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COLE MAH * KUBT, Mttm wl Proprietors.
vol XI.
ELLIJAY courier.
PUBLISHED EVEBY THURSDAY
—BY—
COLEMAN * KIRBY.
mr Office in the Oourt House
GEHERAL DIBECTORtT
Superior Coart meets
May- and 2J Monday is October.
Hou. James R Brown, Judge.
George F. Ooher, Solicitor General.
COUNTY COURT.
Hon. Tbomss F. Grier, Judge.
Monlirie M. ireasions.County Solicitor.
Meets 3d Monday in pcnth
Court of Urdiuary meets first Monday
iu cacb month.
town council.
J. P. Terry, Intendent.
M. McKinney, i. H. Tabor, I „
J. Huuuicutt, J.R. Johnson, j ® om -
W. H, Foster, Town Marshal
COUNTY OFFlcma.
J. C. Alien, Ordinary,
T. W. Craigo, Clerk Superior Court,
H. M. Bramlett, Sheriff,
J. H. Sharp, Tax Receiver,
G, W. Gatts, Tax Collector,
Jas. M. West, Surveyor,
G W. Rice, Coroner,
W. F. Hill, School Commissioner.
The County Boardof Education meets
at Eilijay the Ist Tnraday in January
A yiil, July anand
REI.IOIOITS SERVICES.
Mcthodisf Episcopal Church, South—
every 4tli Sunday, and Saturdnv before,
Rev. C. M. Ledbetter.
Baptist Cliuroh—Every 2nd Saturday
and Sunday, by Rev. E. B. Shopc.
I Methodist Episcopal Church—F.ver
ym urday and Sunday, by Rev. K
file Robb.
A FRATERNAL RECORD.
MOak Bowery Lodge, No 81, F. A. M.,
Meets first Friday la each month.
m\\. A. Cox, W. M.
V 1 . B. Greer, S. W.
W. F. Hipp, J. W.
. R. V. Roberts, Tieia.
| T. W. Craigo, Sec.
1 W W. Roberts, Tyler,
i. B. Kirby, S. D.
. .Vl. Bramlete, J. D.
J W. HENLEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
JAGRER GEORGIA
Wi 1 practice in the Superior Cnurl of the Blue
Kiilße C rcuit. Prompt attention to a 1 busi
ue h intrusted to bit care.
U. M. E. W. Colmu*
l SESSIONS l COLEMAN,
[ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
I ELLUAY, QA.
E'lL U P ril . c . tieß , in Bino Ki-'ge Circuit, County
t Juatice Court of Gilmer County. Lenal
Mutneea eoiicited. •‘Promptnesn’’ u our motto.
■ DR. J. S. TANKERSLEY,
physician and Surgeon,
■ Ter "i r 5 professional services to the citi
■ens of Euijxj, Giim -r and surrounding oonn
ties. All calls promptly at end-d to. Office
upstairs over the Arm of Cobb & Sou.
KITE WALDO THORNTON, D.D.S.
DENTIST,
Calhoun, Ua.
Will visit Ellijar and Morganton at
both the Spriug Rnd Fall term of the
Superior Court—and oftener by special
contract, when sufficient work is guar
anteed to justify me in making the visit.
Address aa above. TmavKl-lt !
Young msn
Who wish a Thorough preparation foi
Business, will fiud superior adrantagesat
MOORE'S BUSINESS UNIVERSITY
ATLANTA, GA.
The largest and best Practical Business Schoo
in the South. can enter at ant
time. oPSec.d for circular!.
CENTRAL HOTEL!
Ellijay, Georgia.
Ia special popular resort for
men and (ouriKts of all kind, and is the general
house for prompt aiteutiou, elegant .rooms and
are second to none, in this place. Reasonable
rates.
Mrs. M. V. T *em will give her personal ft {.
•nifon to •. nests in the dining hall. 1$ 14
WHITE PATH SPRINGS!
—THE—
Favorite and Popular Resort oj
NORTH GEORGIA!
Is situated 6 miles north of E Hi jay on
the Marietta & North Georgia Railroad.
Accommodations complete, facilities for
ease and comfort unexcelled, and the
magnificent Mineial Springs is it* chief
attraction. For other particulars on
board, etc., address,
Mbs. W. F. Robertson,
EUijay, Gsl
Moa;itam View Hotel!
ELLIJAY, GA.
This Hotel is now fitted up in excel
lent order, and is open for the reception
of guests, under competent management
Every possible effort will be marie to
roaise the Mountain View the most popu
•r Hotel in Ellijay. Accommodation, in
every department first -class. Livery,'sal,
eud feed sullies in connection vith hotel.
<*’!•*> tisusfered to and from s|| trains
fra* of 0 34 ly
THE ELLIJAY COURIER.
AURANTII
Most of the diseases which afflict mankind are
allj canned by a disordered condition of the LIVER.
Vor all oomplainta of this kind, anch as Torpidity of
the Liver, Biliousness, Nervona Dyspepsia, Indices*
tkm, Irregularity of the Bowels. Constipation, flatu
lency. Eructations and Burning of the Stomach
(sometimes called Heartburn). Miasma, Malaria,
Bloody Flux, Chills and Fever, Bre&kbone Fever,
Exhaustion before or after Fevers, Chronic Diar
rhoea. Loos of Appetite, Headache, Foul Breath,
Irregularities incidental to Females, Bearing-down
Mhe%o., Ac, STIOIGEB'S iUMNTII
ia Invaluable. It is not a panacea for all diseases,
tat Alipe all diseases of ttw LIVER,
will \g\ir\K. STOMACH and BOWELS.
It otaaasss tbs complexion from a waxy, yellow
Wn*e, to a niddy, healthy color. It entirely removes
low. Bloomy spirits, it ia one of the BEST AL
TERATIVES and PURIFIERS OF THE
BLOOD, and Is A VALUABLE TONIC.
STADICER’S AURANTII
For eala by all Druggists. Price |.QQ per bottle.
O. F. STADICER, Proprietor,
•40 80. FRONT ST., Philadelphia, Pm
FUST CLASS —Greesrs Keap It
I, nit
iu yv jiii
4" I j '/* | a ? h
liii
: i §ll b
J * I|J [ljp £* <
YTere washed with
ELECTRIC LIGHT WAP
Without Rubbing.
First Claes Housekeepers use it
Ist. Washing clothes In thuxusual
manner Is decidedly hard work; It
erears you ont and tke clothes too.
2d. Try a better plan and invest
live cents in a bar of ELECTRIC
EIGHT SOAP. Saves Time, Labor,
Honey, Fuel and Clothes. Use as dk
rested on the wrapper of each bar.
—— ORDERS SOLICITED.—
ATKINS SOAP CO,
INDIANAPOLIS. IND.
Automatic Sewing Machine Cos.
72 West 23d St., New York, N.Y.
•H * We invite special at
tention to our Nbw
riiTrr I>ATENT Automatic Tkn-
BION Machine, making
precisely the same stitch
iT as Wilcox & Gibbs,
TVr I, - ap( l yet, if net preferred
the Wilcox & Gibbs
Automatic Tension Ma
chiue, can be returned
any time within 30 days
and money refunded.
But what is more remarkable still, we never
knew a woman w.iling to do her own family
sewing on a shuttle machine after having tiled
our New'Patent AUTOMATIC.
Even Bhoe Manufacturers find it best suited to
their work—its clastic seams are more durable.
Truly Automatic Sewing Machines are fast
superseding shuttle machines, and it is no use to
deny it. Truth is mighty and does prevail.
Shuttle Machines have seen thoir best days.
Send for Circular . Correspondence solicited,
JiAWRENGE
PUKE' LINSEED OIL
TANARUS) MIXED
CUNTS
READY FOR USE.
*T The Best Paint Made.
Guaranteed to contain no water,
benzine, barytes, chemicals, rubber,
asbestos, rosin, gloss oil, or other
similar adulterations.
A full guarantee on every package
and directions for use, so that any
pne not a practical painter can use it.
Handsome sample cards, showing
88 beautiful shades, mailed free on
application. If not kept by your
dealer, -write to us.
Btatrtfnltoaskfor “THE LAWRENCE PAINTS.**
aid do sot take any other said to be “ as good at
LawrMM’l Y m
W. W. LAWRENCE & CO.,
_ PITTSBURGH, PA
OUR
m PDJMTjVf;
t t J . J . ... J.ll . . -li i V.’
DEPARTMENT
1 ffnpultad with all tbe requisites fnr and -f**
all kiid of Job an * w ork In F i*t
tUu bvyie. Pro , t y nnj
sonabis I'iiccm,
WEDDING CARDS,
VIBITINO CARDS,
BUSINESS CARD%
BALL CARDS
FUSTEna
"A map or mutr un-rrs nucruATiom axd its vast cokckbxs .
ELLIJAY, GA.. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 188(1.
WE FLING AWAY OUR OOLD.
We fling away our gold.
Fa*e comfort, pleasure* never beg in vain.
FTom starving, homeless ones our mite with
held:
When scad thus sown might whiten all the
plain! '
Wo fling away our gold.
We send away our thoughta,
away;
When, like the gorgeous tapestry inwrought,
They might add lustre to each passing
day.
We send away our thoughts.
We throw away our time.
That golden gift we never know to prim
•Till life's high goal unreached, too weak to
climb,
The last few moments pass our closing
eyes,
We throw away our time.
We castaway our love—
We plant it3 flowers upon life’s shifting
sands— 5
We bend the tender blighted biotins above,
Watered by tears within durttSble hands—
We cast away our love.
—Lydia L. A. Very, in Salem Gazette.
RUINED BY HIS HAT.
ET BENJAMIN NOBTHBOP.
j New York, March 1.
Dear Tom: lam a fool. No, lam
j n ot. Yes, I am. Well, I’ll tell you All
f about it, and you can judge for yourself.
sussss. Bsusaaaa
maiden who summered with the Vander
dusens at Newport lost season? Well,
she has been with the St. Georges in
New York, and I am head over heels in
love with her. I have been buzzing
. around her like a moth around'& candle
ever since snow fell. So has that odious
Jenkins. You remember Jenkins? Ho
is the same disagreeable wretch he was
when you knew hin—rich and good
looking, so some foolish women think,
though to save my life I cannot see where
it comes in. The St. Georges gave a
party last week. She was there and so
was I. So also was that miserable
Jenkins. Some people never do know
enough to stay away from where they
are not wanted. About 10 o’clock 1
! asked Miss Spalding to walk wkh me
into the conservatory. There we- found
a rustic seat in the shade of a big cactus
j plant and sat down. After a few minutes '
1 of embarrassing silence I sighed melt
•ngly-
“Why do you sigh?” sho asked.
“Don’t you know?” 1 replied, mean
ingly.
i he thought a moment and then re
plied: “Yes, I think 1 do.”
My heart gave a great bound. diceetjy
intb my throat. She Lad noticed my
love! My devotion had touched her
heart and now I was to receive my re
ward !
“It was that chicken salad,” she an
swered, in a heartless, cold-blooded tone
of voice. “Chicken salad is the worst
thing you can possibly eat be: ore retiring,
and I saw you last evening eat four
dishes.”
“Only three,” I interruped; “but,Miss
May,” I added, appealingly, “it isn't the
salad that makes me sigh.”
“.No?” she replied, in that same hard
tone that reminded me most forcibly at
this unhappy moment of the silver-plated
head of the screw which the undertaker
makes fust in the casket just at the close
of th(>,uneral ceremony. “Then it must
havebeen the cream. Salad and cream
never go well together.”
“Don’t be cruel," I exclaimed, “don’t
make sport of me, I beg you. Indeed, it
was not anything I have eaten.”
“No? Then you must have drank some
thing that didn’t agree with you. Really,
Mr. Bronson, you should be more careful
of yourself. Your are far from strong, you
“Miss May,” I cried with deep emo
tion, “it wasn’t the tea, the ice-water,
the salad, nor yet the biscuits, the cream,
the cakes, nor even was that sigh
brought out by the coffee. Oh, Miss
May, can’t you guess what it is that gives
me such pain?”
“I am not good at conundrums,”
replied Miss Spalding in a way
that really did more to derange mv
billiary system than if I had eaten all there
was on the table the previous evening at
a single mouthful. I arose in mute and
touching expostulation.
“Speaking of conundrums,” she ob
served, iu the same wintry tone, “can
you tell me what time it is, and where
Mr. Jenkins is? He promised to call for
me here in ten minutes. It seems to me”
—here she placed a marked accent upo.i
the “me”—“that I have been here at
least an hour and a half.”
Then she rose to go. I put out my
hand to detain her—as well might I, in
my love-lorn folly, have tried to stop Ni
agara with a tenuis racquet—but just as
my luck would have it, one of those in
fernal cactus thorns managed, in the
dark, to run itself half way through mv
palm. & J
“Deuce take it!” I exclaimed, before I
realized the strength of my language.
“Mr. Bronson! ' she remarked, so frig
idly that the poor, unoffending cactus
shivered as with a chill. “.Mr. Bronson!
will you be kind enough to stand aside
so that I may find Mr. .Jenkins?”
I followed her instructions without
even whispering of their injustice, and she
sailed into the brilliancy of the ball room,
growing more radiantly beautiful at every
6tep. The door swung back to place
leaving me alone in the shadow to nurse
my physical suilering and mental agonv.
A moment later, be!ore I had time to de
termine whether life was worth living,
oven for the rest of the evening, and
•8 I was about contemplating impaling
myself on another of those murderous
th< ms, the door opened and closed again.
Although my back was turned to it I
heard footsteps which I recognized as
hers.
She had come back, rclentingly, full
of sweet penitence to ask my pardon 1
Would I le backward in giving it;
That is not r y nature A Imo t before
turning around my arms were extended
their fuil w dth and I made a plunge
through the g ootn towaid the location
where I landed she stood.
“I lorgive you freely—most freely, my
dearest May,” I ejaculated in a singl.-
hvoath which had not sp-nt itself beiore
my arms had closed, just a lit:la ten.
derly, perhaps, around the figure I was
Addressing.
“Your pardon is granted,” responded
n deep base voice ending it-a little ag
gravating, snorting laugh. I always
nave ha'ed a man who (ported as he
laughed, and siace that fight I neger
hear a laugh of that sort YHhout having
red-handed murder in mf<soul. After
the last snort the laugh-owner, who had
during this short period Bf silence been
struggling to escape mv chop, which his
wicked deception had given, tempora
rily, the strength and fixedness of a vise
l gasped, he said: “But please don’t
crush my sh'tt h. som ”
It is wdl that the contimptible Jen
kins, who was my latest tormentor, had
managed to'make his escape by wiggling
from between my arms snakily, as fitted
his nature, and had ruskod frantically
from the room as if he had been haring
on interview with a dangerous maniac.
I don’t know, old man, .why I didn’t
kill him right there. I cda-ld have done
it just as easj. And I .don’t think I
shall ever have a better chance than then.
My heart is set on gore—Jfn kins's gore—
and I’ll not be cheated cufiof my revenge
this time—not I.
Now you know the whale story. An
swer my question. Am rot ami not ?
Your devoted friend,
HatSpv Bronson.
No. H.J f
M?uch 7, 1888.
Dear Old Tom : It wiaawfully good
of you to say that I armlet quite u fool,
but wait until you read this. Did you
ever hear of such frightf* luck as I gen
erally have! I left mj office in Park
Row yesterday about 2. o'clock. At
Blcecker street I met friends and
we stopped on the corner. Hero I gave
an p’hibltion of my It pk that would
make. 4 less sensible man t ike poison and
die in agony and a bow-knot in the mid
dle of tne floor just as soop as not.
A gust of wind on its way uptown
from the Battery—harmless, spotivc, in-
nocent gust of wind, that had gone two
miles and nover touched a hat—swooped
down on my new tile and sent it rolling
up the Street like a college foot ball on a
most disgraceful bender. There is no
uso in prolonging the description. The
faster I ran the faster the hat rolled
through the mud between blockades of
street cars and drays, through the crowd*
on the pavement a block'or so down a
muddy gutter. Finally taking an off
shoot it came to a stop iafa pool of water
on a side street. Two minutes later eight
policemen and several thousand citizens
rushed down the thoroughfare and sur
rounded me and my hatff if we had been
malefactors of more thnßlirdinary promi
nence. After running bgjiml an excited
and muddy man several Blocks, followed
by the popuiat.oa of fivefcr six wards, it
is not within a poiicerttjA nature to re
sist making an arrest, itffl if I had not
submitted to this with a meek
ness that Moses would h#o ki ked at, I
am sure I would have beta clubbed into
thebargam. Heremv syicjcok put its
foot in its mouth as usual. After pass
ing through a dozen streets or so, fol
lowed by the same pestilential gang of
idlers, we reached the station house
where the Sergeant promptly dicharged
me. After wnitrug until the crowd
faded out of sight, I rushed to a hat store
next door—a cheap, antique store—l
bought the only hat in it that fitted me.
It looked like a very small and inverted
tin pail on top of a very large and wide
spread umbrella, only the edges turned
up in a roll. If I had worn my trousers
in my boots and looked throughly wicked
I could have passed for a cowboy even
under the experienc and gaze of the' most
expert desperado yet UDlianged.
Jn my excitement I failed to notice my
peculiar appearance, but I thonght I was
exercising sagacity beyond my usual wont
in choosing au unfrequented thoroughfare
to finish my walk, for I did not fancy
provoking the curiosity of street car
riders, and Broadway with its' crowds
seemed unbearable, and there wasn’t a
,cab in sight. Here is where my luck
jumped on me again. Before I had gone
two blocks, whom should I meet but May
Spalding and Miss St. George, who had
been evidently indulging in a little inno
cent daylight slumming excursion. They
did not see me until I was close to them,
when, actuated solely by impulse, I tried
to raise my newly acquired roof from my
head. At this moment Miss Spalding
saw me and gave a scream that chilled
wlias blood was not already frozen within
my person. Remembering my hat when
it was, alas', too late, I lied from the spot
like a guilty thing. A few doors in ad
vance of where I stood when I started in
my mad chase to escape from my Nemesis
was another hat store. Into this I dashed.
Five minutes later I re-entered civiliza
tion, the dust brushed from my clothes,
the mud scraped from my boots, and my
head adorned with the glossiest of stylish
tiles.
I hastened b ick to where I hsd fright
ened my heart’s true love, but they were
gone.
Half an hour later I saw them again
seated on a bench in Union square, listen
ing with apparent interest to a man
bended over them with his b ick toward
me. As I approached them without at
tracting their attention, I was enabled,
with or without my consent, to overhear
their conversation.
“Whatever do you suppose we have
just passed through?” inquired Miss
Spalding of her companion. “A most
horrible looking man met us near Wash
ington Square a few minutes ago and was
about to insult us, I know, when I
screamed and he ran away.”
“The wretch,” responded the man.
“What sort of a looking man was he?”
“He wore a light suit of clothes, a
very broad-brimmed h it, and when be
got a block or two up the street he
dodged into a store. Then we hurried
up here where y m found us as fast as
we could come.”
“I think I can throw a little light upon
the identity of this miscreant,’ replied
the man in a voice which I half recog
nized. “I saw him rush into this store
from the centre of the square. He was
that Idiotic Bronson. I have no idea
why he should try a trick like that un
less because it occurred to his feeble
m nd that it might be smart or amu-ing.
I never have hvi.rd of his insulting any
ladies before, though. But I am not
su prised at anything this imbecile might
do. I understand,” he continued, with a
malice purely (Satanic, “that his friends
have been coutcmniating forborne time
past putting him in a retreat for weak
minded p r*ms,”
At Ihia moment, patience b Ing no
longer either virtuous or -needful, I pre
sented myself before ray accuser end two
listeners.
There were two fend nine screams as
the ladies rose simultaneously from the
bench and clutched, with every symp
tom of uncontrollable fear, the arms of
their self-installed protector.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” I observed
as calmly as possible.
“Never mind your apologies, fellow,”
responded this absolutely depraved
wretch of a Jenkins—for such he turned
out to be—“l will have my footman at
tend to you later on.”
With this rebuff, so stingingly applied,
the trio wheeled into lino and marched
up the walk toward Broadway. What
was thero left for me to do? I couldn't
spatter these ladies with his gore. Even
I had sense enough with all my conflict
ing emotions, which quite overpowered
me, to see that. 8o I left them. If you
receive a telegram any moment from me
sent from the Tombs and headlined,
“Murderers’ Mow,” you may know that
I have done my duty.
Yours, devotedly, until such time m I
am the Sheriff’s, end his till death.
H. Bronson.
NO. HI.
New York, March 21, 1888.
My Dear Thomas : The tear be-wetted
extract from the morning paper relates
the story of its own tragedy:
Married: Jenkins-ftpaMing. On March 18,
Horatio Jenkins to May Spalding. No cards.
Yours, despairingly, Bronson.
P. S.—l aut experimenting in charcoal
as a means of suicide. If I find that it
entails too much patience, and if I verify
the rumor that its use would cause my
face to turn black—too black to be rec
ognized by her for whom I died—l shall
end all things with dynamite —New York
Graphic.
Government Contracts for Snpplies.
In order to give somo idea of how a
government contract can .be obtained,
the following is taken from the official
iestructions: Proposals must be made in
duplicate on-the forms' furnished by the
department, and be accompanied by a
certified check or draft on somo United
States depository or National bank, pay
able to the order of the Sccrotary of the
Interior, which cheek or draft shall bo
for not less than ten per centum of the
value of the estimated quantity of sup
plies propose:! to be furnished at the
prices given in the proposal, if such total
value does not exceed $10,000; if over
that amount thooh. ck must be for st,ooo.
The check to he fo.leit <1 :o the United
States in case the li.ilib r receiving nn
award shall fail lo exccut* promptly a
contract, with go > 1 mul sufficient sure
ties, according t. tU• terns of his bid;
otherwise to be retu uK'il to the bidder.
Bids not accomp lit 1 t v a certified
check or draft wi 1 not be i onsidered.
Each proposal mint give the names
of all parties into e-tel in, or par
ties to it, together with their places
of business and postofficc addresses. If
*f> bo reni.eaetitud. by an jug at, his name
and address should be gveri. All arti
cles to bo of the best qu.Lty unless oth
erwise specified. Samples must bo fur
nished as required in the schedule, and
each sample should be marked to show
the name of the bidder, number of the
item, and price. All articles wi.l be sub
ject to rigid inspection upon delivery,
and such as do not conform strictly to the
requirements of the contract will be re
jected.
The reason why a certified check is re
quired from each bidder is to prevent ir
responsible persons from putting in bids,
and then if the award suits them proooed
to execute the contract, otherwise throw
it up. The multiplication of work be
came so great by the presence of bidders
of this character that this requirement
is made, and it has had the effect of
keeping out the curbstone dealers whoso
bank account cou Id not stand the reten
tion of a certified check for a month or
so.— Washington Star.
Shant Mushrooms.
“You notice on the bill of fare that
your turtle soup is but ten cents more per
plate than mock turtle soup,” said a
stranger in . great glided eating house.
“Calipash and Calipee—green fat—an
historic delicacy, famed in the history of
the world’s metropolis at the acme of
epicurean delight, for ten cents more
than a fried meat ball. But the age likes
to think it is eating turtle soup. It
sounds rich, therefore the veally counter
feit. lam going to cat a Span'sh ome
let,” continued the stranger, changing
the subject. The stranger gave his order
to a colored waiter, who yawned and
twisted his mustache, and the omelet was
brought. The stranger investigated the
ingredients of the savory mess wilh his
fork, and on the end of the utensil pro
duced a mushroom. “Look at this,” he
said. Then he picked at the appetizing
vegetable with his kn:fc, scraped on the
covering of sauce, and began paring the
stem. It crumpied under the operation
in a decidedly unvegetable way. The
reporter’s eyes popped out on his cheek*.
“What is it?” as asked.
“Dough,” replied the stranger. “It is
an old trick. Mushrooms arc scarce and
high. Still the patrons like to have the
sensation of ordering mushrooms in that
composition. If prices were put up to
the mushroom market they would
abandon the restaurant. So they use
dough. It is harmless. I would advise
the proprietor to stick to dough, and not
indulge in toadstools, which might work
injury.” —Philadelphia Press.
Two Remarkable Centenarians.
Near Fnrtcrville, in the southern part
of Nicholas county, Ky., within sight of
each other, a.c the homes of two women
whose ages aggregate 220 years. One is
Mrs. Cathe:ine Waggoner, aged 111, and
her sister-in law. .>.r*. Rebecca Wagge
ner.aged 10'i; e u-i. Th v nre widows, and
each has rea-ed n large ...mily of children,
neatly all of w'.i >m uro i. urried, some of
them having gmmlchlld on.which would
make thc-e old lad cs greet grandmothers.
These remarkub e em-n have nevet
seen a railroad l:a n n r u modern home,
and have lived fur the | :ist sixty-five
years within s stone's t'.uow of where
they now live, snd 1 ave n t been in Car
lisle for thirty-two y. a**. They both
have a silk dress h id away to be buried
in that has been m tde more than fifty
years, bince Ixnomin-' widowed each hat
raised annually, with her own hands if
part, a small crop of ouio and tobacco.—
Louisville Commercial.
In Washington there are goldfish that
have belonged to the muiis family for fifty
years, and they appear to he scarcely any
larger than they were when purchased.
BODGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
amlly Pride Too Sarcastic A
Quiet Chat A Bargain He
Brought the Bear—Turn
lin's Victory.
A Texas boy of about twelve brought
home a very poor school certificate. The
old man said, as he looked under the
sefa tor a bcotjack:
“I’ll have to apply coercive measures.”
“Don’t do it, father. I’m afraid there
will be a scene, and wo don’t care to
have the neighbors suspect that our rela
tions arc not harmonious.”
The neighbors say the boy’s eloquence
was intoned by something that sounded
like hitting a tough beefsteak with the
flat side of an ax.— Siftings.
Too Sarcastic.
First Dude—“ Ole fellah, what do you
think of Miss Commonsense?”
Second Dude—“ Well, ma deah boy,
me opinion of her is not vewy fwat
twing.”
First Dude—“Thath bad. Wat’s the
wesson you don’t wike her?”
Second Dude—“ Too deuced sahcastic,
don’t ye know. W’y the other day we
were out widing, ‘she and I, and we
passed by one of these donkeys, a mis
wable animal, you unnerstan, and I asked
her the difference between that beast and
myself. I tliwought she would say she
didn’t know, and I would tell her that
the donkey dwow loads and Idwew pic
tures. Ye know lam a sort of an ahtist,
and that would be a fwinq joke, bah
Jove.”
First Dude—“And what did she say?”
Second Dude—“ She said the onwi dif
wence she could see was in the length of
the ears.” —Detroit Free Press.
A Quiet Chat.
J— is a wideawake young business man
on State street. Sauntering about at the
Art Club exhibition recently, he chanced
to meet a friend, a deaf mute, who was
conversing with a companion in sign
language. Greeting J— cordially the
deaf muto drew out a pocket pad
and pencil, and after a brief pencil and
paper com ersation introduced his com
panion by the same means and shortly
after withdrew.
J— and the gentleman discussod the
pictures pleasantly for twenty minuts or
more, meanwhile covering the backs of
Bundry envelopes and scraps, of paper
jwith thoir pcncilings, wLen a fourth
'character in this littlo drama came upon
the scene, a friend of J—’s new-made ac
quaintance.
“Hello, George 1” said the new-made
•oquaintanco to tho new comer, familiar
ly, “how do you like the pictures this
“’iliunder and Mars?” exclaimed J-,
in surprise, “can you talk?”
“Well, I should say so,” said the
gentleman, equally surprised, ns he put
away pencil and paper. “Ain’t you deaf
and dumb?”
“Not by a good dcall” J— replied,
thrusting into his pocket an envelope
nearly covered with pencil marks, “but
I’ll kill Dummy next time I meet him. ”
Boston Record.
A Bargain.
A street-tinker, surrounded by a bevy
of children, was industriously working
on a demoralized tea kettle, when a very
•oiled tramp approached him, and
cautiously drew from under his coat a
tin can, and in a confidential way said:
“My friend, I’m in hard luck; I
dropped thi* can yesterday, and now
every time I drink it leaks down on bum
coat and looks very untidy. I’m VjlW
—I spent the last cent I had f- *—r-nt£/’-
lotte ruseo. But won’t you "just put a
drop of solder over that hole?”
The tinsmith was very prompt in in
forming him in plain, unalloyed English,
that he didn’t walk around all day yelling
up alley-ways, with a furnace in his hand
and a twenty-five-pound box of tools
hanging on his shoulder, for pleasure.
After the tramp had reflected os only a
tramp can reflect, he said:
"I’ll fell you what I’ll do if you solder
that hole; I’ll inform you where there’s
lots of tinkering, and it pays first-rate,
too.”
The tinsmith entertained the proposi
tion, and it was a bargain. The can was
once more beer-tight.
“Now where’s all that tinkering you
were talking about?”
The tramp hobbled off a few yards,
and informed him it was over in the
United States navy-yard. Before the
tmker could gather himself together, the
tramp jumped on a passing ice cart and
was gently wafted out of sight.— Puck.
Tumlin's Victory.
The present heated political campaign
recalls a story told of the spirited contest
for Congress in the fifties, in the old
Cherokee district, between Lewis Tum
lin and William Henry Styles. The whole
country was at the time agitated over the
Clayton-Bulwer Treaty which was then
pending. Styles and Franklin were
speaking from every stump in the dis
trict and the former laid great stress on
the idea that it was necessary that the
district choose as its representative a
learned man and one well posted on the
current news of both this country and
the Old World.
“Why,” said he in one of his joint dis
cussions, “we want a man in Congress
who is sufficiently posted to protect us
from the aggressiveness and grasping
methods of England. We want a man
who can vote intelligently on the issues
arising from this great treaty which is
now pending between the two countries.
This, my friend, Tumlin can’t do. I will
submit to him a single question, and if
he answers it from his seat without
being informed, I will agree to come
down. ”
All eyes were on Tumlin ae the speaker
turned to him and pointing at him
asked:
“Where is Liverpool, sir?”
Tumlin sst undisturbed and snwered 1
with a sneering smile, but ventured no
further response.
“Ah,” continued the speakor, turning
to the audience, “he don’t know. Now
I leave it to you to say whether or not
your representative in' Congress should
know the situation of Liverpool 1”
This seemed a clincher end Style* sat
down with an air of triumph. As he
passed Tumlin it it said that the Utter
remarked to him, sotto voice:
on DOLUB Pot Annum, la Uvaaea
“Styles, I think that was otame mean;
you know I ain't no geologist.”
But it came Tumlin's time to reply,
and he was equal to the occasion. lie
scorned the imputation that he did not
know where Liverpool was, and pro
ceeded to locate it, to the satisfaction of
the audience. “But,” said he, “it would
make no difference if I didn’t know il.
There is one thing that I do know, and
that il my people and my distriot. Now
I want to ask my friend Styles a simple
tu cation, which the representative of this
istrict in Congress ought to be able to
answer, and if he docs so at once, right
from his seat and without information, I
will promise to come right down and ask
you to vote for him.”
Attention was now directed to Styles,
who eyed the speaker complacently and
good-humoredly, nodded for him to pro
ceed.
“Wharc, sir,” continued Tumlin, rais
ing his voice to a high pitch aud leveling
his finger at his opponent, “where, sir, £
Cooper’s Creek?”
Styles became confused and did not
venture a reply. The audience accepted
the point as a good one, for every one
knew that Cooper's Creek watered the
most prominent section of the county.
“Ah, you see,” he conclned, “he
don’t know anything about the county
that he wants to represent. Now, I
leave it to you to say whe'heritisbest to
elect a man who knows all about Eng
land and nothing about his distri t, or
one who knows every cow-path in the
district and every creek that should be
cleaned by Congressional appropriation. ”
The victory was Tumliu’s. He had
carried the day, and his triumphant elec
tion followed. Historysays that the old
Cherokee district was well represented in
Congress during his term. —Atlanta Con
stitution.
Ho Brought the Bear.
You know that I went up in Northern
Michigan last fall on a hunting trip with
three or four friends. Well, I can tell
you of a comical little incident vrlfc.’.h oc
curred to our old negro cook, Jit®
We had killed numerous beaveFs, por
cupine, partridges and pheasants, and a"
few deer, but we had been grievously
disappointed in getting no bears. We
followed up every bear track we L uld ,
find, we set traps, and we employed :j A
Indian hunter to aid us, but no bears wer ■
to bo found, although it was said
there were many in the
Returning ono afternoon after an ntffl§§|
cesstnl hunt.dispirited and out of
it was no wonder that when
cook, who was somewhat of a
character, commenced to poke fun atjHZj
and deride us on the bear sub ject. ontflß
the fellows boeamo enraged and saHH
“Jim, you black devil, get out of
camp, and if after your bragging
don’t bring nbcar back with you ocfonQ
dark I’ll give you a sound thra Ji ng.”^
“Sartinly, I will,” replied Jim, gayty.
He obeyed, and failing the loan
of a gun from any one of the party he
started out, having no idea in the world
as to where he was going. Having
dered away a mile or go from the canuf
he lay down under a tree and weiit
sleep. It was dusk when he awoke,
the first thing tliat met his
gazo was an immense black bear
on his haunches, about twenty-five
away, and watching his victim
cently. The bewildered and
alarmed negro jumped to his feet sh|
started for the camp, and the beast fRH
owed. It was a race for life, and
only chance was in his legs, for he haul
not the vestige of a weapon with him.l
After half a mile had been t avemd.hel
looked back and saw that the beast was
gaining on him rapidly. He threw off
his cant £ . ‘ bile the bear stopped to
cjoself.* ..Traineda few yards. In this
>way the poor darkey continued throwing
<off his out clothing, piece by piece, now
and then, and profiting by the bear’s mo
mentary halt to examine and snuff it.
Finally, to Jim’s great delight, he saw
the lights of the camp but a few rods
away, and, having nothing else that he
could throw off, he redoubled his speed,
but the brute gained rapidly and was but
a few feet behind. A series of blood
curdling whoops brought the fellows
from the tent, and as they reached the
door, in came Jim, with a big black bear
at his heels. “Gcmmen,” gasped.he,
“I’s brought back dat b’ar I promised
you.” —Washington Post.
Queen Victoria’s Horses.
It is not generally known, says the
St. James's Gazette, that the famous cream
colored horses wliich draw her Majesty’s
state carriage, as they have drawn the
carriage of her predecessors before her
for the last century and a half, belong
to her not as Queen of England, but ass
princess of the royal house of Hanover.
The home of the breed for a very long
period has been at lierrenhausen, a
country residence a couple of miles
outside of the Hanoverian capital. There
may be seen to this day a stud of ani
mals, kept by the Prussian Government
on behalf of the exiled Duke of Cum
berland, out of the revenues of his con
fiscated estate. The breed has so long
been carefully kept pure that it is rare
(so say the attendants) for anything but
a cream-colored foal to be produced. In
Hanover, on State occasions, the King’s
carriage was accustomed to be drawn by
the creams, while the Queen sat behind
a team of bays. If the account of the
stable authorities may be believed, the
footmen who walk at the head of each
animal are not merely ornamental. Ex
cept on State occasions these horses
never leave the stable, and they are kept
in such a gross condition that they need
to be watched lest they should suddenly
give way to a desire for instant repose,
and thereby disturb the stately progress
of the Queen's cortege.
An Electric Sword.
A gentleman of Shanghai has, after
considerable experimenting, invented a
new and deadly weapon. This is au
electric sword which, when the point
touches the party attacked, sends a pow
erful shock through him, and if not im
mediately killing, will at least put him
hors de combat. The sword is an ordi
nary military sabre, but along its whole
length is let in a fine platinum wire,
which ends at the foil of the weapon. A
small hut very powerful storage battery
is csriiod strapped about th - waist, much
the same as a <a:.ridge box. Insulated
wires connect the battery with the sword,
end bv pressing a button the holder can
complete the circuit at one o.—Shunfhai
(China) Courier.
SO. 25.