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Page 15
The Southern Israelite
Highlights and Sidelights
By MARTIN GOLDE
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Any contest to decide who was re
sponsible for the best wisecrack of the
year over the radio would have to
award the palm to Harry Hershfield,
standby of a great many of New York’s
columnists, and otherwise known as the
father of Abe Kabibble. Now Harry i>>
a Jew. He was that before Ludwig
Lew iso I111 made it fashionable, lie’s not
the type with a chip on bis shoulder,
who goes around muttering: "I’m a
Jew and proud of it.” He lets you know
lie’s a Jew with a punch.
At any rate, Harry was one of the
speakers at the famous dinner that
was tendered recently to Mayor
Walker of New \ ork by the Jewish
I heatrical Guild. And as Harry stepped
up to the spot in front of the micro
phone that was broadcasting the affair
lie remarked: "I am always happy to
speak over the radio. For it brings me
into the finest Christian homes.”
\ ou'll have to write many sermons
and deliver many speeches to achieve
the effect of those two sentences. As
you can imagine, Harry got the hand
of the evening.
Another of the personalities at the
Walker dinner was Belle Baker. It was
about twelve o’clock, midnight, when
she stepped forward to the microphone,
leaving the table where she had been
sitting with her husband, Maurice
Abrahams, the noted composer and
music publisher. It was only a few
hours later that Abrahams died.
Belle told the story of Mrs. Goldberg
and Mrs. Rabinowitz, the two friendly
neighbors. Mrs. Rabinowitz was visit
ing the home of Mrs. G., who put some
pieces of cake on the table as a gesture
of her hospitality. They had been dis
cussing the difficulties of their children,
the hardships of their husbands' busi
ness, .when Mrs. G. apparently re
minded of her obligations as hostess,
said:
"l ake a piece of cake, Mrs. Rabino
witz.”
"Oh, that’s all right. I already have
one.”
"Xo, you have two. But take a little
piece.”
Among the new ones that Harry
Herschfield told me lately is the one
about the fellow who was failing in
business. He came to his friend, Cohen,
and said: ‘I want to tell you, Cohen,
I am going bankrupt. But since you
are a friend of mine I am making you
a preferred creditor.”
"How so?” demanded Cohen.
“Well, I’m telling now that I won’t
be able to pay you. The others don’t
know it yet.”
As befits a man who has already
taken on the legendary halo, which sur
rounds Supreme Court Justice Brandeis,
there are many stories as to his unique
abilities. One of these has to do with
his phenomenal memory. It seems that
in his younger days he was afflicted
with a serious eye strain. When he
went to Harvard he had to hire read
ers to help him memorize his lessons,
because he couldn't read the manu
scripts. As a result of the training
acquired that way he is now supposed
to he able to quote stock exchange
listings for many years hack. He is
also supposed to be able to describe
minutely plays, paintings, and other
works of art that he hasn’t seen for
many decades.
Recently John Haynes Holmes and
Clarence Harrow debated Zionism in
New York City. Holmes, of course,
was arguing that the Jews would be
succesful in building up their homeland.
In order to prove his point he de
scribed some of his experiences with
practical Jewish achievements in Pales
tine. He spoke of the famous wine
cellars, which were launched by Baron
Rothschild. He spoke glowingly of
"Risen le Zion.”
Whereupon Hr. Stephen S. Wise,
who was chairman of the debate, had
a pretext for a wisecrack when the
speaker ended. He pointed out that
Holmes had often bragged of the fact
that there are many Jews in his Com
munity Church. "But of all his Jewish
congregants it had to he a Litvak who
taught him how to pronounce Hebrew.”
You may he certain that in his sub
sequent remarks, Holmes was very
meticulous about his pronunciation of
Rishon le Zion.
At the recent dinner to Gotham’s
Mayor Walker, sponsored by the Jew
ish Theatrical Guild, Dudley Field Ma
lone, noted lawyer, attacked the
"Gloomy Twins.” By these lie meant
1 )r. Holmes and Rabbi Wise, for these
two clerics were largely responsible for
the legislative investigation of corrup
tion in New York City government.
Malone, of course, did not name the
gentlemen specifically. He merely ad
ded that of the "gloomy twins” “one is
a confirmed grouch and the other a
discover which is which. For both Dr.
confirmed dry.” We are still trying to
Holmes and Rabbi Wise are upholders
of the Eighteenth Amendment.
Incidentally, it is rumored that Dr.
Wise tried to get the Jewish Theatrical
Guild to cancel its dinner to Mayor
Walker. The result is that Dr. Wise
isn’t the most popular person as far as
the Theatrical Guild is concerned.
By this time, of course, that type of
wit is pretty much worn out. It has
become threadbare. Even the men at
whom the joke is aimed have the story
in their repertoire. But since this
column acts as a reporter and not a
censor, it passes on to you this latest
version of the episode.
A famous dramatist came to Holly
wood. He was assigned the task of
doing some scenarios. After several
tries, which were rejected by the pro
duction department, the head of the
film company came to the playwright
(Continued on Page 16)
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