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Page 12
AIDS FOCUS
Living With AIDS:
Counting the Losses
The phone rang the other day as I was
coming in from work. I let the phone ring
for the obligatory four rings it takes for the
answering machine to take control.
"Mark, this is Regina Washington. We
went to high school together. Anyway, I'd
like for you to call be back just as soon as
you can. We've had this emergency here in
town..
I thought quickly. I was there just last
week. It's not a reunion year. I interrupted
her message. "Hi, Regina, it's me. I just
walked in and heard you leaving your
message. What's up?"
Boy, was I surprised! One of our
"football stars" from my senior class had just
died. Guess what. No one had ever known
of his lifestyle. No one knew that another
member of our class was his lover (and lived
with him). No one knew it - and they had
been together since high school. I gathered
details about the funeral service and decided
I just could not attend.
We were about to end the conversation
when she said, "Your mother said something
not too long ago that you work with AIDS
patients or something like that. Is that true?"
She didn't sound shocked (I was the featured
baton twirler for 5 years) but she just didn't
know any other way to ask.
"Not exactly," I said," but I am affiliated
with several organizations in town which are
AIDS-related and I do look after one person
in particular in what we call the 'Buddy
Program.' My Buddy and I are friends like
anyone else and I attend to special personal
needs he may have that no one else can do."
She asked if I would come home some
time and teach our friends about AIDS.
"No one here knows anything except what
the local papers print. When word got out
about Casey, people wouldn't talk to his
family and the funeral home had to call a
Health Sourcebook
Published
The National Lesbian and Gay Health
Foundation has published The Sourcebook on
LesbianIGay Health Care, providing a wide
range of health care information of special
interest to the lesbian/gay community.
Topics include a focus on health care needs
for special populations (rural lesbians and gay
men; people of color, etc.); sections on mental
health and substance abuse; a large section on
AIDS; an exploration of health care issues for
gay/lesbian families; and a section on
sexuality.
The sourcebook will be available soon in
lesbian and gay bookstores for $17.95. For
more information, contact Bea Roman,
NLGHF, Inc., P.O. Box 65472, Washington,
D.C. 20035 or phone (202) 797-3708.
KARE Cards for X-mas
K.A.R.E. stands for Kaposi's And AIDS
Research Effort and is the brainchild of artist
and PWA Cliff Ashmum. K.A.R.E. seeks to
raise money to provide treatments, such as.
aerosolized pentamadine, to those PWAs and
PWARCs who cannot afford them.
An assortment pack containing two copies
each of seven different cards is available for
$25. Send check or money order made out to
K.A.R.E., along with your mailing address, to
K.A.R.E., P.O. Box 52, Fairfield, Connecticut
06430.
mortician from Birmingham just to get him
ready for the funeral. I doubt if many people
will come unless they just want to get a look
at the family's reaction."
I was mad at this point. These are the
same people I grew up with, attended church
with, and
all the
other
things
one does
in the
heart of
rural
Alaba
ma.
How
could
they act
this
way? If
it were
me,
would
they treat my family the same way?
Before my voice started conveying my
feelings, I told Regina that I would have to
get back with her but that I was indeed
interested in giving that talk. I got out my
diary and turned to the page I have reserved
for AIDS casualties in my life. I added
Casey to the list. Now the total number of
people I have known personally has risen to
76. That's 76 too many.
I looked over this growing list of names.
There's my first lover. There's the guy who
taught me how to dance in pumps. There's
the guy who took me to my first gay bar.
There's the lady I worked with at South
Central Bell who wasn't even gay. I hadn't
forgotten any of these people, but I've not
had to add a name since July.
My thoughts turned back to my friends,
PWA Newsletters
A number of newsletters for People with
AIDS/ARC have sprung up around the country
over the past year or so. Some of these are:
ATLANTA-A/ive and Aware, published by
the Atlanta Chapter of the NAPWA. Free to
PWA/ARCs. $20 to support a subscription for a
PWA/ARC. Write A/ive and AwarefHAVW A,
1132 West Peachtree Street, Atlanta, GA
30309. Phone (404) 874-7926.
SAN FRANCISCO-WA Voice, available
free of charge, but a $15 subscription is
requested. To subscribe, write PWA Voice,
2215-R Market Street, #247, San Francisco, CA
94114 or phone them at (415) 626-7827.
DALLAS-fWA Newsline, published by the
PWA Coalition of Dallas. Free to PWAs, or
$25 for a yearly subscription. Make checks
payable to PWA Coalition of Dallas, Box 4338,
Dallas, TX 75208, or phone them at (214) 941
0523.
MINNEAPOLIS-PWA/ive, a newsletter
published by, for and about people affected by
AIDS. PW Alive publishes bi-monthly. Write
them at PW Alive, P.O. Box 6089, Minneapolis,
MN 55406, or phone them at (612) 641-1233.
PHILADELPHIA-We the People, published
by PW A/ARC Phila. Published monthly. Write
We the People, 1216 Walnut Street,
Philadelphia, PA 19107 or phone (215) 545
6868.
WASHINGTON, D.C.-LifeLink Newsline, a
publication of the People with AIDS Coalition
of Washington, D.C., Suite 417,20251 Street,
N.W., Washington, D.C. 20006. Phone (202)
833-3070.
family and acquaintances in that small
Alabama town where I grew up. Why were
they acting so childish? My parents have
always stood as the pillars of that
community. They've always supported me in
my life, choices and activism. Why weren't
they doing something to calm the fears of
these people?
I told mother about Casey. She had just
heard about it 3 hours before. She was just as
surprised as everyone else.
"What
are you
going to
do,
Mom?"
She
paused
fora
moment,
I guess
trying to
figure
out what
I had
"I haven't really thought about it. I guess I’ll
get the usual group from the church and take
food to the family. Is there anything else I
should do?"
After I finished my "sermonette" my
mother was ready to start her own AIDS
organization. I had left enough pamphlets
and literature at their house in the past, so she
gathered that up and called her group from
the First Baptist Church. They were hesitant
(as I expected) but willing to learn. I'm
happy to say that my mother calmed many
fears in that town and has cleared the way for
me to go there to speak to whoever cares to
listen.
While I had her on the phone she asked
about my Buddy. "How's he feeling this
week? Are you going to bring him home for
Thanksgiving?" We talked about him for a
few minutes, then I asked, "Mother, what if
that had been me and not Casey?" "I guess I
would do the same thing fm about to do
now. People need to know the facts so they
can get rid of their fears." (She's been
reading those pamphlets!)
"That's all I needed to hear. Thanks."
I am constantly longing for things and
people to remain unchanged - unharmed. I
thought about my Buddy a lot that night.
"Why am I a Buddy, anyway?" I have this
major problem with letting go. I know I'll
lose him someday, too.
Ours is a very wonderful friendship based
on trust, admiration and determination (not to
mention Big Macs, Diet Pepsi and lots of
hugs). After knowing me for only two
months, he has placed the rest of his life (the
emotional part) in my hands. He's such a
sweet guy - caring, loving and affectionate.
It's just not fair that I’ll have to say goodbye
to him. Our shared belief in a Supreme
Being and life after life-on-earth keeps us
going. We know that we will be reunited
some day after he's gone. I'll be reunited
with those 76, also.
Maybe that is the key to surviving Living
With AIDS. Put your trust and faith in a
power that is greater than your own. Love
the person near you and make their life on
earth as meaningful and pleasant as possible.
Make your own life just as meaningful and
always remember - those whom we might
lose, we will see again someday, soon.
-Mark du Pont
"Living With AIDS" is written by those
personally affected by the AIDS crisis.
PWAs, PWARCs, HIV-positive persons,
their family and loved ones, health care
professionals, teachers, attorneys, and
anyone in the community who has been
touched by this epidemic are urged to
subnut to "Living With AIDS" by writing
Southern Voice, P.O. Box 54719, Atlanta,
GA 30308. The HIV status of any author of
this column, unless specifically stated by the
author, should not be assumed.
Smithsonian to Acquire Panels from the
AIDS Memorial Quilt
The Smithsonian's National Museum of American History will acquire several commemorative
panels collected by the NAMES .Project for its AIDS Memorial Quilt.
The acquisition will take place over a period of time in an effort to document the diversity of
those who have died from Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. The quilt panels will be added
to the collections of the Division of Medical Sciences, which has an ongoing interest in issues
related to the history of public health in the United States.
Museum Director Roger G. Kennedy, in speaking about this acquisition, said, "The AIDS
Memorial Quilt is significant not only as a symbol of those who have died, but also as one aspect of
the country's response to that loss."
The quilt currently consists of nearly 9,000 panels, each commemorating a person who died from
complications due to AIDS. Each of the 3-foot by 6-foot panels-many created by family groups
and friends-is distinctive in its design, reflecting the personality and interests of die person
memorialized in the panel.
The National Museum of American History, a bureau of the Smithsonian Institution, is devoted
to the collection, care, study and exhibition of objects that reflect the experience of the American
people.