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THE
. B if
ROCKDALE REGISTER ~
PUBLBHED.EVERY THURSDAY,
BY TIIE
ROCKDALE REGISTER PUBLISHING CO.,
AT
CONYERS, GEORGIA.
HATKB Ol" StJBSCRirTION :
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Chibs of Five or more, 25 per cent, less I
The .Register is a large 24 column paper.
The Register is the Old Reliable.,
THE REGISTER
Will give you the General and Local News.
democratic at all times and under
all circumstances /
o
The Political Campaign for 1876—the Cen
lonuu year—is uuw upuueu.
SUBSCRIBE FOR THE REGISTER
And keep posted on the coming issues of the
day.
Within the next six months, every elective
Office in the United States, from Bailiff to
President, will be elected.
The Campaign will be “Red Hot and still a
Heating."
The most vital issues are in this Campaign.
Subscribe for The Register, the Old Relict
tie, and keep up with the Times!
WHEREVER IT HAS BEEN TRIED
has established itself as a perfect regulator
and sure remedy for disorders o' the system
arising from improper action of the Liver and
Bowblb
IT IS NOT A FHYSI. but, by stimulating
the secretive organa .y and gradually re
moves all impurities nd regulates the entire
system
IT IS NOT A DOCTORED BITTERS, but
VEGETABLE TONIC
which assists digestion, and thus stimulates,
the appetite forfood necessary to invigorate
the weakened and inactive organs, and gives
strength to all the vita) forces.
IT CARRIESITB OWN RECOMMENDA
TION, as the large andrapidly increasing sales
gistify.
se Price : One Dollar a bottle. Ask your drug
t tfor it. JOHNSON, HOLLO WAY & CO
Wholesale Agents,Phila.,
A CARD.
Uk. D S. SOUTHWICK, one of the most
successful physicians of New Orleans, hag lo
cated in Atlanta. Confidential Medical Ad
viser for all persons afflicted; also, sole pro
prietor of his oelebrated
- recently discov
? moron and § ed ’ and PUR£LY
: - TOBACCO ! VEGETABLE;
; antidote : over Beven hun
§ ’ § dred cured; gnar
: antee* all cases
PEABODY HOUSE
CORKER OP LOCUST ANIX NINTH STREETS.,
PHILADELPHIA, PA.
Convenient te all places of amusement and
**r lines in the city. No changes to and from
the Centennial Grounds.
Col. Watson, proprietor of the Henry House,
Cincinnati for the past twenty years, and pres-'
*®t P rG prietor, has leased the house for a term
*■ years, and has newly furnished and fitted it
wr wghout. He will keep a strictly first-class
house, and has accommodation for 300 guests.
1 erms only (3 per day.
Cel. Watson is a native of Virginia, and
probably the only Hotel Proprietor in Phila
aelphia from the South.-
Dsy ehomancy, ot Soul' Charming,” How
~ eit her ser may fascinate and gain the love
1 5 affections of any person they choose instant
v- This simple,mental acquirement all can
Possess, free, by mail, for 25cts, together with
guide, Egyptian Oracle, Dreams,
****•- tn La lies, Wedding-Night Shirt, Ac. A
, tfMMrbnot. Address IV William A Cos.. Pub-
Philadsiphia. Vfy-M-
Vol. 2.
Nebuchadnezzar,
You, Nebuohadnezzar, whoa, sah !
Where is you trying to go, sah ?
1 and hab you for to know, sah,
Isa- hoi den ob de lines.
You better stop dat prancin';
You h po ful fond ob dancin’,
But I’ll bet .-\y yeah’s advancin’,
I>at 1U ci re you ob your shines.
Look heeh, mule ! Better min’ out -
P ust ting you know you’ll fin’ out
How quick I’ll wear dis line out
On your ugly, stubbo’n back,
You needn t try to steal up
An’ lif dat preoious heel up •
You s got to plough dis fiel’ up.
You has, sah, for a fac’.
Bar, dat s de way to do it!
He s cornin’ right down to it ;
Jes watch him ploughin’ t’roo it!
Dis nigger ain’t no fool.
Some folks dey would a-beat him—
Now, dat would only heat him:
I know jes’ how to troat him;
You mus’ reason wid a mule.
He minds me like a nigger.
If he was only bigger
and fotch a migbty figger*
He would, I tell you ! Yes, sah !
See how he keeps a clickin’!
He s as gentle as a chicken,
An nebber thinks ob kicken—
Who a, dor / Nebuchadnezzar !
**** # * .
Is dis heah me, or not me ?
Or is de debbil got me ?
Was data cannon dat shot me ?
Hab I laid heah more'n a week ?
Hat mule do kick amazin’!
He beast was sp’iled in raizin'—
But I ’spect he s grazin'
On de oder side de creek.
—[Scribner’s Monthly.
A MATRIMONIAL burect
SOME OF THE FEATURES OF THE NEW INSTI
TUTION IN SAN FKANCISCO,
Applicants during office hours will
have the satisfaction of knowing that
curious ones on the other side °o( the
street can and doubtless will obtain an
uninterrupted view ot their approach
and departure. In the ladies’ depart
ment a collection of the photographs of
the male applicants will be kept, and
vice versa in the gentlemen’s depart
ment. No applicants of doubtful char
acter will be received, and any one am
bitious of • ~ ...ovj me
fields of married bliss must produce
unequivocal testimony of untarnished
honor and all the attributes which make
a person eligible to private society. The
institution being supported by philan
thropists, of course the monetary feature
of the business is the least conspicuous,
but some attention is paid to it in order
that the, "bureau” may be self-support.-,
ing. A schedule of charges has been
scientifically arranged for the benefit of
the patrons. The average fee to retain
the services of the agent for otm month
is $5. At the end of that lime, if a con •
genial companion is not found, the agen
cy refunds the money. If a marriage is
consummated the “bureau" is enriched
according to the liberality of the bride
groom. No marriage, no money.
A healthy man, medium sized, average
looks, middle age, is worth $5 to the
‘bureau.’ Take off half a score of years
from his Age, add a few inches to his
stature, give him a graceful moustache
and other items of external grace, and
his fee of admission depreciates 50 per
cent., for the chances of marrying him
off, and the ultimate gains are increased
by that amount. On the other hand, if
he possesses much oersonal uuloveliness
$7 50 is exacted from him before his
vanity is gratified by the exhibition of
his picture. Red hair is assessed $1
extra ; a glass eye. $3; a cork leg or arm,
$5; a slight strabismus, $1 30; a bad
squint, s’2 50. baldness entails 75 cents
extra, and false teeth, of ordinary
manufacture, sl. If the artificial molars
are neat and not easily detected, they
are allowed to pass without extra charge.
Deafness costs - $4 extra. .Blue, gray,
and green eyes are not included in the
category of good looks. Brown, hazel,
and black eyes are worth 50 cents to the
owner, for they save him that amount on
the fee. Hair that curls without the.
suspicion of being‘kinky' is worth $1
Small ears are valued at 25 cents, and
little feet and hands atj double that
amount.—[San Francisco Post.]
‘Have you seen my black faced ante
lope V inquired Mr. Leoscope, who had
a collection of animals of bis friend Bot
tlejaek. ‘No, I haven’t. Whom did
your black faced aunt elope with ?’
‘Ah, Jemmy,’ said a sympathizing
friena, to a man who was just too late
for the train, ‘you did Dot run fast
enough.’ ‘Yes I did,’ said Jenny, ‘but I
didn’t start soon enough.’
‘My boy,’ said a solemn visaged Evans
gelist to a lad who bad just emerged
from a hair-pulling match with another
boy, ‘do you expect to rove hereafter in
a land o£pure delight V ‘No,’ said the
lad, *l‘ve busted another button ofPn my
trowser* and I expects to git licked lor
a
CONYERS, C3-A, JUNE* 15, IH7G.
Soap ou the' Stairs*
A gentleman residing on Aberdeen
street was until Friday last, inclined to
favor female suffrage. His wife had
prudently delayed moving till after the
Ist, so as to take advantage of ,the fall
of house-rents. The house to which
they moved had a tremendously steep
flight cf stairs, and an oil-clothed hall,
lhe wife had the stairs scrubbed down,
and left the soap on the top step. Her
husband wis up stairs, with a basket
full of clothes-pins in 0110 hand and a
clock under the other arm, when his wife
who was down stairs, saw a mouse, and
shaking her skirts madly, bounded upon
the table and let off a series of shrill
shrieks beginning on the high ZZZ above
the clef. Her husband, thinking the
house was on fire at the very least, start
ed to run to her rescue, and, stepping on
the piece of soap that she had so
! thoughtfully left ou the stairs, sat down
vehemently at the top of the flight, and
slid down with the speed of thought.
Fire flew from his false teeth as die hit
the edge of each step, volleys of clothes,
pins were discharged into the air and
fell rattling and rebounding on the oil
cloth, and the clock shed its inward over
the universe. The injured husband had
little time for reflection when he reached
the glare oil-cloth of the hall and shot
across it with scarcely diminished veloc
ity, literally making the oilcloth and the
seat of his pantaloons smoke with fric
tion, and finlly bringing up against the
door with a violence that threatend to
burst the side out of the house. The
fearful concussion startled his wife, who
turned a back-somersault from the table
into a tub of soap-suds, in which she
was so tightly wedged that sho had to
throw a handspring and canter on all
fours like a turtle with a tub or, her back
and cataracts of suds inundating her.
Meanwhile, the hired womrn fell eff the
step-ladder’with a crash like a pile-driver
B ° f wfe .Kirsiougi.-
ed her tub, she sauntered calmly into
the hall and remarked, “VVell, men are
the clumsiest—and hall 'h id just been
washed, too. ” Her husband did not say
much, but he thought a good deal ; and
now, he says, just let Susan B. Anthony
come and lecture bore again, and it no
other man has the courage “to hiss, he
will, so help him Jasper Packlemerton.—
[ Chicago Tribune.
A Hundred Years A e<it
A s'ory is told ot a family living in
colonial times, whose extravagant habits
excited the village. “For the eldest son
got a pair of boots, the second an over
coat, the third a watoh and the fourth a
pair of shoe buckles ; and the neighbors
all shook their' heads, and whispered to
each other: ‘That family is on the high
roftd io insolvency.”
Legislation in New England tried to
restrain extravagance in dress, and laws
were passed against wearing laces, em
broidery, needle-work caps and “immod
erate great sleeves.” A century we find
people making much the same complaints
and quoting “good old colonytimes.’
The shoes were of the same material
as the dress, often skillfully embroidered.
Country girls sometimes carry,the broad
cloth shoes with peaked toes in their
hands till they got to church ; but l! e
pink satin and yellow brocade shoes ot
city maidens were supported on clogs
and pattens. Mrs. John Adams asked
her husband to send her from Philadel
phia in 1775, ‘ two yards ot black cala
manco for shoes,” saying she could not
wear leather if site went barefoot.
By way of silently reproving the van
ity of their wives and daughters, the
sterner sex appeared in immense pow
dered wigs, stiffy strrehed ruffles, glitter
ing knee and shoe puckles, trimmed with
great gilt or silver buttons With elabo
rate wardrobes of the men to keep in
order, what wonder the women had no
time to cultivate their “squirrels’ brains ?
to quote one of the gallant croakers of
the time.
After all, we fancy the most ardent
lovers of the past would hardly be in
favor of the early days ot the republic.
With the mahogony sideboard rescued
from oblivion, the spinning wheel sei up
in the parlor, and the quaint china tea
set upon the closet shelves, we can all
cry: **oh I those pleasant times of old,
with their chivalry and.state,
I loVe to read their chronieles which
such brave deeds relate.
I love to sing their ancient rhymes, to
bear their legends told—
But Hoaveu be thanked I live not in
those bkssfed times of old!"
An exchange asks: “If there is a
place for everything, where is the place
for a boil f The best place for such an
ornament is on some other fellow.
An Obtuse Man.
She was a stylish young lady about
18 years old, and to accommodate a
friend she took the baby out tor an air
ing. She was wheeling it up and down
the walk when an oldish man, very deaf
came along and inquired for a certain
person supposed to live on that street.
She nearly yelled Jier head off trying
to answer him, and he looked around
and caught sight of the baby, and
said :
‘Nice child, that. I suppose you feel
proud of him ?
‘lt isn’t mine ! She y>l’ it him.
‘Boy, eh ? Well lie looks just like
you.'
‘lt isn’t mine'! Sfie yelled again,
hut he noded his head and coirtnml
- :
‘Twins, eh ? Where is ’tother one
at ?
She started eff with the cab, but lie
followed and asked :
‘Did it die ot colic ?
Despairing ot making him understand
by mouth, she pointed to the baby, to
herself, and then shook her head.
‘Yes—yes, I see—’tother twin in the
house. There father is fond of them oi
course.’
She turned the cab and hurried Jthe
other way, 4 but he followed and ask
ed i
‘l)o they kick around much at night?
‘I toll you ’taint mine 1 she shouted,
turning red in the face.
‘I think you are wrong there 1’ he
answered. ‘Children brought up on
the bottle ate apt to pine and die.’
She started off on a run lor the gate,
before she had opened it he came up and
asked :
‘Have to spauk ’em once in a while, I
suppose 1
She made about twenty gestures in
half a minute, and he helped the cab
through the gate ;
lb g\VV~~yva~loM
advice. Volt-—'’
But she picked up a (lower pot and
flung it at him. He'jumped back, and
as she entered the house Ire' called
out :
‘Hope insanity won’t break out on
the twins !’
He Got There.
A mart who had been lortg boinbar
ded by hard times entered a yard on La
fayette avenue yestetday and stfec'hed
out in the shade ot a tree. The garden
er came out and asked him what busi
ness lie had there, and the stranger re
plied :
•I seek solitude and res*. I want to
he far from the maddening crowd.’
•You’ll have to git,’ said the gardener.
‘I shall stay here till I have solved the
great problem of life,’ was the quiet an
swer.
A policeman was brought there to see
if he would, aud he seized the old vag's
coat collar and inquired i
•Will you walk into my parlor?’
‘I am looking for solitude 1’ shouted
the stranger, kicking with all his might.
It took three'officers to get him out,
tie him and load the body on a wagon,
hut he got just where the solitude tvas
thick enough to be cut lengthways with
an old jack -knife,
The seeming prosperity of the wicked
is thus alluded to by the Christian in the
World :
How often does it happen in the his
tory of these wilful sinners in the flesh,
that after awhile all of these things seem
to smile upon them and prosper them
according to their heart’s content. Are
they mad for gold?—gold see ms to roll
in upon them. Are they mad for pleas
Ul . e ?—their seductive arts are successful,
and victims come ready to their lure.
Are they mad for drink ?—those around
them cease to strive with them, and give
them up fer lost. Shame, too, abandons
them. It is very wonderful t.o see how
often, it a man is beut on an end, God
gives it to him, and it becomes his curse,
God does not curse us; he leaves us to
onrselves, that is curse enough; and
from that curse what arm can save us T
We will have it, and we shall have it.
We leap through all the barriers which
fie has raised around us, though they
be rings of blazing fire wo will go
through them aDd indulge our desires ;
and in a moment He sweeps them all out
of our path j perhaps roses spring up to
beguile where flames so lately flamed to
warm. Saul is a most frightful example
of this truth.
0 0
‘Why is it, dear air,’ said Waffles'
landlady to him the other day, ‘that you
newspaper men never get rich ? ‘I do
not know,’ was his reply, ‘except it is
[that dollars and sense do not always
I travel together,’
A Family Pyramid-
The Louisville Commercial says a party
of colored individuals took the JSouth
western railroad to visit some relatives
near Hakersville, Kentucky. Upon
atkiving at the depot tin aforesaid par
ties stepped out upon the platform of the
car, preparatory to getting off the train,
which was passing the platform at the
depot The conductor, seeing the dan
ger they were in halloed to them not to
jump out.
The old negro said:
“I is going to git off here; white man;
you can’t fool me; I is rid on these here
things before to-day.”
Saying he leaped from 'the oar upon
the platform, and it being covered with
sleet,- ho skated oft and fell upon the
ground beyond, which was at least ten
below.
The old woman followed his illustrious
example, and over she went upon top of
the old man.
The girl, who weighed about three
hundred pounds, followed her mother
and became the ' capping stone, so to
speak, of the perch, though if an artisan
could have seen the pyramid lie would
have said the base of it had been turned
up.
By the time the train stopped, the old
African presented himself at the end of
the plat form, much flatter in appearance
than when he made'his exit.
The last we saw of him he was railing
out at the top of his voice:
“Jist bke*a woman—always wants to
visit in bad weather ! And now I’s got
to sue de white folks of dis train in de.
Federal court for my damages and rights
I is going to do dat very thing, if God
spares me aud I can gi ! a lawyer 1 ”
'Can there be anything brought into
this House,’ asked a disgusted member,
during the last session ot the Legisla
ture, 'that will not bp_reuealed soouer or
‘a skinned orange.’
He was too solemn a preacher, be
didn’t suit Nevada. The chairman of
the farewell committee expressed it well.
Slid he : ‘Now you can git, paid ; we
ain't agin religion out here, and it riles
us to see a teller spilii’ t it“ 2 Git,
Josh Billings writes that ‘Philosophers
all agree that the milk is put into the ko
keinut and the hole neatly plugged up ;
but who the feller iz that duz it, the phi
losophers are honest enough, for a won
der, to admit they cannot tell us.’
When Hon. S. S. Cox was looking at
the great Corliss engine at the Cetennial
last week, he asked the guard standing
near what horse power the engine had ?
The reply came with an amazed look .
‘Why, you and 1 fool, you! it don't
run by horses; they use steam,’
25<*n. Hill’s I>i sabilties,
General D H. Hill, the celebrnted ex.
Confederate, has written a letter asking
•or the removal of his political disabilities,
tie cites liis service tor his country in
the army ting twelve yearrs, and
calls attention to tne fact of his promo
tion foi bravery rt the battlo at montory.
He says at', the last Presidential election
he supported Greely dnd would have vo
ted for him had he been restored to citi ■
uenship. Ho says if again enfranchised
he will vote for Hancock or any other
decent democrat. The letter was re
turned to him by the person to whom i
was written for presentation to the House
with the request that ho loavo the word
‘decent* out of his letter.—[Baltimore
American Letter.
A Remedy lor Cheat and Cockle.
Some years ago my wheat was very
much ‘turned’ to cheat and cockle. As
I had just as much faith in wheat turn'
ing to one as to the other, I resolved to
sow no more ot the seed of either, and
took a screen off afi old fan, put a rim
around it, and sat down by my heap of
seed wheat, cockle and cheat or chess,
and seived it so long as any cheat, cockle
or small grains of wheat would go
through. I sowed only what would not
pass through. The result was, scarcely
a stalk ol anything but wheat could be
found in forty five acres the next har
vest, and wbat few stalks appeared I
presume had been in the measure. I
treated rny ‘seed the same way the next
fall. The following spring, in sowing
grass seed over fifty acres, I found but
one stalk of cockle, and in harvesting
not a handful of cheat and no cockle
was found, notwithstanding the wheatl
had been badly winter-killed, and one
field near the barn had been run on,
tramped and eaten by the Jambs and
chickens very much. — [Cor. Farmers I
V fiend.
M ITOTII,
Advertisements.
First insertion (per inch space) $1 no
Kach sul f#*quoiit insertion * *5
.. * libu . ml allowed those advni
“ lo "* far P oHod than three wont
11 / r ihntes of Respect, Obitnarioß, etc., pnb-
Imbed jrce. Announcements, $5, in advance.
.No. 47.
A Mail Claims to ho tftc Coniine
Christ.
A man named Charles Ilenault camo
before Recorder Sexton, yesterday, under
strangle' circumstances,, eluirged with
insanity. Ilenault hails from Isle an
Nois, and has a wife add six children.
He has been in Montreal for a few weeks
•md latterly became possessed of tho
idea that lie was-the coming Christ. He
stated that he had been asked by God if
he could abstain for forty days, lie said
lie could, and on the ’l4th of the
present month ho entered upon tho ful
fillment of the promise, and since then
has eafen nothing, merely taking a drink
of water. His boaiding mistress verifies
the statements with regard (o tho fas
ting, this being the reason [she thought
there was something wrong. When
Henault was asked how lie felt, he said
he was as strong as he was before, and
was regularly fed by angels, and well fed,
too. He did not fast of his own accord
he knew he could not do it of himself;
he would not be such a fool. Rut ho
had great faith in God and knew he
would be able to fulfill his promise. Ho
claims to have already put in seventeen
days, and feels as strong as ever. Being
asked it ho would like to have a beef
steak, lie said he would not touch it.
Ho has a brother residing in Point St.
Charles. The man speaks rationally on
all subjects, and seems quite hearty,
although those who had seen him sev
eral weeks ago say that he is somewhat
reduced in flesh. He is said to he a
sober, steady man, and would insist on
paying his way during the time he was
fasting, hut refused foid—[Ottawa (Out)
Citizen.
The Drunkard's Wil>
Know all men by these presents I
of the county of Mecklenburg, and State
of Y rrginia, being ot sound and deposing
~..u v.-t „ei minty oi treat ft, UO iiiaßO turn
my last will and testament to
wit :
’ I die a wreiche*d sinner ; and I leave
to the world a worthless reputation, a
wicked example, a memory that is fit to
perish.
I leave to my parents sorrow, and bit
terness of soul all the days of their
lives.
I leave to my brothers and sisters
shame and grief, and the reproach of their
acquaintances,
I leave to my widow and broken
hearted wife a life oflonely straggle with
want and and suffering,
I leave my children a tainted name a
reviled positition, a pitiful, ignorance,
arid the mortifying recollection of ala.
ther who, by his life, disgraced humanity
and at his premature death joined the
great company of those who never enter
the kingdom of heaven.
I pray God that those who are living
may take warning and profit from the
above.
A man walks three miles an hour ; a
horse trots seven ; steamboats run eigh
teen'; sailing vessels, 0 j slow rivers flow
four ; rapid rivers flow seven ; moderate
wind blows seven ; storm moves thirty
six ; hrtrricane, eighty ; a rifle ball, one
thousand ; sound, seven hnndred and
forty three ; light, one hundred mid
forty-three thousand. A barrel of rice
six hundred ; barrel of powder, twenty
five ; firkin of butler, eighty.four.
Wheat, bean and clover see l, sixty
oounds to the bushel ; corn, rye and flax
seed, fifty-six ; (backwheat, fitly two ;
barley, forty eight; oals, thirty-five;
bran, twenty ; timothy seed, forty five ;
coarse salt, eighty-five. Forty drops
make a drachm.
Off Duty.—Daily of the Danbury
News, relates this : Col, $ was
standing in the square at Bethel, the
other day, when he spied a fanner fwlio
some weeks ago, had sold him a load of
very ‘crooked’ hay. The party in ques
Lion is an active professor of religion
and a zealous worker tor his own pocket.
The man’s profession and practice being
in such marked contrast, caused the 001.
to eye ’ him with dislike. When he
came up the Col. charged him with de
ception in the matter of the hay.
The skinflint stoutly denied the charge.
The Col. drew hitnse'f up to full
height and disdainfully observe and :
•I am a soldier, sir—not a liar *
‘So am Ia soldier,’ whined the pro
moter of ‘crooked' bay.
I ‘You?’ ejaculated the Col, in a tone of
disgust, ‘what kind of a soldier are you?'
* l’m a soldier of the Cross,* said the
skinflint, with a detestable flourish of
the hand.
‘That may be,‘ said (he Col., dryly,
but you have been on a furlough ever
since I knew yon.‘