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VOLUME II.
J
PUBLISHED WEEKLY,
I?Y JOHN H. CHRISTY,
; r SBITOB AMD rkOTMITOI.
_ , I , -Z ■* I •; . . »
Term* of Subscription.
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Candidates will be charged $5 for announcement*,
sad obituary noticeaexeeeningsix lines in length teal
be charged as advertiserrnt*.
When the number of Insertions isnot martedon and
advertisement, it will be published till forbid, «nd
S barged accordingly. *
business inh preftssiaual ifariis.
“cT u. l oil bTS
DENTIST*,
ATHFJfM, GF.OhGlJl.
Querns over the Store of Wilson Ic Veal. Jtt)3
PITNEB & ENGLAND!.
Wholesale Ic Retail Dealers! n _ ...
Groceries', Dryfiootfs;-
HARDWARE, SHOES AJ?I) BOOTS,
Aprilfi . - ArtrMis.p*..
MOORE ^ cTaRLTON,
DKALKU8 IN
ATHENS, GEOUGIA, THURSDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 29, 1855.
. AMERICANS, RALLY!
BT Mis'. Jf l A
ftlNCB.
• Suns nf'th'fe Prfc'e ! tt^enYuinuIt trod
SILK, FA NCYTn t> ST AVI, F, G.OflDSi T \u
HARDWARE AND CROCKERY. -- ‘ -' T |wm
April No, 3. Granite Row,- Athens,(U.
LUCAS & T5HXUPS, " f
WHOLESALE A.YD RETAIL DEALERS JJV
DRY GOODS^vi^
GROCERIES, IIARD'W'AHE, Ac. Ac
No. 2, Broad Street, Athens:
WILLIAM G. DELONY, .
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Odlce over the atore of Wm II. Morton ATen
Will attend promptly .to all husinesesojjrugt
adlo his care. Athens. ApfHo
WILLIAM N. WHITE, ~
WHOLES AIK ASP BKTAII. .I'/.,'
BOOKSELLEll ANDSIATMiliERv .-
AadWtrupapcrand .Vugaiinr Agent. . ,,
nfiAl.KR IN
MUSIC and MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS
' LAMPS, KINK CUTLERY, FANCY WOODS, *C,
No. 3, College Avenue, Newton TTnn-e. Athens, G*.
sign of “ While’* University Book Store.”
Orders promptly filled at Augusta rates
T. BISHOP & SON,. ’
Wholesale and Retail Oncer*,
April 6 No. 1, Broad street. Alliens. .
SUMMEY & JONES,
. S dealers in
GROCERIES- HARDWARE. STAPI.E-
DHYGOOBS, STOVES. IKON, CAST
INGS. CROCKERY- WARE, &c. A
[g* Corner of Broad and Wall streets,
Athens, Ca. August Iff, 1855. .
Sons of the brave J beware the foe 1
HiirVto the thbrfnur. deej> and low,
Rolling np like the coming storm,
Hoarse as the hurricane, that broods
lur^paoe’l far iciSuiCUde 1
Minute guns of omen boom . -
Through the future’s folded jjlooni—
Sounds prophetical! the air;
, Heed the warning and pre.oarel
Watch 1 be wary every Lour—
Mark the Amman's growing power;
Let Americans keep word—
JfapJmr patriot* on guard.
Sons of the spii! *J*rri<y staunch, .. - -
Breasting the alien avalanche,
ManningKne battlements’ of Right;. *.
Up 1 for your Country, God and Right 1
Kdhn ylrur baualions swadlly,
ied%l,tara kloodjaiss victory 1 —
■ Surging onward weep# the wave,
Sorrie' coTuJnnVof the'bHfve,
. Banded neatfa- the/beniaon. .
Of the god-fike Washington J
Stand!- but; ebotllrfn foreign sway
'Aapir^to ruip ^America. , . , . .
Charge in the tyrant, ere ne gain
Our irod-arterieH dolnaiu ! - .
k. And two new stars from theavorlfLof Time
lie bad^ to burn in the azure domeY-
The freeniun’& Love and ttftrfreenmh’e Home.
Ho]y of hglies J jjuard theni wpll, ,
Baffle'the despot; s secret spelb * ,
And let the chords of life Wviveif r
Ere yojp viel^ those, gifts of Heaven 1
in paean, trumpet notes
Shake tbe air wl»ere- your banner
floats— ... _ ¥ . .
To'trininjfflel sfillY’e'see
The land of the Brave-is the liomeof 1
f EtfcjJ jMtjLROON'X AGAIN...
UK WAS DECEIVED INTO JIABUYINO ^ISTIJSSS
*3* 6aiHHn.Hr. * V- • ' -o> Al
-Seme ttfo year? subsequent to my
paxtipg 'viih v Peter jVJpjlroony, ns, related
in my earlier experiences, I chanced, to
fall m with him again," fh rather an un*
expected manner. Business of some
importance having.tnken me- to th» city,
I tyas ti averting, pretty, rapidly, one of
its meaner streets, when I heard myself
suddenly hailed L \ij name in an accent
. peculiarly Irish; shdiumhlg round, dis
covered.-Peter ‘approaching towards.me
witli his usual lpping gait. . lie was so
n. jonks.
P. A. BWJtMEV.
JAMES M. ROYAL,
HARNESS MAKBRi Jr
H AS removed his shop to Mitchell’s aid
Tavern, one door east of Grady if Ni'A
olsou’s—where he keeps wlwaiys ou liand a
f ’eneral assortment of articles in bisliDe, and
s always ready to fillorders i n thcbeat'style.
Jan 2« * ‘
COLT & COLBERT, .
DEALERS IN
STAPLE DRY GOOpS.GROCEBilES*
AND HARDWARE
No. 9 Granite Row...... Atheiis. Ga
JAMES 1. COLT. | WM. C. COIBJUT,
August 6,1355. ■ •
altered, in hu^habilinents-irom-the pic
ture I Vividly retainedin fny memory of
the ddoiiueringr - blarneying- Irishman,
who took my cow to ingrket. thai,if it
had nof beep for bis voice, I dare say
I should have passed him withouj re
cognition. But theioiedt—that voice—
it was.Peter'* /peculiar shebDoleitt.
Mr..MuJrooney, whom! only remem
bered in a bluish grey coat, a- light
flexible felt hat, and thick brogans, was
now dressed in a thread bare suit of
black, a silk hat, witl/a ermyn sunk in
inid %ell Wdrh At the etTges, and u pair
of tliindres* boota .elnborately patcbed.
Wub Ins coat buttoned up to the-chin,
NOTICE. iyou r
T HE subscribers are prepared to fillorde^ .
for all kinds of
Spokes fox Carriages and Wagons,
Also, at the same eatahlishnicnt wemaftufac-
tuie all kinds of
BOBBINS,
and his greasy hat^hrust jauntily on one
side Vif hts head, retnlnJed. me more 61
one of those needy, pocir devil actors,
Whose-p»r*«mal appearance is so often
stereotyped as of- this fashion in the ho
vels of-tlie «-d»y. i * My werds natdrally
took tbe color-of ny thoughts.
.. ‘ Why MohDoney,’ said tf ‘ is that
V * What part' are you--playing
**Faix, "Mr. Urbin, he replied, ‘it’s
little ye’d, beafiher guessio ? if ye tbryed
jver so much. Sure its e grate gintle
mon I am since i left serviccvon’ set up
fermeseff.’ « " '
.,^1, cotton factwrits.
donebi^md and clm«p as tan be bad from Iceman, Pete? t
the North. AddrvM. . N _
P. A. SUMMEY & BRO. Athens,Ca.
who will attend to all orders, and-the ship-
ping of the same. -March, 1854-
SLOAN & OATMAN,
DF.ALEUS IN »
Italian, Egyptian dr American .
‘ Misther Mulrooriey, ifye plase,’-«wd
he, correciing my familiarity with one
of his droll looks* ‘ Och, but its a rare
counthry this is, ‘any way. Beyant the
wather, it way Fether here an* Petlier
there, till soVra «.bit I know’d of-any’
other name than Pelher. But .here the
conversation of the ladies an’ the gintle-
men is illeorant in the extreme, and the
' A magistrate T Can you read and
write V & ' m .
1 Ayeth! What ’ud -1 l>e good for if
I could’nt ?’ said Peter, evasively.—
‘ Sorraa bit it- malt hers; tis a strong
mark 1 make, an’ that’s not aisy Jo rub
■out any way.’ 0 $
‘ Take my advice, Mulrooney, and go
to work. Ditch—dig cellars—break
stones upon a rood—.do anything rather
than suffer yourself to be made the
tool of designing men -wlm will use
your services as long as they are
beneficial U> them, and cast off so soon
as their pwn ambitious projects are
achieved. Now, as for a living, it is
very easy for you—being a single
man.' * . _
Peter gjtoaned. It’s married I am,
said Ire.
» * .Married!’ I exclaimed. * And m
your circumstances? What/oily!’
‘ Troth, ye may say that, ye’r honor !’
said Peter,, penitently.. * But Misthress
-Mulrooney jvas a widdy. . Och 1 but
Jtis the desivingest craythurs. they are
all-the wide, wureld ever.- Ayeh !’ hi
continued,.turning toward* roe with a
. .Took of. half humorous sorrow-—“ Twas
a wild cow I druv to market that time,
an’ tliat’s no-lie!’. . -
* W as she a country woman of years}’
.1 enquired. f *
.‘.Doesyefr Jl-mor be thiiikin|’tis-'a
Amerfky worpan that could chate me
m that way V said- Peter indignantly.
’ .Sure ’ttsn’t in the likes of them to do
the lrick.’.- . T. ' :*
1 But how came this about, Peter?’
• * Ay»-h! bad luck’s soon tould, I
boorded wid.her.’
* And so, Irish like, you must needs
fall in love with the lady and- court
her V
‘ It’s mighty -little ^love I bad for
big Misthress Connolly -v.ny- way. an 1
that’s-no lie! As fur the 'cooptin’, ’tis
a-nathertiPfalin’ of mine to bespakiij
salt words to the faymales of a- family,
an’ slue .it was nadeful, beside-*, to keep
Mkihress-CotHioHy’s mind asasey as an
ould-shoe whye 1 owed her for my
boord.’
‘ Artd that is. the .way you came to be
married is it!’
Ayeh, sir, Yis the strongest thing!
Oh, Michael Connolly, why did ye die l
Bad dlls to me that ivtr should live to
be desaved by a fat woman of fifty.—
But, sure tbe quarthers wor so ploasant,
Mistber Urbin,’ continued Peter, apolo
getically. ’au’ Mistress Connolly so tin-
derly interestin,’ wid her heart' bruk
into pieoes tvtd .the sorrow that was in
it. Oh! but ’tis strong enough now—
that I thought it'ud be a marciful inter-
position to comfort her any how.’
Y And so you courtedlier, I suppose?
*‘Ph, but it was a purty sight.to see
the way I did it,’ replied Peter, with
-one.of his rich laughs. ’Twas the beau-
tifuilest specimen of the effects of blarney
tMchas been seen since Saint Patrick
puHiis edmether upon the, sarpints.’
‘What could you expect, then, but
marriage as a consequence
‘ Faix, it’s little 1‘thought about it at
all, and less I liked it. Sure 1 tould
.the ould> woman I was a single man
swore by ihe piper that I intended to
remain so.’
.. ‘-Then yon should never have sought
to gain her affections-; it would have
beeo cruel to serve (he poor creature so,
and deser t her afte r wart
‘ Affections 1 Mush
lions wor mouldy many
* Well, you married '
said I impatiently.
* Faix, I du.ino, but I was thinkin
"Hwas she married me. One night there
wor some of the ould coUqtry people at
tbfrheuse, an we talked about buld times
an afther a while there-were lashins of
.whiskey.pat on the table, an we talked
an dhriokedrfm quarrelled, an danced
an talked, an dhrjnked again, till its my
sarious opinion that my singes left me
intirely, and niver came back till I found
myself in bed next mornin mighty ona
«ey in my mind, and wondhering how
got into^Vlisthress O’Connolly’s room in
stead of me own. While I was scham-
is her affec-
ng day ago
at all events,
AND EAST TENNESSEE MARBLE.
jM*numcnts,Toml>8, Urns aud Vases; M»
Mantels and Furnishing Marble*
tar All orders proroptly'IUtad. --
' • ATLANTA, GA.
yorRefer to Mr. RoSs* Crane. ‘ junel4
Sy.G. deloNy,
ATTORNEY AX LAW,
W ILL givehisspecialattenti-— tocoUact-
ing, and to the claims ofall persons «n- thfeefions.^ Its' mighty I title work
titled to Lavtn Waurarts, under the latv ._, nv r -L .
Bounty Land Bvil of the Inst Congress. * **® re !°7° * n X ^9*.. 1 , ,
CT Officr.on Broad Street over the store, ,M§1 .Urbin, an I
•pf I. M. Kenney. ” * Uv&on —* ’
March 15—<865—tf.
bates Bannagher any how, an’ that’s no j morn,n
i:_-r J * . * ,4i. - * -
lie.'
‘ I am glad tp bear you are getting
alopgin Um^wqi^d^Q famcuslyJ’
, ‘ Aiseji”sir. aisey. Lashins’ of atin’
; an*' d hrinki n’' without any coUstitooeh-
lulroonley V
FrtfEJVyiNES.
-TyERSONS de*V ou * of procuring fine wines
A of every deecripti»n,-csn do so by csQitg
At Combs A Go’s. Express Dfflce. Als» ann
be found the besC artk-Te of Porter and Ten
jaent'o DmhU StPouy At*. * Also am hand
*i^‘***, 0a ! U! ** ) *
r
Tsrasssn
‘ Arrah, sir, but its ifirue the d«y.-
Its a. politishOner I ' am, wid % a grati
lown
towar
ofte of his old queer sidelong
tdffed—‘ I’m thmkin,’ “sir,
does Ke-
i V.ui N.OTICR& • . | looks; he a
A LL petaoua iwdelAed to mo hy.no^e or *ti S the FairidtfcY>art
Atheut ........ ‘ And so yoq,get
|~* r~ fed, for your services, do you ?’
Notice * ’ •' ‘If promisite-ud fatten a ‘man. I'd be
anr fn&etst£!rto Ae^mdFrsigned ds bigfls’tft pri» Vff, an’ that’s nolie.
ire they’ll *kaph some, of them I
Wii‘_ .
well paid, and well
B&g
LYLE,'
JKpj.fi, 1885.
11 rwtia
md accnunisunnaidtl<<e think, *an % thjH it’s,TO be' a magisther 1
i fl%W am, an’ dale' obi the law to the vaga-
jfintTiiftwiY' 1 bones—och, ’tis the beautiful biss-
nessf
Purty well, tbaak yc mem,’ says
‘baring the dhrypess ol me mouth.’
‘I» it dbry ye are-?’ nays she as soft as
butter; ‘Faix that’s asey mended, any
how.. .Would yerlike a dhrop o sperits
Misthor Mulrooney V
“Deed, an would I. ave it be plaisin
ye,-Misthress Connolly,’ sea I.
- *Oh, Pelher, dear, sure its Misthress
Mulrooney ye must call tne now,’ sesshe.
•I’d be pissed to call ye anything
that’s dacent am proper) acushula Y sez I
tinderly, for the thirst vsffls conshuming
me."
'‘Oh, but its the quare mon, ye arc;’
spz she, lau-hin.’ Sure I was in luck the
day ye icuim to board at iny bouse.
‘Ye may say that,’ sez I, ‘for I’m a
gintleman of an anshent family, an iu
not always ye’er favored^wid the. likes,
Misthress Connolly..’ _
‘Mulrooney 1’ correctih me.
‘Mem.’sez I.
' ‘Ye must call me Mulrooney, now,’ see
she.
‘Wid all my heart, ‘ifye like the name
bettber nor ye own it* not a marry-
in man I am.’
‘Troth, Peter, dear,’ sez she, ‘I hope
ye’ll hiter be afther marry in a second
time*
‘Faix, an its little I be thinkin about
marryin first or second,’ sez X'
‘Och ! wirra!’ sez she, ‘only to hear
him! As if lie didn’t give ould father
Hennesy a good silver dollar for matin'
us man an wife, last night. *Jr
‘Misthress Connolly,’sez l, starrin at
her wid amazement, ‘sure its jokin ye
ar,f • ,
•Not abitav it, Pether, dear,’ sez she,
laughin an holdm up a slip of paper, ‘by
the same token that this is the certificate
of the priest that I hould fn toy hand.’
‘Be me sowl, then,* sez I, ‘Misthress
Connolly, ye may call the certificaie^e*
husband for sorra a thing 1 will have to
do wid i:.’
‘Mulroony !’ sez she. ‘Do you deny
the ring upon my finger ?’ •
‘Sorra a care about tbe goold ring,’ sez
jumpin out of bed, ‘Will it be plasm ye
to go out of the room while I dhress
meself V
‘Ob, I’ll lave ye, wid all me hart,’ sez
she, snatebiu up me clothe*. ‘But i&t
little ye’ll have to dhress wid, till ye
come to yer sinses, Pether Mulrooney.’
“An by this,'' ah bv that, Alisther
Urbin, she tuckid my • gsrmints under
her arm, an wint out an locked the door,
iavin mejn the empty room wid me
self ’*
* Taar an agfcs,’ sez I to meself while
she was gone. Tis chared l am in
tirely ; but mjiy be tis only funnin she is
a’fther.ali. Ayeh! what’ll I do? ‘Tis
great comlbrt- there’s a bed v in the
room! Sure she won’t starve me;
mighty oneasy am I, any how, and that’s
no jie.’ .......
1 So you weut to bed again. Well
what came next ?’
•Twinty-four mortal hours I laid
there, without alitor dhrinkin, and thin
Misthress Connolly knocked at the
door.’ - ... *
‘ Pether, dear,’ said she. . ,
Oh! you murtherjn woman.’sez I,
Tis kil’t 1 am with the hunger.’
Aid I AJisthress "Mulroony V sez she,
pakin through tlie key-hole,- ‘ Am I
r layvfuLwife?’
‘No n^faix. it’s blue moulded III be
before ‘Isay so,Biddy Connolly.’
‘Biddy Mulrooney 1’ sez she.
‘Connolly!’ sez I.
‘Mulrooney 1’ sez she.
‘Go to the'——!’ sez 1.
.‘The top of tbe mornin to yer, Pether,
sez she, and wid that she wint away
Twas pitch dark, Mr. Urbin, when she
Came again.
Is it a whk tf yer wrtffflBfftlrtf'feanger,
Pether, dear? sez 6he.
.‘Give me me clothes, Misthress Con
nolly, sez I, faintly.
‘Tis Biddy Mulrooney that is spakin
to you. Pelher dear, sez she, ‘Wotudye
like coffee tay,or tay tay, wid but mate
an pitiaties 7—Sure there’s plinty .ol em
down stairs. Pether, darlint, barin the
fear I have that ye’er mind is disorder
ed.
‘Sure it ud be ihe wondher av it wasn’t
wid the bad thratement I’ve had, Mis-
thress Connolly, sez I.
- ‘Troth, Pelpr dear, sez she tinderly,
■•it will be a blessed day for me when I
can betlhec it. But ye " must confess
tliat ye married me last night, an * that
my name is Mulrooney.
,‘Le* me see you, sez I, or I’ll die the
night.
Deed, Pelher; acTiore,}t ’ud be plaain
to tne to do it an ye wor in yer right
head; bnt the time’s not come yet, I see,
sez slip, and wid that, down stairs she
trotted again.
Oh, but I suffered wid the hunger pain,
Misther Urbin, till I could bear it no
longer, I knocked at the door and call
ed out, Misthress Connolly, Misthress
Connolly, let me spake to ye.
‘There is no Misthress Connolly, now,
sez a dirthy little colled from the out
side ; ‘sure she was married last night
an her name is Mulrooney.
Tell Biddy Mul—Mulrooney to come
here, thin, sez I. Oh, but I choked to
spake it.—Afther a little while, I heard
her-coming up the stairs.
‘Did ye call, Pether, darlin? sez the
fat old desaver,
‘Troth, 1 believe I did, sez I.
‘What'll I do for ray husband ? sez she.
‘It’s starvin I am,’ sez I.
•Was i married tli
‘Sorra a bit I know, sez I.
‘Spake out, Pether dear; I didn’t hear
ye, sez she.
‘Tear and ages, yes V sex. I.
‘Didn’t ye marry me yerself, Peter ?
sez she. . • *
‘Divil u one a’ me knows, sez I.
•What do ye say, Pether dear ? sez she.
‘Sure father Hennessey knows I did.
sez 1. desperately, an wid that the door
was flung open, an wid a loud laugh, in
come Misthress Mulrooney, wid father
•Hennesey and half o dozen acquaintan
ces, an throws herself into me arms, an
begs me pardin over and over agin. An
that is the way, Misther Urbin, I was
desaved into marryin Misthress Conroon-
—Mulrooney I mane.
EDITORIAL LIFfe IN CALIFOR-
, -* . N1A.
Editorial life in California is thusde-
scribed by ‘one of them.’ He is refer
ring to the daily routine of an editor’s
life there r
First—Gets up in the morning at ten
o’clock, dresses himself, puts on his hat,
in which are six or-seven boHet holes;
and goes to a restaurant for breakfast.—
After breakfast starts to tbq office to
took over the papers, and discovers-that
lie is called a coward in one; a lair in
another, and a puppy- in another; he
r smiles at the pleasant prospect of having
something to do; fills out and despatches
three blank challenges, a ream or two
of which he alwayskeeps on hand, ready
printed to save time; commences writ
ing a leader, when a» the dock strikes
eleven, a large roan, with cowhide, pis
tol and bowie knife, walks in and asks
if his name te-— ; he answers by
knocking the intruder'down two pair of
stairs with a chair.
At 12 o’clock finds that his challen
ges have been accepted, and suddenly
remembers that he has'a little affair of
that nature to settle at the beaeh that
day at 3o’clock; goes out and kills his
man, and then comes in and dines on
slewed grizzly; starts for the office;-atpl
while going there, gets mixed in a street
row, and has the heel of his. boot shot
off by accident-, laughs to think how.
beautifully it was done; arrives at his
sanctum and finds an ‘Jnf'ernal machine
upon the table; an<J knows * wfiat it is,
and merely pitches it out of the window;
write- aa article on ‘moral reforip,’ and
starts for the theatre ; is attacked on the
corner of' a dark alley by three men I
kills two of them and takes the other to
(he station house. Returning to the
office at 11 o’clock at.night,, kills'a dog
with a paving stone; gets run over by a
cab, and has the tail pf his coat slit open
by a thrust from a knife, and two bullet
.holes put through 'his braver as he steps
within his own door; smiles af his escape,
writes until 2 o’clock, and then turns in,
wjlh the happy consciousness of having
two duels to fight the next day.
Louis Napoleon.—rHow astonishing
it seems jiovi that when Louis Napoleon
lived in England., of the many intelli
gent Englishmen to whom he was. weir
known there was. but one, Sir Robert
Peel, who considered him as a man of
more than ordinary talent. One would
tliink tfiat such^a nran af Jie.hag pr.oved
himself since his accession to power in
France, mnst have impressed every one
who canie contact wfth him wilh a
profound sense of his superior ability.
That he is the greatest statesman amt
A Yankee poet thus describes the ex
cess of his devotion to his true luye:
I sing her praise in poetry,
From early morn to dewy eve;
I cries whole pints of bitter tears,
And wipe them with my sleeve.
A State Agricultural Collegefot Ohio
ha* been organized at .Cleveland with
five capable Professors. Its course
(twelve weeks) of daily Lectures will
commence with December.
—
There are more fools Ilian knav’es in
the world, else the knaves would not
have enough to live upon."
There-are men in whose presence we
can feel no pleasure. Hthey speak, we
are disgusted; and even if they say noth
ing they annoy us.
According to Fontenelle, a beautiful
woman is the hell of the soul, the purga
tory of the purse, andlhe Paradise of the
eye?.’ •'
Large Yield.—A farmer in Wind
ham, Conn., has just harvested the
products of a cornfield which has yielded
at the rate of a trifle more than cao hun
dred bushel-- toll* acre. The fertilizer
used was a mixture of lima and guano.
An Aged Convict.—Woleurn from
the New York. Sun that Joel Schooner
was convicted at Auburn, on the 17th
ult„ of arson in the second degree, and
sentenced to the State Prison for two
years- The convict is.binety eight years
Qld. . . - ,
The following is^found in the-“Editor’s
Drawer” department of Harper’s Mag
azine for September:
*‘J say, Pat.' wliy don’t you sue that
Railroad Corporation for injuries you
have received ?—Both of your legs are
broken all to smash; sue them for dam
ages.” -
“Sue them for damages, me boy? I
have'damages enough already; Ill squ
them for tepair&!”
“What does the minister say to our
new burying ground ?’ ‘He don’t-like it
at aUsays'that he never will be buri
ed there as long a-« he-lives.’ ‘Well,, if
the Lord spares me, I will.’
.which,
life she
* We once heard of a
said there were but two thi
in looking bfick over her pas
regretted; and one of these was, “ that
she didn’t eat more cake when her sis
ter Fanny was married!”
Art Irish witness was asked what he
knew of the prisoner’s character for truth
and veracity. -
“ Why, in troth, yer honor, since iv^r
I’ve known her, she has "kept her house
clane and dacent.”
Chemical Oddit*.—While an igno.
ram lecturer was describing the natote
of gas, a blue-stocking lady inquired of
a gentleman near her, what was the dif
ference between oxygen and hydrogen.
“ Vfty little, madam,’said her “by
oxygin wc mean pure gin; and bydrogia |
jjm and water.”
- “ You ask and receive not, because
you ask a-mtss,” sa d a young lady to
an old gentleman who had popped the
question to her.
A colobrated portrait-painter says the
reason that tom cats are so musical iq
because they are all fiddle-strings inside.
The story of a man who had a nose
so large that he couldn't blow it withopt'
the use of gun powder is said to be a
hoax. . ' •
A Plain Spoken Witness.—.‘-Fact
are stubborn things,” said^ lawyer tOi
female witness under examination. The
lady replied: “Yes sir-ree, and] so are
women, and if you get anything out
me, just let me know it. ‘You 11 be
committed for contempt. ery well
I’ll suffer justly, for I feel the utmost
contempt for every lawyer present.”
Many friends are lost by ilhimetfjest
rather lose your best jest than
ypor^t friend,
An Irish witness was aslfed what ha
knew of tlie prisoner’s character for
truth and jeracity; ‘Why, in truth,
y?r honor,.since I’ve known her she turn
kept her house clane and dacent.’
A deaf and dumb pupil in Paris was
asked—‘Doth God reason?’ Ile.re-
plied. ' To reason is to hcsitale-lq
doubt is to inquire : It is the highest
attribute oflimfted intelligence. God
sfees all things, therefore God does pot
reason.’ ■
WHICH IS WHICH.
Mrs. Pepper got the-. bettor- of the
philosopher, the other day, in arguing
the question whether men or women talk
the most.
‘You say a woman can talk a man al
- . most to death,’said Mrs. P.,*but I’d like
ablest ruler of the old world, seems now ; 0 know if Sampson didn’t jaw a thous-
tq be ihe universal opinion of all Europe;
yet he had lived to the middle age and
no one discovered a spark of genius in
him, till he emerged from obscurity.
"Undoubtedly he is a great man, the
master mind of Europe, and aided by
the English alliance, is capable of mak-
ing greater changes in the map of the
continent than were achieve^ even by
his illustrious uncle. Nay, England
herself, but for the' blue water that.roHs
between and the “ walls of oak” that
float upon the wave, would be complete
ly at the mercy of the nephew of Napo
leon. The present war has destroyed
the “ prestige’ of the British army in
the eyes of France and qf the world. It
has inspired the French soldiery will) a
perfect contempt of England as a mil it id
ry power, and soothed the pride which
has been wounded and bleeding since
the downfall of* Napoleon Without
drawing the sword against her ancient
foe, France, under Jhe second Napo
leon, has amply retrieved the tarnished
laurels of Waterloo.—Richmond Dis
patch.
Black Republicanism.—The Rich
mond Dispatch says —This last and
and Philistines to death V
The philosopher g'ave in and that vp t
ry evening presented Mrs. P. with a tick
et to a strawberry festival, where tliat
tespottitble lady got .into seventeen sharp
disputes and enjoyed herself amazingly.
Popular Definitions.—What is
fashion ?—Dinner at midnight, and
headache in tlie morning.
What is wit ?—Tliat peculiar kind of
talk that leads to pulled noses and broken
head
What js idleness?:—Working yellow
mountains on a pink subsoil—or a blue
tailed dog in sky-colored convulsions,
What is joy?—To 6ount your money
find find it over-rim it hundred dollars.
What is conscience ?—Sometlimg
guilty men feel every rime it thunders
What Is contentment ?—To sifiih the
house and see the-other peoplfe stuck in
the tpud In other words—to be better
off tbair.our neighbors.
The Phrenologist Posed,—An
itinernnt pbrenoipgist slopped at a rustic
farm house, tbe proprietor of which was.
busily engaged.
vilest of the isms seems to have met a you like to have _me examine the beads
~ ^ of your children? . I-will da il cheap.’
* Wall,’ said the farmer, pausing be
tween two strqkes, * I rather guess they
don’t need it. The old woman combs
em with a fine tooth comb once a week 1’
most ignoble fate In New York. Grqe-
fey is howling oyer its dead carcase in
most lugubrious strains. His wailiings
fill us with exquisite satisfaction. There
is not r day in the year in- which the
Tribune does not assail the South with
the bilteriwt den
est libelsftSftl behold fee fruit of Ml tiffs
voience! The tribune
has no influence, none whatever, on the
public sentiment in New York. It is
not an exponent, or a guide of public
sentiment in tbe free States, it is no
more a representative of the opinions of
the North than Arnold was a represen
tative of the patriotism of the Revolu-
tionary army. '
-The ignominious route of the Black
Republicans in the .Empire F*ate, must
be motifyipg in a high degree to W. H.
Seward, and his abolition anti-Nebraska
anatics and factionists. He thought he
held New York.in the hollow of his hand,
and expected to sweep the State at the
last election by an overwhelming majori
ty. The;result must satisfy him that
the time has not yet come for the triumph
of his vile m icbinations. We trust it
never may pome; but if it ever does,
his pwn section will be the greatest
sufferer.
A Missouri editor announces that'the
publication of his paper will be suspend
ed lor six weeks,-in order that he iqjty
visit Si. Louis With a' load of bear skins,
hoop poles, shingles, oak bqrk and pick-
led catfish, which Tie tfaj takin for sub
scription.
‘ Mister, where’s your house Y askad
a curious traveler of a half horso half
alligator squatter.
‘ House, eh 1 D’ye think I’m one of
them- sort, stranger! I sleeps in the
prairie,'! eats raw buffalo and drinka
out of the Mississippi.’
A Good^Dne.—An editor out .West
says that the ladies wear corsets, front
a feeling of instinct, having a natural
love of being squeezed.
* Plulus’ says that if the ]aflies wjl}
call on him ‘hey can save the expeqsq
of buying corsets: Impudent young
man.
: 1 — -- „ -
I’d give anything to hear ‘ Ole Quit,’
said an up country lass, to her lover an
evening or two since.
Well,’ answered the chap, ‘ dad's
got an old brindfe fellow, and yon can
hear him better almost any time yoq
ike.’ *
A promising bay, not morn than fivd
years old, hearing some gentlemen at
his father’s table discussing the familiar
line— ’ ’
Nn honest man's the noblest work of
G.vV' . s
said hti kne .f it iyisn’t true—bis moth
er was better than any man that was
ever made.
Looking Ahead.—A very handsomo
young bride was observed to be in a
deep reflection on her wedding day,-—
was
Qije of her .bridesmaids asked
subject of her' meditation,
thinking.’ she-replied, * which of my old
, G - j ° , i • , tir beaux I should marry, in case I a!unh|
‘S.ir, I am a phrenologist. Would bec6me , widow/
Young men, keep your temper at.ail
times; .molasses will catch more flies than
vinegar. **, ■.
It was a pertinent and forcible saying,
of the Emperor Napoleon, that a liand-
-ume woman pleases tbe eye. but a goad
ybur I woman pleases tbe heart; one is a jewel
| the other is a treasure.’
Epitaph on an Avaricious
At rest beneath the chnfchyara stone,
Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt;
He died one morning just at ten,
And .saved a dinner by it.
A celebrated hangman in England,
showing thegalleys attached to Newgate,
observed to the bystanders that he had
hung twenty persons on it at. one lime:
Some one suggested that it was too small.
Oh, noYbless you, twenty five people
would swing on that very comfdttably.”
A Ypung Great-GranT) M®tHeb.—
Mr. Roger Evans, now residing in Sump
ter county, has a negro woman, a native
of Hancock, who was a mother at 1J
years, a grand-mdther at 25; and now a
great grand-mbther at 3'3. This strikes
us as'being the most remarkable instance
of hereditary -precocious fecundity on ya-
cord.—Sandersville Georgian.'
Like dogs in a wheel, birds in a cage,
or squirels in a chain, ambitious men
still climb and jelimb, with .great labor
and incessant anxiety, but never Teach
the top.
Satisfactory.—Somebody adverti
ses “gun?, riflfes, pistols and "other fire-.
arms—warranted to give satisfaction.”
This is equal to the “ pair «f pistols which
1 will shute any gentleman.”
A Quaker lately popped the quca*
tion to a fair Quakeress as fellows:
•‘ Ham,.yea and verily, Penelope, the
spirit urgeth and moveth me wonderfully
to beseech thee to cleave unto me, flesh
Re*h and bone of my bone.”
‘ Hum, truly, ObadiahJ thou hast
wisely said, and inasmuch as it is w^itr
ten that it is not good' for man to bo
alone, lo l and behold 1 will sojourq
with thee.”
“ Well, Jane, this is a queer world !’
said a cara sposa to his wife, at break
fast, the other’ tnotmng. “A nest of
women philosopher^ have just stpnjqjj
up.” • . * ~ ii.iL-JKi
“ Indeed,” said Jane, “ and what do
they hold?” ‘
“ The strangest thing in nature,” said
he—their tougues!”
Exit Snooks, ia.a hurry, pursued by
the cream mug. - • -V flgwi
‘Gentlemen,’ said.an engineer, by
way of settling, a depute as to the rela
tive speed of engines, *.;hu last time I
run the Blowhard from Syracuse, we
went so fast that the telegraph poles on
the Hne looked like a fine tooth comb.’
Too Smart.—The other day, one o
the Widow B.’s admirers was c nnplaia
ingofthe tooth-achc: Mr.-. B. s boy
immediately spoke up:
“ Well, sir, win don’t you do as ma
does? She takes her teeth out and puts
’em back whenever she wants to.”
A few minutes afterwards the boy wa^
whipped on some pretence of other.