Newspaper Page Text
THE ATLANTIAN
26
November, 1922
i
J. A. BEALL
(Grant Bldg.)
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Cigars
Cigarettes
Tobacco
Books, Papers, Magazines,
Periodicals, Etc.
Light Lunch Soda Water
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WE APPRECIATE YOUR PATRONAGE
Father and son standing in front
of “Teller's” window:
Ingomede—And what does he tell,
Dad, fairy stories?
Dad—You’re right. These days he
does!
Uncle Tom—And what are you
studying to be when you grow up,
Ernest?
Ernest (proudly)—A banker.
“Jane! Lock up everything in the
house at once!”
“Won’t you come and make a four
at bridge, sir?”
“I’m exceedingly sorry, old man, but
I don’t play bridge.”
“You don’t play bridge? Then what
Mary and John, who had been mar
ried but a few years, were having do
mestic troubles. Things were going
from bad to worse and they had de
cided to settle the matter in court.
But Mary had begun to weaken and
very much desired a reconciliation.
Looking out of the window, she notic
ed a pair of horses pulling a dump
cart heavily loaded, “John, I wish we
could pull together as those horses
do.” John replied very meekly, “We
could, Mary, if—we only had one
tongue between us.”
Booth Lady (at church bazaar)—
Won’t you take a chance on this cake
we ai’e going to raffle?
Dyspeptic Gentleman—Madam, I
take a chance on every cake I eat.
The child of a religious mother was
struggling with great dificulty to
thread a needle. Several impatient ex
clamations brought forth a reprimand
from mother: “Ask God to help you,
dear.”
After an interval of continued effort
the child replied, “I did. He said he
couldn’t do it either!”
Little Doctor L., who has just taken
up the game, came into the locked
room and joined the group at the 19th
hole.
"How you cornin’, Doc?” he was
asked.
“Well, I played ten on the first, and
twelve on the second,” he replied in
his perky way, “and then on the third
I blew up.”—S. B. Lindsay, Marion,
Ind.
Salesman—Pardon me, sir, I have
an attachment for your typewriter.
Manager—Well, don’t bother her
during working hours.—Notre Dame
Juggler.
Waiter (to irate customer)—We
aim to please.
Customer—Then I’d advise a little
target practice.—Washington and Lee
Mink.
Willie—I looked through the key
hole last night when May’s fellow was
calling on her.
Father—And what did you find out ?
“The electric lamp.” — Michigan
Gargoyle.
An old lady, describing the symp
toms of her ailment to a noted but ec
centric physician, said: “The trouble,
doctor, is that I can neither lay nor
set.”
Whereupon the good old doctor an
swered her thus: “Then, madam, I
would respectfully suggest the pro
priety of your roosting.”
The new minister stopped a little
boy on the street.
“What is your last name, little
boy?” he asked.
“Tommy!”
“Tommy what?”
“Tommy Jones.”
“Then Jones is your last name.”
“No, sir. Jones was my name
when I was born, but sister says I
was riot named (Tom,my until two
weeks afterward.”
Mother—Is your new friend Mar
gery what I would call a nice girl, a
dignified girl?
Fair Undergrad—Oh, yes. Why,
when we have plays we always give
her the maid’s part because nobody
else has good enough manners.—Co
lumbia State.
“What’s the big idea, keeping all this
junk?”
“Junk, Hell! Them are souvenirs.
Can’t a guy treasure a few things to
remember the Great War by?”
Professor—Success, gentlemen, has
four conditions.
Voice from Back Row—Tough luck,
the dean will kick it out of college.—
Oklahoma Whirlwind.
The whole world has gone wrong,
wailed the moralist.
There are not even as many up
right pianos as there used to be.—
Notre Dame Juggler.
LET “PAT DO IT”
510 Courtland St.
How to Get an Education.
Last night Archibald learned that
a straight comes in oftener, but not as
useful as a full house.
Sidney learned that “Little Joe” sel
dom comes when called.
Reuben learned to fox trot.
Harold learned to kiss a girl.
William learned how champagne is
sold.
Jack had a date and learned a lot.
Today, they explained to the dean
that they had spent the night study
ing, and that they had learned their
lessons.—Washington and Jefferson
Wag Jag.
Brother—Where is the paint re
mover ?
Mother—Why ?
“Sister wants something to v|ash
her face with.”—Denver Clarion.
FOUR PATENTED
IMPROVEMENTS
Four patented improvements give Vesta batteries that
extra vitality for which they are famous.
CAN BE USED IN REPAIRING
One of the betterments, ie, Vesta Impregnated Mats,
can be used in repairing any make of battery. Our
contract with the Vesta Accumulator Company permits
us to use them in repair jobs and in many instances the
battery is made to last longer than it did at first.
ALL MAKES $ tnipected and Watered FREE
j Repairing, Recharging
VESTA ELECTRIC & SUPPLY CO.
12 West Peachtree Street
Phones Ivy 2606-2607