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HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL
Man-woman fight brings up 2 questions to start
Dear Mr. Rockefeller.
1 reported my boyfriend
for abuse because we
were fighting and he hit
me. Now I want to with
draw the charges but the
police insist on keeping
it open. What can l do?
Dear Reader. Your question
is particularly timely, given
that October is Domestic
Violence Awareness Month
I have two questions for you
- Why did you fight and why
do you want to withdraw the
charges? Domestic Violence
is a pattern of abuse, not a
one-time incident.
Since the abuse is physical,
I suspect your boyfriend has
probably been abusing you
for several months. Maybe
Add value to others, self
I just attended the
annual “Catalyst
Conference.” Maybe
you’ll go with me next year
- Thursday and Friday, Oct.
9 and 10, 2008.
The Catalyst Conference is
designed for young leaders.
I’m an old guy when I’m sit
ting in the crowd. But inspi
ration is not reserved for the
young - I left inspired!
All of the speakers are
Christian leaders. Some
serve in full-time Christian
ministry. Others are lead
ers in secular roles, fulfilling
their responsibilities follow
ing Christian principles.
John Maxwell and Andy
Stanley started the annual
gathering of young Christian
leaders eight years ago.
They may have spoken at
each year’s event - I know
they presented at the three
I attended.
This year, Andy Stanley,
Erwin McManus, Dave
Ramsey, and Reggie Joyner
(other presenters) gave a
special “Catalyst Lifetime
Award” to John Maxwell
for his impact as a teacher
of leaders. I looked up the
books Maxwell has written
- I lost count somewhere
beyond 30.
Emotionally touched,
Maxwell said he could not
recall having prayed as hard
over any previous presenta
tion as he did for his remarks
this year. He said that as he
"We are blessed
with leadership
responsibilities
so that we may
serve, not that we
may be served!"
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Are you 18 years or older and suffering from
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you NEED
these
charges
fully pros
ecuted te
protect
you from
him.
Did you
start the
fight or do
you just
“feel” that you were respon
sible” Exploring why things
happened, and looking at
your own behavior, wiiU hetp
you figure out what to do
If you genuinely started
things, you might treed
counseling to figure out why
you acted inappropriately; if
you only feel that you did,
ages, he
becomes
less cer
tain of
many
things.
Yet some
aware
nesses
become
even more
certain.
One of those things is the
topic ho chose to address:
“Intentionally add value to
people every day!“ He said
that Jesus did that, giving a
new sense of hope to many.
If Jesus is our role model,
then we are to serve those
we influence every day
Maxwell offered four
thoughts about how to add
value to others.
Start by valuing oth
ers. Jesus valued people.
While the Pharisees and
Sadducees were having their
ministerial meetings, Jesus
was serving tax collectors
and hookers, the poor, and
the sick. Jesus knew their
hearts. He knew they need
ed a grace-filled reconcilia
tion with their creator.
Add value to self.
Leaders who add value to
others are constantly seek
ing growth experiences.
They discover their spiritual
gifts and cultivate them.
Leaders seek to improve
the methods by which they
can serve. They give away
the insights and perspec
tives they’ve gained.
Listen to what other
people value. Leaders cart
enough to ask. They have
listened and learned what’s
important to each person
in their sphere of influence,
They offer compassiun. They
celebrate successes. They
recognize the uniqueness of
each person and his or her
situation,
Michael W. Early, Sr., MD
Cyndi Williams-Green, PA-C,
Physician Assistant
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Family Practice Center
jftwt Ros'h'fWtke
IVaois Hooper
l y-frfc
you might need counseling
hi break out of the cycle of
vhdenoc.
If the last comment is
true, I am particularly con
cerned for you. Breaking a
cycle of violence is ext remely
difficult for a survivor. You
are probably isolated; maybe
your boyfriend has told you
that your mother is selfish
and only wants to hurt you,
that your friends are immor
al harpies, and that, all you
should need is his love.
He plies you to adopt this
attitude of isolation with
meaningless platitudes
<right before telling you how
worthless you are) and with
simple gestures you take as
hive, like buying you flowers
Ik the things God
values. Maxwell is deeply
aware of those things that
have eternal consequences.
Holding back the tears,
Maxwell acknowledged,
“Soon my life will pass. Only
what 1 do fer Jesus will last.
If you value people, and if
you want to add value, pray
with them.” And then he
prayed over the 11,000 lead
ers gathered in the Gwinnet
Center arena.
We humans are selfish, so
we tend to put the focus of
our attention on ourselves.
It is easy (and sinftil) for
leaders to use their position,
opportunity; or insights for
themselves or against oth
ers, If we are not intentional
and conscious about adding
value to people, our “human
nature” will tend to take
from people,
We are blessed with lead
ership responsibilities so
that we may serve, not that
we may be served! This is
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OPINION
or a puppy, but which are
only gifts to bribe you into
joining him in a sick rela
tionship. Perhaps you feel
have no one to turn to for
advice.
This sense of aloneness is
likely driving you to want
to drop the charges so you
can take your boyfriend
back. How can you bear his
guilt-laden collect calls from
jail? He sounds so sincere in
his promises not to do this
again. How will you pay the
hills? Who will tell you what
to do? You may have for
gotten how to he your oWn
person.
What, then, are your
options? Dropping the charg
es is not one of them, as the
a perspective quite differ
ent from that advocated by
much of “the real world.”
Yet I have found those lead
ers who understand and live
the concept to be hugely
effective. Consider trying it!
If you want to know
more about the Catalyst
Conference, contact Dennis
Hooper at 478-988-0237 or
at dhooper2lfljuno.com. Or
look up www.catalystconfer
ence.com on the internet.
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decision whether or not to
prosecute is in the hands of
the District Attorney’s Office
or the Solicitor’s Office.
If this the first time that
your boyfriend has been
charged with beating you,
he is probably unlikely to
receive a prison sentence,
unless you press for jail time.
However, if you do need help
and protection, the Judge
WILL probably sentence
him to prison.
You can also obtain a
Family Violence Protective
Order with the free services
offered by the Safe House
(923-6294) and HODAC
(953-5675) or by hiring an
attorney.
No matter what, you
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F. Dennis Hooper
Certified
Leadership Development Coach
Building leaders and
organizations of excellence
(478) 988-0237
AM E . R pLACE
Custom Horn# Builders
MUST figure out a way to
regain some self-esteem, so
that you can move on to a
better life and let the sys
tem treat your boyfriend
with the justice he deserves.
PLEASE live your life with
head held high!
Local attorney Jim
Rockefeller owns the
Rockefeller Law Center
and is a former Chief
Assistant District Attorney
for Houston County, and a
former Florida Assistant
State Attorney. E-mail con
fidential legal questions to
ajr@rockefellerlawcenter.
com. Visit www.rockefeller
lawcenter.com for past col
umns and Frequently Asked
Questions.
dhooper2fajuno.com
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