Newspaper Page Text
♦ WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2008
4A
OPINION
Spending habits: Inherited trouble?
How to keep tough financial times from straining your marriage
uestion: What is the number
I I one cause of conflict in a mar
riage? Answer: Money.
Any Spouse who has had an argu
ment over a bank account balance
will tell you that household finances
can cause serious marital discord. Yes,
most married couples list money as
the biggest source of conflict in their
relationship and one of the primary
reasons they break up, according to
Dr. Dorree Lynn author of Marriage
And Money.
And in an economy as volatile as
ours, the chances of financial stress in
a marriage are even higher.
Why does money generate such a
visceral response? One reason is that
we usually hold our view of appropri
ate financial management very deeply
- often as a result of the way we were
raised. Our parents provided the exam
ple of appropriate money management
from our earliest years, for good or
bad. We grew up thinking mom and
dad were the norm with the way they
managed their finances.
And though we may know better
now, our view of money is ingrained
in us.
Some grew up with the idea that
long-term financial security is the very
reason for working hard now. They
hate the thought of being in debt. They
shop for bargains ... to an extreme.
They clip coupons.
Others watched their parents use
money and possessions to prove their
significance and status. They earn
money so they can spend it. Their
motto - “You can’t take it with you.”
Unconcerned about accruing debt,
they view bargain hunting as a waste
of time. They are more likely to spend
their bonus on a new boat or a French
manicure than to put it into savings.
So, what happens when “spenders”
and “savers” marry? It happens a lot,
"We've got the Christmas lights up,
the presents are bought and wrapped, the cards are sent.
...Looks like we're ready for Thanksgiving !"
Reckon Vince Dooley will autograph ns?
Hey, Y’all,
We goin’ over to the
Mistletoe Market on Friday
an’ try to sneak in an’ see Coach
Vince Dooley an axe him what he can
to ‘bout stoppin’ them makin’ foot
balls outta pigskins.
Course we gone be real polite cause
it ain’t his fault, an’ we wanta axe
him to autograph us, too.
Las’ week I was sayin’ 80-Diddley
was getting’ all excited thinkin’ they
was gon’ teach pigs to fly out at the
airport, an’ he was gon’ get to go live
in Alaska.
We been hearin’ they was gon’ have
this big Pigs ON Wings thing, but it
turns out its Pigs AND Wings, and
they ain’t gon’ teach no pigs to fly.
They gon’ be barbecuin’ again. This
time it’s gon’ be our kinfolks plus
chickens.
Ain’t them folks ever heard of tuna
fish?
This ain’t gon’ be until Dec. 5, so
we got time to be makin’ a plan of
attack. We been thinkin’ bout makin’
us one of them hot air balloons an’
flyin’ over an’ droppin’ sumpin’ on
all them barbecuers. Like maybe
sawmill gravy.
Either that or lay low. We ain’t
decided yet, an we got more things on
Randy
Hicks
Columnist
Georgia Family Council
because, after all, opposites do attract.
Or, what if two spenders unite in
holy matrimony? Are they destined for
bankruptcy court? And will two savers
get married and live penny-pinching
fives trying to out-save each other?
Let’s look at the kinds of real-life
conflicts that can occur in marriage
around the issue of money.
The first and biggest problem mar
ried couples face comes from a failure
to communicate.
Some couples will talk about sex
more readily than they will reveal
their attitudes and mistakes regarding
money. Without knowing how the other
views money and prioritizes expen
ditures, they can neither understand
nor respect each other’s method of
handling money. Their lack of commu
nication breeds distrust of the other’s
financial astuteness.
A friend of mine and his wife served
as mentors to an engaged couple, Joe
and Sara (names have been changed to
protect the guilty). Joe and Sara were
attending premarital counseling when
their mentors took each aside to talk
privately about money. Joe admitted to
my friend that he had $30,000 of debt
in student loans that he had not men
tioned to his fiance.
Simultaneously, Sara revealed to my
friend’s wife that she had $70,000 of
student loans and had likewise planned
to wait until after their marriage to
tell her fiance. Imagine - SIOO,OOO in
undisclosed debt this couple would
Porky's
Ponderings
porky@evansnewspapers.com
our minds for the time bein’.
We put on disguises an’ got into
the new grocery store over on Perry
Parkway the first day it was open,
an’ had a good run-aroun’ an’ borried
some cabbage and’ some nanners.
We was wearing flowerdy dresses an
big straw hats an’ sunglasses, so you
mighta seed us an’ just thought we
was from Dodge County or sumpn.
Bout this time of year, we feelin’
good even if we do know that some
no-good folks only thinks of us as
barbecue.
Ain’t nobody as happy as a hog
durin’ the holidays.
We feelin’ purty safe ‘bout sta
yin’ in the Spec Buildin’ through
Thanksgivin’ an’ Aunt Porky Lou
said if we’d catch her a wile turkey,
she’d cook it up with an’ collard
greens an’ cornbread an’ tater pie.
Course she says this ever year right
have to work through together. It was
a stunning blow to this relationship.
To keep money from tearing at your
relationship, discuss financial issues
regularly. Set aside a time to talk and
figure out how you view money as a
couple. Some couples find it effective to
make an appointment to have coffee or
breakfast out on a Saturday morning
just so they make sure to cover all the
important details without the children
overhearing. (The cost of a babysitter
is well worth it, believe me.)
I once heard a wife say, “My husband
always brings up finances late in the
evening, when I have no energy left to
talk about it. Then I fie awake half the
night working through the numbers he
just threw out tome.” Set aside time to
talk in an environment that works for
both of you.
Determine how you can improve
upon your parents’ financial practices.
Decide how much you will save per
year. Discuss your material priorities.
If the wife’s material goal is a better
home, she will be furious over her hus
band’s decision to spend bonus money
on a new BMW. (He should avoid con
flict by knowing her priorities before
buying.) Know how your spouse feels
about credit cards, investments and
IRAs.
Once you know how your spouse
regards money and why, you can take
several steps to prevent actions that
lead to conflict and distrust. Set a
household budget and develop a sav
ings plan. Never buy expensive items
without your spouse’s knowledge
and agreement, and decide with your
spouse how much an item must cost to
be “expensive.”
If you and your spouse cannot
agree on how to spend luxury money,
consider creating a “luxury budget”
and splitting it into equal accounts
See HICKS, page 6A
fore Thanksgivin’ an’ we ain’t never
caught no wile turkey yet, but this
year we goin’ over toward Macon
County where they got more woods
left, an’ we gon’ set us up some
traps.
80-Diddley’s been practicing his
turkey call.
We gone have a good time tryin’ to
trap a turkey, but them turkey’s is
purty smart an’ I ain’t countin’ on it.
We prolly gone’ wind up goin’ round
to Miss Millie Cotton’s case an’ seein’
what she’s got leftover. As long as
Aunt Porky Lou makes the tater pie,
that’s Thanksgivin enough.
Course we always thankful at
Thanksgivin’ time no matter what
we get to eat, cause we so glad we
ain’t bein’ ate. That’s cause them
pilgrims cooked a turkey instead of
roastin’ one of our ancestors, which
woulda made us the main course, an’
that we’d have to hide
out for all of November ever year
from then on.
Course Chrismus is cornin’ up too,
an’ we really love Chrismus.
Anybody know where we can get
three Santy Claus suits?
"One voice can make a difference"
It's beginning to look a lot like
Christmas always
A major retailer was having a sale. Its com
mercial ran on TV. You might have seen it. It
had no “live" actors but instead consisted of
backdrops with their products and prices listed.
The backdrops in turn were reds and greens and
had cute little snowflakes scattered about them.
Very lovely. Very festive. Which would have been
great had it not been Nov. 9 when it was shown
and that the sale was for “Veterans Day”!
And so it goes.
Every year we move closer to: “Every day is
Christmas”.
Now it stands to reason advertisers are not
going to let up. Would you? Would you tell Circuit
City that they should? No, this is their profession.
It’s how they put toys under the Christmas tree
for their children, among other things. Sure they
might could balance it out a bit but they do live
somewhat in a cut-throat world. There’s always
going to be that one which will not play by the
rules.
So, they’re going to do what they need to do to
survive, but what about us?
Shouldn’t we individually be able to control
our own actions and how we respond in kind?
Shouldn’t our cities? Shouldn’t our churches?
Granted there are some good things that prob
ably need to get an early jump on the season to
be successful. Toys for Tots might be one.
But should we be seeing Christmas decora
tions like on the corner of North Davis Drive and
Watson Blvd., in Warner Robins (as well as west
down across from the EDIMGIAFAD hedges)
- three weeks out from Thanksgiving (at least)?
In particular, right across the street from flags
hung to observe Veterans Day.
Should we be seeing a standard department
store lighted nativity scene in front of one of our
church’s in Centerville at the same time?
Yes, in our opinion (and we could speculate this
figured into their way of thinking) there are about
a million too many Santa Clauses and every bit
that many too little baby Jesus’, but this is a war
they can’t win. Unfortunately.
Things will just keep getting pushed back (or is
it “up”) more and more until we’re into the Fourth
of July. You know, with all its traditional reds and
greens as well.
- Don Moncrief/for the Editorial Board
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
One says: WR City Council's actions failed
'smell test'
Regarding Saturday’s Letter to the Editor regarding
Warner Robins Mayor Donald Walker returning to
work: When the Warner Robins City Council signed a
letter requesting Walker take a six-month medical leave
of absence to get his heel attended to, they used an
See LETTER, page $A
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