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The Red and Black • Thursday, April 5, 1990 • 7
The Lady versus the gentleman in a ‘friendly’ one-on-one:
One masochistic sportswriter’s quest for punishment
By CHRIS LANCETTE
Sports Writer
Masochism. I wanted pain. I found it. Her
name is Lady Hardmon.
She’s Georgia’s 5-foot-10 point guard and is
considered one of the fastest players in all of
women’s basketball. I’ve heara some guys say
they don’t go to women’s games because the la
dies don’t play like we burly men do. I wanted
to experience firsthand how fast Hardmon is.
I asked Coach Andy Landers after a practice
before the Arkansas game if I, on behalf of the
entire male gender, whom women let believe
rule all we survey, could guard her in a little
one-on-one.
He laughed.
“You want to guard Lady,” he asked, making
sure he heard me correctly. The guys I play ball
with say I’m pretty fast; I wanted to give it a
shot. I figured she’d blow by my 5-foot-9 self,
but I just had to see how fast she really is —
from the court instead of the press table.
Imagine my dilemma.
Landers feeds her the ball deep in the left
wing. She has a big grin on her face suggesting
she’s almost sorry for what she’s about to do. I
stand several feet from her, on my toes, ready
to pounce. Coach tells me to quit cheating and
move up. I step up cautiously, telling Landers
that know I know Lady is about to be behind
me, maybe even dunking the ball.
I’m right. Shake, bake, later, she makes
lightning look slow and is on her way down the
lane. I try to catch up. I think I’m OK. She goes
up. I’m up for the block. Smack! I wait for the
whistle.
'That’s pretty good,” Landers says shee
pishly. “At least you’re quick enough to foul
her.”
I want more.
Landers feeds her the ball back in the wing.
I’m staring into her eyes, thinking I can read
them. She dribbles and takes one step to her
Chris
Lancette
right and I cut in front of her. I’m so
proud...until I notice her cutting left and
double-pumping her way to the glass. Rend her
eyes? Right. I have dyslexia.
Landers is loving it. I am too, driven by fas
cination.
Lady. Left wing. Third time. I’m gonna’ stop
her at least once, I tell myself. I get in her face.
She keeps her pivot foot down and fakes 16 dif
ferent ways. I aidn’t quite buy any of them. She
starts to shoot the jumper. I jump as quickly
I feel like a dumb cow waiting
to be hit on the head by a meat
packer.
and highly as my little 27-inch vertical leap will
take me.
Oops. Seventeen.
She goes horizontal, driving for what I
thought would result in a why-are-you-so-far-
behind-me slam dunk. She lays in a finger roll
— perhaps she doesn’t want to make the report
er/pseudo hoopster look too bad.
Landers feeds her again.
She leans over, passing the ball between her
legs in some sort of figure-eight fashion,
waiting for me to reach. Not this time. She
slows the figure eight. I feel like a dumb cow
waiting to be hit on the head by a meat packer.
I couldn’t resist. Like a naive child already
burned by the stove, I reach in for the steal.
She’s gone.
The fast-talking, joke-cracking, high-flying,
Jordan-emulating speedster zips by me a few
more times. I manage to get my hand on the
ball a couple of times, but I can’t stop it because
she keeps going higher into the Coliseum air
space after I reach my cruising level.
But I still want one last dose of hoops mas
ochism.
This is my last chance, I tell myself. Landers
gives her the ball back in the left wing. I think
111 cut off the baseline completely, make her go
to her right, be there when she does, and win
one for the gender. But suddenly I feel this
gentle breeze dancing on my skin and look over
my right shoulder to see Lady playing another
chorus of string music.
“Je-sus,” I say, my jaw drooping down to the
hardwood. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve
ever seen," I tell Georgia intructor and pupil. I
thought I was standing on the baseline and
that it would be physically impossible for Lady
to go anywhere but right. I simply can’t figure
out how she got by me.
Did Scottie beam her up?
I ask another Georgia guard, Kim Berry, if
she can stop Lady. “Sure, I’ll show you,” she
says, running on to the court to trap her in the
comer. Lady makes a real slow move and Kim
takes her rock.
Real funny.
It’s time to go. Lady heads for the dressing
room. I thank her for her time, shoot a few more
hoops and think about what has just taken
place.
While I’m no Spud Webb, I think, the point is
made. Lady is awesome. So is women’s basket
ball.
TOTALLY AWESOME: Georgia women's basketball star
Lady Hardmon shows off her court power.
CLUB SPORTS DIGEST
CLUB SPORTS DIGEST
CLUB SPORTS DIGEST
Editors Note: In an effort to provide more comprehensive sports cov
erage, this space will be filled every Thursday with news from the club
sports here at the University. Each team is responsible for reporting the
happenings within its club to The Red and Black Sports Department.
Space permitting, Copy will be run on a first-come, first-serve basis.
Aikido
The Aikido Club meets every Monday and Wednesday night at 7 in the
Martial Arts Room of Stegeman Hall. Anyone interested in learning
about the self-defense discipline is invited to attend a meeting, or call
John Dixon at 549-5557 for more information.
Badminton
The Badminton Club meets Sunday evenings at 7 in the women’s phys
ical education building and is open to all interested students. For more
information call 542-4025.
Tae Kwon Do
The Tae Kwon Do Club meets tonight from 6 to 8 in the Martial Arts
Room of Stegeman Hall. Beginners are invited to attend. For more in
formation call Jane Marshall at 549-0083.
Register now for springtime sports
By ROBERT McDONALD
Sports Writer
It’s that time again.
Sign-ups for intramural softball,
indoor soccer, and tennis will be
held next Thursday and Friday in
Memorial Hall.
Registration fees for softball and
soccer are $25 per team and sign
up times are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on
Thursday and 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. on
Friday.
Intramural director Kim Ko
lesnik said she anticipates the
spring sports to attract a lot of in
terest.
“Numbers were down last
quarter because sign-ups were the
first week of school and a lot of stu
dents missed out,” she said.“This
quarter we have a week-and-a-half
before sign-ups.”
Kolesnik said that a total of 260
softball teams are expected to sign
up in the men’s, women’s, co-ed
and faculty staff divisions.
‘That works out to 650 games a
season, and that’s a lot,” she said.
An umpire officials’ organiza
tional meeting will be held
Thursday April 12 at 4 p.m. in
Room 141 of the Tate Center.
Kolesnik added that a fence is
being installed between fields one
and two at the intramural fields.
Last season, balls hit from field
two often interrupted play on field
one. The fence should be up by
opening day, Kolesnik said.
An organizational meeting for
all sports will be held on
Wednesday at 5 p.m. in Memorial
Hall. Opening day for softball is
Monday April 18.
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