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CARDS.
TIB OS. 'W. TEASLI,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
HARTWELL, GA.
Will practice in Superior Courts of Hart, El
bert, Oglethorpe and Madison. Prompt atten
tion to collection of claims. U
R. S3. JOKES,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ELBBBTOK, GA.
Special attention to the collection of claims, [ly
SHANNON & WORLEY,
AT T O RN E Y S AT LAW,
ELBERTOi\, Ct.
ITT ILL PRACTICE IN' THE COURTS 01
\ V the Northern Circuit and Franklin county
attention given to collections.
J. S. BARSETT,
A T T ORNEY. AT LA W ,
BLBBB7GH, GA.
joiSK t. osnons,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ELEEkVQH, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS
and Supreme Court. Prompt attention
to the collection of claims. nev 17,1 y
A. E* HUNTER, M. D.
PRACTICING PHYSICIAN
Office over the Drug Store,
ELISEUTOS, GEORGIA.
■\'T7 ILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL
YV cases. [A ug'P2,Cm
E I.I2GBATON EASINESS EAKSAS.
LISBfCARRiAQES ¥ SUMIES.
|
j. :p. at; li >
(Carkiace'lllamifactti
Gd
EEtSEEiTOK, CEO KG 2A.
WITH GOOD WORKMEN !
LOWEST PRICES!
CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE
OF 27 YEARS,
110 hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete
any other manufactory.
Good Buggies, warranted, - $125 to $l3O
K E PAIRING AND BLACKSMITHINO.
Work done in tins line in t very best style.
The Best Harness
TERMS CASH.
V y22-l v _
J. M. BARF3 E 1 ~J e ) ~ 9
-"''Vi:- *:r . > s#
•k“wA--
Tll E JIE AI j LIV E
Fashionable Tailor,
Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store,
ELBERTON, GEORGIA.
SSsTCall and See Him.
T. M. SWIFT. .T. K. SWIFT.
TITOS. M. SWIFT & CO.,
Dealers in
hld& M Mil IMI
At the old stand of Swift & A'rnold,
HLBERTON, GA.
•pESPECTFTLLY SOLICIT A COXTINU
II ance of the patronage hitherto awarded
he l.ous , promising every effort on their part
to merit the same. jan.s
TH E ELB E 1 IT ON
fl. 0. EDMUNDS, Proprietor. |
lias always on hand a full line of
Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines
Makes a specialty of
PERFUMERY
Anew assortment of
WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES
Plain and fancy, just received, including a sup
ply ot LEGAL CAP.
CIGARS AND TOBACCO
of all varieties, constantly on hand.
NEW STORE I NEW HOODS!
I. Gc. SWIFT,
Will keep on hand
FLOUR, MEAT, lard, SUGAR, COE
FEE, HAMS, CHEESE. CAN
NED GOODS, &C.&C.
And other articles usually kept in a lirst-class
Provision Store, which will be sold
Cheap for CASH and Cash Onljc
F. W. JACOBY,
HOUSE k SIGH PAINTER
Glazier and Grainer,
ELBERTON, GA.
Orders Solicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed
O END ‘2sc. to (1 P ROWELL & CO., New York
Ofor Pamphlet of 100 pages, containing lists
of 3,000 newspapers and estimates showin
cost of advertising. ly
New Series.
JOHN CONROY’S LUCK.
In the year 1849, John Conroy, who had been
admitted to the bar in the State of Massachu
setts, finding that his native town was pretty
well stocked with lawyers, made up his mind
that he would leave his home and seek his for
-1 tune in the South. He was a vouDg man of
good talents and great industry, but, being poor,
bad not the means to sustain himself until lie
could acquire a reputation in the profession that
would yield him a requisite income. He there
fore gathered his little store of money, and set
out one cold winter day to seek some place to
locate on the-,Missississippi river. At least, such
was his intention.
The most trifling circumstances, he remarked,
frequently turn one’s destiny for good or evil.
1 had spent some little time in most of the towns
along the Missississippi, and finding nothing
that seemed to justify a young lawyer of North
ern birth in lhiug there, I finally arrived at
Columbus, Tennessee, just eight months after I
had left my home. ’Twas here I met a gentle
man who gave me a letter of introduction to a
lawyer residing in Ilickman, Kentucky, who he
thought could assist me in my efforts to become
established.
It was a bright morning that I mounted ray
horse, and with my letter safely stowed away in
my saddle hags, set out on my journey. I had
ridden late into the afternoon, and was some
what weary when the roofs of a small village,
situated about a mile in advance of me, came
invitingly before my vision. My tired horse
must have discovered them about the same mo
ment as his master, for lie pricked up tis ears J
and commenced to accelerate his pace. Turning |
from the highway and following a lane bordered
with green sward, I made a short cut to the vil
lage street. But just before 1 reached the houses i
I met a short, puffy person on horseback who
was coining down the road.
“Good day, sir,” he said, reining up his steed,
which, at a glance, I saw was thoroughbred
“ Good day, sir. Are you going to halt here, or
do you go anywhere in the neighborhood of the ;
Kentucky State line?”
Not being acquainted with the topography of
the country 1 could not answer his question di
rectly, but told him that I was going to Hick
man.
“Ah," lie rejoined, “that i = ull right. You’ll
have to pass my place, and perhaps put up .here
for a night. Now, sir, I would be obliged to
you if you would do me a small favor. My
name is' Northup, Elliston Northup and I live
only some lilteen miles trom Hickman.
“I shall be happy to oblige you, if in my p„w
et,” I’ rej'ittUß ; “butpermit, trie to ask you if you
are in any way related to Lawyer Northup, of
Hickman ?”
“Yes, sir," he replied, “he is my brother.”
“1 am very happy to meet you, sir,” I contin
ued, “for I bear a letter of introduction from
Major Saunders, of Columbus, to your brother."
And 1 immediately opened my saddle bags
and got out 1113- letter, which I handed my new
made acquaintance to read.
“Uld Saunders," he said, with a smile, as he
finished reading it, and handed it back to me
“He. ij a good fellow. Is bis nose as red as
ever 7 1 haven’t seen him for a couple of
yiais.”
“I must confess,” I replied, with a laugh,
“that the major’s nose is pretty ficry.”
“He is an awful drinker,” said Mr. Northup.
“Few men can hold the night with him, I assure
you.”
“You astonish me,” 1 replied “I was at the
hotel a week with him, and I never once remem
ber having seen him at the bar.’
“No, no,” exclaimed Mr. Northup, “Saunders
don’t drink at a bar. He’s a very peculiar man,
very methodical ; ali his drinking is done at the
club. There’s where you’ll see him lay his com
panions out like ninepins. But really I’m de
taining you. Jdy object was to ask you to in
form my daughter, whom you will find at home,
that Jake has run away from me again, and I
suppose has taken the woods. Tell her, it you
please, to inform Thompson the overseer. No
doubt lie’ll be sneaking around before I return.”
“Run away?” 1 ventmed to observe.
“Yes,” replied Mr. Northup. “I was taking
him up to Larkin’s plantation to sell him, for
lie’s no manner ot use to me. So he managed
to slip away soon after I arrived at the village
yesterday.”
Premising to attend to Mr. Northup’s request,
we bid each other good-bye and separated-
After a good night’s rest, I set out the following
morning on my journey.
It was almost dusk when I rode up to Mr.
Northup’s mansion. A dozen or more hounds
seemed determined to dispute my passage up
the lane, and their barking had the effect to
bring Miss Northup to the front porch, where
she welcomed me and received the message her
father sent by me.
“Jake is a bad fellow,” she replied. “Papa
has borne with his bad conduct for a long time,
and, strange to sny, he never had him punished
until last week. The wretch cut out the tongue
of one of our favorite hounds, and papa then
ordered Thompson to whip him—and as Mr.
Larkin was willing to buy him to work in his
lumber mill, papa determined to sell him.”
“He must be a bad fellow,” 1 replied.
“indeed, you are quite correct,”she answered;
“but I knew he had escaped before you arrived,
for he visited the quarters about daylight.
Thompson only heard of it at noon, and started
away with some neighbors in pursuit of him,
and lie has r.ot yet returned. It’s a wander papa
had not turned back, but now- that I recollect,
be had some business at Cranch’s creek. Did
he say when he would return ? ’
“I think not,” I replied.
During the evening we had a pleasant c-.nver
sation, and I took occasion to inform Miss
Northup of the object of my visit to Hickman
“I dare say, uncle will he glade to see 3011
for he is really over-worked with business. He
took a young gentleman in bis office a shorl
time ago, but they’ couldn’t get along at ali; sc
they separated. Uncle is very forgetful and tier
vous, scarcely any one can manage to endure
him, but be is a kind man at heart and very
generous. Papa and he are so very different ir
temperament. 3'ou wouldn’t suppose they were
brothers.”
It was ten o’clock when I started to go to bed
and Miss Northup came up the stairs behind me
accompanied by' her maid, who carried a couple
of candles. On the upper landing I met ar
enormous black cat with green eyes, whe
crouched as if she intended to spring upon me
I always had an aversion to cats. lam not su
perstitious nor inclined on the side ot the meta
physical doctrines of those who suppoit them
but a strange and unaccountable feeling crep
ovei me as I stood in front of the animal will
its glaring orbs and raised back. At a wore
from the girl, however, the cat glided down th(
stairs and was lost to sight,
When I reached my chamber Miss Northuj
remarked :
| “Your door has a bolt on it, and I believe i
ESTABLISHED 1859.
ELBERTOIT, GA., DEC’E 0,1876.
is the only room the house that is secured.
“Don’t you lock your lower'doors ?” I asked.
She smiled and replied : “We never think it
necessary.”
Musing on the strange custom which, by-the
bye, I did not consider very safe. I went to bed
and tried to sleep, but found it unable to do so.
Strange visions floated across my brain, and I
lay twisting and turning in the bed. vainly de
siring slumber. I heard the clock down in the
hall strike two, and then some chanticleer, as
sleepless as myself perhaps, gave a prolonged
crow. As the voice ot the rooster died away,
there came a noise as of a person jumping from
the window sill to the floor, and then followed
the light and almost noiseless step of one as
cending the stairway. Miss Northup’s room was
In front and adjoining mine, and I listened with
a quick beating heart to the creak upon the
stairs. I got up quietly, and slipping on some
of my clothes, seized one of my pistols.
Step by step the creak came toward my door.
I put my ear to the keyhole, and could hear the
breathing of the villian. T stood motionless,
the pistol grasped firmly in my hand. Not a
muscle moved nor a nerve was slackened, for I
fell that Heaven had selected me as the instru
ment to effect its purpose. The step passed on
and reached Miss Northup’s door. 1 heard it
open softly, and 1 also opened mine ; the moon
was shining almost as bright a.- day. Stepping
softly along the entry I slightly opened Miss
Northup’s door. No object was visible seve the
bed within, upon whose snow white sheets lay
the intended victim of the assassin. I opened
the door still wider, and saw Hannah, ihe maid,
in a sound sleep on the floor, while in the fur
ther corner of the chamber stood a tall man,
armed with a knife. He saw me, and was evi
dently in the act of making a spring upon me.
My heart swelled into my threat almost to
suffocation, and 1 made a bound into the room,
and Miss Northup started up with a scream, the
villian made a spring for me and I fired taking
deliberate aim. The blood spurted from his
nioutli, and Jake fell nis full length up the floor,
shot directly through the brain.
For an instant. Miss Northup did not compre
hend the situation, and implored me notto mur
der her. 1-ut the noise of the pistol aroused all
the household, and the truth was soon under
stood.
********
Lawyer Northup and myself agreed very well
indeed, and the reader will not be surprised to
learn that 1 ultimately married his niece, whose
life I certainly saved. 1 have now lived many
years in Kentucky, but I invariably keep up the
old Northern custom of locking up my house
when I go to bed.
SENATORS AND NYMPHS.
Some time ago in the art gallery at
Philadelphia, a gentleman looking at a
picture hung high over tho entrance
read aloud the title, ‘‘Centaur carrying
off a Nymph.” A lady who had just
passed it turned hastily and looked
again ; then touched her compav.idn arid
said in low tones :
“Oh, Mary Emma ! that is a senator
carrying off a nymph ! Do they really
do such things ? ’ and she closed her
eyes in horror
“Hush h ! Oh, my dear, yes—of
ten !”
‘Well, but Aunt Dora, it can’t be '
true; the nymphs, you know —why j
don’t they make a fuss or something, j
aunt? I never could be carried off j
without—”
“No matter wliat you think Mary Em
ma," said the aunt, shortly. “I was in
Washington for two months once, and
Malvina Carson was there for half a
year, and such, things as I saw,” shaking
her head wisely. “You ought to hear
Malvina talk awhile!” and she shud
dered.
Mary Emma regarded the picture
meditatively, a few moments longer,
then, “Aunt,” she said, “aunt, dear, I
think—do you know—l think I’d like to |
know a senator.”
“Oh 1 you dreadful girl ! that I should !
live to hear you say such a thing as j
that! Have you forgotten your cate
chism, Mary Emma ?”
“No, aunt; but lam perplexed, you
know, and the nymph—does she forget
her catechism, or is the senator’s memo
ry poor ? Carried right oft'; dear me,
Aunt Dora,-I do not understand it at
all! Is it because the senator is so
very powerful and the nymph is so very
weak ?”
“Mary Emma,” solemnly, “it’s both :
Now be warned, rash girl.”
“Aunt,” innocently’, “did you ever
know a senator ?”
“Dear me, Mary Emma, see how you
have caught your parasol in my lace—
there’s another thread broken ! I think
we have been here about long enough.
; Let us go to the bakery and get some
coffee.”
And they went, Mary Emma still look
ing perplexed and puzzled, Aunt Dora
virtuously defiant.
HOW TO GET ALONG.
Don’t stop to tell stories iu business
hours.
If you have a place of business, be
found there when wanted.
No man can get rich by sitting around
stores and saloons.
Never fool in business matters.
Have order, system, regularity and
also promptness.
Do not meddle with business you
know nothing of.
Do not kick every stone that happens
in your path.
More miles can be made in one day
by going along steadily than by stop
ping.
Pay as you go.
A man of honor respects his word as
he does his bond.
Help others when you can, but never
give what you cannot afford because it
is fashionable.
Learn to say no. No necessity of
snapping it out dog fashion, but say it
firmly and respectfully.
Use your own brains rather than those
of others.
Learn to think for yourself.
Keep ahead rather than behind the
times.
PRETTY OR NOT.
To be pretty is tiie great object of al
most every living woman, even of those
who lecture upon the impropriety of do
ing so.
Beautiful women spend a great deal
of thought upon their own charms, and
homely women grow much more bom
ber through fretting because they are
not handsome.
> Men, at least while they are young,
are very much like women in this re
spect. They hide their feelings better
There is one comfort to the homely
ones, however.
, After you come to know people very
intimately, yon do not know whether
they are pretty or not.
Their “ways” make an impression on
you, but not their noses and ears, their
eyes and mouths.
In time, the soul expresses itself to
you, and it is that which you see.
A man who has been married twenty
years scarcely knows what his wife looks
like.
He may declare that ho does, and tell
you she is a bewitching little blonde,
with soft blue eyes, long after she is fat,
and red, and forty ; because the image
of liis early love is in his heart, and he
doesn't see her a? she is to-day, but as
she appeared the day he told her of his
love.
Or, being an indifferent husband, lie
may not know she is the fine woman
that other people think her.
You have known men who have mar
ried the plainest women, and think
them beauties ; and you know beauties
who. are quite thrown away on men
who only value a wife for her success as
a cook.
As far as one’s effect on strangers is to
be taken into consideration, beatify is
valuable, and very valuable.
So, if you have it rejoice; but if you
have it not, be content.
Take care of your heart, your soul,
your mind, and your manners, and you
will make yourself that beauty which
will lender you lovely to those who are
nearest and dearest to you.
THE MORAL EFFECTS OF HURRY
To the thoughtful, rays the London
Lancet the moral consequences of ten
sion and bu.vry are saddening; to
"the pAjSieian t-Lcir rMbits are a matter
of profound concern ; their grave evils
come under his daily observation. No
evolution of force can take piaeo with
undue rapidity without damage to the
machine in which transformation is
effected. Express railway stock has a
much shorter term of use than that
reserved for slower traffic. This law
is universal that intensity and duration
of action are inversely propci tioned.
It is therefore no matter of surprise to
tind that the human nervous rystota is
no exception to the law. The higher
salubrity of rural over urban life is not
entirely a matter of fresh air and ex
ercise. Rural life involves leisure and
pause in work, which are very essential
to the maintenance of the nervous sys
tem in a state of due nutrition. TJu
remitting spams soon ceases altogether.
The tension of life produces weakness i
at the very place where strength is most!
needed. The damage done to the health j
of the most valuablo part of the com- j
rnunity, the best trained thinkers, most j
useful workers is incalculable. Work I
and worry through not proportional, j
are closely connected, and an excess of !
the former soon entails an increase in !
the latter beyond the limits which the .
nervous system can bear with impunity j
especially under the conditions under
which work has to be done. The ma
chinery and organizing the work of a
community had to be rigid and inflexi
ble, and in the strain involved in bring
ing organism into harmony with a
machine, the former must inevitably suf
fer.
“JESUS LOVER OF-.MY SOUL.'’
The brothers, John and Charles
Wesley with Richard Pilmore, Avere
one evening holding a twilight meet
ing on the common, Avhen they were
attacked by a mob, and fled from its
fury for their lives. The first place
of refuge that they found, after hav
ing been for some time separated,
was a hedge row near at hand, behind j
which they hid a few minutes, pro- j
tecting themselves from serious inju- i
ry by the missiles,, that fell like bail
about them, by clasping their hands
above their heads, as they lay with
their faces in the dust As night
drew on, the darknes enabled them
to leave their temporary retreat for
a safer one at some distance. They
found their wav, at last, to a spring
house, where in comparative securi
ry, they Avaited for their pursuers,
too weary of seeking them. “Here
they struck a light with a flint stone,”
dusted their soiled and tattered gar
ments, and, after quenching their thirst
bathed their hands and faces in the
Avater that bubbled from the spring, and
flowed away in a sparkling streamlet
Then it Avas that Charles Wesley was
inspired to write “Jesus, lover of my
soul,” with. a bit of lead which he had
hammered into a pencil.
These circumstances beautifully il
lustrate the hymn, giving to almost
every line a reality that makes it pe
culiary significant to every Christian
heart. They had fled before their en
emies, and found shelter from danger - .
He sang:
“Jcssus, lover of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly.”
Vol. AT -2STo. BXL
• 'WHISTLING GIELS.
Show me a girl Avho lias the hardi
hood to Avhistle in these days when
everything natural even to the very
hair of your head is at discount, and
i’ll show you a girl who can be depend
ded upon, one Avho will not fail you in
time of need and will give you a true,
hia ty grasp, the cordial hand-shake,
the Avarm, genuine welcome—no tip of
the kid glove and a cold ‘ how do you
dot” Who can brave danger, look
toil in the f.vce without shrinking,
laugh with those who laugh, weep
with those Avho weep, as well as whistle
with those |Avho whistle; who can in
short, take the world as she Winds it,
rough and rugged and not go through
life as though she were walking on eggs
and afraid of cracking a shell, Avho deals
in substance, not shalow.
REPORTED APPROACHING MARRIAGE
OP GOV. TILDEN.
For some Aveeks past there have been
rumors to the effect that in the event
of his election to the Presidency Mr.
Tilden Avas to be married to Miss Lola
Morse, daughter of the late Professor
Morse, preparatory to furnishing aa event
of his defeat it is rumored that the
couple Avould sail immoadiatoly for
Europe These reports assume more
definite form, and the engagement has
been positively asserted in social and
political circles for the last few days.
The friends of the lady do not credit
the story, and no positive authority fer
the announcements can beobtained from
any of Gov. Tilden’a friends. Mr. Trl
den has been for many years an in
timate acquaintance ol the family Miss
Morse is a young lady 21 years of ago,
of stately figure and much beauty of'
countena. ce. She is rarely accomplish
ed as a musician and linguist. Miss
Morse and her mother sail for Europe
on Wednesday next, with the intention
of remaining abroad fer three years
or more. This latter fact is accepted
as a denial of the reported engage
ment.—N. Y Tiibuue.
FOOLING*! FRUITER.
A staid looking gentleman, appearent
ly a stranger, stopped at an apple
stand:
“What is the price of oranges 1” ho
asked, pointing to a collection of large
pears.
‘-Dees ees not de borange,” said the
polite vender. “Does ees de California
paire. One for twenty ii’ cent.”
“You don't mean to tell me,” said the
stranger, putting Lis hand upon an ap
ple, “thatthis is a pear?”
“Pardon! no! I Bay dees ees de
paire. Does is do apple. Tree for de ten
cent."
“Well, I must say,” continued the
stranger, picking up a handful of chest
nuts and examining them critically,
“that these are the queerest apples I
ever saw.”
“Oh, mon Dieu! no! Dem cea de
cboseynut what grow in your own
cor.ntree. Yon roast theein on do fire."
‘ Roast them in the fire! Well, upon
my word, fingering a bunch of bananas
curiously; “I don't see Low such chest
nuts as these can be improved by roast
ing. They seem to be soft enough now.
However,l am much obliged. I U ste
you later. Good day;” and tr.e straug
or passed up tho street.
“Gentlemen,” said the fruit dealer,
turning in an appealing manner to the
crowd that had gathered, “dat man is
ono escaped fool from de penitentiary.”
Atlanta Constitution.
WEARING THE BREECHES.
Mr. Meiriv. ether paused at tlis gate,
as he adjusted his continental oil cloth,
and gave his to rch the proper slant
over his shoulder, to shout to Lis neigh
bor acrosss the way : “It is a time that
demands men, men of nerve and in
telligence and courage, men of clear
ideas and pure convictions and the
citizen avlio stands idly waiting when
Country calls him is heartless, and neg
ligent, and unpatriotic.” And then Mrs.
Meniwether’s voice was heard floating
o%'er the front fence like the song of a
bird in the night: ‘ Krasins Merri
wether ! If you go oft’ without splitting
up wood enough for the kitchen stove
I'll uo some haymaking in chat carroty
hair of yourn that’ll make you wish this j
country never had a President." And j
it is just such chilling influences as j
these that shut so many of our best men j
out of active public life.
A Gem—Nothing on earth c:.n smile
but a human being Gems may flash
reflected light, but what is a diamond’s
flash compared with and eye flash and a
mirth flash 1 A face that cannot smile
is like a bud that blossoms, and dries up
on the stalk. Laughter is day, and
sobriety is night, and a smile is the
twilight that hovers gently between
them both, and more bewitching than
either.
- -cn* ♦
“Turnout! turn out!” cried a roy
stering teamster to someone he was
meeting. “Turn out, or I'll serve you
as I did the other man !” Tho stranger,
in astonishment, complied, but, when
John Avas nearly opposite, called to him
with, “pray, how did you serve the other
man ?” “Why, sir,” said tho Avag tipping
a Avink, “I told him to turn out, and ho
Avouldn’t, so I turned out myself.”
In your engagements, be careful whr.t
you promise ; but ay hen you have once
committed yourself, keep vour promise
faithfully.
CHANGED HIS OCCUPATION.
Merrills, one of the leading grocers in
Danbury, made a rather unfortunate
speculation in the Avay of a clerk last
week. He was a middle-aged man, with
a white face, largo eyes, and a decidedly
subdued expression of face. He was a
relative of Mrs. Merrills, and has for the
past ten years been laboring as a col
porteur for the Methodist church in Il
linois. His health failed, he Avas oblig
ed to give up his work, and so he came
East to visit his relatives and look up
I some other business. While here Mr.
| Merrills thought to take him in the gro
j eery as a clerk, but the experiment avus
i not a success.
! “He’s just as honest as the day is
| long,” explained Mr. Merrills to the
j writer, “and as industrious as a bee, but
| that Methodist traveling business had
I got so set on him that he couldn’t shake
;it off, no how, and I don’t know what
■ the poor man will do unless he goes
| back to the same work. He made it
; pooty warm for several of our custom*
' ers before I heard of it, but he meant
for the best without a doubt,” added Mr.
Merrills, more cheerfully. ■
It was a Tuesday morning that ho en
tered upon his duties as clerk. Mr.
Merrills’ assistant had gono out with the
| team in search of orders. Mr. Merrills
j had a barrel of syrup in the cellar to
I draw off’, and ho went down there to at
tend to it, leaving the neAv man in the
store to wait on customers.
It was not a busy day iu tho grocery,
so the grocer availed himself of the fact,
and his own proximity to break in his
wife’s relative. The first customer wrs
a young woman in quest of rice. Tho
new clerk went to the head of the stairs
to learn the price, then reported to her.
“Five cents a pound,” said she. “I
thought it was only four.”
“Five is the price, my dear friend,”
he pleasantly replied.
Sho took several pounds.
Next came a buxom looking woman
who ’.vanted to see some clothes lines.
There were three kinds. He got the
price of them, and then prepared to deal
with her. There Avas only one kind that
suited her, but sho didn’t like the price
two dollars.
“I’ll give you a dollar and a half.”
“I couldn’t possibly take a cent less
than $2, my unconverted friend,” he ex
plained in an impressive voice.
She started—looking curiously at him.
“I'll give you a dollar and seventy
five,” she finally said, looking surprised.
“i’m sorry,” he said, “but I must havo
two dollarß, unregenerate woman.
She started again, gave him a search
ing look and shot out of tho store.
The new lerk put up the lines, and
took his position back of the counter to
patiently wait another call. It present
ly came. It was a short man with au
burn hair and a freckled countenance.
Ho wanted a ham. The price was given
him.
“Eighteen cents,” ho whispered, as
if the price had nearly taken his breath.
“Yes, sir. Eighteen cents, my Avay
ward friend.”
“But it ain’t worth but sixteen, ham
ain’t,” protested the stranger.
“But just look at tho quality of this
ham, my hardened sir.”
He looked at the clerk instead, 110
was evidently suprised at something.
“I'll give you 1(5 cents,” lie finally said.
“Eighteen I must have, unconverted
one,” softly replied the clerk.
“VYhat'e that 1" sharply inquired tho
short man, with flushing face.
“I say eighteen is the least lean tuko.
If you will pause a moment and consid
er, wretched man—”
“What’s that? ” again asked tho man,
with elevated voice and flashing eyes.
“Don’t get excited, I pray you,” ex
postulated tiie clerk in a soothing tone.
“This ham is something far superior to
what you have been used to having, I
can assure you, my utterly lost and
damned sir—”
The new clerk suddenly paused hero
to jump upon the counter, being induc
ed thereto by the extraordinaiy move
ments of the short man Avith the freck
les, who having pulled off his coat in an
incredibly short space of time, and
flung it on tho floor, and shied his hat in
the same direction, was now rolling up
the sleeves of his shirt and dancing
around the room in a wild nnd incoher
ent manner. Tho noise attracting the
attention of Mr. Merrills, iu the cellar,
he hurried up stairs, and was antonish
ed beyond measure to see the new clerk
on the counter, Avith a butter ladle in
his hand, excitedly warding off tho
blows of a coatless and hatless stranger,
in the delirium of rage.
“Utterly lost and damned, am I?”
screamed the short man, making a vi
cious pass at the new clerk's knees, and
catching the edgo of tho ladle on hi j
knuckles.
Mr. Merrills rushed speedily to the
rescue of his clerk. Explanations fol
lowed, the short man was quieted but
scarcely satisfied and went away without
the bam. The new clerk got down from
the counter very much subdued, and
peace again resumed her beneficent sway
in the grocery. But the clerkship Avas
given up by mutual consent.
No woman, ho wever nervous sho may
be, lias any right to Avake her husband
from a sound sleep, to tell him, on his
inquiring Avhat is the matter, “Nothing,
only I wanted to knoAV if you were
a Avake.”
—
A negro Avitness in a trial the other
day Avas asked Avhat ho was doing in a
certain liquor shop at a certain time. —
Ho explained that ho had gone there to
“change his breff.” The explanation was
accepted.
An Arkansas man thoughtlessly set
some spring guns in his poultry yard,
and tho next morning in tho rising sun
he rubbed his spoefieales and started in
speechless amazement at eighteen candi
dates sitting on the front fence picking
bird shot out of their thirty six legs.
Women nro presumptuous creatures.
They always ask for a lock of thoir
lover’s hair before marriage, and tako it
Avithout asking afterword.