Newspaper Page Text
♦ WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2008
4A
OPINION
Cheaters never win
Infidelity and the heartbreak it produces are on the rise
The New York Times recently
reported some surprising and
discouraging trends about
men and women who are unfaithful
to their spouse. Researchers from the
University of Washington are about to
release data that has found the lifetime
rate of infidelity for men over the age
of 60 increased to 28 percent from 20
percent in 1991.
At the same time, the lifetime infideli
ty rate for women over 60 has increased
an amazing three-fold from 5 percent in
1991 to 15 percent today.
These researchers have also seen a
striking increase in infidelity among
married people under 35 years old - 20
percent among men and 15 percent
among women. This is an increase from
15 and 12 percent respectively in 1991.
Why the increase? Well, there are
likely several factors at play here.
Researchers point to improvements in
medical care like sex-enhancing phar
maceuticals for older patients, more
women working outside the home
and travelling for their job, email and
instant messaging technology that
make it easier to communicate, and the
high prevalence of Internet pornogra
phy-
When I read about all of these mar
riages affected by infidelity, I can’t help
but remember something someone I
know wrote about her own affair. Her
words offer a piercing and cautionary
reminder. Here is a portion of what she
wrote:
I know most people who end up hav
ing affairs don’t think all that much
about it ahead of time - they just go
with a feeling or an impulse - or maybe
they are just trying to meet a need that
isn’t being met in their current relation
ship. And somehow we allow ourselves
to cross over a line, all the while justify
ing to ourselves that it’ll be brief, no big
deal, no one will find out and therefore
no harm done. That’s what I thought.
And then I lost everything.
j[——
Iffl M iff
Why we dint make it to the Big Pig Jig
Hey, y’all,
It’s gon’ be all over with
the election ‘fore y’all read
this, an’ I don’t know who won, which
ain’t my fault, cause they said I had
to get it wrote on my reglar deadline.
Anyway, if you’re happy this mornin’,
good for you, and if you ain’t, I’m sorry,
but either way y’all gon’ be fine, an’
that’s more than I can say for me an’
the boys right now, cause we still get
tin’ over Friday night.
You know I been tellin’ y’all bout
how we was gon’ attack the Big Pig Jig
on Sattidy, so maybe you been watchin’
the news to see what happent.
We was gon’ convene at the
Hennerson Openin, which is where
the tunnel comes out. You prolly know
‘bout the tunnel if you been ‘roun
here a long time. It goes from out
side Montezuma al the way to near
Hennerson. Don’t nobody know who
dug it, an’ most folks don’t even know
where it is, but all us hogs do.
Well, you know how it goes some
time. Jus’ like people, hogs’ll talk big
sometime an’ then they got all kinda
reasons why they don’t show up. So
the one what talked so big about get
tin’ motorcycles was sayin’ he had to
go see ‘bout his sick granma, and that
crowd from Alabama sent a message
sayin’ they had a outbreak of swine
flu. It winds up by Friday mornin’ it’s
just me an’ Lai* Bubba Junior and Bo-
Diddley headin’ down there, but we’re
Randy
Hicks
Columnist
Georgia Family Council
Spouses almost always find out. And
affairs never end well.
There are many reasons why. If it’s
just about the physical stuff, then
it’s really not worth the risk anyway.
Usually at least one party will want
more - and then it gets complicated.
Then there’s the constant paranoia.
The panic attacks that set in anytime
the spouse needs to borrow your phone.
And then there are the moments of
looking at your spouse, or your kids
for that matter, knowing what you did
- even when they don’t know - and
feeling the abject guilt of utter betrayal
for such banal and selfish reasons.
Ask yourself this: would this “rela
tionship” or physical encounter with
a stranger from a website be worth
risking everything? My marriage, my
kids, my relatives, my job, my finances?
Because it is very likely to cost you all
that and more.
And then there’s the question of basic
humanity. My guess is that if one spouse
is thinking of having an affair, it’s
because there’s something going on: an
inadequacy in the marriage, some pain
they are responding to, deeper issues at
play. My advice: this is the worst way to
deal with those things.
At a minimum, it will take the focus
off of what may be legitimate problems
and will put the focus squarely on the
infidelity. If there are problems in the
marriage, there is one decent way to
deal with your spouse - honestly.
How hollow and how deeply sad is
the reality that my life will never be
the same. I have lost my husband, his
Pocky's
Ponderings
porky@evansnewspapers.com
hopin’ they’s gone be a big crowd from
the other places. '
Aunt Porky Lou packed us up a whole
buncha pimento cheese sammiches and
‘tater salad an’ poun’ cake, an’ off we
went with our hub cap armor.
We got down to the Hennerson
Openin Friday evenin’ and there ain’t
no 200 like we was spectin’ but just
two ol’ hogs from Hayneyville, an’
one from Grovania, an’ a couple from
Hennerson, plus two dogs. (Them cats
what talked so big dint show up at all)
Anyways, we was thinkin’ ‘bout cal
lin’ the whole thing off, but ‘bout
midnight we hear this squealin’ and
rumblin’ in the tunnel an here comes a
half dozen of them wile Macon County
hogs an’ they runnin’ late cause they
come all the way through the tunnel,
an’ ‘bout a half mile from the end of
it, they come up on a real ol’ barrel of
moonshine blockin’ the way, so they
had to push it an’ roll it ahead of ‘em
all the rest of the way.
Well, nachrly they was thirsty onct
they got there, so they got the barrel
wonderful family, our common friends,
all the dreams we had, the chance to
actually deal head on with our problems
and come out stronger. I have even
lost a sense of my own self. And for
what? A temporary physical release?
An emotional connection I was lacking
in marriage? I havfe forever wounded so
many people - obviously my ex. All of
our family and friends and the commu
nity who supported us. I even hurt the
other party in the affair. That person is
human too and can’t help but feel used
when it all falls apart. And it always
falls apart.
It breaks my heart that people may
be lured into thinking that an affair
would be no big deal, just a little fun. It
may shatter children’s understanding
of trust, family, fatherhood, mother
hood, safety.
I had to look my husband in the face
as he wept over my betrayal. I had to
stand in our driveway for the last time
and say goodbye to someone I had at
one time pledged my forever to. I had
to hear him say goodbye to the dreams
and the children we would never real
ize. I had to mourn the loss of family
I would never see again. And I have
had to live with the harsh reality of the
volumes of pain and loss I have caused
- for myself and more people than you
can imagine.
Maybe you can’t seem to care enough
about your spouse to guard against an
affair. But at least care enough about
yourself not to become somebody you
are ashamed of, disgusted by. Don’t be
someone who hurts people on purpose.
This woman’s story reminds me: if
infidelity is on the rise, so is pain.
Georgia Family Council is a non-prof
it organization that works to strengthen
and defend the family in Georgia by
equipping marriage advocates, shaping
laws, preparing the next generation and
influencing culture. For more informa
tion, go to www.georgiafamily.org, 770-
242-0001, stephen@gafam.org.
open, an’ we got out all the rest of the
food Aunt Porky Lou had packed up for
us, an’ we figgered if it was just gone
be us Houston an’ Macon County hogs,
plus them dogs, we’d best build up our
strength.
I tol Lil’ Bubba Junior an’ 80-Diddley
not to be drinkin’ much, cause they
can’t handle it like I can, an’ I don’t
rightly know how much attention they
paid.
I remember the firs’ swaller or two,
an’ Bo Diddley was makin’ a speech
‘bout how Danny Evans was gon’ be
sorry he ever got into the barbecue
bidness, an’ nex’ thing I remember is
wakin’ up with the sun ‘bout halfway
up the sky like a blindin’ light, an’ my
head feelin’ like it was broke in two,
an’ hogs layin’ all over the woods sno
rin’ an’ groanin’.
I couldn’t get up so I just lay there on
my back tryin’ to make my legs work
an’ yellin’ “Y’all all get up an’ help me
get up cause we gotta get to Vienna,”
“ but the ones what did try to get up,
groaned an’ fell right back over.
Lil’ Bubba Junior did better than
most of us cause he walked around in
a circle twice ‘fore he fell over.
So, to make a long story short, it
dint work out like we planned an’ we
dint make it even to the Dooly County
Lino We dint even get back to Perry til
Tuesday morning.
But there’s always next year. We gon’
call this time a drill.
"One voice con make a difference"
Support our local animal
shelters
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
If you have a pet who’s a big part of your life - a
cat or dog you share your home with and provide
food and shelter for, ask yourself this:
“How long could my pet survive out in the world
on his own?”
Davis Cosey of Friends of the Perry Animal
Shelter has reminded us that this week is National
Animal Shelter Appreciation week - time to give
some thought to just how important our shelters
and all the humane programs county-wide are.
These are the people who pick up the aban
doned and frightened puppy, the cat about to
have kittens, the old dog somebody moved and
left behind, the animal scavenging for food.
These are also the friends of animals who work
tirelessly to find loving homes for as many of
those animals as possible, and - in many cases
- provide foster care so that the animal has one
on-one attention and a normal living situation.
Houston County’s strays are fortunate in hav
ing quite a few guardian angels hard at work on
providing care and improving care.
The rest of us need to do our part, too. Here’s
how:
Donate to organizations working for humane
care of animals. Every dollar counts. You can
also donate your time and supplies.
Provide foster care. Take an animal into your
home as a foster parent. This gives a dog or cat
a needed break from the cage. It could also mean
feeding a kitten with a bottle, or giving a dog safe
shelter and care after an injury.
Adopt. Who says you can’t buy love? If you are
ready for the commitment, adopt an animal from
your local shelter.
Volunteer. Shelter dogs need to be walked,
loved and groomed. Shelter cats need to be
socialized, stimulated and nurtured. Volunteer
possibilities are endless. Some of the work is
easy - like cuddling a kitten. Some is harder
- like helping to keep the shelter clean, to prevent
disease. All of it is important.
Spay or neuter your pet. This can’t be said too
often. Unless you are a breeder who knows that
there is a market for the your pet’s offspring, do
the responsible thing and help control the pet
population by getting your pet spayed or neu
tered. This will reduce the burden on shelters
everywhere, and reduce the number of animals
trying (and usually failing) to survive on their
own.
Report cruelty. Cruelty to an animal is one of
the most cowardly and inhumane crimes. Animals
are innocent and it is our job to protect them.
Immediately, report animal cruelty and neglect to
your local animal control officer.
Microchip. Get your animal microchipped. This
makes things easier for you, your pet and the
shelter if your furry friend should become lost.
Wish list. Your local shelter is always going
to need items such as collars, leashes, laundry
detergent and pet food. Try to contribute to the
wish list as often as you can.
- Charlotte Perkins/for the Editorial
Board
Ptwgttftt Pome 'Qsmxxml
Reader Information
1210 Washington St.
P.O. Box 1910
Perry, Q A 31069
478-987-1823
See us online at
www.hhjnews.com
m Foy S. Evans 1919-2008
■ President - editor and publisher: Daniel F. Evans
■ Vice President: Julie Evans
■ General manager: Nicole Crofutt, 987-1823
■ Managing editor: Don Moncrief, 987-1823, Ext. 231;
donm@evansnewspapers.com
■ Staff writer (Also - Lifestyle and Food): Charlotte Perkins,
987-1823, Ext. 234; cperkins@evansnewspapers.com
■ Photographer: Gary Harmon, 987-1823, Ext. 229;
gharmon@evansnewspapers.com *
■ Sports writer: Matthew Brown, 987-1823, Ext. 237;
mbrown@evansnewspapers.com
■ Religion editor: Brittni White, bwhite@evansnewspapers.com
■ HHJ general e-mail: hhj@evansnewspapers.com
■ Classified Advertising: Call 478-987-1823 between the ’
hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. You can fax
an ad 24 hours a day to 478-988-9194.
■ Delivery by mail: Delivery by mail is available for in and out
of county. Call 987-1823 for rates.
■ POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: 1210
Washington St. Perry, GA 31069
■ The Houston Home Journal, is a periodical, mailed (ISSN
1526-7393) at Perry and is published Wednesday and
Saturday for S4O per year by Evans Newspapers Inc., 1210
Washington St., Perry, GA 31069; 478-987-1823 Fax 478-988-
1181. Not published Thanksgiving and Christmas.
■ Main office hours: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday
■ NEWS TIPS: Call 478-987-1823 Ext. 231 or 234; Newsroom
Fax: 478-988-1181
■ Corrections: The HHJ strives for fairness and accuracy, and
will print a correction or clarification when one is in order.
■ Advertising errors and omissions: The advertiser agrees
that the publisher shall not be liable for damages arising from
errors in advertisements beyond the amount paid for the space
actually occupied by that portion of the advertisement. There
shall be no liability for non-insertion of any advertisement
beyond the amount paid for such advertisement.
HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL