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DON’T DO IT AGAIN
CROSSROADS (PG-13) "Not a girl, not yet a
woman" sounds the chorus of Britney Spears' new
song featured in her acting debut Crossroads. Well
then, what the hell do you call the secular world's
most celebrated virgin? Britney Spears sings to a
market of pre-teens but prances half-naked across
stages with giant snakes that might very well be
trained to take twenty-dollar bills from busi
nessmen. Crossroads does little to clarify the
sexual confusion.
The first image we get of Britney in the film is
her dancing in her underwear to Madonna's "Open
Your Heart," a poster of
the material girl situ
ated right over the bed.
Not long after, she
again modeling lingerie
in another scene, this
time in hopes to lose
her virginity. But, alas,
she explains to her
dopey wide-eyed
partner, that despite
Marvin Gaye, talcum
powder and a list of
reasons for consum
mating their "lab part
nership," the timing just isn't right.
Our story revolves around three childhood
friends—Lucy (Ms. Spears), Kit (Zoe Saldana of
Center Stage) and Mimi (Taryn Manning of
crazy/beautiful)—who grew apart during adoles
cence, but somehow find themselves taking a
cross-country road trip together. Lucy wants to
meet her estranged mother; Kit wants to visit her
fiance; and Mimi wants a shot at pop stardom.
Chauffeuring the young ladies is the much older.
possibly dangerous rock and roller Ben, played by
Anson Mount (Urban Legends: Final Cut).
If this movie had to fall into a genre, it would
have to be that new favorite I'm calling the
"karaoke film." On top of featuring the officially
trite karaoke contest scene, every other scene is
some Top 40 sing-along involving the car radio.
The film wanders to a climax (pun intended) while
flirting with uninteresting subplots about every
imaginable issue facing young girls today: teen
pregnancy, alcohol, rebellion and self-image,
among others. What are we supposed to learn?
Maybe that Dan
Aykroyd, who plays
Lucy's father, has ended
his career.
Don't worry
though, because it
turns out Ben is the
perfect suitor, and
that all little girls
should wait until they
meet that tall twenty
something rebel with
quarter-inch chia
stubble who plays
guitar and piano and
can write in correct musical notation. It's all
laid out like a neatly packaged counseling
center brochure. Hop to it, girls.
As for what to call Britney Spears—not a girl,
not yet a woman—I would say, having been to
the crossroads and returning without a soul, what
I saw was most certainly the devil. Advice
regarding this film? Abstinence.
Patrick Franklin
DENZEL DAY AFTERNOON
JOHN Q (PG-13) In John Q. the first thing you
notice when Denzel Washington appears full frame
is that he's sporting an uncharacteristic gut. It's
the first of many conspicuous attempts to stencil
in his character's average-ness. In addition, he
operates heavy machinery, drives a truck, loves
baseball, and his best friend is a Jerry Garcia
clone. In his first scene, he argues with the repo
man as his wife's car gets towed away, reduced
hours at the factory hampering his ability to keep
up with the American dream. When John's son,
Michael, collapses at a
little league game, he
and his wife soon dis
cover that Michael will
die if he doesn't get a
heart transplant, an
operation neither his
salary nor his health
insurance will cover.
Confronted by the
bleached coldness of
hospital bureaucracy,
embodied by the
always hateable Anne
Heche.'John Q gets caught on a frustrating paper
work treadmill that leads him to the final des
perate act of taking the emergency room hostage.
The E.R. quickly turns into a caricatured micro
cosm. It is common in the hostage genre for much
of the drama to center on the ironic closeness
improvised between strangers, but John Q gets so
caught up in rehearsed political speeches that
part of the time you think you're watching
"Politically Incorrect with Denzel." The film is an
unashamed assault on the failings of institutional
ized medicine, and almost as pronounced is its
frustration with the crippling pressure on modem
American fathers to be breadwinners. "Do some
thing" is the anthem, echoed by more than one
passive female character. While the young Michael
idolizes body-builders, John Q wrestles with a
more "mature" definition of manhood.
Denzel Washington proves once again to be
one of the most powerful performers working
today. Though he's surrounded by the ludicrous
high-concept fireworks of the typical Hollywood
thriller, one's heart can't help but break every
time his forced over-biting grin struggles to con
ceal his tear-catching
lower lip.
More important than
Washington s acting
skills, however, is his
ever-expanding polit
ical role. This him
makes one of the first
full-on attempts to
blacken the face of
mainstream America.
What other actor
besides Mr. Washington
could pull it off? With
the everyman-ness of Jimmy Stewart, the
restrained charm of Humphrey Bogart, and the
commanding "Don't-fuck-with-me"-ness of Lee
Marvin, Washington turns charisma into Sydney
Poitier cross-racial accessibility, but without com
promising an ounce of his blackness.
Good or bad movie regardless, John Q is an
important figure to consider. He's black,
American, and fed up. But he still wants the
system to work, and he's going to make it work—
by any means necessary.
Patrick Franklin
Since 1989
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