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BY T. L. GANTT.
00 L ETHORPE ECHO
PUBLISHED
EVERY FRIDAY MORNING,
njV T. GANTT,
Editor and Proprietor.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
Where paid strictly in mlranrr H‘2 00
Wlicry payment delayed 0 months 2 50
Where payment delayed 12 months... OO
CASH RATES OF ADVERTISING.
The following table shows our lowest cash
r i!es t>r advertising. No deviation will be
made from them'in any case. Parties can
readily tell what their advertisement will
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space by the inch.
TIME. 1 §l4 2 in. 3 in. 4 in. i col i col. 1 col
1 w’l*, 1i.005i6053.00|4.0056.005i0!00 sl4
2 “ 1.75 2.75 4.00 5.00 8.00 13.00 IS
3 “ 2.50 3.25 5.00 6.00 10.00 16.00 22
4 “ 3.1 H) 4.00 6.00 7.00 11.(K) 18.88 26
5 “ 3.50 4.50 6.00 8.00 12.00 20.00 30
6 “ 4.00 5.00 7.50 8.00 13.00 22.00 33
8 f 5.00 fi.oo 0.0010.00 15.00 25.00 40
3 nios, 6.00 8.00 11.00 14.00 18.00 30.00 50
4 “ 7.00 10.0014.0017.00 21.00 35.00 50
6 “ 8.50 12.00 16.00 20.00 26.00 45.00 75
9 “ 10.00 15.00 20. CH) 25.00 33.00 60.00 100
12“ lILOQ 16.0024.00 80.00 40.00 73.00 120
LEGAL ADVERTISEMENTS.
Sheriff Sales, per levy, 10 lines $5 00
Executors’, AdminUtra tors’ and Guardi
an’s Sales, per square 7 00
Each additional square 5 00
Notice to Debtors and Creditors, 30 days, 4 00
Notice of Leave to sell, 30 days 3 00
Letter*of Administration, 30 days 400
Letters of Dismission, 3 months.* 5 00
Letters of Guardianship, 30 days 4 00
Letters of Dis. Guardianship, 40 days.... 3 75
Homestead Notices, 2 insertions 2 00
Rule Nisi’s per square, each insertion... 1 00
GEORGIA RAILROAD SCHEDULE
The following is the schedule on the Geor
gia Railroad, with time of arrival at and de
parture from every station on the Athens
Branch:
UP PAY PASSENGER TRAIN.
Leave Augusta at 8:45 a. nt.
Arrive at Union Point 12:27 p. m.
Leave Union Point 12:52 p. in.
Arrive at Atlanta 5:45 p. m.
DOWN DAY PASSENGER TRAIN.
Leave Atlanta at 7:00 a. m.
Arrive at Union Point 11:32 a. m.
Leave Union Point 11:33 a. m.
Arrive at Augusta 3:30 p. m.
UP NIGHT PASSENGER TRAIN.
Leave Augiistu’at 8:15 p. m.
Arrive at Atlanta 6:25 a. in.
Remains one minute at Union Point.
ATHENS BRANCH TRAIN.
PAY TRAIN.
1 Jwf-v" ' T line
Stations. Arrive. Depart, bet.
sta’s.
a. M.
Athens.,., 8 45 25
Winteraville 9 10 9 15 30
Crawford 0 45 9 50 25
Antioch 10 15 10 18 15
Maxey’s 10 33 10 35 15
Woodville 10 50 10 55 20
Union Point 11 15
UP TRAIN.
Union Point...P. M. 100 I 20
Woodville 120 125 | 15
Maxey’s 1 40 1 45 15
Antioch 200 205 | 25
Crawford 230 235 | 30
Wintersvillo 305 310 | 25
Athens 3 35 |
NIGHT TRAIN— Down.
Athens la. m. \ 10 fKI I 25
Wintersvillo | 10 25 j 10 30 j 30
Crawford 1 11 00 j 11 05 j 25
Antioch | 1130 | 1132 j 15
Maxey’s I 11 47 11 49 | 15
'Woodville ! 12 04 I 12 10 j 25
Union Point | 12 35 j a. m. j
Up Night Train.
Union Point I | 355 j 25
Woodville I 420 | 424 j 15
Maxey’s I 439 441 j 15
Antioch I 456 | 458 j 25
(’rawfml j 523 I 527 | 30
Wintersviile j 557 | 602 | 28
Athens j 630 j |
MISCELLANEOUS.
ismmiuin) !!LE2J E!
Athens, Oa., 25 bbls. Best O. K. Lard.
DEALERS IN 5 Car-loads Com.
1 wtcho, clock*, Jewelry, j iqG bbls. Sugars.
I m,ver * nd Plal * and |®j I 50 sacks Coffee.
Fauey Article*, Etc. | And numerous other goods in our line, just
\ jJeiErJl. j recei ved and for wale at prices that defy coni-
TTaving best worktnen, are prepared to re- i petition.
•ff l , vv ' m “ k^, a Hp p cia k lty s of silve r and 1 TALMADGE, HODGSON & Coi (
t Gold 1 luting Watches, forks, S|mh)lih, etc. : ’
"* * feb!B-4t College Avenue, Athens, Ga.
t/
My Life is Like a Summer Rose.
The poetry by R. 11. Wilde, beginning
“My life is like the summer rose,” is
universally admired and frequently
found in the periodicals of the day. His
politics are forgotten, his life of Tasso
encumbers the shelves of booksellers,
whilst this gem, recognized as true poe
try, even in fault-finding England, prom
ises to embalm his name in literary im
mortality.
It is not, however, so well known that
| a lady of Baltimore met the distinguish
j ed advocate in the Court of Muses, and
I replied with much force and equal beau
j *y. As the stanzas of ea ii are not found
; in connection, it is proposed to give those
| (>i dde separat .y, a:: 1 in a similar
way the lady’s answer in reply :
WILDE.
My life is like the summer rose
That opens to the morning sky,
But ere tiie shades of evening close
Is scattered on tlie ground to die.
Yet on that rose’s humble bed
1 he sweetest dews of night is shed,
As if she wept such waste to see;
But none shall weep a tear for me.
LADY.
The dews of night may fall from Heaven
Upon the withered rose’s bed,
And the tears of fond regret be given
To mourn the virtues of the dead.
Yet morning’s sun the dews will dry,
And tears will fade from sorrows eve,
Affections pangs be lulled to sleejv
And even love forget to weep.
WILDE.
My life is like the autumn leaf
1 hat trembles in the moon’s pale rav—
Its hold is frail, its date is brief,
Restless and soon to pass away.
Yet ere that life shall fall and fade,
The parent tree shall mourn its shade ;
I he wind bewail the leafless tree,
But none shall breathe a sigh for ine.
LADY.
The tree may mourn its fallen leaf,
And autumn’s winds bewail its bloom,
And friends may heave a sign of grief,
O’er those who sleep within the tomb.
Yet soon will spring renew the flowers,
And time will bring more smiling hours;
In friendship’s heart all grief will die,
And even love forget to sigh.
WII.DE.
My life is like the prints which feet
Have left on Tampa’s desert strand—
Soon as the rising tide shall beat,
All trace shall''vanish from the sand.
Yet, as if grieving to efface
All vestage of the human race
On that lone shore, loud moans the sea ;
But none, alas ! shall mourn for me.
LADY.
The sea may on the desert shore
Lament each trace it bears away;
The lonely heart its grief may pour
O’er cherished friendship’s fast decay.
Yet when all track is lost and gone,
The waves dance bright and gaily ou;
l’hus soon a Section’s bonds are torn,
And even love forgets to mourn.
Prayer ala Mode.
Give me an eye to others’ failings blind
(Miss Smith’s new bonnet’s quite a fright be
hind!)
M ake in me charity for the suffering poor—
(There comes that contribution plate once
more!)
Take from my soul all feelings covetous—
(l 11 have a shawl like that or make a fuss!)
Let love for all my kind my spirit stir—
(Save Mrs. Jones ! I’ll never speak to her!)
Let me in Truth’s fair pages take delight—
(l’ll read the other novel through to-night!)
Make me contented with my earthly state—
(l wish I’d married rich! Hut it’s too late!)
Give me a heart of faith in all my kind—
(Mrs. Brown’s as big a hypocrite as you’ll find!)
Help me to sec myself as others see—
(This dress is quite becoming unto me!)
Let me act out no falsehood, I appeal—
(l wonder if they think these curls are real ?)
Make my heart of humility the fount—
(How glad 1 am our pew’s so near the front!)
Fill me with patience and give strength to wait;
(1 know he’ll preach until our dinner’s late!)
Take from my heart each grain of self-conceit—
(l ’m sure the gentlemen must think me sweet!)
Let saintly wisdom be my daily food—
(I wonder what they’ll have for dinner good!)
Let not my feet ache in the road to light—
(Nobody knows liow these shoes pinch and
bite!)
In this world teach me to deserve the next—
(Church out! Charles, do you recollect the
text?)
Counting Chickens.
The reason people count their chick
ens before they are hatched is because
it is easier. Mr. Benson, on Crafton
street, found a dead hen back of his barn,
Saturday morning. He suspected it was
one of his fowls, but he was not cer
tain, and the only way to ascertain, he
thought, was to count his flock, which
numbered sixteen. He gathered them
together with a few flakes'of cold pan
cakes, and commenced counting.
“One, two, three—four, five six—
seven . One two three, four,
five —, six . One, two, three,
four—, five, six, seven, eight—, nine—
ten , eleven—pshaw! One, two,
t h ree, fo u r—fou r—fou r good n ess
gracious! One, two three, four
five, six, seven seven—
seven —seven thunder and lighting!
Oue, two, three one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven eight—nine
ten, eleven —elev—blast ve,
standstill! One t two—two—two, three,
four four—four—four—O ye
will ye? ye will, ye will, ye will,” he
suddenly screamed, choking with pass
ion, and jumping up and down in a per
fect estaev of rage. Then he dove after
a clothes-pole, and bore down on the
frightened and fleeing hens like a whirl
wind, scattering the yard with feathers,
and filling the air w ith the shrieks of the
crazed bipeds; and never ceased the at
tack until every hen was out of sight. He
don't know yet whether that hen is his.
—Danbury Newt.
CRAWFORD, GEORGIA, FRIDAY MORNING, MARCH 19, 1875.
COMING TO WOO.
When Aunt Philinda wont away, the
last thing she said to me was :
“I’m going tb send somebody down to
! see you afore long, an’ I hope youM
j act like a sensible girl, an’ not stand in
| your own light. He’s smart as the ave-
I ridge, an’ he’s got the best farm I know on
; anywhere in the section o’ country. You
couldn’t do better.”
I hadn’t the faintest idea that she
would do as she said; but I began to
believe she meant business when I re
ceived the following letter:
Dear Niece Mariar: I’ve told Mr.
Green about you, an' he’s goin’ to come down
to your place next week. I do hope you’ll
like ban, for a better husban’ never lived
than he’d make you. Afore Mehetabel—that
was his first wife—died, he was one of the
best providers I ever seed, an’ the Lord knows
he’s had to be sence, for that sister of his’n
that keeps house for him is awful wasteful.
He’s considerable took up with you from my
deseripshun, an’ I know he’ll like you. Any
l>od\ that’s smart an’ capable can do well to
marry him. The children are purty l*ehaved,
an’ take after their father. Now don’t think
he won’t suit you ’cause he ain’t fixt up like
a young man. He’s worth a dozen voung
men, fur’s property’s concerned, an’ Meheta
bel used to say he was awful lovin’. Do be a
sensible girl, Mariar, an’ not stand in your
own light. From your affectionate aunt,*
Philinda.
“ For goodness sake !” I exclaimed,
when I had read the letter through to
sister Jane. “ What shall I do ? Here
it’s Monday, and the letter ought to
have been here last week. He’s likely
to happen along any time. Such an old
fool as Aunt Philinda is ! The idea of
my marrying an old widower, with half
a dozen children.”
“ But they’re ‘ purty behaved,’ and
‘ take after their father,’ ” said Jane,
wiping the tears from her eyes, and
hardly able to talk from laughing. “And
he’s awful lovin’!”
“ I don’t want any of his loving ways
round me,” says I, indignantly. “I
won’t speak to him. She might have
known better. I think it a regular in
sult.”
“ I'll tell you what,” cried Jane, her
eyes luminous with a brilliant idea.
<4 Let me pretend that I’m you. “ I’ll be
Maria for the time being, and vou be
Jane.”
“ What good’ll that do ?” I asked.
“ Ever so much,” answered she. “ Fa
ther and mother won’t be back for four
or five days, and I can tire him out be
fore that time. I’ll be deaf! Won’t
that be splendid? I won’t be able to
bear anything lower than a shout,”
“ I’m agreeable to the plan,” I said.
And Jane began to make preparations
for her wooer. She combed down her
hair smoothly on each side of her face,
and put on mother’s old mohair cap.
Then she added spectacles, and arranged
herself in an antiquated old dress. When
she had finished her toilet she looked
old maidisli, I assure vou. I laughed
till I cried.
About three o’clock there came a rap
at the - door.
“It’s him, I’ll bet!” cried Jane. “If j
it is, remember I’m Maria, and can’t
hear you unless you talk very loud.”
I went to the door and opened it.
There stood Mr. Green, I was sure. He
had on his Sunday best, evidently, ami
very comical lie looked in it, anil very
uncomfortable he felt, judging from his
actions. He was wiping his face with a
huge red and yellow handkerchief.
“ I’m Mr. Green,” he said, making a
bow and introducing himself at the same
time. “ I came to see Miss Mariar Law
ton. Bevon her?”
“ She’s expecting you ; she’s in the par
lor. Come in,” I said, choking with
laughter. “ You’ll have to talk a little
louder than usual, for she’s a trifle deaf.”
“Deaf!” exclaimed Mr. Green.
“ Your aunt didn’t mention that.”
By that time we were at the parlor
door. Jane was all expectation, and
did look so comical that I thought I
should have to laugh or die. But I
managed to keep my face tolerablv
straight while I introduced them.
“ Maria, this is Mr. Green !” shouted
I, in a shrill key, puting my mouth close
to her ear.
“ A little louder,” said she, and I
shouted “Mr. Green” an octave higher.
The poor man looked terribly disap
pointed. His fancy had not painted her
in true colors, evidently.
“ Ah, yes, Mr. Green,” said Jane,
fairly beaming with delight. “ How do
you do ?” and she shook the poor gen
tleman’s hand energetically. “ Jane,
get Mr. Green a chair. Put it here by
the side of mine, so that he can talk to
me. I’m happy to see you, sir. Aunt
Philinda spoke of you in very compli
mentary terms, indeed.”
“ I’m glad of that,” said Mr. Green,
sinking into the chair.
“ Eh ? what did you say ?” said Jane,
turning her ear toward him. “A trifle
louder, if you please.”
Mr. Green repeated his remark, while
I retired to the window to laugh.
“ Avery fine day?” he added.
“ Good crop of iiay ? I’m glad of it,”
responded Jane. “ I’m greatly interest
ed in farm matters, Mr. Green.”
“ I said the weather was fine,” cor
rected Mr. Green.
“ When’ll Ibe yours? Whv, you’re
so sudden, Mr. Green !” exclaimed* Jane,
pretending to blush. “I don’t reallv
feel as if I knew you yet. And yet, my
hearts tells me that you are an affinity,”
and then the wicked girl leaned mostLe
witchingly upon the uneasy man, who
looked at me appealingly.
“ I didn’t say that,” he shouted. “ I
spoke about the weather.”
“Yes; I hope we’ll be happy togeth
er,” said Jane, pensively. “ Oh, Mr.
Green, if you knew how I have longed
for the companionship of some heart
like yours these many years,” and then
shenroceeded to shed unseen tears in
her handkerchief.
Mr. Green was touched.
“She’s awful affecksbunafce, ain't she ?”
he said to me. “ I wish she wasu’t so
a>\iul deef. ban t anything be done for
her?”
Oh, you won’t mind that, after a lit
tle,” said I, cheerfully. “We don’t.”
“ 1 dunno’ ’bout that,” said Mr. Green
doubtfully. “We couldn’t never have
no secrets,’cause the neighbors ’d heer
’em ’fore shedid, if I went to teliin’ her
any. Don t seem to me’s if I ever see
anybody quite so deef as she is.”
“Talk to me,” said Jane, who had
dried her eyes. “ Tell me all about vour
children. I know I shall take so much
comfort with them. Bless their souls.”
1 hereupon Mr. Green began his family
history away up in the higher octaves,
and I got so nearly deafened at his
shouting that I had to leave the room.
I sat down on the hack steps and laugh
ed for half an hour. When I stopped I
could hear him shouting still, but I fan
cied he Was getting hoarse. .
Jaro talking all the after
noon. I never saw any one quite so re
lieved as he was when I announced that
supper was in’ readiness.
Jane fastened herself upon him, and
accompanied him to the supper-table.
“ It’s such an awful pity about her,”
said the poor man to me, regretfully.
“She’s got a wonderful affeckshunate
way, an’ she’s awful anxious to be Miss
Green ; but,” and there Mr. Green stop
ped, dubiously, “ I know’d an old wo
man who was so deef that when it thun
dered once, she thought someone was
knockin’ an’ hollered ‘come in ;’ an’ she
didn’t begin to be as deef as she is, no,
not begin. I don’t s’pose you’d be willin’
to settle down on a farm, now, would
you ?” hopefully.
“Oh, I couldn’t think of such a thing,”
I answered. “ Maria’s the wife for a
farmer. She takes such an interest *n
such matters.”
“That’s a fact,” said Mr. Greeu. “I
dun’ no when I’ve seen a woman more
interested than she is. I swan’ I’d give
twenty-five dollars if ’twould cure her,
an’ up our way we can get a good cow
for that price.”
Mr. Green had got so used to talking
to Jane that he had forgotton that I was
not deaf, and shouted the last sentence
at me.
“You say you're fond of rice ? Oh, so
ami,” said Jane, delightedly. “Jane,”
to me, “ you put some on to cook after
supper; we’ll have some for breakfast.”
“ Don’t put yourself out for me,”
shouted Mr. Green.
“ Wish you had some for tea, did you
say? I wish so, too.” Jane smiled
another tender smile at her suitor, and
sipped her tea slowly, smiling at him
every time he looked at her.
“ Where’s your folks ?” lie asked, sud
denly, as if he had just thought of them.
“\es, it is a good plan,” answered
Jane, nodding her head appreciatively.
“ Geese always ought to wear pokes. If
they don’t, they’ll get into the garden
and eat everything up.”
“ I asked after your father an’ moth
er,” shouted Mr. Green, with awful em
phasis, and turning red in the face with
the exertion.
“ Let me see,” said Jane, thoughtfully.
“Henry Bascomb’s brother? No, Mr.
Green, I don’t think I ever knew him.”
“Oh, dear,” groaned Air. Green.
“She gets deofer and deefer. I can’t
marry her. What if I wanted to say
anything to her in the dead o’ night?
I’d have to wake the hull house up to
make her hear. It’s an awful pity, I
swan.”
Jane kept him shouting at her all the
evening, under the beaming effulgence
of her smile. I never laughed so much
in my life before.
He came into the kitchen next morn
ing, where I was getting breakfast.
“I’m so hoarse I can hardly talk
loud,” he said, mournfully. “ I like
her. She’s smart, naturally, an’ seems
willin’, an’ she wants to get married as
bad as any woman I ever saw ; but she’s
too deef! I guess I won’t stop to break
fast, ’cause it’ll only make her more set
on havin’ me, an’ I can’t make such a
sacrifice for the sake o’ anybody. If
you’d only think favorable ’bout it, I’d
say. Couldn’t you, now, s’pose?” with
a very tender smile.
“ Not for a minute,” said I.
And seeing that there was no hope,
Mr. Green took his departure.
Aufit Philinda evidently saw through
the state of affairs, as reported to her by
Mr. Green, for she hasn’t been visiting
since. I wonder if lie’s still single?
How Bar Room Liquors are Made.
—There may be seen daily, on Chestnut
street, says the Philadelphia Bulle
tin, a roan dressed in faultless apparel,
with a great diamond upon his breast,
endeavoring to outglitter the magnificent
solitaire on his finger. In a German
university he learned chemistry, and not
even Liebig knows it better. His occu
pation is mixing and the adulteration of
liquors. Give him a dozen casks of
deodorized alcohol, and the next day each
of them will represent the name of a genu
ine w r ine or a popular spirit. He enters a
wholesale drug store, bearing a large
basket upon his arm. Five pounds of
iceland moss are first weighed out to him.
To raw liquors this imparts a degree of
smoothness and oleaginousness that
gives to imitation of brandy the glib
uess of that which is most matured. An
astringent called catechu, that w ould al
most close the mouth of a glass inkstand,
is next in order. A couple of ounces of
strychnine, next called for, and quickly
conveyed to the vest pocket, and a pound
of white vitriol is as silently placed in the
bottom of the basket. The oil of cognac,
the sulphuric acid, and other articles that
gave fire and body to the liquid poisou
are always kept in store. The mixer
buys these things in various quarters.
Mr. Editor! Who wrote “Shivering
on the River’s Brink ? ” Dip.
We forget the name, but he belonged
to the Baptist denomination.
CONDENSED NEWS ITEMS.
In Nevada it is proposed to make Sun
day a legal holiday.
The war in Cuba is still raging with
the utmost ferocity.
Over $175,000 is missing from the
treasury of Plymouth Church.
Tite rate of messages by the Atlaqjic
cable is fitty cents per word, gold.
The french government has ordered
10,000 cavalry horses from Germany.
The amount which Spain is to pav for
shooting the Virginius crew is $84,000.
The excavations of Pompeii continue,
and new discoveries are constantly being
made.
A religious outbreak in Mexico is
feared, and the excitement there is in
tense.
Bonanza, a Spanish term, signifies
true goodness, or in the vernacular, a bur
thing. °
The Grand Duke Alexis starts on an
other cruise around the earth this com
ing spring.
One of Gov. Jewell’s daughters is a
teacher in a negro mission school in
Washington.
John Bunyan is charged with having
plagiarized “Pilgrim’s Progress” from
the Dutch.
Kerosene has been discovered in
lowa, and oil wells are going down in
every direction.
Squirrels destroy a million dollars
worth of grain in Contra Costa eounty,
Cal., every year.
A negro male child was recently born
in Bowling Green, Ky., with a w*ell-de
veloped set of teeth.
“Thank God, I was born in New Eng
land!” exclaimed Henry Wilson. Geor
gia is just as thankful, Henry.
The factories at the North are running
on half time, to permit the operatives to
catch up with the Beecher trial.
The subscription 0f515,000 additional
to the Elberton Air-Line Railroad will
complete that enterprise by next Octo
ber.
Lands at Mellonville, Fla., which
sold for fifty cents per acre four years
ago, are now selling for SSO and $75 per
acre.
New York has a million of inhabit
ants, and ninety of them die per week of
starvation. There is more suffering there
now than for thirty years.
Several large mercantile firms in
New Y r ork are reported in financial dis
tress because of the extreme difficulty of
making collections.
Connecticut is the next State on the
voting list. Voting for Governor, Legis
lature and Congressmen will take place
on the first Monday in April.
George Washington Jinks, a col
ored barber, was up before the pol'ce
court for cutting down a neighbor’s cher
ry trees. History will repeat itself.
The Methodist Church has three and
quarter million members in this country,
and some of them are urging that tobac
co chewing be forbidden by the church.
We are glad to learn that Gen. John
C. Breekenridge has recovered from a
severe attack, and will soon resume the
duties of his profession at Lexington, Ky.
Since the passage by Congress of the
bill for the resumption of specie pay
ments in 1879, gold which was then 111, i
has advanced to 115, and remains steady i
at the latter figures.
The buildings of the Centennial
position at Philadelphia will cover twen
ty acres, and it is proposed to erect an
elegant railway therein for the accom
modation of visitors.
The eucalyptus tree is being introdu
ced in sickly localities. It is said to ab
sorb the malarious vapors of damp cli
mates. The Mayor of New Orleans has
advertised for propositions to cultivate
groves of them.
A careful housewife in Altoona put
an $lB order and a $lO greenback into
the drawer of the coffee-mill last Wed
nesday for safe-keeping. Thursday
morning the family enjoyed a S2B cup
of coffee.
The Newcastle Chronicle gives an ac
count of a donkey belonging to Thomas
Newton, which was attacked by rats and
nearly devoured. Think ofan American
mule being injured by rats, or even
lightning.
An English fleet bombarded and took
a fort on the island of Mombaz, recently.
The place is connected with the East
African slave trade, which the English
are rooting out. Two slavers were cap
tured with 300 slaves on board, who were
thus emancipated.
According to the latest accounts, two
thirds of the mills in East Tennessee,
w’ith barns, houses, fences and much
grain, have been destroyed by the flood.
The loss in Cocke county is estimated at
$200,000, and it is thought that the losses
in the State will amount to a million.
There is a woman in Danville, Va.,
who has given birth to four children at
three separate births within fifteen
months, and all the children are living
and well. If there is a parallel case any
where in the ivorld we should like to
hear of it.
When Mr. Peter Weber, of Chicago,
was called into his wife’s room the other
dav, at the close of the most exciting
episode of her life, and the clothes were
turned down disclosing a quartette of
little female Webers,he exclaimed,“ Mien
Gott in Himmel, Katrine, vy you don’t
bud a shtop to dis buznws?”*
VOL. 1-NO. 24.
DEVILTRIES.
The fast young man’s aim in life
is towards the spittoon.
It is enough for me thing at u
time to happen, especially twins.
It is useless to say when most peo
ple darn they don’t use the needle.
„ —■—hv is Phil Sheridan like the
CjuU of Mexico? Because he lies about
Louisiana.
Spilfcins says that every newspa
per lie takes home serves to make a bus
tle iu his family.
An Omaha girl broke her back the
other day while making up her bed. An
awful warning.
“ Yes,” remarked Jap Hopkins,“us
bhakspeare truly observed, “ who steals
my purse gets thrashed !”
said a teacher to a pupil. “ Your whole
demeanor is a continued misdemeanor.”
——lt is an interesting matter for dis
cussion, what a young man ought to do
with his upper lip when there’s nothing
on it.
A Sunday-school girl was asked
concerning “the pestilence that walketh
in darkness,” and answered: “ I irues*
it’s bed-bugs.” *
to be so weak ?” said a fop to a gentle
man. “ They are in a weak plaee,” re
plied the latter.
rapidly in style now, it is said. This
novel wedding takes place when the
“ first-born” is old enough to spank.
Mrs. Partington fell on the ice last
week and dislocated the incubus of her
right arm, causing an inglosis of her ver
batur, besides hurting her somewhatly—
so she says.
An Irish school-master recently
informed his pupils that the feminine
gender should be applied to all ships and
vessels afloat, except mail steamers and
men-of-war.
troit woman to her fourth husband, tu
she took a handful of hair from his head
because he objected to hang out tho
week’s washing.
——ln all this world of woe ean it he
possible to imagine another retribution
so stern, so awful, so justy,as that exhib
ited in the marriage of a life insurance
ageut to a book-canvasser.
A new hat is readv for the editor
who wrote, “ There is a skater in Maine
who can write a promissory note on the
ice, in such perfection that the sun will
liquidate it at or before maturity.”
V r
“ Wed de ho.” “ Where’s the hoe ?”
“ Wid de rake.” “But where in the
thunder are they both ?” “ Boof toged
der. ’Pears to me you’s berrv ’ticlar ’dis
mornia’.”
Were you to write on a card the
words.: “ Wanted—A man,” and place
the inscription on a Chicago gir.’s bustle,
it would not begin to convey the idea as
well as their general appearance, actions
and conversation.
*A very religious old lady teing
asked her opinion of the organ of a
church, the first time she had ever heard
one, replied : “ It’s a very pretty box of
whistles, but, oh ! it’s an awful way to
■spend the Sabbath.”
A woman in New Hampshire had
an accurate print of a juniper tree print
ed on her thigh by a flash of lightning.
The editor who chronicled the event has
had a lively time explaining to his wife
how lie discovered the item.
A country pastor said to one of his
feminine congregation, “Are you hap
py ?” “ Yes, sir,” she replied ; “ I feel
as though I were in Beelzebub’s bosom.”
“ Not in Beelzebub’s!” Well, some of
the old patriarchs ; I don’t care which!”
A few weeks since a Chicago
drummer saw a young lady plowing a
field in Illinois. He stopped to ask:
“ When do you begin cradling?” “ Not
till heads are better filled than yours,”
was the sententious reply. The young
man rode on.
——A precocious boy in an Athens
family was asked which was the greater
evil of the two, hurting another’s feel
ings or his finger. He said the former.
“ Right, my dear child,” said the grati
fied questioner ; “ and why is it worse
to hurt the feelings?” “ Because you
can’t tie a rag around them,” explained
the dear child.”
A subscriber to a paper died a few
days ago, leaving four years’ subscription
unpaid. The editor appeared at the
grave when the lid was being screwed
down the last time and put in the coffin
a palm-leaf fan, a linen coat and a ther
mometer. which is only used in warm
climates.
- girls attending a seminarv in
Illinois set two chickens fighting in their
room last Sunday. Bets on the result
ran high, and at the conclusion of the
contest the winning maiden was better
by a gold watch a pair of silk stockings,
a French corset, two rolls of false hair,
a patent bustle, and a beautiful book
mark with “ Christ our guide” worked
ou it in colored silk.
The barber who told us about it
didn’t seem to like it. A poor exile of
Erin, hungry and cold, entered his shop
yesterday, ate, with the brush, a cup of
lather, dug out the soap ball at the bot
tom of the cup, ate that, and sat down to
warm his feet. Then an astonished ob
server mustered his scattered wits and
asked : “ How did you like your luneb ?”
says Pat: “ The custard was illegant, but
my soul. I b’lave the egg was a little too
tong in the watber.”