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TRENDS jMoniay, ]une 1/Page IS
College Relationships
By rfbecca burnaugh
/ met my first college friend at orientation
the summer before our freshman year
f lizabeth's last name started with an A,
mine with a B, so we were in the same
group We were inseparable for the two
days, at first from necessity, but later
because we truly had much in common The
week before classes I saw Elizabeth in the
cafeteria and found myself pouring out my
roommate troubles to her. I got a room
transfer and moved in with her. As the
quarter progressed, we both got involved on
campus and made new friends, but we were
still best friends. One of us never came
home from a date without finding the other
waiting up to hear everything. One never
wrote a paper that the other did not critique.
We had one fight the entire year — when she
found out I was moving into my sorority
house the next fall, and we wouldn't be able
to live together. I assured her that we would
still be friends, but she insisted that it
wouldn't be the same. Unfortunately, she
was right. Two years later, we still see each
other, but infrequently. We've taken two
classes together, and I visit her in our old
dorm room when I have some free time on
campus. We still have a lot in common, and
we can talk about anything, but our lives are
no longer connected. We have both uridened
our circle of friends, leaving less time for that
old relationship.
This pattern of friendship is not
uncommon among college students. The
very atmosphere of college promotes brief,
intense friendships mixed with a large
number of acquaintance relationships.
Students meet an incredible number of
people in classes, in organizations, in their
apartment or dorm, at parties and bars, who
they may consider friends more out of
circumstance than of real intimacy. On the
other hand, the freedom of college can also
permit people to spend a great deal of time
together, time necessary to form close
relationships.
College students "have a lot of
acquaintances, not necessarily more
friends. They have not yet learned that some
relationships are merely
acquaintanceships," said Dr. Michael Slavit,
counseling psychologist with the University's
Counseling and Testing Center in Clarke
Howell Hall. He has developted a scale for
ranking levels of social contact, ranging from
social recognition to intimate friendship. The
difference between acquaintances and
friends is that acquaintances sptend time
together "when circumstances make it
convenient," while friends spend time
together "by choice and by prior
arrangement." At the level of intimate
friendship, "even deepest feelings may be
shared without fear of rejection." This is a
level usually attained by best friends.
Students themselves revealed interesting
trends in their friendships In general, they
did grasp the difference between a friend
and an acquaintance.
University student Deena Holland, 21,
said "a friend is someone you can talk to and
trust — someone you can share with.
Sharing is the difference."
However, when asked how many friends
they had, the answer ranged from 20 - 60.
"For someone of college age to have 50
friends, it wouldn't be true under my
definition," Slavit said.
All those interviewed, however, agree that
they have more friends in college than ever
before.
"1 definitely have more friends now," said
University student Kim Keheley, 21. "My
friendships in college are more lasting and
serious."
University student Hal Russell, 21, insists
he has "better friends in college —closer
friends " A member of a fraternity, he
considers "this brotherhood one of the
closest bonds ever. There's not one guy I
wouldn't do anything for and vice versa."
Popular psychology tells us, from earliest
childhood, males and females have different
kinds of friendships Females are more likely
to have best friends with whom they share
thoughts and feelings, while males tend to
have a larger circle of friends based on
group activities. Men are usually less
comfortable revealing their emotions to other
men, esp>ecially men with whom they feel
competitive.
Many of the men interviewed were unable
to explain what made another man a friend.
They said their friends were guys who
played the same spxrrts or had similar career
goals and social views. Male students were
also much more likely to hang out with other
students from their hometown or high school
than were females. Surprisingly, they all
mentioned a woman as one of their better
friends.
While all women listed at least one male
friend, they still felt closer to their female
friends.
"With men I talk more about everyday
things. I don't get into confidences. I do that
with my females friends," University student
Christine Hoffman, 21, said.
University student Lynn Cordaro, 21, asks
men "why they think the way they do, and
how they would react to things I do if they
were dating me With girls, I'm looking more
for an objective analysis of myself — the
things they see that I don't see."
One of the barriers to intimate friendship
between the sexes is the possibility of a
romantic relatioaship. The women
interviewed were much more conscious of
sexual tension in their male/female
friendships than were the men.
"If you have guy friends, you start to see
all their good qualities. They give you
emotional support, and sometimes you want
to share more with them, but sex can end a
friendship," Holland said.
Dr. Slavit believes men and women can
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