Newspaper Page Text
A Tale for Struggling Young Toot*.
Mark Twain contributed the following
amusing sketch to a publication in Buf
falo, printed in the interest of the Ho
meopathic Fair:
Woll, sir, once there was a young fol
low who behoved he was a poet ; but tho
main difllculty with him was to got any
body t'lse to boliovo it. Many andinany
a, poet has split on that rock—if it is a
rook. Many and many a poet will split
on it yet, thauk God. The young fellow
I speak of used all the customary do
vices—and with the customary results—
to-wit: Ho competed for prizes and
didn’t take any; ho sent specimens of
poetry to famous people and asked for a
“candid opinion,” meaning a puff, and
didn’t got it; he took advantage of dead
persons and obituaried them in ostensi
ble poetry, but it made him no friends—
certainly none among the dead. But at
last he heard of another ehnneo ; thoro
was going to boa homeopathic fair in
Buffalo, accompanied by flic usual inof
fensive paper, and tho editor of that
paper offered a prize of $2 for tho best
original poem on the usual topic of
“ Spring r * —no poem to be considered
unless it should possess positive valuo.
Well, sir, ho shook up his muse, he
introduced into her a rousing charge of
inspiration from his jug, and then sat
down and dashed off the following mad
rigal just as easy as lying :
1IA1L! BEAUTEOUS. BOUNTEOUS, GLADSOME
SPUING.
A POEM BE B. £., CLEMENS.
: No. 1,163. Hartford, Conn., Nov. 17, 1880. :
GEO. P. BrSSEU it CO., ;
BANKEKfI,
Pay to Mrs. Davit l t.Jray, or order,
Tor Homeopathic Pair, |
■ Ten Dollars. :
Household Account. ;
8. L. Clemens. :
Did he take tho prize ? Yes, ho took
the prize. Tho poem and its title didn’t
seem to go together very well; but no
matter, that sort of thing has happened
before ; it didn’t rhyme, neither was it
blank verse, for the blanks were all
filled—yet it took tho prize for this
reason : no other poem offered was really
worth more than about $1.50, whereas
there was no getting around tho petrified
fact that this one was worth §lO. In
truth, there was not a banker in the whole
town who was willing to invest a cent in
those other poems, but every one of
them said this one was good, sound, sea
worthy poetry, and worth its face.
Such is tho way in which that strug
gling young poet achieved recognition at
last and got a start along the road that
leads to lyric eminence -whatever that
may mean.
Therefore, let other struggling young
poets be encouraged by this to go on
striving. Mark Twain.
Hartford, Conn., Nov. 17, 1880.
Annt Sally’s Talks.
“ I’m almost tuckered out ! What’s
the matter? Matter ’miff. I’ve been
over to Henry’s, taking care of his sick
wife. Guess if they hadn’t been able to
get me, old as I am, they’d have had a
bouncing big doctor’s bill to pay. What
ails her ? Well, I call it infernal non
sense. Maybe you never heard of the
disease, and I’ll explain. J ust wait a
minit. ”
The old lady took a liberal pinch of
snuff, dusted off her nose on her check
apron, and said :
“ We tried to bring that boy up sen
sible, but when he was away to college
he got struck on this gal, and wc never
knowed he was married until he brought
her home. Lands ! but you could have
knocked me down with a feather!
When they driv up I thought Henry had
brung home a big wax doll for Emma’s
little gal. When he said to me:
‘Mother, this is my wife, Mollie,’l
should have swooned away, only I
thought my emptings might run over be
fore they could bring me to. There sho
was, a green young thing, hardly taller
than a boot-jack, face painted, false
hair, Jueed to kill, eyebrows blackened,
and proud as Lucifer of her small feet.
I was rollin’ out pie-crust, and the thing
took me so sudden and ilustrated me so
much that I put u pie to bake with
nothing but my spectacles between the
crusts.”
She held the spectacles up to the light,
polished up tho brass bows a bit on her
knee, and went on :
“ We had to put up with it, but I told
Henry how it would be, and I believe he
has repented in sackcloth and ashes
more’ll a dozen times. She was a fash
ionable doll. She couldn’t sew, sweep,
bake, dust, darn or make her own bed.
She’d laced till her ribs were all out of
shape. She’d been so fashionable about
her stockings and shoes and clothes that
she had a chronic sore throat, and one
lung was half gone with consumption.
She’d painted till her face was blotchy.
She’d drawled around until she had a
gait between a limp and crawl. That’s
the kind of a wife he brought home to
be his consolation and help-meet. His
fathc-r could do the work of two men,
and I could get up a dinner for twenty
harvest hands and keep the leach run
ning, and lie expected us to be father
and mother to that doll 1”
She shut her lips, trotted her foot,
and it was ft long time before she could
go on :
“They live across the road there.
She hain’t seen a dozen well days since
he brought her home, nor done an
hour’s work. I’ve been over soaking
her feet, making her herb tea, combin’
her hair, fixin’ up gruel, and tellin’ her
slovenly hired girl what’s what, but I’m
discouraged. She may live a few months,
but she’s certain to die within a year,
and I don’t know but she’ll be better
off. I tell ye, Uncle Richard, a wife
who is good for nothin’ but to fill a cor
set an’ show off fine duds can’t git to
heaven any too soon. That’s where she
belongs. There are no husbands up
there. Rallies in heaven never squall.
They don’t have to be washed and
dressed. There is no cookin’ or wflshin’
or bakin’ or cleanin’ house. Angels
don’t have to plan or patch or darn.”—
Free Press.
A Family Affair.
The Kaffirs hold the doctrine of the
transmigration of souls, and pay the
spirits of their relatives the doubfful
compliment of believing that they
have a special affinity for snakes and
serpents. So, when some venomous rep
tile takes up its quarters with a family,
in place of killing it, they abandon the
hut to its use. l)r. Norbury tells a story
of a missionary who came near to paying
with his life for the delicate considera
tion of his flock. While officiating at
the communion table he fancied he
heard a hissing sound. Bringing the
service prematurely to a close, he peeped
below the cloth, and saw one of the most
poisonous snakes in South Africa. His
parishoners had had their oyes upon it
all the time, but had declined to say
anything, from motives of delicacy.
They thought the snake must boa rela
tive of the clergyman, and would not in
terfere in a family affair.
Tire paragraphers think there is little
probability of having clear weather in
the future, with Hazen doling it out. "
WILL W. SINGLETON, Editor & Proprietor.
YOL. VI.
OL’K YOUNG FOLKS.
I.F.GI'NIk OF THIS HICKORY TRUE.
Hundreffs and hundreds of years ago,
Tile gnome* who lived In tho cavei below—
In tho initios and fissures under the earth,
Where mortals are never allowed to go—
Once wanted a beautiful forest true
To bridgo o’er a stream on a mountain height,
And, just as the sun sunk into tho sea
Ami tho vales grrwduik with the shades of night
A thousand gnomes repaired to the wood
To hew clown this grand old forest trro.
And under its drooping loughs they stood,
And its drooping nuts they cracked with glee.
Tle elves of tho tree (for each tlower then
In the ages of old, had its guardian sprite)
Looked down front their homes at the littlo men
And all were dismayed nt the fearful sight,
Their beautiful home was in danger they know,
Where they'd lived and loved so many years,
And they met in their leafy Ifowers to view
The work of destruction with and tears,
lint tin* fairy l.u, who had gone to the, sea
To visit the Queen of the Kelpie fays,
Had heard ot tho peril of her dear tree,
And tourneyed swiftly, through nights and days;
And just as the King of th ■ goblin men,
Had lilted his ax for Hie first fierce blow,
She stood in her wonderful beauty, then,
And witn sad eyes begged the dwarfs to iro;
The K ng of the gnomes was cross and old
He i-aw not her beauty, nor pitied her then.
Hut her pleading eyes, and her locks of gold,
Had turned the hearts of his brave little. 4 men;
They turned and left him alone in the wood,
For they would not rob a fay of her homo,
But ho vowed lie 'would come again, when ho could,
And make thmu afraid of the little old gnome.
As soon as he’d gone, the trerub'ing elves
Came quickly around their heroine; Lu,
And wtion th. y had feast >d ami rested themselves,
And quaffed a cup of their favorite dew,
They wont to work in tho hour* of night
To render their tree so hard and tough,
That the stern old dwari-Kiug, try us lie might,
Could not ronder his axes cutting enough,
Let him chop at tho wood as long as he dare.
And to, when tluyiwarf did try it again,
They gave up the hopeless task in despair;
And* up to this v* ry day w< 4 see
Jso wood so enduring so hardy and fair,
As the wood of the beautiful if < k<>rv tree.
—New York Tribune.
JOE, THE CHIMPANZEE.
Wien in England I was very much in
terested in the monkeys at the zoolog
ical gardens, Regent’s Park, London.
There were hundreds of all kinds and
sizes, from the gigantic orang-outang to
tiny creatures not much bigger than a
largo rat. These monkeys had a spacious
glass house, heated by steam; and as a
tropical temperature was always main
tained, tall palms and luxurious vines
grew so vigorously within its wall that I
have no doubt the quaint inmates sup
posed themselves in their native haunts.
They chattered and scolded each other,
wildly chased stray little dogs and kit
tens, and really seemed to know so much
that I half-believed an old keeper, who
told me the only reason they did not
talk, was because they could make them
selves well enough understood without.
Many funny stories I heard of their
sagacity. One I recall of a nurse who
shook a naughty little boy in the pres
ence of some of the mother monkeys,
whereupon all the old monkeys began
shaking all tho young ones until it seemed
as if their poor little heads would drop
off.
But, interested in all the singular in
habitants of tho house, I grew attached
to Joe, the young chimpanzee who had
been brought a baby from the coast of
Guinea the winter before. He had a lit
tle room on the sunny side of the mon
key house, with a stove, chairs
and a couple of beds arranged like the
berths iu the state room of an ocean
steamer. Besides he had a man all to
himself, to wait upon him; and it was no
wonder the other monkeys were jealous
of his superior quarters and the defer
ence paid him; for while .Toe was not
handsome he was worth more money
than all the others put together. Ho was
worth his great sum because he belonged
to the most intelligent and interesting
species of the monkey family, and only
one or two of his kinsfolk has ever been
seen in Europe, while the only one the
zoological society had ever owned, had
died of lung fever before he had in
habited his comfortable quaiters many
months. Joe was as tall as an average
boy of eight or ten years. He wore a
thick cloth roundabout, and a low, flat,
trencher cap such as the Oxford students
delight in.
One day I walked to the door of his
room and knocked. The keeper said:
“Comein,” and as I did so Joe walked
erect over the floor to me, pulled off his
cap with his left hand, and put out his
right to shake mine. When I said: “It
is a tine morning,” he bowed briskly;
but when I added: “ Are you pretty
well, Joe?” he shook his head and looked
very sober. The keeper explained:
“Joe had a cold, and that made him
very low spirited ” Joe was listening
attentively; and when the man finished,
he shivered and drew up the collar of his
jacket round his hairy throat, as if to
confirm the statement. I gave him an
apple, which he looked at a moment,
then opened the door of the oven of his
stove, and put it in out of sight. Seem
ing to understand that the fire was low,
lie pulled a basket from under tho lower
berth and took some bits of wood from it
to the stove. Then tho keeper handed
him a match, and he lighted a fire as
cleverly as any Yankee boy I ever saw.
“Show the lady how you read the
Times, Joe,” said the keeper. Joe drew
up a chair, tilted it back a little, spread
his legs apart, opened the sheet, turned
it until he found the page he wanted,
then settled himself into the exact posi
tion of the comfortable English gentleman
who supposes the Times is printed for
his exclusive use. It was impossible to
help laughing, and the sly twinkle in his
narrow eye assured us that Joe himself
knew how funny it was. Quite a crowd
had gathered at the open door of his
room, and as he noticed it, he put his
hand in his pocket drew out the one eye
glass Englishmen so particularly affect,
and put it to his eyo looking as weakly
wise as Lord Dundreary himself. After
a little he grew tired of so many specta
tors, left his chair and quietly shut the
door in tlioir faces.
Looking about as if he would do some
thing more for our amusement, he re
membered his apple in the stove oven.
Running tliero he took hold of the door,
hut suddenly drew back; for it was hot.
He laughed a little at his discomfiture,
which he took hi good part, stood think
ing a moment, then used his pocket
handkerchief as deftly as a dainty lady
would to accomplish his purpose. But
if the door was hot, the apple, Joe logi
cally reasoned, must be hotter; so he
ventured not to touch it before opening
his knife. Wondering what he was go
j ing to do, I found him sticking the
I blade into tho apple and bringing it out
in triumph. The keeper gave him a
BUENA VISTA, MARION COUNTY, GA<, SATURDAY- FEBRUARY 12, ISSI.
plate, and after letting tho apple cool a
little lie offered it to us. We courteously
declined, but the servant tasted, explain
ing that Joe did not like to eat anything
uluno. Then Joe followed, but did no.
like the flavor, and being asked if it was
sour, he nodded. We were told that he,
ju common with the other monkeys, like
oranges and bananas better than any
other fruits.
Yet he kopt tasting a little of the apple
from a spoon while the keeper tolu us
how Iho sailors who hoped to capture his
mother only succeeded in bringing him
off alive after they had killed her. They
had hard work to keep him alive on
board ship, but found a warm nook for
him by the galley fire. He was in fair
health when they landed, so they ob
tained the large price offered by the
zoological gardens; but in spite of the
most devoted care, he seemed to lan
guish iu his new home.
“Do you love mo, Joe?” the man ended
his story with. Joe nodded, smiled, and
put his head lovingly on the other’s
shoulder. As we left that day Joe took
his hat, cane, and heavy wrap, and es
corted ns to the great door of tho monkey
house, shaking our hand as we bade him
good-bye.
Another time when I called he was
taking tea, using milk and sugar and
handling cup and saucer as if he had
been familiar with thorn from his easiest
days. He motioned us to take chairs.
Wo did so, and he jumped up, found
cups for us, and then passed a plate of
biscuits, laughing with glee as we took
one. I have taken tea with many curi
ous individuals, but never expect to be
so honored again as to be invited by a
chimpanzee. Noticing his hand was
feverish I found Lis pulse was 130. I
said, “What is tho matter with him?”
“Consumption is what kills all of
them,” the man answered, low, just as if
talking before a human invalid.
From that day Joe faded rapidly, aud
one morning, under the head of “Great
Loss,” the 'Times announced that he
died at midnight.
J went doifti at once to see tho keeper,
whose grief I knew would be keen. He
told mo how for days Joe could only be
persuaded to take foe I by seeing him eat
and hearing him praise it, how he made
him sleep in his berth by his side, and
when death came, held his hand through
all his last struggle. The man’s voice
was actually choked with sobs as lie saidi
“It don’t seem right, indeed it don’t, not
to have a funeral for him! He ought to
have had it.” I never heard Joe had any
funeral, but I did hear that he was
stuffed, and looks more like a big boy
than when he was alive.— Mrs. Ante Saw
yer Downs, in Decembe Wide-Awake.
An Incident of Jealousy.
A great many people make themselves
unhappy by needless suspicion and jeal
ousy. They cannot reason themselves
out of it, for as Shakespeare says:
Jealous souls will not be answeied so,
They are not jealous for a cause,
But jealous lor they’re jealous.
It is therefore more easy to ridicule jeal
ousy than to argue with it. An old Ger
man who lived in Baden, and was af
flicted with this malady, was suddenly
called to Frankfort. While there the
pangs of the green-eyed monster seized
him and he rushed to a clairvoyant.
This prohetess closed her eyes and
said slowly,
“ I see a young and beautiful woman
looking out of the window.”
“ That’s my wife,” said the poor man
to himself; “ I wonder what in the world
she is looking out of the window for?”
“ She is evidently very anxious to see
someone,” continued the sleeper.
The husband began to feel like a pin
cushion full of pins.
“ Ah, there he is, she sees him now,
and how her face lights up with joy.
“Oh, heavens!” cried the excited hus
band, “how I wish I was there,” and
, his eyes flashed in a very dangerous way.
“Now,” said the clairvoyant slowly,
“she rushes down to the front door to
meet him.”
Here great drops of perspiration began
to gather on the man’s brow. He had
been looking for positive proof for a long
time, and ho had it to his heart’s con
tent.
“And now,” said the seer, “she takes
his head between her hands, calls him
‘her precious’ and ‘her darling,’ and
kisses him again and again.”
This was really too much. The poor
man trembled in every limb.
“And he,” continued the seer,
jumps about the room as though he were
mad with delight, and barks, and wags
his tail.”
“ Barks and wags his tail?” cried the
frantic husband, “for heaven’s sake
what are you talking about?”
“ Oh,” said the seer, “I think I for
got to tell you that it is a dog that I have
been looking at all this time. ” — N. Y.
Herald.
Waiting the Resurrection.
In New London, Ct., is a lot contain
ing five graves, those of a man and his
four wives. The women’s form four
sides of a square, and the man’s is in
the center, while the inscriptions are as
follows:
*" 'i k"*
: | My 1. wife. :
; M * Our Husband. H :
My 11. wife. & :
l* r...-
Ladies’ Patches.
The beauties of the court of Louis
XV. thought they had made a notable
discovery when they gummed pieces of
black taffeta on their cheeks to heighten
the brilliancy of their complexions. The
ladies in England had before adopted
patches, in quaint shapes, as of a cres
cent or coach and horses, etc. An epi
gram was written:
Her patches arc of every cut,
For pimples and for Bears;
Here’s all the wandering planets’ signs,
Aud some of the fixed stars 1
The coach and horse patch was an espe
cial favorite. Anstey, in his satire,
“ The Bath Guide,” enumerated “ velvet
patches” as among a fine lady’s necessi
ties; but about the beginning of the
present century they seemed gradually
to fall out of fashion in England.
Devoted to tho Interests of Marion County and Adjoining Sections
lie Outprnyed ’Em.
At Atchison, Kas,, tho woraon crusa
ders visited a liquor-saloon, and tried by
praying to induce the proprietor of the
saloon to close his place. The proprietor
invited tho ladies to seats, and anted
them to pray, and then offered himself
the following prayer:
“Almighty Creator in heaven! Thou
who hast made tho heaven and earth,
and created man in Thine own image as
ruler of this earth! Whilst animals are
living on grass and water, Thou didst
teach Thy servant Noah to make wine,
and thou didst not punish him for mak
ing intemperate use of it. At tho wed
ding of Cana, Thine only Son, Jesus
Christ, transformed water in’o wine when
the juice of the grape wa- exhausted,
that tho enjoyment of the guests might
not be disturbed. The great reformer,
Martin Lyther, said: “He who does
not love wine, woman and song, remains
a fool all his life long.” And all the
great men upon this earth have been
drinking of the wine Thou hast given Thy
children upon this earth. Ob Lord! we
pray Thee, have pity upon these women
here who are not grateful for Thy gifts,
who want to make Thy children like the
1 leasts of the field and to compel them to
drink water like an ox, while they dress
extravagantly and lead their husbands by
other extravagances not tending to our
well-being, to bankruptcy, depriving
them of all pleasures of this world, yea
driving them to suicide.
“O Lord! have mercy upon these la
dies; look upon them; they wear not even
the color of the face which Thou hast
given them, but they are sinning against
Thee, and, not content with nature,
paint their faces. O Lord! Thou canst
also perceive that their figure is not as
Thou best made it; but they wear humps
upon their backs like camels; Thou seest,
O Lord, that their head-dress consists of
false hair, and when they open their
mouths Thou seest their false teeth. O
Lord! these women, want men who will
patiently accept all this without using
the power Thou hast given to man that
all women shall be subject to man. They
will not bear the burdens of married life,
and obey Tliy commands to multiply and
replenish the earth, but they are too
lazy to raise their children; and O Lord!
Thou ki lowest the crimes they commit, O
Lord! have morev upon them and take
them back unto Thy bosom, take folly
out of their hearts, give them common
sense, that they may see their own fool
ishness, and grant that they may become
good and worthy citizens of our beloved
( ity of Atchison. O Lord! we thank
Thee ft >r all the blessings bestowed upon
us, and ask thee to deliver us from all
evils, especially hypocritical women, and
Thine shall be the praise for ever and
ever. Amen. ”
. The Lobster.
When a lobster shakes hands with you
you always know when he takes hold,
and are exceedingly pleased when it gets
done. They have small features, and lay
no claim to good looks. When they lo
comote they resemble a small boy shut
tling off in his father’s boots. They are
backward, very. They even go ahead
backward. They occasionally have a
row like people,"and in the melee lose a
member, but have the faculty of growing
out another. The process is patented
both in this country and Europe, which
accounts for not coming into general use
with tho human lobster so to speak.
A lobster never comes on shore unless
he is carried by force. They are af
flicted with but one disease, and that is
boils. There is more real excitement in
harpooning a whale or in having the
measles than there is in catching lobsters.
The fisherman provides a small hen-coop,
and places in it for enticers, several dead
fish. He then rows his boat to the lob •
ster ground (which is water) and sinks
nis coop to the bottom, and anchors it to
a small buoy (one from eight to tan
years will do) and then goes home.
When he feels like it again—say in the
course of a week or so—he goes back and
pulls liis poultry-house, and if he has
good success he will find the game inside
the coop.
As an article of food the real goodness
of the lobster is in the pith. Very few
persons relish the skin, and physicians
say it is hard to digest. We therefore
take the lobster and boil it until it is
ready to eat. Nothing is better for colic
than boiled lobster. It will bring on a
case when cucumbers have failed. For
a sudden case we advise them crumbled
in milk. Eaten at the right time, and in
proper quantities, lobster stands second
to no fruit known.
Why Lincoln Appointed Him.
The Rev. James Shrigley, who is well
known here, was appointed by President
Lincoln a hospital chaplain during the
war. Pending his confirmation by the
United States, a self-constituted commit
tee of the Young Men’s Christian Asso
ciation called on the President to protest
against the appointment. After Mr.
Shrigley’s name had been mentioned, the
President said:
“Oh, yes, I have sent it to the Senate.
His testimonials are highly satisfactory,
and the appointment will no doubt be
confirmed at an early (lay. ”
The young man replied: “But, sir, wo
have come not to ask for the appointment,
but to solicit you to withdraw the nomi
nation, on tho ground that Mr. Shrigley
is not evangelical, in his sentiments.”
“Ah!” said the President, “that alters
the case. On what point of doctrine is
tho gentleman unsound?”
“He does not believe in endless pun
ishment,” was the reply.
“Yes,” added another of the commit
tee, “he believes that even the rebels
themselves will finally be saved, and it
will never do to have a man with such
views hospital chaplain.”
The President hesitated to reply for a
moment, and then responded with an
emphasis they will long remember: “If
that be so, gentlemen, and there be any
way under heaven whereby the rebels
can be saved, then, for God’s sake, let
the gentleman be appointed!”
He was appointed. —Reading (Pa.)
News.
Ode Budd, the venerable violinist,
whose tall form was always straight as
an arrow, wore no heels upon his shoes,
believing that they favored a stooping
posture. What will women, who gener
ally wear heels of enormous propor
tions. think ot this ?
TKUi-TALIX
Oh! don’t you remember,
Lon# time ui(o,
When the path was in December
Covered o’er with kuow ?
Then wo had a little walk,
Then we hud a little talk,
But JealoUH eye* did no n divine
The footstep* there were not all mine
Oh! the hid>w,
The tell-tale snow,
Long time ago!
Oh ! don’t you remember,
On that evening lair,
When the jasmine flowers you braided
In the raven hair!
Homcwurd then I thoughtless strayed,
And the jasmine flowers betruyod ;
For well the jealous glances knew
No jasmine in our garden grew;
Oh! the flower,
The tc!l- 1 .%1e flower,
Long time ago!
And when we were both forbidden
Ever more to meet,
Slyly, little notes were hidden
By tho willow seat*
But vainly for a note we sought—
Could we each other have forgot ?
Ah! others know us well as we
The secrets of that hollow tree—
Oh ! tho tree, the hollow tree,
It betrayed both you and me,
Long time ago!
THE TEACHER’S LOT.
A. <’otl<H‘ilon or Qnotntlonii l oon flte
.ft men Ii lea and Tribulation* or Ti-aclilus-
Teacher—“And the Lord said unto
Moses—Maggie Ford, put down that
slate!”
Delightful task! to roar ths tender thought,
To teach the young idea how to shoot
Thomson's “ Spring.”
To sentence a man of true genius to
the drudgery of a school is to put a race
horse in a mill. Colton.
Taught or untaught the dunce is still the same;
Yet still the wretched master bears the blame.
— l)nj dm.
The schoolmaster is apt to be a favor
ite with the female part of creation, es
pecially in the rural districts.— lrving.
Uneasy lie the heads of all who rule;
The most so iiis whose kingdom is a school.
—O. IF. Jlo’mes.
I can easier teach twenty what were
good to be done than be one of the t wenty
to follow my own teaching.—Shaks
peare.
Gone the’Preceptor, g.tzing idly round,
Now ut the clouds an l now at the green grass,
And all absorbed in reveries profound
Of fair Almira in the upper class.
Longfellow.
Worried and tormented into monoton
ous feebleness, the best part of life
ground out of him in a mill of boys.—
Sickens.
She dwells by great Kenhawa’s side,
In valleys green and cool,
And all her hope, and all lier.pride
Are in her village school.
—Longfe low.
If a student convince you that you are
wrong and he is right, acknowledge it
cheerfully, and—hug him.— Emerson.
The is so easily bended,
I have banished the rule and the rod;
I have taught them the goodness of knowledge,
They have taught me the go )dnes f God.
—Charles Dickinson.
If vexed with a child when instructing
it, try to write with your left hand. lie
member a child is all loft hand. — J. F.
Boyes.
To rear, to teach,
Becoming as i inuet and fit,
A link among the dtys to bnit
Tho generations each with each.
Tennyson,
What comfort some pedagogues might
derive from the thought that wise pupils
can learn as much from a fool as from a
philospher.— Vedder.
Instructors should not only be skillful
in those sciences which they teach, but
have skill in the method of teaching and
patience in the practice.— Dr. Watts.
And when the world shall link your names
With gracious lives and manners tine,
The teacher shall a'-sert her claims,
And proudly whisper, “ These were mine!”
Wllitlier.
The eminences of their scholars com
mend the memories of schoolmasters to
posterity, who otherwise, in obscurity,
had been altogether forgotten. Thomas
Fuller.
Pretty wore the sight
If our old halls could change their sex, and flaunt
With prudes for pnetors, dowag rs for deans,
And sweet girl-giuluates in their golden hair.
Tennyson.
Ennyj man who has kept a skool for
ten years ought to be made a Major Gen
eral, and have a penshun for the rest of
his nateral days, and a hoss and wagon
to do his going around in. —Josh Bil
lings.
O’er wayward childhood wouldst thou hold firm
rule,
And sun thee in the light of happy faces;
Love, Hope, and Patience—these must be thy
grace.-,
Ana in thine own heart let thorn first beep school.—
Coleridge.
One-half of the children cried in cho
rus, “Yes, sir!” Upon which the other
half, seeing in the gentleman’s face that
yes was wrong, cried out in chorus,
“No, sir!” as the custom is in these ex
aminations. —Sickens.
And while a paltry stipend earning,
He sews the richest seeds of learning;
No joys, alas! his toil beguile.
His mind lies fallow all the while
—Robert Lloyd.
Still to be pinioned down to teach
The Syntax and the Parts of Speech,
Or deal out authors by retail,
Like penny pot* of Oxford ale;
O ’tis a sei vice irksome more
Than tugging at the slavish o.ir.
Robert Lloyd.
Picture Frames.
Very serviceable and pretty picture
frames can be made out of pasteboard.
For cabinet photographs, cut four strips,
two six inches and two eight inches
long. Lap them across the corners, in
the same way as the rustic frames are
joined, and punch a hole through the
two pieces so that you can fasten them
with a button. You can find four of a
kind handsome enough in the button
box on the shelf. Cut stoel are the best,
but any kind will do. Strips of paper
on the back will hold the picture in its
place.
These frames are pretty, made of
black card-board or covered with black
silk. Little gilt stars, or strips of gilt
paper down the center, have a pleasant
effect on the black. You can cut little
pieces of paper to represent gilt buttons
if you do not happen to have any in the
house. If you can, embroider a narrow
vine on strips, with a cluster of leaves or
flowers at the corners. Almost any com
bination of materials and styles is effect
ive for these frames, and they are an
agree able change from the perforated
card so long used. Glovo and handker
chief and, in fact, boxes of any
kind, all lie in this line of manufacture.
A woman was drowned the other day,
while being baptized, and if any para
gvapher rings in a hoary pun about the
deceased dying of dip-theory, he should
be severely talked to.
A SCUIiT OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.25.
Oysler Dredging.
Consumers of the lucious bivalve have
little idea of tho hardships which atteud
tho labor of taking oysters from their I
cosy beds. It would seem (hat tailing j
one consideration with another, tho ;
dredger’s lifo is not a happy one. A Bal- I
timoro paper gives tho following glimpse j
of tho business:
There is no occupation in the world i
more laborious or productive of pain j
than oyster dredging. The brackish j
waters of the Chesapeake freeze rapidly ;
over all shoals and bays when a cold j
snap comes. The toils of the dredger .
then become tortures. The method of
taking oysters from the prolific and lim
itless beds of the Chesapeake is simple.
Tho dredges, which aro simply iron
bags with a protecting updor-scoop at
tached, are dredged across the oyster
beds by the motion of the vessel, and
are then hauled up by windlasses. When
the dredger is not working at the wind
lass ho is squatted on deck bending over
the oyster heaps, culling them out. The
shells of the oysters are generally cov
ered with a parasitic growth known as
“dog stones.” The conglomerated lumps
of oyster growth ai - o broken up with
hammers; shells, “babies,” and refuse
are thrown overboard, and the marketa
ble oysters are then run into the hold, j
As fast as the dredges aro emptied on
deck their contents must be culled. It j
is an occupation at best about as inter- !
esting as breaking stone. When carried
on in a freezing wind, exposed to the
frozen spray, with sharp shell edges cut
ting into sore hands, and grit and mud
rubbing into chaps and raw' places, it be
comes a torture. Hauling at the wind
lass is only better because more active.
The skin sticks to the irons in frosty
weather, and the hands stretched down
to grasp the icy, dripping dredges often
leave blood stains where they touch. For
this work the pay ranges from §l2 to §2O
a month, with food found.
Thus it is that tho work of a dredger
is looked upon in Maryland as the worst
that can fall to the lot of man. The ex
treme expression of aversion with a bay
shore darkey is to say, ‘‘l would as lief
dredge as do that.”
There is a prevalent belief among the
colored population that pungy captains
kidnap stray darkies who may come into
their reach. It certainly is the case that
captaius make no inquiry as to where
their hands come from. Shipping mas
ters get two dollars a piece for them.
Many a poor fellow has waked up from
a drunken stupor to find, to his horror,
that he was down the bay in a pungy.
Asa rule, windlass hands are the poorest
species of tramps. Many of them are
i jiicked up from the brickyard hands who
I ilock into town after ■ the brick-making
I season is over._
A Story of Tom Ochiltree.
•Jem Mace, the celebrated prize-fighter,
once spent a winter in New Orleans. He
used to amuse himself and his admirers
i by betting the drinks with them that
! they could not hit him—they to do their
I best to hit him, and he simply to ward
| off the blows. Tom Ochiltree, of Texas.
who has gained considerable reputation
! from his intimacy with General Grant,
| and perhaps even more reputation froi
| the fast running horse which was named
after him, happened to be in New Or
leans during the winter. Some of Ochil
tree’s friends told him of Mace’s favorite
bet. Ochiltree is a short, tnick-set, pow
erfully-built man. His bail is just red
enough to indicate a fiery temper. As
soon as he was told of Mace’s bet he
fired up and said he would bet the crowd
a champagne supper that he could hit
Jem Mace. The bet, of course, was taken
at OBce, and the whole party siarted
out in search of Mace. He was easily
found in a neighboring drinking saloon.
Mace was standing at the bar in the
act of taking a drink. Ochiltree stepped
quietly up beside him, and hit him sud
i denly a stinging blow on the cheek,
j Mace quietly placed his glass on the bar,
I and, scarcely moving his body, brought
I his l’iglit hand up and struck Ochiltree a
fearful blow just under one ear. His
friends rushed to him, gathered him up,
and carried him to the nearest hotel.
Doctors were sent foi in a great hurry,
and after two or three hours of hard
-work they succeeded in bringing Ochil
tree back to this earth. He was confined
to his room in the hotel for three weeks,
however. When he finally reappeared
he was forced to furnish the champagne
supper. Some of his friends said to him:
“ What in the world made you such a
blanked tool as to hit Jem Mace?”
“Why,” said Ochiltree. “I thought I
would just tap him without his knowl
edge and would then explain to him ”
The Trade Winds.
The earth turns on its axis from west
to east, and with it rotates daily the
envelope of the atmosphere. The veloci
ty of rotation at the equator is some
thing over 1,000 miles an hour; at thirty
degrees distance it is about 150 miles
less. In higher latitudes it is still less,
at the poles nothing. Therefore, when
ever the air moves north or south ou the
surface of the earth, it will carry with it
less or greater velocity of tho rotation
than tho place it passes over, and will
turn in an easterly or westerly wind, ac
cording as it approaches or recedes from
the equator. In the region of the sun’s
greatest heat, the air, rarilied, and
lighted, is continually rising, and cooler
currents come in on both sides to take
the place of the ascending volume. As
these side currents come from a distance
of about thirty degrees from the equator,
they have at a, starting, an eastward
velocity of many miles an hour less than
the localities they will eventually reach.
Consequently they will appear to lag
behind in all the course of their progress
to the equator—that is. they will have a
westerly motion united with their north
and south movements. These are the
great trade winds, blowing constantly
from the northeast on this side, and the
southwest on the other side of the equa
tor.—London Truth.
The Sultan is about to marry off two
I of his daughters—young things, not yei
| 15 years old. The bridegrooms, who
are Turkish cavalry officers, have been
allowed to choose their wives for them
| selves, and for dowry each receives a
| palace, many slaves, and a present ol
i money.
NO. 23.
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
A celebrated cose—Switzer Kane.
Tall soft hats Hupply a long felt want.
The balloonist's home is one flight up.
Help us, Cassias (cash us,) or we
sink.
Bk virtuous and you will bs—a curi
osity.—Modem Argo.
Lovin' a cottage is more common than
lovin’ the cottage’s mistress.
A certain grocer calls his scales “am
bush” because they lie in weight.
Some men are called muffs because
they are used to keep a flirt’s bund in.
The best of us we very apt to be
mealy-mouthed about three times a day.
The deaf man who had a scolding wife
remarked, “Man wants but little hear
below. ”
The experiment has been tried often
enough to prove that a jack-knife is not
a night-key.
“Weep, wife, you can't say I ever
contracted bad habits,” “ No, sir, you
generally expand them. ”
What tree in the forest would be most
likely to be known by its bark ? We
should think the dog wood.
Thj choir doesn’t care so much for the
congregational singing. It looks out for
the main chants Transcript.
“He’s an honest young man," said the
saloon-keeper, with an approving smile;
“he sold his note to pay his whisky
bill.”
Puck speaks of a Western New York
man who cures all diseases by immersion
in cold water, and calls him a * ‘eaualo
path.”
Every man in St. Louis owns a dog.
The object is to increase the puppy
lation until it rivals that of Chicago.—
Boston Globe.
“I am a man of few words,” said
Prendergast. “True enough,” replied
Fog, “true enough; but you never tire
of repeating them. ”
A man writes to an editor for $4 “ be
cause he is so terribly short,” and gets
in reply the heartless response, “Do as
I do; stand up on a chair.”
An Ohio man has taken the small-pox
from a pet pig. When once this disease
gets into a family it is pretty sure to go
through it.— Galveston News.
Young clergyman at a clerical meet
ing: “I merely throw out. the idea.”
Old minister: “ Well, I think that is
the best thing you can do with it. ”
An Illinois exchange says: “Peoria
distilleries are now feeding 16,350 iiead
of cattle.” And furnishing drink to as
many more, no doubt.”— Pt ck’s Sun.
“Would you like to look through the
big telescope ?” asked one girl of another.
To which the latter replied: “No, I'd a
great deal rather look through a key
hole. ”
Mr. Ever was married to Miss Joy.
The friends of the victims were shocked
when the press called her “a thing of
beauty,” because she was “a Joy for
Ever.”
A newspaper commenting on the fact
that a farmer nearly lost his life by sink
ing in a quagmire, adds: “Men who do
not subscribe for a paper must expect
to be sucked in every now and then.
When you hear a young lady very
carefully say, “I haven't saw,” you may
be quite confident that she is a recent
graduate from one of the most thorough
of our numerous female seminaries.
A pupil of the Latin school being con
fined to liis room by sickness, was called
upon by a young friend. “What,
Charley,” said the visitor, “sick, eh?”
“Yes,” was the answer, “sia sum!”
De Brancas was very absent-minded.
He called one day at a friend’s house, and
asked if he were in. “No, sir,” replied
the servant, “he was buried eight days
ago, and you were one of the pall-bear
ers. ”
We’ll bet a cent that not a man wl:o
has blown out the gas and been suffo
cated during the past ten years, ever
took and read his county paper. Now is
tho time to subscribe.— Steubenville
Herald.
The Bravest of the Brave.
Michael Ney was bom in Saarlouis, in
1769. His early years were devoted to
the study of law', but, disliking the con
finement, he entered the army as a pri
vate hussar, in 1787. He distinguished
himself during the first years of the
war, and in 1790 ho rose
to the rank of Brigadier General in the
French army. During ilie reign of Na
poleon he became a Marshal of the Em
pire, and was created Prince de la
Moskwa and a Peer of France. When
Napoleon was sent to Elba he retired to
his country seat, and lived in retirement
until the Emperor’s return, when ha
again joined his fortunes with those of
Napoleon. Hitherto one motive alone—
sincere patriotism—had controlled Ins
every action, and a personal or family
interest had never been permitted to
swerve lrim from his love of country.
He professed to think the return of Na
poleon would be an injury to France,
and his progress ought to be checked.
On taking leave of Louis XVIII., ho
made many protestations of zeal and
fidelity to the King, and expressed his
determination to stay tho progress of
Napoleon. Arriving ut Besancon Ney
found the whole country hastening to
meet the coming Emperor, and at Lyons
the Dukes d’Artois and d’Angouleme ac
knowledged the fruitlessness of the en
deavor to check the popular enthusi
asm of Napoleon w'hich had seized the
troops of Ney’s command. Impelled by
this popular current, Ney and his army
joined Napoleon, and fought under his
| banners until Waterloo was lost. After
I the, ccgiclusion of that eventful day, Ney
! was advised to leave France, but re
fused, and retired to his country seat to
await his fate. He was soon arrested
and brought to trial, but, his colleagues
and companions in arms having declared
themselves incompetent to form a court
martial whereby to judge him, the af
fair was carried to the House of Peers,
by whom he was tried and condemned
for treason. On the 7th of December,
1815, Marshal Ney, one of the most brill
iant officers the world has ever seen,
who had fought and won many desper
ate battles for France, but never one
against her, was shot as a traitor.
Like Her Brother.
A young gentleman somewhat numer
ous in social circles took his sister, a wee
■miss, to see a family in which he is a
regular caller. The little girl made her
self quite at home, and exhibited great
fondness for one of the young ladies,
hugging her heartily.
“How very affectionate she is!” said
the lady of the house.
“Yes, just like her brother,” responded
the young lady, unthinkingly.
Paterfamilias looked up sternly over
his spectacles, the young gentleman
blushed, and there was consternation in
the family circle, __
The happiness of your life depends
upon the quality of your thoughts;
therefore, guard accordingly, and take
: care that you entertain no notions un
suitable to virtue, and unreasonable to
nature.