Newspaper Page Text
PAGE 2—The Georgia Bulletin, November 13, 1980
Separated And Divorced Catholics Find Support
* mmsm
BY CHRISTOPHER
VALLEY
(Member Ss. Peter and Paul
Parish, Decatur.)
They are men and
women, black and white,
from suburbs and cities.
But they all have one thing
in common. They are
Catholics who are
separated or divorced.
One out of five
Catholic marriages in the
United States ends in
divorce within 15 years.
This compares to a rate of
one out of four
non-Catholic marriages
ending in divorce within
the same time period.
One-half of divorced
Catholics remarry
eventually.
“Legions of Catholics
have felt alienated from
the Church because they
have not felt the support
of the Church as they try
to carry on their lives after
divorce,” said Sandy
Melof, Archdiocesan
Chairman of Separated
and Divorced Catholics
Groups. “Priests have not
been trained to deal with
the pastoral needs of
divorced Catholics until
very recently.”
To remedy this
situation, divorced or
separated Catholics are
forming their own support
groups within their
parishes. “Before we began
to form our own groups,
there was really nothing in
the Archdiocese for
separated or divorced
people to relate to.
Couples have thier
organizations, as do senior
citizens, and teens,” Ms.
Melof points out. “We
needed some vehicle for
coming together to share
and give strength to each
other.”
In the past four years,
some 25 such groups have
begun in the Archdiocese
of Atlanta. Twelve groups
are currently active. About
half are located in the
metro Atlanta area. The
other half are scattered
across north Georgia.
Leadership from these
parish groups meet four
times a year to plan
archdiocesan activities,
such as newsletters, days
of recollection, and an
annual Mass.
Jeanne Mosley, recently
divorced St. John the
Evangelist parishioner and
mother of five, comments,
“It was a fearful thing to
be divorced. The people
I’ve met through the
Separated and Divorced
Catholics Group have
given me great support.
It’s good to be able to
express your feelings with
those who’ve shared
similar experiences.”
Louise Rutland agrees.
A recent convert, Louise
has been divorced seven
years. Two of her three
children are grown; the
third child resides with her
in Clarkston. ‘‘After
Priests from throughout
the Archdiocese will join
Archbishop Thomas A.
Donnellan in concelebrat-
ing a Mass for separated
and divorced Catholics on
Thursday, November 20 at
8 p.m. at Holy Spirit
Church on Northside Drive
in Atlanta. A reception
will follow the Mass. Call
Sr. Lorraine (881-6131)
for more information.
you’re divorced, friends
don’t invite you out
anymore. When they want
to play bridge, they invite
another couple, not a
single person. In our group
we help each other see
that life does go on.”
While remarried
Catholics are welcome to
participate, few do. “Not
all divorced Catholics feel
a need. Those who have
remarried generally only
come to a meeting when a
speaker is discussing
annulments,” notes Ms.
Melof.
There are five types of
people who have,
experienced separation or
divorce, according to Ms.
Melof: 1) people who have
recently divorced or
separated and are still
hurting; 2) those who are
‘‘over the hump,” and
beginning to adjust; 3)
those who have adjusted
to their new lives and can
give support to others; 4)
the happily single or
remarried person; and 5)
those who never adjust.
Vincent Pierotti, IHM
parishioner and father of
two, feels, “These groups
have more appeal for the
newly divorced.”
While Jerry Horton, a
father of eight who has
been divorced seven years,
sees a great value in just
being able to share
communication and a
sense of community with
divorced or separated
people who are Catholic.
‘‘I enjoy it,” says Mr.
Horton, a member of
Saints Peter and Paul
Parish in Decatur. “If I
didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t
be there.”
“I see three groups of
divorced Catholics in the
Church: those with kids
living with them; those
with kids, but not having
custody; and those with
B Y STEPHANIE MA YES
Stephanie Mayes, 30, is a member of St. Mary’s parish
in Rome. She recently wrote a letter to The Bulletin that
began:
“Several years ago I asked a priest if he could give me
the name of someone in a nursing home who wanted a
visitor. He did, and the result was one of the best
friendships I’ve ever had.”
The priest was Father Jim Atkins at St. Mary’s. When
the visits began, “I thought of it as doing a good deed,”
said Ms. Mayes. “But it ended up being a good deed for
me. She became my best friend. I loved her very much
and I still love her.”
The story that follows came in the envelope with
Stephanie Mayes' letter and is the story of that friendship.
When I first saw Frances I was shocked by her thinness.
She stood 5’8” and weighed 62 pounds. The first time I
saw her my attention was so drawn to her weight that it
was hard for me to listen to what she said. As time went
on and I got to know Frances better I ceased to notice
how thin she was. In time, as I came to know the special
beauty of the person who was Frances, her physical
appearance began to take on an awesome beauty. At 5’8”
Frances was.a tall woman. Her chocolate brown skin told
you she was a black woman. Her high cheekbones, silky
skin and proud carriage bore evidence of American Indian
ancestry.
A Woman of Wisdom
Frances had cancer, and the cancer therapy had ruined
her nair, but she had beautiful black wigs that fell to her
shoulders. When she wore one of these wigs with a
headband and Indian dress she looked like an Indian. Her
thinness, shocking at first, blended in with her Indian
dress to give the impression of someone who was
extraordinarily graceful.
Frances loved living. She lived more from her sick bed
than many healthy people live in their whole lifetime.
Whenever I was depressed, all I had to do was go see
Frances and she cheered me up. I remember Frances as a
lady of laughter - gentle, flowing laughter like the quick
waters of a happy stream. Frances was also a woman of
wisdom and a person who loved and gave of herself. Her
eyes were brown and through them shown a light so
bright it lit up her whole being. God shows through some
people as a light, and Frances was one of those people.
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How did Frances affect me? She brought a richness, a
color, a music to my life that was not there before. She
helped me grow. She showed me that a person can enjoy
living in the face of imminent death and daily pain. I guess
you might even say she taught me the way to die
gracefully. Frances and I never discussed death. We made
lots of plans.
Became One
She would go back to live in New York City and I
would come visit her in her apartment, or she would buy a
house here and the two of us would sit and talk, just as we
talked in the nursing home. Frances and I did many things
together. We went to Mass, watched television, went to
movies and just rode about in my car looking at the
countryside. We loved, and talked, and lived, and walked.
We fancied that we were kin, since we are both of
American Indian descent. We wrote and published a poem
together in a newspaper.
In Frances and me, black and white met, mingled and
became one. She told me about her life in New York City,
of what it is like to live in a neighborhood with a Jewish
bakery two doors down and an Italian butcher around the
corner. She spoke of fabulous parties in Greenwich
Village. I told her how it feels to sit upon a fine horse and
look down into painted valleys in the mornings of North
Georgia autumns.
White southerner. Black northerner. Two people from
different background sharing and growing with each
other. One living. One dying. We both started out with
misconceptions, she about white southerners and I about
black northerners. We learned that white southerners and
black northerners are people. Frances learned that while
many people in the south are prejudiced there are many
who are not.
Much More of a Person
I learned that while New York City has crime and
concrete, it still has neighborhoods where people know
and care about each other, and for all its concrete there
are places where trees grow and people sit on doorsteps
and talk to each other. I am much richer, much more of a
person, because I knew and loved Frances.
Frances died in the early spring of 1978. While I was
not with her at the moment of death, I saw her everyday
in the hospital and we both knew she was dying. Because
of Frances’ death, and because I have seen death many
times in both people and animals, I have no fear of my
own death. I look forward to dying because dying is a part
of living.
As a Christian I have spent years thinking about the
purpose of life. I have come to the conclusion that the
purpose of life is to grow. I believe growth starts here and
now and continues for eternity. Perhaps I can best express
the way I feel in an American Indian saying that goes like
this:
In the house of long life, there I wander.
In the house of happiness, there I wander.
Beauty before me . . .
Beauty behind me . . .
Beauty below me . . .
Beauty all around me.
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no children at all. Each has
a different need for
m i n istry from the
Church,” comments Mr.
Horton.
Wherever separated or
divorced Catholics have
asked to start a group,
priests and pastors have
been very supportive.
Some priests attend their
parish group’s meetings
regularly. While others give
their support, “by letting
us do what we see as
needed. Support is shown
in many ways,” notes Ms.
Melof.
The Archdiocese
supports the ministry of
Separated and Divorced
Catholics Groups through
its Office of Religious
Education. Sister Lorraine
Masucci, coordinator of
adult religious education,
assists the parish
. leadership in planning and
carrying out archdiocesan
events.
Such evidence of
concern is greatly
appreciated by Jeanne
Mosley, “Especially when
you’re divorced, you need
to feel the support of the
Church’s family. I’m not
married, but I have five
kids and I’m responsible
for my family. Divorced
people need the Church’s
help in carrying out their
responsibilities.”
Black Northerner - White Southerner
Wisdom
Unites
NEW YORK
(NC) - “Wisdom is
finally breaking
through in the
church in a way that
is bringing men and
women together,”
according to
Rosemary Haugh-
ton, theologian and
author of 30 books
on spiritual growth.
She spoke in a
series of talks on
‘‘Women as
Prophetic Witnesses”
at St. James
Cathedral, Brooklyn,
marking the 600th
anniversary of the
death of St.
Catherine of Siena.
Some 200 persons
attended.
“In our own time
the women’s
movement is much
more than political,”
she commented. “It
is also a movement
of hope in a society
where people should
show compassion for
one another. Now, it
seems, divine
wisdom is coming
into her own. There
is a sense that the
greatest need in our
world is the presence
of the spirit of what
is feminine.”
Often in the past
women in the
church “labored for
the same causes” but
had to do so in
separate organizat
ions because of the
fear of the feminine
in predominantly
male organizations,
Mrs. Haughton said.
“Now divine
wisdom has said she
needs a place to
grow among the
people of God. The
shoots of divine
wisdom are breaking
through in small
places.”
PLANNING PROGRAMS for
divorced and separated Catholics in
the Archdiocese are Sr. Lorraine
(foreground), (1. to r.) Sandy Melof,
Jeanne Mosley, Louise Rutland, and
Jerry Horton.
Letter From A Divorced Catholic
If you are a divorced Catholic, you may
have found it difficult to find the
emotional and spiritual support and
communication you so badly needed
within the Church, and like so many others
in your situation, you may have sought
other avenues of support and growth. I
know because I was one of you . . .
Chances are there is within you a longing
and a feeling that something is still missing
from your life, something more than just
missing a partner, if you are not remarried,
or even if you are. Giving up the Church is
for many of us kind of like giving up a
parent. We might have disagreed with them
a lot, but we do miss them when they’re
gone.
You may not be aware that a lot has
been happening in the Catholic Church
since you’ve been away. It took a long
time, but we are finally coming to
understand and meet the needs of our
divorced and formerly married members. If
you would like to learn more about what is
going on in the Church in these areas, we
invite you to attend a very special “Family
Reunion” - the Family of Christ. We have
missed you!
We will gather on Sun., Nov. 23, from
3-6 p.m. at Immaculate Heart of Mary
School, 2855 Briarcliff Rd., N.E.
You may have grown a lot and learned
some important things while you were
away, and we want to share that with you
and learn from your experiences. But most
of all, we want a chance to share with each
other. You may still feel angry or reluctant
to come around after being away so long,
or you may be just skeptical about
becoming involved again. That’s OK. We’re
not asking for a commitment. We just want
you to feel welcome. This is your home,
and we hope you will come by ... if only
for a visit.
Joan Rubesch
Immaculate Heart of Mary
Miami Voters Curb Bilingualism
MIAMI (NC) - Voters
in Dade County have
approved an ordinance,
questioned by Archbishop
Edward A. McCarthy,
which will limit the
county’s power to use
Spanish in its official
business and prohibit the
use of public funds to
underwrite such cultural
events as Spanish Heritage
Week.
Archbishop McCarthy
had written in a personal
column in The Voice,
archdiocesan newspaper
Oct. 31, that although “I
do not want to be accused
of telling people how to
vote,” he questioned
whether the ordinance
would achieve its stated
goal, unifying the
community.
The ordinance prohibits
“the expenditure of
county funds for the
purpose of utilizing any
language other than
English or promoting any
culture than that of the
United States.” It also
re q uires that “all
governmental meetings,
hearings and publications
shall be in the English
language only.”
The measure will not
affect the teaching of
Spanish in Dade County
public schools.
More than 71 percent
of non-Hispanics voted in
favor of the ordinance,
while about 80 percent of
Latins opposed it. The
measure passed in a 62 per
cent to 38 per cent vote.
John Diaz, president of
Cuban-Americans United,
said his group would file
suit in federal court to
challenge the ordinance’s
constitutionality.
In his column,
Archbishop McCarthy
questioned whether
passage of the ordinance
would really do what its
supporters said it would:
foster unity in the area by
making communication
simpler and protect
English-speaking
Americans from being
deprived of services and
even employment available
only to the bilingual.
Approval might be
interpreted as an
unfriendly gesture to “our
Spanish-speaking brothers
and sisters, thus creating
greater division in the
community,’’ the
archbishop said. “Will the
vote embarrass us before
the nation and before the
cosmopolitan nations in
the modern world?” he
asked.
He suggested also that
the measure might
“discourage the ever
growing Latin tourist
industry and international
commerce becoming more
and more important for
our economy.”
Because it is unclear
what services will actually
be affected by the
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ordinance, the archbishop
questioned whether it
would p revent agencies
from providing to
residents who do not
understand English such
essential services as
hurricane warnings, due
process and judicial
procedings and responses
to emergency police and
fire calls.
‘‘Already the Latin
children and youth prefer
to speak English most of
the time,” he said. “Many
older Latins have mastered
the English language as
well. Would it not be
better to let nature take its
course rather than to
attempt to legislate what
may be the impossible and
leave scars?”
Emmy Shafer of
Citizens of Dade United
led the petition drive that
collected 44,000
signatures in a month to
place the measure on the
ballot. Calling the passage
of the ordinance a “step
forward,” she said, “I
think that the two
communities can finally
exert their best efforts
toward each other. Now
we can really get to work
on communication.”
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