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VIEWPOINTS
Guest Editorial
Recent Victories Give Hint of a
Coming Out: A Parent's Viewpoint
In speaking as a mother of three, a son and two daughters, to profess authority in parenthood
would be an exaggeration. Our family experiences as my children grew into adulthood were
the same as any other family's. My son joined the Navy after graduation, my daughters
attended college. Communication, apparently, was open between us.
Suddenly, my son left the Navy, went West and for no apparent reason, disappeared. Not
knowing of his struggle I envisioned the worst of situations. A year passed and a letter arrived,
a letter which I've kept and read over and over again. He explained he was gay and hoped I
could still love him the way I always had. He had struggled with being gay and with the help of
gay organizations and PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays) had decided to come
out to me. A range of emotions surfaced-shock, fear, failure and anxiety. I did still love him
although I did not understand and called to tell him all this. We both became stronger people as
a result and enjoyed a relationship which was open and honest I know now the risk he took
sharing this secret he had with me. With a lot of support from him, my daughters and friends, I
realized he was the same person he had always been. I got books to read and began to educate
myself.
A year later I found out that both my daughters are also gay. They did not tell me. In
addition to the emotions of total failure, the lack of trust hurt more.
Their explanation for not telling me was not wanting to hurt me further which was
legitimate, as they had supported me through a hard time with my son. However, they also
realized the hurt they caused me from not trusting me with this part of their lives.
The ideal situation would be that each person could share being gay with those they love, but
this is not reality. There is a great deal of risk involved in sharing personal matters with loved
ones, a risk not everyone is prepared to take, nor is there an easy way. However, there is a
responsibility on both sides of die relationship of honesty and trust Parents need to be included
in their children's lives and they cannot be with secretiveness being practiced. Remember, you
may have known you are gay for a long time, but your parents have not They need your
support, understanding and patience. Communication is critical and the best healing force is a
hug.
My children have now been out for five years and their mother has finally come out also. I
have remarried and now have a gay stepson, all of which I am very proud.
There is an organization, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, which helps parents to
understand and offers support through this painful discovery. It promotes acceptance and
education. There are also excellent books on coming out available such as Coming Out to
Parents, Mary Borhek, and Know that You Know, Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward.
-Lauretta Rouse
Lauretta Rouse is the President of P-FLAG Atlanta. PFLAG meets the 3rd Sunday of each
month at 7:30 PM at the Unitarian Universalist Church. For further information call
961-6085.
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National Community
The rallying cry went out like a flash of lightning-call Washington before it's too late. The
NAMES Project Quilt was being kicked out of its allotted space by the National Park Service in
a last minute move. The facts were simple-the only space left in Washington that could hold the
10,000 3' x 6' panels of the AIDS Memorial Quilt had been quietly slipped to a group of
Ukrainian Christians.
It took the Park Service one day to decide they had made a serious mistake. It only took them
one more to fix it and move the Ukrainians.
Individual gay men and lesbians caused the change of heart. No secret back room meetings
took place. No one deferred to negotiators.
We were angry, we were organized, and we won. For those of us who follow and watch the
agonizingly slow progress of the fight for gay and lesbian rights, it was a sweet victory.
Congratulations are due
to both the local chapters
and the national NAMES
| Project core committee
for their sweeping
success.
The nine acre Quilt
will be displayed at the
Ellipse, President Ronald
Reagan's front yard. Can
you say "neighbor?"
But wait-there's more.
It was discovered in
early August that the
Circle K corporation was
going to exclude people
with AIDS, alcohol and
drug addicts, and suicide
survivors from coverage
under their in-house
insurance plan, ironically
called KareChoice. The
nation's second largest
convenience-store chain
took the lead as the gay
and lesbian community's
public enemy #1
overnight
This time leaders in
the gay/lesbian
community surrounding
Circle K's corporate
headquarters in Phoenix
tried negotiation first
When that failed, local
The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt at its innaugural
unfolding in Washington, D.C.
groups hit the streets. It took Circle K five weeks to decide that the money they might save on
insurance had bought them a ticket on the public relations train to hell. They relented and
destroyed the policy.
Victory through action. Not a drop of blood was shed, no one was thrown in jail Although
we suspect that a couple of careers may have been seriously damaged-at the Park Service and
Circle K, that is.
The lessons of the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights keep coming
back and teaching us new things. The motto of the March was "For Love and For Life-We're
Not Going Back." The individuals who protested the treatment of the Park Service and Circle K
put that phrase into action.
We saw ourselves as a national community for the
first time at the March. And it was at the March that
we learned just how powerful we are, and in some
areas, how weak.
If their was ever any doubt in your mind about the
effectiveness of direct action groups, dispel it
Stopping work at the Paik Service and Circle K by
jamming their phone lines with protest calls worked. It
caught their attention, and told them we weren't going
to be treated like victims anymore. More than that, it
told them we weren't afraid of them either.
The fight for gay and lesbian civil rights is not over,
far from it But we are two steps closer.
o
National Park Service Learns to Count
Concerned math educators around the country have breathed a collective sigh of relief, as
their intensive efforts at the National Park Service have finally paid off. The Park Service has
revised their estimate of the number of people at the National March on Washington for Lesbian
and Gay Rights to 650,000-the largest demonstration in the nation's history.
When the Park Service released their initial estimate of200,000 people, national oiganizers
were outraged. Their estimates ranged up to 750,000 using the Park Service's own formulae.
Since that time, the mathematicians have been urging the Park Service to re-examine film
footage of the event Congrats people.