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MOVIE PICK
THE EVIL OF THE THRILLER
PERFECT STRANGER («) & DISTURBS (PG 13)
Ah. thntlfrv They come m ad shapes s»m and
ratwqi A few ere great (nearly ad o# Hitchcocks
oeuvre), some are good (Dario Argmtos giaUo
fHms), and most stink to high heaven (just
peruse your local video store for hundreds of
examples). Thn past weekend saw the release of
two ond-peoAie flicks *ntended to mildly alarm
two distinct demographics: folks as okl as my
parents and teenagers. The only chid I felt while
watching Perfect Stronger, an adult sex whodunit
wistful for the impure days of 1W {when Sharon
Stone's Imtmct was das* and (he hard Gem's
Anofys/s of Him Basinger was Fmai), and Onturtna,
or Reor Window as performed by the cast of Mtgh
School Hustcai. was horn left out I felt. It's lonely
being the only demographic not peddled to with
lazy writing, poor acting and an umexiness
usually reserved for grandma's birthday at the
retirement home, and that only describes Perfect
Stronger, the first half of this week's double bid.
(1 should be more generous. I got mme Last week
with Gmdhouse. Why shouldn't everybody else
get a little somethin' somethin'?)
Say what you will about Last fail's Raz/w
Award-winning Bosk Instinct 2, at least that
shitty fbek put out' Hrftct Stronger is a tease.
Director James Foley's Rim is all titillatinq come-
on with no release.
poetry of Joe futerhas (I never thought Td say
that) By the ridiculous ending, which I didn't
see coming only due to its utter ttiogic. I wished
the whole thmg had been a bug-screen version
of the crazy antics of Baiki Bartokomous and
hn Cousin Larry from Late- BOs sitcom 'Perfect
Strangers ' That show's stars. Bronson Pmchot
and Park l »nn- Baker could have fared no worse
than Berry and INIts.
Dnturt*a is far from a grade A side of on
emahe beef Co-written by Cart Ellsworth (200S s
surprisingly effective chiller. Aed fye), Dntu*t*o
holds no high aspirations for itself. It is a teen
age Boor Window made with Bmovre gusto. Plo
longer a teen—and having been saddled with
responsible authority-figure maturity for the
past three years— I needed a while to jibe with
the good kid-tumed-teenage delinquent, the
underage antihero Kale (rising supernova Shia
leteouf. all likable with his wide-eyed innocence
and humor), who ends up spending his summer
under house arrest. After hn mom {The Worn*s
tame-Anne Moss) takes away his Xbox, (Tunes
and television. Kale gets so bored he realizes
that there »s a real world that exists outside hn
home. Armed with binoculars. Kate Warm that
the man who lives across the street n having
an affair with hh maid; the new girl next-door,
Ashley (Sarah Roemer. The Grudge 2). never draws
Shu LeBeouf and Came-Anne Mass
After being burned on a major story outing
a prominent senator, investigative journalist
Rowena Price (Academy Award-winner Halle
Berry, doing nothing to disprove Oscar's recent
senility regarding distribution of the acting tro
phies) quits her sleazy daily paper on principle,
hot even thinking about a new story. Rowena
runs into one when her old friends Grace (Nicki
Aycox, 'Supematurar’s pretty demon spawn
Meg), who hands over steamy emails proving
she was embroiled in a hot affair with married
advertising executive Harrison Hill (Bruce Willis
looking more bored than I have ever seen him).
Then Grace turns up murdered, and bloodhound
Rowena starts barking up Hill's considerably
well-appointed tree. Along with creepy computer
whiz Miles (Giovanni Ribisi, who increasingly
resembles a diet version of Nicolas Cage—less
ca ories. more artificial taste—with each quirky
role), Rowena infiltrates H2A, Hill's firm, where
she seduces the boss in person and online. Most
of Stranger's sexual encounters take place on the
Internet and are read aloud to the presumably il
literate audience by Berry or Willis. Sharon Stone
going commando, Stranger is not. The flick miss
es the sleazy pizzazz of Paul Verhoeven (for all
Foley's talents—and Glengarry Glen Ross proved
he is well-stocked—making onscreen sex sexy
is not one of them) and the pornographic pulp
her blinds when she exercises; the annoying
kids across the way are stealing premium cable
(e.g. pom); and the creepy loner (David Morse)
who lives behind Kale is a senal killer. Unable
to do anything outside the house about it Rale
deputizes Ashley and funny. Asian sidekick,
Ronny (Aaron Yoo). to do the dirty work, while
Kale watches from the comforts of his bedroom
prison. Chsturbta has not a whit of originality,
but winkingly twists a familiar story j'ust enough
to make it as deliciously air-filled as the Twinkies
Kale glues into a monument of caloric emptiness.
The audience, teens who identify completely
with Kale, know from the get-go that Turner
(Morse), all pig eyes and wavy mullet, is a psy
cho. (After all, the tagline informs us that 'Every
killer lives next-door to someone.") It's the
film’s—and audience s—adults (Kale's loving but
unsympathetic mother, the vengeful cop) who
have to catch up. Stilt the most disturbing trend
about Disturbia is its scream-by-numbers pacing,
which encourages gaggles of girls to get all loz-
enged up to out-squeal one another. The movie’s
predictability conducts an entire theater full of
rosy-cheeked teens and tweens into choruses
of screeching whether or not said vocalizing is
necessary.
Drew Wheeler
20 FLAGPOLE.COM • APRIL 18,2007
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