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On Loving, Dying and Legal Concerns
Betty Burdette, 8/15/10 -11/2/88
Part 1 of a II-part series
Both rights and responsibilities come
with the ritual of marriage. For gay and
lesbian partners, there is no legal access to
this institution. Is it important, therefore, to
seek other avenues for legal status and
bonding?
Atlanta residents Jane Smith and John
Doe give an affirmative reply. In
1987, both Jane and John
suffered the death of a partner.
Each shared the story and
lessons learned in talks
with Southern Voice.
For John, one month
passed between his
partner's initial symptoms
and his death. They lived
together for several years
and had often discussed the
future, including home
purchase and preparations
for dying. Neither of
these had been
accomplished when Dave was
diagnosed as having AIDS. "I
had done volunteer work
with AIDS patients," John
said, "and I thought that made
us immune."
Soon after Dave's hospital
admission, John had a taste of the
mixed experience to follow. He
and Dave's relatives were
gathered in the hospital room
when a doctor entered and asked
that everyone but "family" leave. John alone
departed. The doctor shared his diagnosis
with the patient and the "family."
During the four week illness which
followed, John spent all available time at -
or near - the bedside, sometimes staying
overnight. Dave's relatives interacted
politely, but rarely included him in planning
or decision-making. Doctors ignored him
entirely. The single exception occurred
when an adjunct physician took John aside,
late in the process, and revealed that Dave's
tests showed serious venereal disease. "I
would have appreciated knowing earlier,"
John remarked with quiet frustration.
With no power of attorney and no
information from doctors, John was entirely
dependent on Dave's relatives for medical
updates. As the situation worsened, relatives
came less often while John's visits increased.
After a final week in ICU, Dave died.
Funeral plans were handled entirely by
relatives. "I might have liked to see his
body before the casket was closed," John
remarked. That option was not presented.
Upon arrival for the service, John was
pulled in with the relatives by one of Dave's
sisters. He sat with them while
acquaintances of Dave shared memories
from the pulpit. John had not been asked to
participate. "I'm not sure," he said, "whether
I could have."
After the service, Dave's relatives
departed for the cemetery in a limousine.
John followed on his own.
One day after the funeral, Dave's relatives
came, with boxes, to gather his belongings
from John's apartment. "They went through
everything," John said, "including my
dressers." Dave's queen-size bed frame was
taken. A twin bed frame was left in its
place. "I was totally unprepared and had no
legal grounds to stand on," John stated.
Jane's story was quite different. The
lengthy course of her partner's illness
provided time for sharing, for planning, for
decisions together. Well before the time of
death, wills were discussed and finalized.
Lynn took initiative, as her illness
progressed, to address insurance matters, to
make arrangements for her funeral service
and to inform physicians that Jane should be
considered a key figure regarding medical
information and treatment. Doctors had
been chosen well and gave full cooperation.
As Lynn developed
problems in walking,
Jane received help from
relatives and friends of
her partner. Although
no discussion had
occurred regarding the
specific nature of their
partnership, all relatives
treated Jane as a central
figure. She assumed a
primary role in caretaking
and decision-making.
"Lynn made it clear,
through her behavior,
that I was a key figure for
her," Jane stated.
Next issue: What
difference can a Living
Will, Power of Attorney and
a final will make? Southern
Voice talks to two Atlanta
attorneys and gives you their
expert advice.
-Diane Dickson
The names Jane Smith and John
Doe, and the names of their
partners, are fictitious. Southern
Voice makes no claims to legal
expertise or authority in publishing this
article. In all legal matters - consult an
attorney.
*Dia*te ‘Dcc&mm,
Psychotherapist
MA, M. Ed.
• Individual
• Couple
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s4tla*t&c eutcC
(2<vieen
Serviced
634-9440
Insurance Accepted
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DAN R. EASTON
Financial Service Specialist
2920 Brandywine Rd. suite 250
Atlanta, Georgia 30341
Phone: (404) 457-0087
Soon after moving to Atlanta, Jana and I
crossed paths with an elderly woman who
was looking for a "Women's Party" in our
neighborhood. She knew immediately
"who" we were, but it took a long second
look before we realized just who we were
trying to help.
The circumstance was as ripe as the day
was beautiful, so we seized the moment and
pulled off to a wide spot in the road, and set
ourselves into what would be a lengthy
exchange of stories and information. Jana
and I laughed as much as listened as Betty
Burdette spun tale after tale, in her
intellectually witty way, about her work
with alcoholics, her tours abroad in the
Airstream trailer, her lover of 23 years,
Jacque Browne. She also talked about her
role in the Lesbian Community in Atlanta,
then gave us information that would help us
find our way. But before we parted, I
stepped back and saw a Southern woman, a
product of the time and place in which she
was bom, proud of her class, her
possessions and her long life. I had no
doubt that she had done more than her share
of fighting for her rights to be who she was.
Her winning way helped pave the way for
multitudes of people not as fortunate as
Betty Burdette. For us, for Betty, "We shed
no tears of grief; grief is for the naked lives
of those who have made the world no
better."
Betty Burdette, Atlanta lesbian
activist, died on November 2 of
natural causes. Betty also worked
untiringly on behalf of recovering
alcoholics. She attended the Yale
University of Alcohol Studies and the
Alcohol Studies program at the
University of Oslo. The photo is from
Yale University, Class of 1947.
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