Newspaper Page Text
November, 1922
THE ATLANTIAN
2 V
Mrs. Zeke Humphrey—Why ain’t
you and Mrs. Abner Mudge on speak-
in 1 terms no more?
Mrs. Henry Hackett—She listened in
on the telephone the other night while
I was talkin’ to Mrs. Peters.
THE MEANEST MAN IN THE
WORLD.
He plants rubber worms in his front
lawn.
—Dartmouth Jack o’ Lantern.
She—-Did you do well in your anat
omy quiz?
He—Not so much. I said there were
seventeen verttbrae in the spinal col
umn, but L find these new ballroom
styles have uncovered a couple more—
Denison Flamingo.
“She confided to me that many had
tried to kiss her. and none had suc
ceeded. But lately, she said, she had
become rather curious to know what
it is like.”
“Weren’t you surprised at that?”
“Well, it gave me quite a start.”—
Princeton Tiger.
Teacher (to class in natural his
tory)—What kind of birds are fre
quently kept in captivity?
Tommy—Jail mirds. — Christian
Sun.
Tall One—Oh, Mr. Small, what do
you miss the most since you moved
into the suburbs.
Small One—The trains.
“Physical culture, father, is perfect
ly lovely!” exclaimed an enthusiastic
young miss just home from college.
“Look! To develop the arms I grasp
this rod in both hands and move it
slowly from right to left."
“Well, well,” replied dad, admir
ingly, “what won’t science discover
next ? Why, if that rod had straw on
the other end, you’d be sweeping.”—
American Legion Weekly.
LET “PAT DO IT”
510 Courtland St.
“This is the second funeral he’s
looked in on this month. Where does
he get his drag?”
“It’s the old man. He gets passes
for everything.”
The farmer had recently engaged a
Scottish laborer, and placing a cheese
on the breakfast table, told him to help
himself.
When the farmer returned, some
time h|er, he found the man still eat
ing.
“Sandy,” he exclaimed, “you take a
long time to breakfast, don’t you?”
“Aweel,” replied the man, “a cheese
o’ this size is nae sae soon eaten as ye
may think!”—London Telegraph.
THE CALL.
“Extra!” shouted a newsboy in Hol
lywood.
And in a moment he was the center
of a seething mob of supers.—Amer
ican Legion Weekly.
J. Eglar G. F. Haney J. W. L. Benson
W. S. Brown
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White Star Garage
329 and 333 MARIETTA ST.
Ivy 6764
WE REPAIR ANYTHING ON WHEELS
Storage, Washing, Repairing, Welding, Etc.
Good Service, Reasonable Charge
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Stephens & Hawk
INCORPORATED
DRUGGISTS
- TO THE —
NORTHSIDE
ATLANTA, GEORGIA
Hemlock 0255 . Hemlock 0256
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Henry Ford is dismissing any man
in his employ whose breath smells of
liquor. The trouble with this edict is
that it will skip so many chronic
drinkers. Henry should dismiss from
his service any man whose breath
smells of chloroform, varnish, turpen
tine, creosote, or hair tonic. Not many
drinks in these days “smell like
liquor.”
Mike was building a stone wall on a
very swampy piece of land. His friend,
passing by, realizing that a grievous
mistake was being made, hailed Mike
and asked why he built a stone wall
on such a very unreliable piece of soil.
“No sooner will you have it built,”
said he, “than it will topple over.”
“Shure,” said Mike, “all thim things
have been thought of. If you notice,
I am building the wall three feet high
and five feet wide so that when it top
ples over it will be bitter than be
fore.”
Jock Kennedy and Scotty Mac-
Tavish were playing over a new course
for the first time. As they holed out
on the first green Kennedy turned to
Scotty and said:
“Scotty, m’lad, how many strokes
did you take?”
“I’m no’ so sure what I had,” an
swered .Scotty, “but I know you took
six.”
Teacher—Were you sick yesterday?
Tommy—Yes, ma’am! I was sick of
school!
Mother (alarmed)—Why do you
keep Jack in suspense ? Why don’t you
say “yes?”
Daughter (coolly)—I'm just getting
even with him.
Button Edgin, who got packed into
a street car yesterday, reported that
the ride he got was long enough but
not wide enough!
Professor (to class)—Is there such
a thing as absolute nothing?
Student—Well, professor, the Ger
man pfennig is worth about one
ninety-sixth of a mark.
The nickel cigar is back, announces
the newspaper.
That explains a lot and clears up a
mystery. We thought it was a tan
nery.
Helter—Why all the sounds of
mirth and revelry next door? Has a
cook come?
Skelter—No, a visitor has gone.
First Golfer—How many holes has
the Mecklenburg course?
Second Golfer—Twenty.
“Twenty? How’s that?”
“We always play the 19th hole twice,
going and coming.”
A New York policeman was charged
with having taken a bribe of but fifty
cents. It is these cheap men on the
force that play havoc with its morale.