Newspaper Page Text
FRIDAY MORNING. DEC. 11. 1914.
THE LAGRANGE REPORTER
The Gifts
That
Failed
By
GEORGE ADE
(Copyright, Doubloday, Pago ft Co.)
n
II. SIDNEY 1‘AYSON was
full of tho bltternosH of
Chrlstmas-lido. Mr Pay-
non wiih tbu kind of man
who lovod to toll invalids
that they worn not look
ing ax well os usual, and
who frightened young hus
bands by predicting that' kerchlef-box department, says It's just
they would regret having married. Ho ' grand.”
seldom put the seal of approval on any I "Ha! All right, Ml take it.”
human undertaking. It waB a matter | j|o felt his happiness rising as be
of pride with him that ho never failed | wont through the store. The Joy shone
-All right, 111 take them,” he said.
"I waht them for my nephow Fred. He
likes Indian stories.”
The sal-jeglrl looked at him wonder-
Ingly.
“Now, then, I wnnt a love story,”
said Mr. Payson. “I have a maiden
sister who Is president of a Ruskln
club and writes essays about Hud-
dhlnrn. I want to give her a book
that tells about a girl named Mabel
who Is loved by Sir Hector Something-
or-Other. Olve mo a book that Is full
of hugs and kieses and heaving bos
oms and all that sort of rot. Get Just
as far away from lbse.n and Howells
and Henry James as you can possibly
got”
“Here is a book that all the girls In
the storo say is very good,” replied
, the young woman. "It Is called 'Vlr-
I glo's Betrothal; or The Stranger at
Iilrchwood Manor.' It's by Imogene
8ybll lleauclerc.”
| “If It’e what It sounds to be, It’s Just
what I want," said Payson, showing
Ills teeth at tho young woman with a
, devilish glee. "You say tho girls here
I In the storo like It?”
I “Yes; Miss Simmons, In the hand-
I comes of being president of a literary
club. But you are the only one, Sid
ney, who had the rare and kindly Judg
ment to appeal to the woman and not
to the club president. Because I am
Interested In a serious literary move
ment It need net follow that I want my
whole life to bo overshadowed by the
giants of the kingdom of letters. Al
though I would not daro confess It to
Mrs. l’eabody or Mrs. Hutchens, there
aro times when I like to spend an aft
ernoon with an old-fashioned love
story. You are a bachelor, Sidney, and
bb for me, I have long since ceased to
blush at the casual mention of ’old
maid.’ It was not for us to know the
bitter-sweet experiences of courtship
and marriage, and you will remember
that wo have sometimes pitied the
headlong infatuation of sweethearts,
and have felt rather superior In our
freedom. And yet, Sidney, If we chose
to be perfectly candid with each other,
I dare say that both of us would con-
to find tho sinister motive for the act
which other people applauded. Some
of his pious friends usod to say that
Satan hud got the upper hand with
him, but there were others who Indi
cated that It might bu bile.
Think of tho seething wrath and tho
sense of humilatlon with which Mr.
Sidney Payson set about his Christ
mas shopping! In tho first place, to
go ehopplng for Christmas presents
was tho most conventional thing that
anyono could do, and Mr. Payson
hated conventionalities. For another
thing, the giving of Christmas pres
ents carrlod with It some testimony of
affection, and Mr. Payson regarded
any display of affection as one of the
ersde symptoms of barbarous taste.
If he could have assembled hie rela
tives at a Christmas gathering and
opened a few old family wounds, re
minding bis brother and his two sla
ters of some of their youthful folllos,
thu shaming them before the chil
dren, Mr. Sidney Payson might have
managod to make out a rather merry
Christmas. Instead of that, bo waa
condemned to go out and purchase
gifts and be as cheaply ldotlc as the
other wretched mortals with whom he
was being carried along. No wonder
that he chafed and rebelled and vainly
wished that he could hang crepe on
every Christmas treo In the universe.
Mr. Sidney Payson hated Ills task
and ho was puzzled by it. After wan
dering through two Btorcs and looking
In at 20 wlndowe bo had been unablo
to mako ono selection. It Boomed to
him that all tho nrtlcles offered for
sale were singularly and uniformly In-
approprlnto. Tho custom of giving
was a farce In Itself, and tho storekeep
ers had done what they could to make
It a sickening travesty.
"Ill go ahead and buy a lot of things
at haphazard,” he said to hlmBolf. ”1
don’t care a hang whether they aro ap
propriate or not”
At that moment he had an Inspira
tion. It was an Inspiration which
coaid have come to no one except Mr.
.Sidney Payson. It promised a speedy
In his face as he stood at the skate
counter.
“I have a brother who Is forty-six
years old and rather fat,” ho said to
tho salesman. “I don’t suppose he’s
boon on the Ice In twenty-flvo years.
Ho wears a No 9 ehoe. Give me a
pair of skates for him.”
A few minutes later ho stood at the
silk counter.
"What are thoso things?" he naked,
pointing to some gayly colored silks
folded In boxes.
"Thoso are scarfs.”
"Well, If you’ve got one that has all
the colors of the rainbow In It, I’ll take
it I want one with lots of yellow and
red and green in it. I want something
that you can hear across the street
You see, I have a sister who prides
herself on her quiet taste. Her cos
tumes are marked by what you call
‘unobtrusive elegance.* I think she’d
rather die than wear one of those
things, so I want the biggest and
nolsest one In the whole lot”
The girl didn’t know what to make
of Mr. Paysou’s strange remarks, but
she was too busy to be kept wonder
lng.
Mr. Payson’s sister’s husband Is the
president of a church temperance so
ciety, so Mr. PayBon bought him c
buckhorn corkscrew.
There was ono more present to buy.
“Let mo see.” said Mr. Payson.
"What Is there that could be of no
earthly use to a girl of*slx years old?”
Evon ns he spoko his eye fell on a
sign: "Bargain sale of neckwear.”
"I don’t bollovo she would care for
cravats,” ho suld. “I guess I’ll buy
somo for her."
He saw a box of cravate marked ”26
cents each."
“Why aro those so cheap?” he asked.
“Well, to tell the truth, they’re out
of stylo.”
"That’s good. 1 want eight of them
—oh, any eight will do. I want them
for a small niece of mine—a little girl
about six years old.”
Without Indicating the least sur
prise, tho salesman wrapped up the
cravats.
It Would Be Useless to Dwell Upon
the Reflections of Mr. Sidney Pay-
son.
fess to having known something about
that which men call love. We might
confess that we had felt its subtle In
fluence, at times and places, and with
a stirring uneasiness, as one detects a
draft. Wo might go so far as to ad
mit that sometimes we pause In our
lonely lives nnd wonder what might
have been, nnd whether it would not
have been better ufter all. I am afraid
that 1 am waiting this like a senti
mental school girl, but you must know
that I linvo been reading your churm-
lng little book, and It hus come to me
ns a message from you. Is It not real
ly a confession, Sidney? You have
made mo very hnppy, dear brother. I
feel more closely drawn to you than at
any time since we were all together
at Christmas, at the old home. Como
and see me. Your loving sister,
"GERTRUDE.”
I’ll Take Them.”
end to shopping hardships. It guaran
teed him a ChrlsUnus to his own
liking.
He was bound by family custom to
buy Chrlstmns presents for his rela
tives. Ho had promised his sister that
he would remember every one in the
list. But he was under no obligation
to give presents which would be wel
come- Why not give to each of his rel
atives some present which would be
entirely useless, Inappropriate and
superfluous? It would serve them right
for Involving him In the childish per
formances of the Christmas season. It
would be a burlesque on the whole
nonsenslcality of Christmas giving. It
would Irritate and puzzle his relatives
and probably deepen their hatred of
him. At any rate, It would be a satire
on a silly tradition, and thank good
ness, It wouldn’t be conventional.
Mr. Sidney Payson went into the
dlrst department store and found hlm-
aelf at the book counter.
"Have you any work which would be
aultable for an elderly gentleman of
studious habits and deep religious con-
wlctions?” he a6ked.
“We have here the works of Flavius
Josephus In two volumes,” replied the
young woman.
Letters rocolvod by Mr. Sidney Pay-
son in acknowledgment of his Christ
mas presents:
"Dour Brother; Pardon me for not
having acknowledged the receipt of
your Christmas present. The fact Is
that since tho skates carao I have been
dovotlng so much of my time to tho
re-acqutrlng of one of my early accom
plishments that 1 have not had much
time for writing. I wish I could ex
press to you tho delight I felt when I
opened tho box and saw that you had
sent mo a pair of skates. It was Just
ns If you hud Bald to mo: ‘Will, my
boy, somo people may think you are
getting on In years, but I know that
you’re not.’ I suddenly remembered
that tho presents which I hnve been
receiving for several ChrlstmuseB were
Intended for an old man. I have re
ceived ensy-chalrs, slippers, mu fliers,
smoklng-JucketB, nnd tho like. When 1
received the pair of skates from you I
felt that twenty years had been lifted
from my shoulders. How In tho world
did you ever happen to think of them?
Did you really bcltcve that my Bkattng
days were not over? Well, they’re not.
1 went to tbo pond In tho park on
Christmas day and worked at it for
two hours and 1 had a lot of fun. My
ankles were rather weak and I fell
down twice, but without' hurting my
self, managed to go through the mo
tions, and before I left I skated with
a peach of a pretty girl. Well, Sid, I
owe this renewal of my youth to you.
Thank you many times, and believe
me to be, as ever, your affectionate
brother. WILLIAM.”
"Dear Brother: The secret Is out. I
suspected It all the time. It Is need
less for you to offer denial. Some-
j times when you have acted the cynic
I hnve almost believed that you were
sincere, but each time I have been re
lieved to observe something In you
which told n?e that underneath your
assumed indifference there was a
genial current of the romantic senti
ment of the youth and the lover. How
can I be In doubt after receiving a
little book—a love story?
“I knew, Sidney dear, that you would
remember me at Christmas. Toil have
always been the soul of thoughtful
ness, especially to those of us who un
derstood you. I must, however, con
fess that 1 expected you to do tho
deadly conventional thing and send
me something heavy and serious. I
knew It would be a book. All of my
friends send me books. That’s what
"Doer Brother: Greetings to you
from the happiest household In town,
thunks to a generous Santa Claus In
tho guise of Uncle Sidney. I muBt be
gin by thanking you on my own ac
count. How In the world did you learn
that Roman colors had come In again?
I have always heard that men did not
follow the stylos and could not be
trusted to select anything for a wont
an, but It is a libel, a base libel, for
the scarf which you sent is quite the
most beautiful thing I have received
this Christmas. 1 have It draped over
tho large picture in the parlor, and it
Is the envy of every one who has been
in today. A thousand, thousand thanks,
dear Sidney. It was perfectly sweet
of you to remember me, and I call It
nothing less than a stroke of genius to
think of anything eo appropriate and
yet so much out of the ordinary.
“John asks me to thank you—but I
must tell you the story. One evening
last week we had a little challng-dish
pnrty after prayer meeting, and I
asked John to open a bottle of olives
for me. Well he broke the em&U blade
of his knife trying to get the cork
out. He said: ’If I live to get down
town again. I’m going to buy a cork-
Bcrew.’ Fortunately'he had neglected
to buy one, and so your gift seemed to
come straight from Providence. John
Is very much pleased. Already he has
found a uee for It, as It happened
that he wanted to open a bottle of
household ammonia the very first
thing this morning.
“As for Fred’s lovely books—thank
goodness you didn’t send him any
more story books. John and I have
been trying to induce him to take up
a more serious line of reading. The
Josephus ought to help him in the
study of his Sunday school lessons.
We were pleased to observe that he
read It for about an hour this morn
ing.
"When you were out here last fall
did Genevieve tell you that she was
collecting silk for a doll quilt? She
insists that she did not, but she must
have done so, for how could you havo
guessed that she wants pieces of silk
above anything else In the world? Fred
and Genevieve send love and kisses.
John Insists that you come out to din
ner some Sunday very soon—next Sun
day It you can. After we received your
presents we were quite ashamed of
the box we had eent over to your
hotel, but we will try to make up the
difference lp heart-felt gratitude. Don’t
forget--any Sunday. Your loving sla
ter, KATHERINE."
It would be useless to dwell upon
the reflections of Mr. Sidney Payson
after he received these letters.
He is Looking for His Savings Bank Book.
Start an account TO-DAY for your child with $1.
40| 0
WE PAY
BANK OF LA GRANGE
WI8E AND JUST.
There was a man in our town.
And he wus wondrous wise;
He said all plants were mistletoe
To his dlsrcrnlng eyes.
Whene'er beneath a spray of green.
From holly down to flr.
He found a maiden young and fair.
He then and there kissed her.
And when the maids objected, he
Dtd penance there and then;
He counted up each kiss he took,
And gave It back again.
Satisfied.
He was a poor man but a contented
one. Santa Claus cane to him and
Bald:
“What do. you want, m> friend?”
’’Nothing," be replied, with becom
ing modesty, which he hoped would
be rewarded.
And Santa Claus was so pleased
that he gave It to him and passed on.
Papa’s Suggestion.
Miss Fosdlck (who Is self-willed)—
I wish I knew what to give, dear
Charles for a Christmas gift.
Fosdlck, pere (who hates "dear
Charles”)—Olve him a wide berth.
^1 Greetings
And best wishes for a Merry
Xmas and a Happy, Prosperous
New Year for you.
If you need a nice new Calendar
for 1915, and will call by, we will
be glad to supply you with an at
tractive one.
V. R. & L F. O’Neal
INSURANCE, REAL ESTATE AND RENTING
Phono 131 National Bank Building
Give Them a Good Photo of Yourself for Xm
If She Loves You Send
Her a Photograph of Your-
self. If She Doesn’t, a
Good Photograph will
Help.
as
Your Mother Would
Prefer a Good Photograph
to Any Other Gift. SEND
HER ONE.
THEY LOOK BETTER WHEN THEY COME FROM
FOWLER’S STUDIO
SNELSON DAVIS, Manager and Operator