Newspaper Page Text
PEOPLED FRIEND,
A TEMPERANCE SKETCH.
THE WIFE’r STRATAGEM.
It was a bright, cosy room, and the cher
ry young wife who occupied it, made a most
charming picture, as she sat in the blended
glow and softness of the firelight and gas
light, with her deft fingers busily fashion
ing a sheen of exquisite embroidery on the
velvet-ground of a pair of slippers for her
absent husband.
The little dimpling smile curving her lips
plainly revealed that the sunshine of ten
der, happy thoughts hovered about her la
bor of love in spite of the faint shadow
which displaced it, whenever she paused
to glance at the clock on the mantel or lis
ten for the dear, familiar step, tarrying un
wonted ly long from her side.
She was not accustomed to spend her
evenings alone, and it seemed a bit strange
and lonely not to see the owner of that step
in his usual place, reading aloud, laughing
and chatting, or gayly “building castles in
the air” for their future.
What ttould detain him ?
He had promised not to be gone long,
but—well, he so seldom spent an evening
out she had not ought to complain, and
more swiftly plying her needle, the smile
would flit back to her face.
But as the hour grew late and he did not
come, the shadow returned again and again,
growing darker and darker, till finally it
settled ominously down on her heart, and
throwing aside her work, a weary vigil was
hers, till the sound of heavy, unfamiliar
steps, and a quick, sharp ring of the door
bell, sent her to her feet, with dilating eyes
and colorless lips.
However, being a resolute little woman,
she hastened to the door, and fearlessly
opening it, there, between two of his friends
she beheld her husband—dead drunk.
One glance of shocked surprise, and re
alizing the truth in all its bitterness, she
would have fallen, but out of the whirl of
her thoughts flashed a stratagem, which
none but a woman’s ready wit could have
suggested. With the silently breathed
words:
“May Heaven forgive me the deception!”
and a little cry of well-dissembled terror,
she reeled against the door-jamb, gasping:
“My husband is struck with apoplexy 1”
“No, no, madame, it is nothing so seri
ous as that. Believe me, he will soon be
better,” was the earnest assurance, in tones
that quiet'f ailed the speaker’s inclina
tion to smile.
She unsteadily lifted her husband’s limp,
heavy hand, and nervously chafing it, chok
ingly answered ;
“Gentlemen, you cannot deceive me. I
know it is apoplexy,” and directing them
to carry him up stairs, she anxiously led
the way to a pleasant gas-lit chamber,
where, after bidding them lay him down
on the white-draped bed, she earnestly be
sought them to go for a physician.
Deeming her as unsuspecting as she
seemed, they hastened to gratify her, en
joying a quiet laugh at the husband’s ex
pense.
When the physicim arrived, he found
his patient well-tucked up in oed, and the
wife pacing the floor, wringing her hands
and acting like one distraught.
“Oh, doctor,” she cried, “my husband
is struck with apoplexy, and y> u must
bleed him or he’ll die !”
“I hope not, madame, and I trust there
is no serious cause for alarm. Doubtless
he will be better by morning, replied the
physician, gravely feeling the unconscious
man’s pulse.
“But, doctor, it is apoplexy and 1 insist
that he must be bled,” she passionately
persisted.
“Well, madatne, at all events, it won’t
arm him, and, as yuu insist so strongly,
1 have no other alternative,” and the pa
tient was bled as Se'entifically as the wife
could desire.
A little sigh of relief, and again she
cried :
“Now, doctor, a blister on his head!”
“But, my dear madame.” began the
physician, hardly willing to carry the farce
so far, but she vehemently interrupted him
exclaiming hull’ indignantly :
“Why, doctor, would jou let my hus
band die? Wasn't my father a physician,
and don’t I know what ought to be done in
a case of apoplexy? Please apply the blis
ter.” The physician obeyed, mentally
ejaculating :
“When a woman will, she will, yon may depend
on*t.
And when she won’t, >he won’t, and there’* no end
Then he circumspectly departed, and
whatever bis suspicions were he prudently
kept them to hyuself.
When the husband awoke to conscious
ness he was somewhat amazed and bewild
ered. ,
Putting his hand to his head, be called
to his wife, who hastened to bend tenderly
over him.
“Why, little wife, what’s the matter?
What ails my head auJ what makes me so
weak ?’
‘Hush, hush, my darling! You must
not talk, for you are too ill,’ she softly
whispered, placing her hand caressingly on
his forehead.
‘Too ill!’ he echoed, ‘I —’ and the hand
fluttered to his lips, compelling silence per
force.
‘Be silent love,’ was the low, gentle cau
tion ; ‘it’s apoplexy, and the doctor was
here; and bled you, and blistered your poor
head. You are better now; but unless you
are perfectly quiet, I dare not answer for
the consequences. So come, be a good dar
ling and see what a splendid little nurse I’ll
make,’ and the'beguiling voice was full of
tenderest love.
But before it paused memory had re
turned to the listener, and looking into the
I sweet eyes above him, shame and remorse
i sealed his lips. He knew he would have
; to remain a prisoner in the house till his
hoad should heal, and the thought was
anything but exhilerating.
However, he found his wife such an en
i gaging nurse, that the period sped almost
as a dream, in which she moved about him
like a bright ministering spirit, with a smile
on her lip, a light in her eyes, and a tender
ness in her manner that jealously guarded
against revealing by a word, look, or sign,
that she even dreamed her husband had
been brought home to her drunk,
No. It was apoplexy—that terrible ap
oplexy—which might have made her a
widow; and with her face hidden on his
shoulder the little dissembler told him
1 more than once how she had wrung her
hands and wept over him that most wretch
ed night when he did not even know his
1 own little wife.
Thus, with many a tender blandishment,
she beguiled the term of his enforced im
prisonment, which, notwithstanding its at-
> tractions, he was not loth to leave when at
liberty to go out again, of course, happy
as a bird on the wing, for where dwells the
! man content to abide at home, day after
day, as women do, withing sometimes prov
-1 ing—whisper it *ow —a bit of a bear?
> But before his wife allowed him to go
I she threw her arms around his neck, pray
ing, apparently in a perfect fever of appre
hension.
, ‘Oh, my husband; you will be careful of
yourself, won’t you ?. Remember, you
might have another stroke of apoplexy,
• and then—Oh mj' love, the mere thought
! of it frightens me I” and a little gush of
> tears, not wholly make believe, swept over
■ her, for in spite of herself, the memory of
that night Was like a sharp probe in her
i heart, piercing it to the very core, when
• , she thought her husband might be inclined
i to tread the perilous path of intemperance. ,
But her fears were groundless.
That was the first and only time she ever
1 saw him intoxicated, and whatevr he sus
pieioned he wisely followed her example, ,
1 and discreetly held his peace, for her strat
agem had effectually cured him.
MY WIFE’S BRIDAL TOUR.
The Best Way to Manage a Wife- Ad
vice to Young Men.
When I married my second wife, she
was dreadful set about going off on a bridal
tour. I told her she had better wait six
months or a year and I’d go with her, and
she said she had rather go alone —when a
woman is traveling, a man is an out-and- I
out humbug. So I gave her seventy-five ■
cents, and told her to go and have a good
time. I never begrudge money when my
wife’s happiness is concerned. My first
wife never could complain of not going ;
anywhere, for 1 am dreadful fierce to go off
on a good time myself. I don’t pretend
to say how many times i took her out to
see the sights; and there was no end to the
free lectures 1 let her go to- The neighbors
ued to .-ay ; “it beats ail how the Skin
ners do go!”
When the circus was in Skunkville, the
manager gave my wife a complimentary
ticket. I not only sold the ticket for my
wile, but gave her ball th® money. I don’t
boa-t of it; but only mention it to show
Low much I thought of her happiness.
1 don’t think any man ought to get mar
ried until he can consider his wife’s happi
ness only second to his own. John Wi.-e.
a neighbor of mine, did thusly, and when
1 got married I concluded to do likewise.
But the plan didn’t work in the case of
my second wife. No—l should say not.
1 broached the subject kindly.
“Matilda.” said 1, “1 suppose you are
aware that 1 am now your lord and mas
ter?”
“Not much you ain’t,” said she.
“Mrs. Skinner,” said I, “you are fear
fully disorganized. You are cranky.”—
And I brandished my new sixty cent um
brella wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from me
and locked me up in the clothespress.
lam quick to draw an inference. I drew
here that 1 was not a succeas as a reorgani
zer of female women.
After this. I changed my tactics. I let
her have her own way ; and the plan from
the first worked like a charm. It is the
best way of managing a wife that I know
of.
Os cour-c this i* I tween you and me
lt's a secret worth know.ng.
So. when mv wife -a’ 1 she was bound to
gooff on a brila! t'uranyhow. I cordially
assented.
‘ Go, Matilda 1 I, “and stay as long
as you want to, ar.d then if you feci as
though you won I*e to stay a little ioa.er,
stay, my dear.'
She told me to stop talking, and go up
stairs and get her red flannel night-cap, and
that bag of pennyroyal for her aunt Abi
gail. My wife is a smart woman. She <
was a Baxter —and the Baxters are a smart ,
family, indeed. Her mother, who is going
on eighty, can fry more flapjacks now, than
half of those primp, up-town girls who rat
tle on the piano, or walk the streets with
their furbelows and fixings, pretending to
get mad if a young chap looks at them
very hard, but getting mad in earnest if
you take no notice of them at all.
Ah ! girls ain’t what they used to be
when I was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When I went courting, for in
stance, I never thought of staying till after
ten o’clock, and Only twice a week. Now
they go seven nights in a week, and cry
because ‘.here ain’t eight’ Then they write
touching notes to each other during the
day—“ Dear George; Do you love me as
much as you did a quarter to twelve last
night ? Say you do, dearest, and it will
give me courage to go down and tackle
them cold beans, left over from yesterday.”
Let them get together and court, if they
like it—and I think they do. I was forty
seven when I courted my second wife, but
it seemed just as nice tositon a little crick
et at her feet, and let her smooth my hair,
as it did thirty years ago.
As I said before, my wife was a smart
woman; but she couldn’t be anything else
and be a Baxter. She used to give lec
tures on woman’s rights, and in one place
where she lectured, a big college conferred
the title of L. L. D. upon her. But she
wouldn’t take it. “No. gentlemen,” said
she, “give it to the poor.” She was always
just so charitable. She gave her boys per
mission to go barefooted all winter, and in
sisted on it so much in her kind way that
the boys couldn’t refuse.
She fairly dotes upon my children, and
I’ve seen her many a time go for their
trowaers’ pockets after they had gone to j
sleep, and take out their pennies, and put 1
them in her bureau drawer—for fear they i
might lose them. . i
I started to tell you all about my wife’s I
bridal tour; but the fact is 1 never could
find out much about it myself. I believe
she had a good time. She came back im- '
proved in health, and I found out before '
she had been in the house twenty-four
hours that she had gamed strength also, I i
don’t, say how I found out.
In conclusion, I would say to all young
men, marry your second wife first, and keep !
out of debt by all means, eyen if you have
to borrow the money to do it.
Lice on Cattle.
If “L,” Saline County, Mo., will mix
lard and sulphur, and rnb it thoroughly on i
his cows the lice will disappear. Care must
be taken not to use too much sulphnr or
the hair will come off. I have found this ’
an effectual cure. Let the mixture be some
what warm, and it will rub more easily and
j equally over the animal.
I There is a remedy used in Central Kcn
' tucky which I know is certainly chezp and
efficient. ancThas been in vogue many years j
: among Short-horn breeders. It is to rub
! the parts affected with hog oil fried with I
tobacco. This is a cheap remedy, espec- I
ially in Missouri and other places where to- .
bacco is raised. The stems or refuse to- (
I bacco can be used.
This inquiry of your correspondent sug- |
gests the fact that there are many animals i
which, though well fed by their owners, do I
not fatten ; and if an inspecti in is made in
the hair on their necks, hips, and along
their backs it will be found that these de- I
testable little parasites—lice—are at work. '
As long as they are allowed to remain the !
cattle will go back in flesh, especially if
they are already thin. So, in sympathy for j
the poor brute, let feeders examine their
cattle —especially the thin ones —and apply 1
i the remedy above mentioned, and they will ‘
economize corn, as well as relieve their
: stock from a great plague. Your corres
pondent found a steer calf about a year ago
down—unable to get up. He supposed it
hud some disease, and had it hauled to a
corn field to die, one of his hired hands be
ing directed to feed it with oats. By look
ing into the hair of the calf, the man found
the cause of the weakness to be lice, fie
used the hog oil and tobacco, and soon ;
brought it on its feet. It is m w one of the
best of my lot' Country Gentleman.
Flour Without Millstones. —A ma
chine for making flour without the use of
millstones, ha-> just been started in Eng
land. The grain is crushed by one thou- |
sand little trip hammers attached to the
proper machinery to produce the results de- ;
sired- The new machinery is very cheap
and does up its work in a scientific manner.
The flour produced is said to be far supc- i
rior to that obtained by grinding. A pound
ing mill costing SI,OOO will produce as
much flour every day as an old fashioned
mill costing $5,000. The new mill is very
simple. When a hammer is out of order (
you can replace the same for a few cents- —
For four thousand years millers have pro- ;
duced flour by grinding the grain with
stones. The new idea gives a new de- ,
parture. What results it will produce iu ■ ;
this country remain to be seen. ;
The following is the latest American
style of describing a catastrophe: “Mrs. t
Swan, of Cochran. New York, lighted her 1
fire with coal oil on Monday, leaving a hus
band and one child.” ,
To make a good broil—leave a letter ’
from one of your old sweethearts where ’
your wife can find it.
A Missouri Pioneer.
When R. S. Stephens, General Manager
of the Missouri, Kansas and Texas Rail
way, was pushing that enterprise southward
at the rate of three miles a day, he came
across a veteran Missouri farmer, who for
fifty years had lived on his frontier planta
tion undisturbed, even by wars, tumors of
wars, pestilence or famine, so far from dis
ease and telegraphs was he. One night
the advance men came upon his old farm
house when the following dialogue ensued :
“Then you ar® going to build a railroad
are ye?”
“Yes.”
“Whar am it comin from, and whar am
it gwine to ?”
“From Sedalia, in Missouri, down
through Missouri, Kansas, the Indian Ter
ritory, and so on through Texas to the city
of Mexico.”
“And you are gwine t<? run it through
my plantation ?”
“Yes.”
“Do you hear that, old woman? We’ve
got to move!”
“Not necessary. All we want is the right
of way. ’ ’
“Wall—you can have that are, but
who’d a thought a railroad would ever hit
us 1”
‘‘You have a good farm here?”
“Yes —far to middelin.”
“How many acres ?”
“About four thousand.”
“Not many improvements?”
“No, it takes me so long to look after the
cattle, I can’t improve much.”
j “Have you a good well on the premi
: ses ?”
“Yes—a clippin’ good one, only it leaks
a little.”
! “Leaks? How’s that ?
f “You see we dug forty feet when we came
' to a rock but no waler. Then I walled it up,
and we haul the water from the river, about
i forty barrels a day, and fill into it.
We don’t use more’n five barrels a dny,
all the rest leaks out somehow. I was
; gwine to dig another well next year, but
praps I can hire the water hauled on the
I cars cheaper than I can build.”
Fourteen years this old planter bad haul
| ed forty barrels a day rather than dig a new
well or bring water in a pipe from a spring
noaly mile away.
o
Pith and Point.
Uproar—Thunder.
A bad catch—A cold.
Wisdom is happiness.
Bus conductors—Lips.
Advertising is money.
Late raids —Masquerades.
i Spring-water—April showers.
Nature’s tailoring—A potato-patch.
A lean conscience makes a fat officer.
Airs the ladies like to put on —Solitaires.
, An expensive wife makes a pensive hus
band.
When is a house like a bird ? When it
has wings.
Do high-colored romances insure a book’s
■ being read?
Weights that are dark—Seventeen hun
! dred pounds to the ton.
Scientific definition of “Dew” —Per-
i spiration of the moon.
Forewarned is forearmed, and forearmed
is eigth-handed.
Os a new pill the patentee says, “There
is not a lazy hair in its head - ”
Engaging photographer—“ Just look a
little pleasant, Miss! Think of ’im!”
The hot way is to balance your books i
often if you do business on a large scale.
Ladies say some men “oh” a great deal
when they come to pay their addresses.
“I see through it,” as the washer
woman said when the bottom of the tub i
fell out.
m
A gallant wag was sitting beside his be- 1
loved, and being unable to think of any
thing to say, a.-'ked her why she was like
a tailor? “I don’t know,” said she, with
a pouting lip, “unless it is because I am
sitting beside a goose.”
Ia <
A fond husband boasted to a friend— ,
“Tom, the old woman came near calling me
honey last night.” “Did she Bill, what
did she say ?” “She said, ‘Well old Bees
wax, come to ripper.’ ”
Miss M , of Champaign, 111., propo- ,
ses to nut herself up in a lottery in which
she will be the only prize. She wants to
sell 100,000 tickets at a dollar each, and to
have it nominated in the bond that when
the drawing takes place, she is at liberty,
if she dislikes the unfortunate lucky one ‘
who wins her, to substitute five hundred
dollars cash ; and if the party is already
married or does not take a fancy to her, she
will give said party five hundred dollars in
stead.
A Great Blessing.
Never, since the timb “when the morn
ing stars sang together,” has shore been
a greater medical discovery and blessing to
the human race than the
GLOBE FLOWER COUGH SYRUP
This delightful and rare compound is the
ac.ive principal, obtained by chemical pro
cess, from tho “Globe Flower,” known also
as “Button Root,” and in Botany as “Ce
phalathus Occidentals.
Globe Flywer Cough Syrup is almost an
infallible cure for every description of Cough
Colds’ Hoarseness, Sore Throat, Croup,
Whooping Cough, Pleurisy, influenza, Asth
ma, &c.; and will cuie Consumption, when
taken in time—as thousands will testify.
Globe Flower Cough Syrup will cure the
most obstinate cases of Chornic Cough and
Lung affections, when all boasted remedies
fail.
Globe Flower Cough Syrup does not con
tain a particle of opium or any of its pre
parations.
Globe Flower Cough Syrup doesn't con
tain a particle of poison, or any ingredient
that could hurt the most delicate child.
Globe Flower Cough Syrup has become
where known, the most popular Cough
Medicine in the country, because it has
been successfully withstood the three great
tests of vierit, viz: Time, Experience and
Competition, remains after passing through
this ordeal, the best article of its kind in
he world.
Globe Flower Cough Syrup is pleasant to
he tasta, and does not disagree with the
most delicate stomach.
Physicians who have consumptive pa
tients, are invited to try the Globe Flower
Fough Syrup. Its magical effects will at
once be felt and acknowled-
Beware of counterfeiting: the genuine
has the words, Globe Flower Cough Syrup
blown in in each bottle, signatures of the
proprietors upon each label. The trade
mark label and compound are protected by
Letters Patent.
Don’t take anv other article as a substi
| tute for Globe Flower Cough Nyrup. If
1 your Druggist or Merchant has none on
i hand, request him to order it for you,
! Thousands of Testimonials of the most
I wonderful cures are constentlv being receiv
j ed from the North, East, South and West
■ —some of which seem almost miraculous.
' Sold by Druggists at SI.OO per bottle
; $5.00 for one half dozen.
J. S. PEMBERTON & CO,
Proprietors, Atlanta, Ga.
Flowery Branch, Ga,
‘ Dr. J. S. Pemberton — Your Globe Flower
I Cough Syrup has entirely cured me of an
> obstinate cough and lung affection of five
. years standing—after the other medicines
i and the skill of our best physicians have
1 failed, and my case considered hopeless.—
! You possess, in the Globe Flower Cough
Syrup, the most valuable cough and lung
remedy in the world—one whose value and
blessings none can estimate.
I refer you ro Mr, John B. Daniel, your
prescription clerk as to who I am, etc. —
VVith great respect, yours truly,
Jas. N. Nunn.
Byington’s Hotel, Fort Valley, Ga., j
December 1, IS7O. J
Messrs. J. S- Pemberton <£• Co, Atlanta,
Ga. — Gents—For the past two months I
! have been suffering with a veiy severe cough
I and 1 used fifty different remedies wilhout
! receiving the least benefit, bet a lew days
ago a friend recommended y<>ur Globo
Flower Cough Syrup, and I am proud to
1 say th t my cough was cured before tho
I bottle was near empty. Jam very respect
fully, E. T. Byington.
Atlanta, Ga., March 25, 1871,
Messrs J. S. Pemberton & Co: — Gentle
men —I have been afflicted lor ten years
j with a terrible cough and serious lung dis-
I disease, and have used ail the boasted lung
and cough remedies of the age, and have
been under treatment of at least one dozi n
of the most eminent physicians—but my
cough never ceased, and the last six months
before I commenced the use of your Globe
blower Syrup, my life was despaired of,
and I came to the conclusion that my case
was beyond the reach of medicine —but I
am now well, being cured of my cough and
lung affection by the use of two bottles of
your Globe Flower Syrup. It is four montsh
since I have taken the Globe Flower Syrups
and I have had uo cough since. My gen
eral health has improve I so muh that mys
friends are astonjshed at my ecovery. Too
many it seems like a miracle. With feel
ings of gratitude, I shall u always remaina
warm friend to the Gio e Flower Syrup
and yourselves.
Jas. W. Hurt, Artist.
W D. Hoyt & Co., Wholesale Agents,
Feb 8 b & f 3m)
G. W. McOREADY,
GENERAL
Commission Merchent,
4XD WHOt.KSALS DEALER IN
FLOUR, MEAL. HAY, CORN, OATS.
IRISH POT AT OES for seed & table use
Apples, Onions, Butter, Cheese
AND EGGS.
No. 105 WEST MAIN STREET,
HiouiMville, Ky.
Jr?- Give prompt attention to filling o-ders lo r Me
chandbe.
(s:r- for “IMRTS" BEATER HA Y P R
f unlEb&f-tf.
M. A. WI M PEE? JP•
Prulgefitrect, Rome, Ga.
MA SI’FACTVRES of best material and by be«t
of workmen, all kinds of Wagons, One and Two
Horse Dra)s, Buggies fcc.
All kinds of Wood and Iron work for farmin; pur
poses done on reasonable terms.
Blacksmithing in all its branches.
Vive m« a call at the old stand. tnch-ly.