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~ Wnich Is Our Greater Enemy—
Huerta, Who Mocked Our Diplomacy, Defied Our Government and Permitted Our Flug to Be
lnsulted‘ OR Villa and Carranza, Under Whose Banner American Men Are Slaughtered,
American Women Are Oufwrgye’({ ?L\‘d‘ “}r:\el;isfin Property Is Destroyed ?
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o Up-to-the-Minute Jokes ® I
The family were very hard up, had .
suffered months of privation, and had
received many hard lessons in- do
mestic economy, when another little
stranger arrived.
. “You have a new baby sister,” the
father told the youngest member of
the family. “Don't you think that's
nice?” :
“Well,” replied the child, whose
mind traveled back over a long period
of short commons, “I suppose it's all
right, but it seems to me there's a lot
of things we need a good deal more!”
.. . -
It was their first venture at shoot
ing, and they were dreadfully keen.
Suddenly Casey spotted a bird, and,
taking careful aim, prepared to fire
the fatal shot. Then Pat seized him
by the arm, frantically. 3
“For mercy’'s sake, don't fire, Ca
sey!” he yelled . "“Sure, an' ye've for
gotten to load yer gun!”
“That's as may be, my lad"” re
torted Casey, “but fire I must, Be
gorrah, the bird won’t wait!”
* - -
Billy, while being reprimanded by
his teacher for some misdemeanor,
sat down, leaving her standing.
. * *
She reminded him that no gentle
man should “seat himself while the
lJady with whom he was conversing
remains standing.
# “But this is a lecture,” replied Billy,
“and I'm the audience.”
- * -
Vigitor (consolingly to Tommy, who
has upset a bottle of ink on the new
carpet—Tut, my boy, there’s no use
crying over spilt milk.
Tommy—Course not; any duffer
knows that. All you've got to do is
AGENTS—Hot weather is here. .Make
$5O per week selling Imperial Self-Heat
ing Irons. Every housewife wanis one.
Gardner Flat Iren Co., Memphis, Tenn.
THE GEORGIAN’'S NEWS BRIEFS
to call in a cat, and she’ll lick it up;
but this don’t happen to be milk, an’
mother’ll do the licking,
- » -
Grocer—What do you mean by
sending me only twelve ounces of
steak when I send for a pound?
Butcher—Oh, I don't know; but
il tell you what I did. I lest my
pound weight, and so used one of your
.pound packages of tea instead.
. > *
A female lion tamer, soung and
fair, beckoned to a big lion, and it
came and took a piece of sugar out of
her mouth. Sy
BEND_ DPERE We s v o
. “Why, 1 could do that trick!” ex
claimed a gentleman in the front row.
“You?’ retorted the fair performer.
“Certainly,” said the young man,
“just as well as the lion”
Britzmnn’s Evidence.
In one of the courts a case required
the testimony of a young German
immigrant.
“Now, Britzmann,” said the lawyer
for the plaintiff, “what do you do?”
“Ah vos pretty vell” replied the
witness, j
“] am not inquiring as to your
health, 1 want to know what you do.”
“Vorkl” |
“Where do you work?" continued
the counsel. .
“In a vactory.”
“What_kind of a factory?’ 1
“It vog a bretty big vactory.” -
“Your honor,” said the lawyer,
turning to the judge, “if this goes on
we'll need an interpreter.” -
Then he turned to the witness
again.
“Now, Britazmann, what do you
make in the factory?” he asked.
“You vant to know vot 1 make in
der vactory?”
. “Exactly, Tell us what you make?”
“Fifteen dollars a veek.”
Then the interpreter got a chance
to ears his daily bread. ‘
| ® Taboid Tales _ o
By FRANCES L. GARSIDE,
What, Mother Dear, is meant by
that term, “Icy contempt?”
It is the expression, Little One, that
comes into the eyes of the mother of
many children when she sees a wom
an kissing a dog.
‘Why, dearest Mother, do you insist
that a strap hang behind every
kitchen door since parents no longer
whigflthelr children?
. True, Child, but the day is rapidly
drawing near when children will be
looking for a strap to whip thelr
parents.
1 notice, Mother, that when. a guest
arrives 'with a trunk at the home of
Mr. Jinks, he takeg his small son
aside and whispers to him. Is he
cautioning him to be good?
Ah, Daughter, you do not know the
men. He is asking of his son, “Have
you found out how long she intends
to stay?”
‘What, Mother, was in the paper last
evening that made Mrs. Jinks . s 0
happy, and Mr, Jinks so mad?
A soclety notice, Little One, men
tioned Mrs. Jinks as "Miss ‘Maud
Jinks' mother,” and in the same
paper there was a reference to Mr.
Jinks as “the father of Horace Jinks.”
‘What, Mother, is meant by “Every
cloud has a silver lining?"’
‘When father is a widower, Dear,
and dies very wealthy, the gilver lin
ing to the cloud is that he hadn’t
married a second time.
~ Why, Mother, is there so Htle sym
pathy for Pa when he gets sick?
Because, Child, man ig 8o inconsid
erate as to always get sick 4t the
wrong time, deliberately choosing
those occasions when there is a dress.
maker in the house, housecleaning
going on, or invitations out for &
party,
‘What M:.Lcer, does a woman mean
when she g:* “Isn’t that just like
the men?”
Anything, anything, Child, so it is
uncomplimentary.
What, Mother, i# meant by indeter
minate sentence?
It is talked about openly, Child,
when a judge sentences a prisoner
and thought of and nothing sald when
a preacher marries a couple.
What, L‘other, is meant by saying
there is a difference hetween a
mother’'s and a father's sympathy?
+« A father's sympathy for a child in
pain, my Dear, depends upon if he
ever had a pain like it, but a moth
er's sympathy doesn’'t depend on any~-
thing.
Why, Mother, do you laugh when
reading of the latest marriage en
gagement reported from the White
House?
Because it +ghows, Daughter, that
even the President of the United
States, with an army and navy at his
command, is as powerless as a hod
carrier when his daughter .wants to
make a marriage to which he is op=-
posed.
What, Mother, is Sympathy?
It is that sentiment, Child, the ex=
pression of which gives a neighbor
the right to visit the home of the
bereft and poke into every corner.
What, Mother, lis meant by “a
one is as wise as an owl?”’
It means, Child, that one does his
carousing at night when there is no
one awake to see, and looks wise and
guperior in the daytime,