Newspaper Page Text
mmm journal.
KNOXVILLE. GEORGIA.
The attempt to grow tobacco in Eng¬
land has resulted about as disastrously
as the attempt to grow cotton did.
Seventy-five miles an hour—or a mile
in forty-eight seconds—is the astounding
rate of speed which has just been at¬
tained by the “West Coast Express,” of
the London and Northwestern Railway,
on its trip from the English to the
Scotch metropolis.
The roaring gas well back of Canons
burg, Penn., is said to have the greatest
registered pressure of any in the world.
The gas looks like a solid piece of blue
steel for some distance after it comes out
of the pipe. Solid masonry twelve feet
thick surrounds the well to hold the cap
on. When in drilling the gas was struck,
tools and ropes weighing 5000 pounds
were thrown out as though they were
feathers.
Sable Island, which lies in the direct
path of all transatlantic shipping bound
to New York, is rapidly being washed
away. The branch hydrographic offices
in that city and Philadelphia have just
been served with notice by the British
Government that one of the lighthouses
has been undermined, and must be taken
down and removed to a site further in¬
land. At present the sea threatens to
demolish the light and the tower.
A practical test of fire-proof, patent
stiffened wire lathing, was given recent¬
ly in Philadelphia. A brick building
twenty feet square was erected of two
divisions, in one the common wood lath¬
ing such as is generally used, in the
other was the stiffened wire lathing with
cast iron ribs. At 3:05 in the afternoon
the fires were started, and in eight
minutes the plaster and wood lathing
dropped and were consumed. At 4:55,
when the visitors left the grounds, the
fire in the wire lathing apartment was
still burning, with no signs of consump¬
tion of the plaster or lathing.
Mrs. Diaz, wife of the President ol
Mexico, has labored for years, accord¬
ing to the New York Graphic, to
ameliorate the condition of the poorer
class of her sex. She has established
various institutions for the employment
of poor women and girls, and has
popularized work which, until she be¬
came its protecting patroness, was looked
upon as unbecoming and contrary to
established Customs. Under her patron¬
age these institutions have become
flourishing and afford respectable employ¬
ment to hundreds of her sex. She is ever
studying some new scheme for the
advancement of the poorer classes, and
her name will be a future household
word associated with benevolence and
kindness.
A very curious case is reported from
Wiikesbarre, Penn. One of the young
women employed at the silk mills of that
town was taken with an epileptic fit.
She fell to the floor, and the other girls
gathered around and became most
alarmed and excited. Suddenly one of
them gave a wild shriek and fell over in
violent hysterics. The excitement in¬
creased, and in a minute or so another
young woman was seized with hysteria.
The girls were now almost wild with
nervous excitement, and one after another
was seized with hysteric convulsions.
Their cries and struggles as they lay
quivering on the floor combined to make
the scene an extraordinary and alarming
one. Sixteen of the girls were thus pros¬
trated. Medical aid was summoned, and
the girls were revived, and sent home.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCH r 8 PROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
He Had a Job Already—A Sudden
Turn—Pile It Away Tor Fu¬
ture Use—"Will Want
' More Later On.
<«Mrs. Pompano—“Mary Ann, just run
across the street and ask that man with
a whitewash brush if he is engaged.”
Mary Anu (returning with after animated
conversation Julius Plumbob)—
“Please, mum, he says he’s been mar¬
ried for twelve years.— Drake's Magazine.
A Sudden Turn.
Brown—“Well, old man, how’s
iness?”
Robinson—“Fine. I’ve got so much
to do I don’t know which way to turn.
Burnley (Lowering his voice). There comes
up the stteet, and I owe him
five dollars. Let’s turn this way.— New
York Dispatch.
*
File It Away for Future Use.
“Papa.’’said a beautiful girl,’ “young
Mr. . Tnistle has 1 .---------:---- written ma note in which
he asks me to be his wife.”
“Written you a note? Why in thun¬
didn’t '
der he come himself?”
‘It would have been pleasanter that
way v no no dnnbf. doubt, papa, pupa, but but I i suppose suppose he he
feels a little timid, nid. and and besides, besides, papa, papa.
think how much more binding the note
is .”—Philip 11. Welch.
Will Want More Later On.
Passenger (in drummer, crowded car)—“Aren’t
you Drummer—“Yes. a Chicago sir?”
”
Drummer—“Yes, Passenger—“Your first trip, isn’t it?”
its a new business
tome; but I’m selling more goods in
my line than any two men on the road.
Why do you think it’s my first trip?”
Passenger—“Because you only occupy
two seats .—New York Sun.
A Handsome Profit.
Aunt Emily—“Why do you think
you will be a doctor, Bobby, when you
grow Bobby—“Because up?”
I swallowed a ten
cent piece the other day and the doctor
charged pa two dollars for curing me.
That’s a good business.”— Epoch.
Reserved Seats.
Head Waiter (Chicago Hotel—“Ex¬
cuse me, sir; do you eat pie with a knife
or a fork?”
Do Stranger—“With a knife of course.
I look like a man what would jab
himself?”
Head Waiter—“To the right, if you
please; seats on the left reserved for
Eastern dudes.”— Time.
Not a Good Judge as to Price.
Miss Bricabrac (in Philadelphia de¬
corative art store)—“What an exquisite
Japanese fan 1 So decorative, so rich,
yet delicate! The very thing I’ve been
wanting. I ; must have that for the draw¬
ing he room and shall just tease papa until
gives me a check. How much is it?”
Dealer—“Ten cents, miss.”
“Horrors!”— Philadelphia Record.
The Traveler and the Robber.
He was traveling West with $7000 in
his inside pocket. He encountered a
highwayman who held the cold muzzle
of his revolver close to his left temple.
“Hold up!” he cried.
“I will,” replied the obliging robber,
and he held him up.
There is no moral to this tale.— New
York Sun.
She Didn’t Understand.
“Now, Cicely,” he said, as they seated
themselves on the grand stand, “If
there is anything you don’t understand,
just ask me aud I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Thank you George,” replied Cicely.
“Who is that young man going about
with the glasses? Is ho the umpire?”
“No; he’s the soda water man. Here,
young lemon.” man, bring us two glasses of
—Drake's Magazine.
The Man Was No Friend of Rojrsrs.
Boy (to editor)—“There's a man out¬
side what wants to know who wrote
that article on Jim Boggs, who disap
peared Editor—“Go last week.”
back and tell him you
wrote it.”
Boy (returning)—“That’s a nice man,
boss.”
Editor—“What did he say when you
told him?”
Bop—“He said that was the best
piece we’ve had in the paper in a year,
and he gave me a ten-doilar bill .—Mer
chant Traveler.
A Legal Thrust.
“My young friend, Necessity, who
represents the other side,” began the
grizzled legal luminary, when the young
practitioner interrupted him.
“Your honor, I desire to ask why my
learned friend alludes tome as ‘Neces¬
sity. i »
“ Your honor,” answered the elder
fox, “Necessity knows no law, as you
and I well know.”— Judge.
Very Suggestive.
Mary—“The order?” butcher is here, ma’am;
what shall I
Mrs. Morris Parke—“Dear me, I
haven’t thought. What cai/we have for
dinner. Marv?”
Marv (thouohtfullv)—“I ° don’t know ’
ma’am.’’
jj rs _ Morris l’arke—“Oh, ’ can’t you
ma i ce a suggestion ?”
Mary (cheerfully) “I can try. What *
,j 0 y 0U ma ) ce jt, 0 f
'
__
He Took It Philosophically.
“It is with ...... unfeigned sorrow and a „
bleeding heart, Mr. Sampson,” said the
girl, - gently, ' “that I am compelled to
say t nee n ay ; but I love another,” and
tears of sympathy welled into her eyes.
“Now don't be so evercome, Miss
Clara,” he said earnestly, “it is really
of no great consequence; I’ll be as chip
—- per »» as a » i.i—s bird iu a day or *— two, —j and =. it
pains me to see you thus distressed.”
Then she dried her eyes and became
quite herself again.— Epoch.
A Chance Not to be Trifled With.
“Mr. Sampson asked me to be his wife
last night, papa.” say?”*
“And what did you
“I told him he must give me a little
time, and he said I could have the usual
thirtv days, or 5 per cent, off for cash,
and then he stopped and appologized.
What am I to think ot him, papa?”
“Think of him?” shouted the old man.
“That young fellow is full of business,
and you can’t say ‘yes’ too quick. — Grip.
On Deck to Stav.
This is the way an Edgefield (S. C.)
candidate nails a false rumor : “From
various quarters of the county the report
comes to my ears that * Sam Oolgan has
decided not to make the race for Coro¬
ner, but will leave the field.’ I desire to
say that there is not a word of truth in
the report. I have enlisted for the war
and will be on deck at the final reckoning
on election day. There will be ample
time to write my obituary after the
funeral, should you, my fellow citizens,
see proper to cover my defeat—then, corporosity with
the somber shroud of and
not till then, let my epitaph be written.”
—Augusta ( Ga.) Chronicle.
A ’Prentice Hand.
“Did Charles propose last night?”
“Yes, the darling fellow.”
“Tell me all about it—do. He was
just as graceful, I suppose, and dramatic
_J»
“Indeed, he was nothing of the kind.
It was almost farcial, he made such a
ninny of himself. I could have laughed
only I was afraid he’d get angry aud es
cape before I landed him.”
“What a shame he should have made
such a mess of it.”
“By no means. If he’d been dead
letter perfect I should have had a sus¬
picion he’d been rehearsing with some
other girl.”
“Oh !”—San Francisco Examiner.
A Reporter's Vacation.
Metropolitan editor—“Think you
need chauge and rest, eh? Well, I
shouldn’t wonder; city life is a hard
one, taking it all the year round, and I
believe it is several years since you had
a vacation. Which do you most enjoy
seashore, mountains or pastoral scenes?’
Hard-working reporter (with enthu¬
siasm)—“Oh. the mountains, always.”
Editor—“Well, the Mind and Matter
Association will hold their sixteen-hour
a-day metaphysical sessions at the Bleak
Top this year, and you can go there aud
report them. Don’t miss anything, and
keep each day’s session down to six or
eight columns. The paper has a bill
against the hotel at Bleak Top for ad¬
vertising. I will charge to your account
and let you take it along. Just before
leaving hand him the bill in payment for
your board, but be careful to do it po¬
litely, because lie's a retired athlete, and
the merriest man east of fc-an Francisco.”
—Omaha World.
He Knew One Good Man.
An English General, in reviewing a
corps of cavalry, suddenly stopped fellow be¬
fore asked a abruptly: splendid looking and
“Which is the best horse in the regi¬
ment?”
“iSo. 40, sir.” '
“What makes you think he is the best
horse?”
“He walks, trots .and gallops well; is
a good jumper; has no vice, no blemish
carries his head well; is in his prime.”
“And who is the best soldier in that
regiment?”
“Tom Jones, sir.”
“Why;”
“Because he is an honorable man, ,i„
obedient, is tidy, takes good care of his
equipment and his horse, and does his
duty well.”
“And who is the rider of the best
horse?”
“Tom Jones, sir.”
“And who is Tom Jones.”
“I am, sir.”
but The he General sovereign could not help laughing,,
gave a to his informant.
^ T ho received it without moving a mus<
cle .—Liverpool Post.
Proposed by Caligraph.
Young Thubs is a good business man,
but outside of business he is not such a.
good manager. He had a beautiful type
writer, one of the perfected kind, aged
nineteen years, better than new, with
laughing blue eyes. Having down fallen in
love with it, he one day sat beside
it and told it that he wanted to dictate
a letter of love to his sweetheart. It
went to work mechanically.
“My dearest angel, I love you deeply,
devotedly; no other being could ever
inspire in my heart such a fervent and
lasting affection, and I take this method
of laying at your feet my life, my love,
my honor and my fortune. Will you ac¬
cept these? Answer immediately.
“Your sincere lover,
“B. Thubs.”
“There it is,” said the typewriter.
“To whom is it addressed?”
“To your own dear self,” said Thubs,
with a voice that would make a lemon¬
ade shaker.
“And you want a reffly?”
“Yes, my precious one.”
“Well, you shall have it iu the same
manner; take this seat at the instrument.
Ready?”
“Mb. Thubs:—
“Dear Sib —Yours of this instant re¬
ceived; contents noted. In reply 1 beg
to state that your offer is exceedingly
kind and worthy, but there is a bar
which would prevent its acceptance.”
“Stop,” be said Thubs. “Why should
there a bar between us 1”
“Well, you write on—”
“My marriage last Thursday night
with Mr. J. Squiggs renders—”
Bfft Mr. Thub’s distant footsteps were
echoing down the corridors of no time at
all, and in next morning’s paperwas—•
IU VV ANTED—A YOUMG LADY TYPEW K1TER,
« IS. THUBS.
—Detroit Free Press.
The Largest Rattlesnake on Record
The greatest set of rattles ever cut.
from a rattlesnake are now on exhibition
in the office of the Treasurer of Lycoming
County, at Williamsport, Perm. The
string measures Hi inches and contains
-15 rattles. The biggest string of rattles
on record previous to this was taken
from the big snake killed near Westport
last week. That string measured 4 inches
in length and eonta nod 41 rattles.* r Jhe
snake that bore it was the biggest one
ever killed in the state, being 7 feet,
long. with The most curious fact connected
the monster Williamsport set of
rattles is that it was taken from a snake
less than 3 feet long, the rattles forming
almost one-fourth of the reptile’s entire
length. If it is true that a rattlesnake
grows a rattle every year after the first
ear the snake must have oeeu 4ti years
o Id. This freak among snakes was
killed by County Treasurer Eldred in the
pine Creek region .—New York T.mes.
A Cliasnelion Fish.
A Maine fishing schooner recently
caught on the Georges Banks, on a
halibut trawl, a queer fish. It weighed
seventy-five pound, and is described as
being “about as large as the top of a
hogs head and almost as broad as long.”
When first taken from the water it was
of a bright red color and marked with
silver spots, varying in size from that of
a three-cent piece to that of a silver
dollar. After the fish had been out of
the water a while the red became purple,
except on the fins, which retained their
vivid hue. The tins, three in number,
were small in proportion to the body,
and the tail was short and broad .—Neut
York Sun. _ -