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KN0ML1 JOURNAL.
KNOXVILLE. GEORGIA.
Great Britain is becoming more of a
money lending than a shop keeping na¬
tion. They are building fewer shot
are making more money bags.
The fastest train services in the fTorlfi
are in the United States. Next comes
England, next France, next Germany.
After that it is a scramble, with no
choice.
The six Kentucky counties of Harlan,
Knott, Bell, Leslie, Lucy and Fletcher
have no church within their limits, yet
ihe State gives each year many thousand
dollars to foreign missions.
The South .has gained 18.000 miles of
railroad track within eight years, at a
cost of $750,000,000. The increase ol
the crops, iron and other products of
that section has been in equal propor¬
tion.
Less than fifty years ago there was not
a photographic camera in the world; to¬
day there are 15,000 photographic es¬
tablishments, to say nothing of . the
thousands of amateur outfits, in the
Enited States.
The Provincial Bank, of Buenos Ayres,
South America has a capital of $38,
000,000 and $37,000,000 cf deposits. It
does more business than any American
bank and more, even, than the Imperial
Bank of Germany.
The average price pa’d the average
Iowa “schoolmam” by the year is
$212.45. Presuming that her boasd and
washing costs her about $3 per week and'
her clothing and incidentals $50 more,
she will then have a surplus of $6.45 to
build up a bank account, which in twen
years of hard work would amount to a
little more than $120.
Mormonism is spreading. The tribe
at Sait Lake may be disintegrating, but
only for the benefit of other localities.
Four hundred Mormon familiies havo
recently settled in Wyoming. Thou¬
sands of Mormons have settled in Idaho.
There are large Mormon colonies in Ari¬
zona and Colorado. Nevada is so over¬
run with them that it has been declared
the Mormons couid soon secure control
of the state if they should make a vigor¬
ous effort.
That foreign claim of a torpedo vessel
that can run for hours under water is not
a sound one, asserts the Cincinnati En¬
quirer. It is simply a reproduction of a
late American Experiment in the boat
called the “.Peacemaker.” The scheme
will never be a complete success until a
motor is discovered that needs no lire
and makes no smoke. Compressed air
was used by the “Peacemaker,” but so
little of that can be carried that the
campaign must bo very brief. Perhaps
some day some one will be able to so
“store” electricity as to solve the
problem.
The owner of some homing pigeons
at Hamm, in Holland, bet that on a fine
day twelve of his bees would beat a like
number of carrier pigeons in making
tbe distance (one hour' between Hamm
and the town of Iihynern. Twelve
pigeons and twelve bees (four drones
and eight working bees, all powdered
with flour) were taken to Rhynern and
.! nltancousiy set free. A white drone
arrived home four seconds in advance of
the first pigeon; the remaining three
drones and the second pigeon arrived to¬
gether, and the eight working bees pro¬
ceeded the ten pigeons by a length.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Watering ami Frogging Mflk—In¬
herited Traits—Getting Even
With Her—Nearly Ex¬
hausted—Etc., Etc.
The doctor said: “This is a stone,
And proot there is in plenty,
The frog’s been in it all alone,
Say, eons ten or twenty.”
A granger scoffed: “Sir, if you please,
1 know, and tell you truly,
It’s nothing but a hunk of cheese,
Maii^e downiu —Job Ashtabula. Fish Jr., in Pack.
,
inherited Traits.
Bliffins (wrestling with his infant—
“I never knew before how much Florinda
takes after me.”
Wife —“Takes after you. How?”
Blifiins—“Well, to begin with, she
has my hair—ouch V’—Bun Francisco
Examiner.
Getting Even With Her.
Mrs. Quiver (waking in the night)—
“John, I’m sure there’s burglars down
stairs!”
Mr. Quiver (sleepily)—“Stuff! Let
’em burgle.”
Mrs. Quiver—“O, John! didn’t you
promise at the altar to protect me?"
Mr. Quiver—“Bah! And didn’t P
promise to obey me i It's a stand off. w
— Judge.
Nearly Exhausted.
’" Young Man (to editor)—“Did
ceive from you re¬
a poem me, sir?”
Editor—“I believe I did.”
Young Man —“After looking it over
were you able to do anything with itr”
enough Editor—“Yes, left I had i ust strength
to throw it in the basket.”—
Bazar.
Went to the Bad.
Woman (to tramp)—“Have you got
any friends or relativos?”
Woman—“Is Tramp—“I have a brother, Bill.”
Bi.l a tramp, too?”
Trump—“No; Bill didn’t turn out
Very well, He tried most everything
and finally drifted into the milk busi¬
ness.”— Time.
How H© Got There.
Friend (to dentist)—“Now that you’ve
got the Custom House job you were
after I s’pose you’ll give up pulling
Dentist—“Yes. indeedy.”
Friend—•'’‘How did you manage to get
that job, Charley?”
Dentist—“I had a strong pull.”—
Siftings.
He Enjoyed Water.
“Ah, that is nice and refreshing,”
said Billy Bliven, as he set down the
soup “I’m at glad the boarding house table.
to learn you liked it,” said
the landlady.
“Yes,” replied Billy, enthusiastically.
“If there’s anything that 1 do enjoy its
a Merchant big refreshing draught of pure water.”
Traveler.
That Greedy Dog.
“What is the baby crying about.
Maggie?”
“I don’t know, mamma.”
“And what are you looking so indig¬
nant about;”
“That nasty dog’s been and took and
eateu my sponge cake!”
“Why, J saw yon eating sponge cake
a minute ago!”
“Oh, that was baby’s !”—New York
World,
A Punishment Fitting the Crime.
First Counterfeiter—“Jimmy, did you
know that the garret had been burglar¬
ized of every one of that last batch of
dollars
Second Counterfeiter (bitterly)—“And
y®!'* , ca ,, this , . a we U ,, policed, , law
amding dty. , One consolation, the j
sin
of the infernal thieves will find them out.
They’ll be sure to get caught shoving |
that stuff. It s the poorest lot we ever :
turned out. Siftings. J
A Little Music. J
!
i oung Mr. Sissy (who prides himself
on his music —“So you would like to '
hear me sing before I go, would you,
Bobby?” j
Bobby (politely)—“Ees, _ sir; _ if you j
would be so kind.”
1 onng Mr. Sissy—“Areyou particular
,
about what I sing?” i
Bobby—“Yes, sir, I wou'd like to
hear some of what Sister Clara calls your
alleged singing. "—Epoch.
Something Burning.
They were sitting on the porch and it
was “Would growning late.
you mind if I lighted a cigar,
Miss Clara?” he asked.
replied. “Certainly not, Air. Sampson,” she
And presently the old man, who was
getting desperate, spolce from an open
window above:
ber “Daughter,” overshoes he said, “I left my rub¬
near the kitchen stove and
you had better see to ’em. I can smell
something burning .”—Philip F. Welch.
His Sentence Commuted.
huskily, “Evelyn,” said young Mr. Buttercup
Do “speak one word of hope to me.
not crush me with your disdain. You
say you do not love me now, but if I
should come to you at some future time,
perhaps—perhaps—oh, sad condition. Evelyn, you see
my ceive something Ought I not to re¬
more than a cold dis
missal?”
tion,” “Perhaps so, considering your condi¬
said Evelyn, softly.
joyously, “Then,” exclaimed the young man,
“you would change your sen
tence to-”
ful “Ninety days,” murmured the beauti¬
girl .”—Chicago News.
A Dialogue With a Climax.
Scene, newly married pair on bench in
park. Old gentleman supposed to be
asleep.
He—“My She—“My darling!”
dove!”
He—“My She—“My doggie!’*
She—“My puss.e!” duck!”
He--“My pretty birdie!”
He—“My She—“My goosie!”
kitten!”
She—“Mych ckce!”
lie—“My lambkin!”
Old gentleman (interrupting brutally
— “Can’t yon call each other Noah’s arks
and have done with it?”— Idea.
A Witticism of Barry Jerome.
One of best stories told of the late
“Larry” Jerome is that when traveling
not the proprietor very long ago he stayed at a hotel,
of which asked him, when
he was about to depart, to sign his name
in a book not quite like an ordinary ho¬
tel register, but one used, after the
fashion of an old English custom, for
the purpose of obtaining the names of
distinguished guests.
When Mr. Jerome was about to place
his signature with the others he saw
that the writer just before him had in¬
scribed the comment, “I came here for
change and rest and got it.” Quick as
thought the witty clubman penned be¬
neath it: “I also came here for change
and rest, but the waiters got the change
and the landlord got the rest .”—New
York, Press.
He Did It.
It is an unusual wit which enables its
possessor to be as funny in speech as he
is oh paper. W. S. Gilbert, author of
the “Bab Ballads,” is evidently ready
at any moment to thrust or parry.
Once, in leaving a large reception, he
stood in the hall, waiting for a servant to
lingered bring him his coat and hat. As he
there a “heavy swell” descended
the stairs, took him for a servant, and
called out to him: “Call me a four
wheeler!”
Mr. Gilbert put his glass in his eye,
looked blandly at the young man and
said:
“You are a four-wheeler.”
“What do you mean?” cried the other.
“You told me lo call you a four
wheeler, and I have done so. I really
couldn’t call you handsome (hansom),
you know.”
The Privilege Denied Them.
A traveler, who returned from a two
weeks’ vacation among the Maine water¬
ing places, relates an amusing incident
that occurred at a small New England
hotel where he chanced to stop for a day
while jonrneying to-Bar Harbor. The
hotel was a small one, and the principal
person daughter in charge proprietor, of the office was the
of the a buxom lass
0 f probably twenty summers.
When the morning of departure came
this fair Diana presented the hotel bill to
the traveler, and it so happened that
neither of them could change a note that
tendered '
was in payment. In a gallant
way the traveler, who had something of
the Don Juan in his nature, allhough he
did live on Walnut street, smilingly of
fered to k : ss the young lady and Tet. the
haughtily, change go. She drew herself up
“I’d like you to know, sir,
that in this hotel we don’t kiss tran*
sients, ” she replied in freezing tones,
“Such a privilege is only given to per¬
manent boarders. Will you takeapros
pectus for next season ?”—Philadelphia
Times.
-v
Southern Feathered Brigands.
From the sowing of the seed to the
harvested crop the farmer is subjected
to the inroads of myriads of insects, of
species known and unknown, and in
many sections to the depredations of
birds and mammals, all seeking to ap¬
propriate and destroy his crops. But
no damage from sustained by Northern farm¬
ers crows, blackbirds and the ever¬
present with the English sparrows can compnro
ravages in the rice-fields corn
mitted by the birds called bobolinks in
the North, reed-birds along the Chesa¬
peake, and rice-birds in the South. In¬
numerable hosts of these birds visit the
rice-fields at the time of planting in the
spring, fields devouring the seed before the
time in are the flooded, and again at harvest
grain fall, when, if the maturing
is in the milk, they feed upon it
to a ruinous extent.
During the periods of their invasions,
says a Government report, thousands of
men and boys called bird-minders are
employed birds with guns, and millions of
are killed. Still the number in¬
vading the rice fields each year seem in
no way diminished, and the aggregate
annual loss occasioned is estimated at
$2,000,000. According to the authority
It quoted, the bird is strictly migratory.
appears on the Savannah River about
the 10th or 15th of April and lemains
until perhaps the 2»th of May. It ap¬
pears again about the 15th of August,
when the early grain is hardened and is
the not milk. so inviting as when unripe and 'in
Some lessening of its ravages
is gained by seeding so as to have the
young rice under irrigation before the
spring ripened flocks arrive, and to have the
grain before the autumn flocks
return. Such precautions are, however,
only partial preventives, as is shown by
the immense losses annually occasioned
by birds in the rice fields of the South.
—New York World.
The Versatile Indian.
Of all misunderstood and misrepre-
sented people, I consider the North
American Indian the most so. By soma
he has been painted an incarnate fiend;
by others he has been represented as a
sage and stoic, his mind stored with
philosophy, and in demeanor grave, taciturn
capable delight'ng of in solitude; his body
spirit great endurance, and his
sustained by unflinching courage.
By such wresting, twisting and mis
representation as would make a poem
out of the multiplication table, or an
allegory out of a problem of Euclid,
his childish fetishism has blossomed into
a sublime theology. His myths, which
are like the dreamings of insanity, are
remodeled to resemble legends of the
lives of the saints, with a dash of the
Arabian Nights. With a language of
but little more than a hundred words
he has become the author of sublime
poems, the complex. dealing Even with the abstract and
Masonic fraternity have gentlemen discovered of the
that
he has anticipated the signs and secrets
of their order. He is described as
stoical, yet it is an every day affair to
see a full grown Indian buck sit down,
lifs up his voice and weep over the most
trifling disappointment. lie is called
taciturn and loving solitude, and yet he
will chatter like a magpie; gossip is his
principal business in life, and he will
ride for miles lobe the first to tell any
news;. while there are not sufficient
inducements on this whirling globe to
influence him to live a solitary life for a
single .month. He is supposed to be
naturally brave and physically stroDg,
but he is not, nor does he pretend even
to himself to he either .—Forest and
Stream.
- ---—«saS ’fr —
“Wake Me Up When Kirby Dies.”
In 184G or 1847 an old actor named
Kirby was a great favorite at the famous
Chatham Theatre on the New York
Bowery. drama and Kirby was strong on melo
couid die so pathetically that
he always captivated the house in that
scene. Once he was going through a
particularly dull play and a kid in the
pit grew weary. Stretching himself for
a nap ha requested his nearest neighbor
in a tone clearly audible: “Wake me uj)
when Kirby dies.”
The expression raised a hurrah. The
curtain wa3 rung down and Kirby was
obliged to Kirby make a speech. “Wake me
up when dies” was a Bowery ex¬
pression from that time down to a very
short time ago. — Nee York World.
