Newspaper Page Text
PHOTOS BY PETE SMITH
I was pissed when I got the call. You want to spend $400 on a
car that you want to smash up, and you want to know if that
would be OK? You think that's a GOOD idea! I'm certain John
could hear my eyes rolling. John and I run Red Electric, a small
electrical contracting business, and the rule seems to be that we
always have more fun than money: a rule that I'm always fighting.
And this lame-brained idea didn't even sound fun. In any case, by
the time I got home, the car, a beige 1975 Nova, was in the dri
veway, and I reluctantly became swept up in the spirit of entering
a car in the demolition derby.
One application and a $15 money order later, we were in. We
were even issued an official number, 25 U
Pat Valentine was selected as driver of the car by Chance.
Chance is our office everything—manager, secretary, mediator,
bookkeeper—you name it. She logically decided that Pat was
crazy enough to drive, but not as crazy as Casey, being a dad and
all. Therefore, he was more likely to survive the event. So the
decision was made and Chance filled out the application and sent
it in.
That Friday after work we planned to meet to decide how to
prepare the car and more importantly how to go about decorating
it. This was November 6 and the fair was one week away, Friday
the 13th. The planning meeting
became much more than that
when Cindy and Quinton
showed up with a gallon of
bright red paint, rollers,
brushes, and three industrial-
size containers of glitter. Cindy
said, "I just want to paint the
car.'' So we moved it to the
front yard and by the light of a
couple of clamp lights we
painted that car RED. That was
so much fun we continued by
knocking out the windshields
and taking off all the chrome
parts and cutting the bumpers
so they wouldn't get stuck cn
anything and cutting a 15" x 12" hole in the hood (one of the
regulations—"for ease of fire detection and extinction"). Pattiy
showed up with three cases of every color spray paint that she
was getting rid of anyhow and that Nova was transformed into a
work of ait.
The weekend was devoted to the final preparations of the car.
The mechanics, (John, Casey and a couple kids from the neighbor
hood), tore out everything deemed unnecessary—wires, fans,
dashboard, speedometer, emergency brake. And installed whatever
they thought would help it wreck better—tubes in the tires, a
good starter, new radiator hoses and super shocks—and moved
the battery to the passenger side floorboard. A couple of Deanna
Mann stendls were the final touch. We were ready.
A few joy rides around the neighborhood and lots of photo
shoots later we were headed for Elberton.
over. A tow truck was lifting Pat and the car off the wall as I
walked over to John to find out what happened. The word was
that Pat was doing great until he got stuck. Though muddy, the
car was in still in perfect shape, allowing us to participate in the
"consolation heat." All was not lost. We would get to see Red
Electric in action. John and Casey worked furiously, checking the
fluids and hoses, prepping the car for the 4th heat. Meanwhile Pat
smoked and posed for more photos.
Exciting doesn't exactly describe a demolition deiby. There's a
countdown: four-three-tv;o-one, but it's not a race. The cars take
on personalities as a battle ensues: a slow-moving, smoky, noisy,
muddy battle. A kind of a smashup ballet. It almost looks choreo
graphed. The idea is to crash into the other cars (but not the
driver's side) while avoiding getting crashed into. Each car must
bump into another car every 60 seconds, and the car that makes
the final bump or crash is the winner of the heat.
Red Electric was doing great. I got a thrill every time I heard
the announcer mention "Pat Valentine of Red Electric from
Athens, GA." (Yes, there's even an announcer.) "Car 251, Red
Electric is still in the race." It seemed four or five cars were still
moving around when Pat took a hit on his driver's side door,
which disqualified the other driver. An alarm sounded, ending the
heat. The loudspeaker
announced the winners. Pat
had tied for first place,
granting him a spot in the final
heat, the "Feature Event."
On Inr Tnncn
Red Electric was lined up foT the first heat of the derby, which
is unfortunate, since most of us were running a little behind. We
ran panting to the field, but were too late. The heat was over and
oui car was stuck on a cement barrier. What a letdown. It was all
In The Fmhls
The Feature Heat consisted
of all the winners of the pre
vious heats—Cars covered in
mud and worse for wear but
still running and out for blood.
Now this was exciting. Pat was
playing with the big kids this
time and he was holding his own. Many of the cars were starting
to overheat and steam was beginning to spew left and right.
Several cars were goners, but Pat was hanqing in there. Suddenly,
we heard a tremendous explosion. Our car was completely
obscured by a cloud of thick white smoke. It was all over; the
Nova was dead. Wait, what was that! A second little cloud of
smoke and the car is moving again. The arnouncer blares, "Red
Electric is still in the race!" The first blasts had filled the car and
the inside of Pat's helmet and face shield with steam. Pat couldn't
see a thing; he kept wiping the outside of his face shield, to no
avail. Pat blindly fought on for several more long minutes when
the Nova finally seized up for good. Derby rules kept Pat in his car
until the event was over. He looked helpless and kept shrugging
his shoulders. There was nothing else he could do. But a crowd
was forming to the side of the field, and when the final alarm
sounded, marking the end of the derby, Pat was lifted up onto the
shoulders of the fans to a chorus of "He's a Jolly Good Fellow," and
presented with a giant banner. I can't tell you who won first
place. We got a trophy and $17 for our efforts, and I'd say that's
pretty good. Next time John wants to spend $400 to wieck a car,
HI try to keep my eyes from rolling.
Athens' Finest Equipment
and Clothing for
Camping
Hiking
Backpacking
Climbing
>*v**2s A
The Outfitters, Ltd.
1490 Baxter Street (706) 546-7575
vs \s w thcoutfiucrslui.com
(706) 208-9588 • www.painandwonder.com
\V. \\ I'hmytijn^Mu t • Albert*. GCtum *
by Cap szumski
BODY PH rciw;
Pr vi.lwl hy Virtue6* \ ucliu
Arhcm Own K,mJ\ >imu Cx IV/hn Vum-kt
• \*» \i,«v n Protv**(•>n,d h*. uer.* Ik- ir.tAU»u!vr
NOVEMBER 8, 2000 FLAGPOLE ED
