-sex aspect, lesbian
weddings aren't so different from traditional
man-woman ceremonies. According to Dr. Tina
B. Tessina, licensed psychotherapist and
author of Gay Relationships with Men and
Women, same-sex wedding ceremonies occur
for the same reasons that weddings have
taken place since the beginning of time.
"Couples just want to declare to the commu
nity that their rela
tionship is serious,"
says Tessina. "They
want to create per
manence, to receive a
blessing."
This desire to have
their love accepted
and honored publicly,
like that of any het
erosexual couple, is
the reason more les
bian couples are
opting for wedding
ceremonies that
incorporate many tra
ditional aspects.
"It was pretty much just like any other
wedding," says Jo Anne Wyrick, recently wed
to her partner, Amy Griswold. "We exchanged
our rings and vows in a church like any other
couple."
Jo and Amy, married in Durham, NC, in
February of this year, say they wore tradi
tional wedding dresses. Jo says the couple
had intended to wear very simple dresses to
the ceremony. However, as plans for the cere
mony qrew, becoming more and more elabo
rate, so, too did their dresses. "But after a lot
of searching, we both found our perfect dress
mates," says Jo.
They each carried a bouquet to the altar,
and then had the ceremonial throwing of the
bouquets at the reception. They even tried
their best to uphold
the tradition of not
seeing the bride on
the wedding day but
said it was inevitable
as, "the wedding was
at eight at night, and
we still had things to
do and plan all day!"
Like any other
wedding, the details
of these lesbian cere
monies have to be
meticulously
planned. And along
with the joy that
. weddings bring, so
too follow the hassles and headaches of
putting together the perfect ceremony.
"There were many small dramas
throughout the course of our wedding plan
ning," says Amy "As the wedding crept closer,
there were still more and more details to be
done. Our rings didn't arrive until the week of
the wedding. And we were scrambling to find
a wedding cake at the last minute."
Amy and Jo, married in a Unitarian church
where Jo teaches Sunday school, exchanged
rings with the French words for "You and no
other" and "Forever" inscribed on them.
Julie and Mel, who were married in a small
chapel outside of Sydney, Australia, also
opted for a traditional wedding ceremony.
They wore wedding dresses made out of the
same material, but in different styles. They
carried matching bouquets and marched down
the aisle to "Amazing Grace" sung by Ani
DiFranco.
"Our wedding was fairly traditional, with
the chapel, flowers, flower girls, music and
reception," says Mel.
"We did all the planning ourselves," says
Julie. "We spent many months poring over
bridal books and visiting bridal shops; we
changed our minds many times during the ten
months of planning."
But in the end, it all came together,
resulting in a beautiful ceremony that went
off without a hitch. "We sent our two nieces
down the aisle first," says Mel, "then Julie
and her mum walked in together, then me
and my mum. We walked out of the chapel
together after signing the wedding certifi
cate."
Despite the traditional nature of these
weddings, due to the cultural stigmas
attached to same-sex couples, these brides
often experience some lack of family support
upon the announcement of their intent to
marry.
"Our wedding was
fairly traditional,
with the chapel,
flowers, flower
girls, music and
reception."
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