Newspaper Page Text
Cool Request.
Siranger (to editor)—ll dropped in
this morning to gee you in regard to
placing an advertisement in——
Country Editor (rubbing his hands)
~-Yes, s#ir; be seated, sir.
Stranger-—1 llke your paper. 1 like
its principles, and the bold stand it
takes on the subject of temperance,
Ond——
Country Editor—You will find our
rates for advertising as low ag——
Stranger—l like its independence,
its attitude respecting the sacredness
of the Sabbath, its fight for the poor
and lowly, and its fearless denuncia
tion of the rich and the mighty,
ig——
Country Editor—TYes, sir, an ad
placed in our paper will be read by
thous——
Stranger—ln ‘excluding from your
columns, sir, everything of a sensa
tional nature, or that which can not
be read by every member of the
household without bringing the man
tling blush of shame, you set an ex
ample, sir, to the newspapers of this
country that can not but bear fruit,
and——
Country Editor—Well, about that
advertisement you were——
Stranger—The mission of your
journal, sir, is a noble one. “Up
vard and onward” is a glorious sen
timent. In putting aside all sordid
thoughts of gain, and battling for
truth and justice alone, you elevate
your paper, sir, to the highest realms
of journalism, and——
Country Editor—About how much
space will your advertisement occu
py?
Stranger—Well, I am not quite pre
pared to say this morning, 1 hap
pened to be passing through your
beautiful lktle town, and I thought I
would step in and get your rates. If
you will kindly state in your next Is
sue that Mr. Obediah R. Tomlinson,
the transatlantic lecturer of world
wide fame, spent a few hours in town
last week and made us a pleasant call,
and send me a marked copy of the
paper, 1 shall be very much obliged
to you, sir. Good morning.
Post-Haste Impressionism.
It was a wet afternoon, which ac
counted for the large number of peo
ple to be found in the local art gal
lery.
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson de Jones,
from the suburbs, tried hard to look
as though they were enjoying them
selves, and, as there was no way ol
seeing whether it had stopped rainiog
outside, went steadily from one room
to the other. .
Suddenly their attention was ar
rested by a picture of two dogs scam
pering across an open moor. :
“Why, Albert,” said Mrs. J. de
Jones, “if that further dog isn't the
image of our Spot!”
“Why, so he is!” ejaculated Albert.
“What's the picture called?”
“It says ‘Two Dogs After Land
gecr. But where's Landseer?”
But Albert was not in the habit of
giving anything away.
“Why, my dear,” said he, patroniz
ingly, “this is one of those problem
pictures we have heard so much about
lately!”
Only Natural.
“Speaking of animals, in my opin
ion the elephant is the cleverest of
them all,” said the old circus man. "I
remember once, many years ago, when
Jacko, who was then under my charge,
showed me one day that he could
read.”
“Oh, come now,” said the listener.
“I'll prove it to you in about two
minutes ” said the trainer. “Well, as
1 was saying, the old fellow got into
a scrape with the Bengal tiger, and
before we could get them separatel
he had his trunk badly damaged. Aft
er the scrimmage was over Jacko
broke loose and staried down the
street fast. ‘He's going wild,’ some
body shouted. ‘Don’t you believe it,’
sayvs I. Now, where do you suppose
that elephant went to?”
“Went to the surgeon’s, I suppo:e.
Can’'t you get up a better yarn?”
“No; he didn't go to the surgeon’s.
He went straight to a little shop
where a sign said, ‘Trunks repaired
while you wait.’ Of course, he had
made a mistake. But what do you ex
pect of a poor dumb brute?”
Of Inferior Quality.
Clarence was very angry: so much
s 0 that the shopwalker thought it
time he went to the assistance of the
young lady behind the counter.
With his best professional smile, he
gpproached the angry fop,
*1 hope nothing supplied to you by
this establishment has given you dis
satisfaction, sir?”’ he asked.
‘My dear thir—dithatithfaction! 1
jo!lly well know it hath!"
“What is your complaint, sir?”
“My complaint is thith—l bought a
book here thome time ago, and it
ithn't what I thought it wath. I don't
like it.”
“What is the matter with it, sir?
It seems in good condition.”
“What'th that got to do with it?
The heroine—who, I will thay, ith a
topping girl—goeth and marrieth a
man who wearth woolen thockth and
carrieth a thick walking thtick in the
summer; tho 1 want my money back
thith minute!”
The Weekly Georgh
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Stars and Stripes
As a graceful compliment, why
not call the new America Cup de
fender the “Canal Boat?"
- L
Massachusetts eugenic mar
riage bill may work all right if
amended to include mothers-in
law.
» * * *
_Texan jailed for having sixteen
wives is likely to meet with the
ill luck of having one of them
bail him out.
* * *
A man afraid of earning more
than his salary never earns the
salary.
* * *
If a married woman pays much
attention to her husband's folk
when out in compuany it is a sign
that she has not been married
long. B
* » *
When we criticise the cook we
are not very hungry.
iv * -
(Good luck that you walit for
generally comes by slow freight,
* - -
It takes a big pile of chips to
ganible in modern politics.
* * -
It is seldom that a man can be
a reformer and hold down a good
job at the same time.
- * *
Do not hanker for the dead
men’'s shoes. The chances are
they would be too large for you.
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+ THE GEORGIAN’S