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mmm journal.
KNOXVILLE, GEORGIA.
The consular report on the condition
of Brazil says that the population con¬
sists of 4,000,000 whites and 4,000,000
meztizoes.
Five years ago there were five girls’
schools in Yokohama and Tokio, Japan.
To-day there are more than thirty, and
all well patronized.
Out of 870 females who went into
business for themselves last year—open¬
ing stores and shops—683 made dead
business failures inside of seven months.
They’re all angels, but they are not all
business men.
There is a man in Hamilton County,
Ohio, who has run for a county office
twenty-one successive times and been de¬
feated every time. He says it begins to
look a little blue and that five or six
more defeats will lead him to pause and
consider.
“I will kill any man in this room for
ten cents!” exclaimed Pete Hammil, as
he entered a saloon in Deadwood, Da¬
kota, but the crowd turned loose and
shot Peter full of holes for nothing at
at all. A liberal spirit is seldom prop¬
erly rewarded in these cold days.
It has been discovered that at least
a portion of the ‘Great American
Desert” is underlaid by a stratum of
water which may be reached by boring
from 100 to 200 feet. The wells flow so
bountifully that one of them will water
thoroughly five or six acres of land.
The action of Judge Arnold, of Phila¬
delphia, in refusing naturalization papers
to a Hungarian because the latter avowed
himself an infidel is a reminder, observes
the New York Telegram, that the days
are not so far off when Universalists
were refused the right to testify in court
because they stood in no fear of hell.
The Tobacco Plant, of Durham, N. C.,
tells how Colonel R. F. Webb, a Mexi¬
can veteran of that town, who saw Pro¬
fessor Morse and his daughter plant the
first telegraph pole, the other day sat in
his office in the stirring little North
Carolina town and sold tobacco by cable
over in L&ndon, sending the message and
receiving the answer without stirring
from his seat.
At Charleston, W. Va., a company ol
young ladies, thirty-five in number, have
organized, elected officers, chosen uni¬
forms, consisting of blue dresses,
trimmed in white, and hold regular drill
meetings every Wednesday evening. The
arms used are wooden muskets, made in
exact imitation of the regulation article,
and the girls are said to be making re¬
markable progress in the manual of
arms.
Our present Congress can boast of the
longest session ou record. When the
two houses of Congress met at noon on
Monday, October 1, the session had be¬
come the longest by twenty-four hours
|n American history. The longest pre¬
ceding session was that of 1850, the year
of the Missouri Compromise, which was
adjourned at noon of September 80.
Constructively, says the New York
Observer, the session of 1808, following
the impeachment proceedings against
President Johnson, was longer, the ad¬
journment sine die having taken place
November 10, but, as a matter of fact,
Congress took a six weeks’ recess from
July 27 and never afterward had a
quorum or attempted to transact any
business.
UUi/VJJ-jJ. RTITAftfiT HP UJ. T?IT\r J? Ull«
HUMOROUS SKKTOHGS FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Sad Waste of Time—No Dearth of
Victims—Love on the Frontier—
Not Taking Any Chances—All
Tastes Suited—Etc.. Etc.
There was a man who had a clock,
His name was Matthew Meares,
He wound it nicely every day,
For many, many years;
At last his precious timepiece proved
An eight-day clock to be,
And a madder man than Mr. Meares
1 would not wish to see.
— Jeweler's Weekly.
No Dearth of Victims.
“Times are a trifle dull, sir,” he said,
addressing a fellow passenger.
“Not with me,” was the reply; “my
business shows a gratifying increase
every year.”
“May I ask the nature of your busi
“ess?”
San *'Certainly, Francisco pm the fool killer.”-—
Wasp.
Love on the Frontier.
“Mr. Lariat,” said the lovely young
Arizona maiden, “I would spare you this
sorrow if I could, but what you ask is
impossible. I can never be your wife.”
“Will you tell me the reason why, Miss
Kacktushe demanded.
“I could not trust my happiness, Mr.
Lariat,” she continued, with downcast
eyes, “in the hands of any galoot that
can’t bust a bronco in less than two
days .”—Chicago Tribune.
Not , T , Taking Any Chances.
Mother-in-law (who is going home af
ter a visit of six.months)-—“Have we
.win lme ’ Witherspoon < I mustn t
ge Mr. v, e w-'.v. Witherspoon
it’s ten minutes’ (dubiously)—“Well, .... m „
walk to the station, and
the train will leave in about an hour and
a half. To be on the safe side, I think
we had.better start at once.”— Epoch.
All Tastes Suited.
Clerk—“Perambulators? Yes, sir. We
have just got iu a new stock, satin-lined,
silk-rimmed, silver-piated iron-work,
full-jeweled handle, Ac., only $30.
Step this way, please. First child, I
suppose?”
Customer—“No; seventh.”
Clerk—“Oh! John, show the gentle¬
man those latest improved $10 baby
‘ ‘coaches. ”— Cartoon.
A “Snap” Game.
“Maria,” said Mr. Jones, complain
ingly, at breakfast, “those ginger snaps
are soft. I hate a soft snap,”
“Well, Jeptha,” answered Mrs. Jones,
with spirit, “it will be a soft snap for
you when f make any more of them.”
And breakfast was finished in silence
on th’e part of Mr. Jones .—Detroit Free
Press.
His Departure Delayed.
“Hello, Brown, when did you get
back from the other side?”
“Yesterday.” “I
ago?” thought you were expected a month
“I was.”
“You must have been stuck on Eu¬
rope. ”
“No, Smith, I wasn’t stuck on Eu¬
rope, I was stuck in Europe.”— Life.
Debtor and Creditor.
Bobley (as his friend rushes past)—
“Good gwacious, Tom, what’s your
hurry?”
Wiggins—“Don’t stop me, please.
Pm going down town to settle a bill.”
Bobley ( stupefied)—“Running to settle
a bill? impossible?”
Wiggins—“Yaas, dear boy; I owe
Charley Crafton five dollars and he owes
me ten, y’ know. I want to settle 1”
— Judge.
Fearing the Worst.
Sammy (who is never allowed to stay
out of school)—“Howdie Hurlbut didn’t
come to school all day.”
Mamma—“Why not?”
Sammy—“ ’Cause his mother died.
When you die may I stay home all
day?” Mamma—“Yes, darling;
you may stay
out a whole week then.”
Sammy (suspiciously)—“Oh, die I know;
you mean to in vacation.”— Life.
He Strongly Suggested Her Fate.
final answer, Miss
un to man said, with
ill'concealed chagrin, as he picked up
his hat and turned to go, “I can do
nothing ? but submit. Yet, has it ever
occurrel to you ^at whenever a lady
passes the age of thirty-seven she is not
likely to find herself as much sought
after by desirable young men as she
once was?”
“It occurred to me with sudden and
painful yourself distinctness she when replied. you offered
just now,” “Good
night, Mr. Peduncle .”—Chicago Tribune.
His Son Had an Object. Lesson.
Little Dick—“Pop, what’s a dema¬
gogue?” Pop—“A demagogue,
my son, is a
mean, miserable swindling rascal, who
keeps himself in power by currying favor
with fool voters. For my part, I wish
the ballot could be limited to people of
intelligence.
“Well, Mr. Greatman met me in the
street asked to-day and give me a penny and
after your health, and said he
hoped you’d call and see him ’cause he
had a new box of just the sort of cigars
you like.”
“My stars! Where’s my hat?”— Philo
delphia Record.
Quite Apropos.
Among the wedding gifts of a Lenox
young woman was a tall lamp of iron
framework, at whose base were three
heads of some animal. What animal
was meant to be represented had been
food for speculation among the bride’s
friends ever since the lamp’s arrival. At
the wedding reception, as a number were
looking at the gifts, Miss A. said to Miss
B., in a moderate tone, for fear the giver
of the lamp might be near, “I think it’s
a donkey.” A dudish young man chanced
to be standing near them, and Miss B.
s hif; ng her position) brought the young
m . m all unconscious between her and her
f r jend, to whom she then quietly and
; significantly remarked: “I believe it is.”
-Harper's Bazar.
Familiar Domestic Scenes.
Jinks—“What was the matter at your
house last night?”
Blinks—“Matter?”
“Yes; something unusual going on,
wasn’t there?”
“Not that I know of.”
heard “Eh? Why as I passed your house I
a woman's voice yelling: ‘Brute,
monster,’ etc., and a voice that sounded
like yours shouting back: ‘Old hen, old
fool,’ and I don’t know what all, and
then there was a great banging of furni¬
ture, and pretty soon a broomstick came
thing through the window. Wasn’t that some¬
unusual? Come now.”
“No, nothing unusual .”—Philadelphia
Record.
The Shut-In Society
Miss R. was telling her Sunday
school class of small boys about the
“Shut-in Society,” an organization
whose members are mostly young per¬
sons confined with illness to their beds
or rooms.
“Whom can we think of,” said she,
endeavoring the to these awaken the interest of
class in unfortunates, “that
would have had great sympathy for
those that are so shut in?”
“I know,” said a little boy, with
brightening isn’t face; “some one in the Bible,
it, teacher?”
“Yes,” said Miss R., “but who,
Johnny?”
“Jonah,” was the spirited answer.—
Harper's Bazar.
When He Drew a Sword.
“Bah, he don't know how to draw a
sword at all,” exclaiiped Fakir to Broke,
as they came out from one of Frederick
Warde’s performances last week. “You
ought to have seen me—I think it was
in 1853—you ought to have seen me
draw a sword. I tell you—”
“Come, come now, old man,” inter¬
rupted the merciless Broke, “come, come
now, you drew a sword only once in the
whole course of your life.”
“When was that!” Fakir flashed back
with indignation.
Why, “Don’t you remember? That’sfunny.
when you drew one in a raffle at a
fair, old man; when you drew one in a
raffle.”
Experimental Farming.
“How are you getting along with the
experimental farm?” asked a member of
the Board of Regents, of a Western ag¬
ricultural college, of the President of the
institution.
“First-rate,” replied the President,
“wheat all killed up and calves taught
to drink sour milk. I’m having trouble
with some of the students, however.
They claim that it is too hard work for
them to dig the great holes necessarjf ,
planting the pumpkins.”
“Fire returned ’em out, Professor, fire
out!” the Regent. “If i
kick on that, what will they do next)
when they have to dig the pumpi
with maybe fifteen or twenty in a hil. \
— Time.
Dying For a Little Excitement
Office Boy (to Arizona editor) — “Dere
is a big bloke out in de udder room wid
a gun in his pants, what says he wants
ter interview yer.”
Editor (taking down his Winchester
and throwing the lever)—“Ah, 1 haven’t
killed a man for seven weeks, come Sat¬
urday. Show him in, please.”
Boy—“Oh, he don’t want ter fight,
he’s just got a book ter sell.”
Editor (with a sigh)—“That just my
luck! Here I’m dying for a little ex¬
citement and the man don’t want to
fight—ah, did you say he had a book to
sell.”
Editor Boy—“Yes, (fiercely)—“There nice big red book.” hope,
is still
if he is a book agent. (Cocks rifle.)
Show the whelp in and I will proceed to
mangle him .”—Milwaukee Sun.
Answering Conscience’s Roll Call.
There lived once in the little city of
Williamsport, Penn., an This old judge by
the name of Williams. old judge
was noted for two things; Eor getting
mellow occasionally and for being,
plucky and courageous under all circum¬
stances—a gamey old man. It was a pe¬
culiarity of the old judge that whenever
he got mellow he grew correspondingly
religious. One night he wandered into
a protracted revival meeting and seated
himself upon the front seat, full of spir¬
itual influence of some kind. The cler¬
gyman, engaged in his preaching, rose to
fervid midst pitch it exclaimed of eloquence,' and in the
of :
“Show me the drunkard! Show me
the drunkard? Of all men on earth the
most unfoitunate; show him to me!”
To the consternation of all present the
old judge arose, and unsteadily main¬
taining himself, exclaimed: “Well, sir,
here I am.”
The clergyman having realized upon
his investment much sooner than he an¬
ticipated They didn’t know what to do with
it. finally pulled the old judge
down, and the incident had passed out
of memory almost, when the clergyman
exclaimed again struck an impassioned and period and
in the honesty fervor of
his heart.
“Show me the hypocrite! Showmethe
hypocrite! earth the Of despicable. all men on God’s green
most Show me the
hypocrite!" judge the second and
The arose time,
reaching his cane exclaimed: over to a certain shaky
old deacon, “Deacon, why
the dickens don’t you get up when you
are called on ?”—Philadelphia Record.
Skin Currency.
It is not a generally-known historical
fact, says the Pittsburg Dispatch, that
from 1774 to 1784 the territory now
known as Tennessee formed a part of
North Carolina, and that in 1785 the
Tennesseeans, becoming dissatisfied with
their Government, the organized a State
Government under name of “Frank¬
lin,” which was maintained for some
years. The State afterward organized
disbanded and territorial Tennessee was
again annexed to North Carolina. The
following is among the the laws of passed by
the Legislature of State Frank¬
lin. Daniel We copy it as found the in a speech of
by Webster on currency
1888:
Be it enacted by the General Assembly
of the State of Franklin, and it is hereby
enacted by the autnority of the same.
That from the 1st day of January, 1789,
the salaries of the officers of this com¬
monwealth be as follows:
His Excellency, the Governor, per
annum, 1000 deer skins.
His Honor, the Chief Justice, per
annum, 500 deer skins.
The Secretary to his Excellency, the
Governor,per annum, 500 raccoon skins.
The Treasurer to the State, 450 raccoon
skin.
Each County Clerk, 300 beaver skins.
Clerk of House of Commons, 200 raccoon
skins.
Members of the Assembly, per diem,
three raccoon skins.
Justices’ fees for signing a warrant,
one muskrat skin.
To the Constable for serving a war¬
rant, one mink skin.
Enacted into the law the 18th day of
October, 1789, under the great seal Of
the State.
A ray of light travels 11,600,000 mil®}
in a minute.