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Cjjt BlrDuffir Soitmal,
IS PUBLISHED WEEKL Y
—A T
cdt^.,
—B Y
J. E. WHITE <fc CO.
BUSINESS CARDS.
DR, WM. McLEAN
ANNOUNCES TO THE CITIZENS OF
THOMSON AND VICINITY
that he has resumed the practice of his
profession.
WHEN NOT PROFESSIONALLY
engaged he may be found at
mro.v Mayor,
NEAR THOMSON, GA.
July 16, ts
A'. M. scm&i3E9»
IMPORTER AND DEALER IN
WINES, ALES,
JjIQUOKS, pORTERS,
Cigars, liltc.
C'oi'uer Broml and .litelx
snn Street,
AVGUSTA, GA.
May 7 ts
PAUL C. HUDSON
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Thomson, On.
CST Prompt attention given to all busi
ness entrusted to his care.
March 12. 6m
PALMER HOUSE.
{Over Bignon & Crump’s Auction Store,)
■2Bl Broad Street, Augusta, Georgia.
,/. J. PAL.VIC I,', Proprietor.
Good board furnished by the week, month
or day.
April !) 8m
R. W. H. NEAL,
ATTORNEY AT LWV,
THOMSON, GA.
Office.—OverL H. Montgomery’s Store.
CHARLES S. DuBOSE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
WARRENTON, GA.
rM' Will practice in the courts of the
Northern, Middle and Augusta Circuits.
H. C. RONEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
THOMSON, GA.
f.-b~ Will practice in the Augusta, North
ern anil Middle Circuits. uolyl
WALTON CLARKE & CO.
Wholesale Grocers
—AND —
Commission Merchants,
IN>». BOS, Urottd Street,
Jan. 22, —ly. AUGUSTA, GA.
A. D, HILL,
Druggist and Apothecary,
THOMSON, GA .
Keeps constantly on ha-sl ", full and com
plete supply of Drugs. Medicines Chemicals,
Paints, Oils. Varnishes. Glass. Putty, Pure
Whies and Liquors for Medicinal purposes.
Kerosene Oil of ISO fire test; also Lamps,
’Chimnies and Bumes.
ALSO, Just received a fresh supply of
Blasts Warranted Garden Seeds.
I’re sen] it ions carefully compounded.
jail li> rn6
Thomson High School
FOR BOPS .1.171 GIRLS.
O
N. A. LEWIS, Principal.
MISS E. F. BRADSHAW. Assistant.
The Spring Term began on the loth of
•Jan. 1878, and embraces six scholastic
mouths.
The Fall Term begins August 11th and
embraces four months.
For particulars apply to the Principal.’
Feb. 12 ts.
feittral ijatef,
J3Y
MRS. W. M. THOMAS,
AUGUSTA. GEORGIA
seplltf
F. J. PRIDHAM,
ROUSE & SIGN PiIHIEB,
IST ID
INTERIOR DECORATOR,
ADDRESS HIM AT
Aug. 20, 6m ’X'lioiilMOll, Ga.
WORKERS WANTED
—FOR—
-WOOD’S HOUSEHOLD MAGAZINE,
•which, with its Premiums, is one of the
#nost attractive in the country,
Price of Magazine.
One Dollar a Year.
Commissions liberal, offering “a lucrative
and agreeable business to those willing to
#ive it proper attention,
Vol. XIII, begins with July, 1873.
Examine our Clubbing and Premium Lists
Two firstecless periodicals for the price
at one.
SiF For specimen Magazine and further
information, Address,
WOOD’S HOUSEHOLD MAGAZINE,
S. E. SHUTES, Pub. Newburgh, N. Y.
August 6, 1873. ts
DR. HOLLAND,
DENT I S T .
Gan be found at his Operating Room in
Thomson. Ga., on the first Monday in each
month, where he will remain two weeks, or
more except in “cases of sickness.’’ ang7tf,
(The; 3tUlluf)ir Mrelilij Journal.
VOLUME III—NUMBER 37. THOMSON, McDUFFIE COUNTY, GA., SEPTEMBER 17, 1873.
rSIMMONSI
JRECULATORj
ST **
For over FORTY YEARS this
Purely Vegetable
LIVEII MEDICINE has proved to be the
Great Unfailing Specific
! for Liver Complaint and its painful off
spring, DYSPEPSIA. CONSTIPATION,
Jaundice, Bilious attacks, SICK HEAD
ACHE, Colic, Depression of Spirits, SOUR
STOMACH, Heartburn, CHILLS AND
FEVER, Ac., Ac.
After years of careful experiments, to meet
a great and urgent demand, wo now produce
from our original Genuine Powders.
The Prepared.
A Liquid form of SIMMONS’ LIVER REGU
LATOR, containing all its wonderful and
valuable properties, and offer it in
ne OoSSar Bottles.
The Powders, (priceas before,) sloOper
package. Sent by mail 1.01
ar CAUTION ! . ;! y
Buy no Powders or PREPARED SIM
MONS’ LIVER REGULATOR, unless in
our engraved wrapper, with Trade mark,
Stamp and Signature unbroken. None
other is genuine.
J. H. ZEILIN & CO.,
j MACON, GA. AND PHILADELPHIA.
SOLO BY ALL DRUGGISTS
BRUMMEL'S
LADIES’ BITTERS,
Man ulact ure <1 by
J 282 BROAD ST„ AUGUSTA, GA.
Rectifiers, lied is tillers, Importers and
"Wholesale Dealers in
FUIH I¥H
AND
Corn Whiskies.
FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC LIQUO .S,
j Brandies,
Wines,
Gin,
Itum,
Porter,
Ale,
Etc.
Also a Superior Article of
LADIES’ BITTERS.
Tobacco and »Segars of every variety.
January' 2!». 1873—3 m.
(S o '
r r ,
J HE Guide is published Quarterly.—
2. r > cents pays for the year, which is not half
the cost. Those who afterwards send mon
ey to the amount of one dollar may also or
der 25 cents worth extra—the price for the
Guide. The first number is beautiful, giv
ing plans for making Itural Homos, Dining
Table Decorations, Window Gardens, Ac.,
and a mass of information invaluable to the
lover of fiowers. 150 pages on fine tinted pa
per some 500 engravings, and a superb col
ored plate, andChromo Cover.
“The first edition of 200,000 printed in Eng
lish and Germm.
JAMES VICK, Rochester, N. Y.
March 12
Columbia Institute,
Thomson, Ga.
T
’ #IE Full Term begins on Monday, the
18th of August, and closes on Friday, the
28th of November. For particulars ap
ply to J. AV. SHANK,
July 30. 3m Teacher in Charge,
C. E. DODD. H. L. MEALING.
C. E, DODD & CO„
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS IN
Hats, Caps and Straw Goods,
No- 250 Broad Street,
Janyimf. .VI C. I KI V, GA.
SlO REWARD
WILL be paid for the apprehension and
confinement in jail of one Jake Story,
a notorious thief for whom a warrant is now
in the hands of an officer, for simple lar
ceny and assault and battery.
SAM RAMSAY, (Colored.)
August 20, 1873. It
POETICAL.
A Western Sleigh Bide.
Sweet Susie Brown! my pretty one !
I’m sure you must remember —
If not for love, at least for fun—
The sleigh ride of December.
When all the belles and all the beaux,
In spite of frosts, would go forth,
And squeeze, beneath the buffaloes,
Each other's hands, Ac.
How brightly streamed the Northern lights,
Above the snowy ridges !
How pleasant weie the wintry nights,
Observed from country bridges ;
Where “toll’’ is sought with such address,
’Mid laughter, fun and flattery,
And lovers feel, amid the press,
Each other’s hearts, et cetera.
’Tis very singular and queer,
Os all most mad devices,
Love’s fire should burn so bright and clear
On fuel formed on ices ;
And yet wo know its flame indeed,
Most brilliantly will glow forth,
When fanned behind a flying steed,
Hid under furs, Ac.
I’m sure you mind flio village inn,
Tlie supper and the revel ;
llow, in tlie goneral dim ami din,
Love shot his arrows level ;
And don’t forgot how Harry Kidd
Embraced you in the battery ;
You kissed his lips—l know you did—
And he kissed yours, ct cetera.
And when the forfeits were all paid,
How one old maid resisted,
Until the younger ladies said,
A prude they all detested.
“Desist!” she cried—the ancient Ann—
Her modesty to show forth ;
“I'll never yield to any man,
My virgin lips, Ac.”
The wintry winds, the homeward way,
Blew chilly in our faces ;
As underneath our rugs wo lay,
All snugly in our places.
Ono girl upon the forward seat,
The pretty Nellie Satterley,
Declared Jack Frost had pinched her feet, 1
And Billy Frost, ct cetera.
Another underneath her robe,
(The buffaloes, not dresses,)
Fair Patience which attended Job,
Detected in caresses,
Sprang up, with angry, blushing face,
Her innocence to show forth,
But showed her curls were out of place,
Her collar gone, Ac.
And then tlie parting at tho door !
Its tender, mutual blisses I
bweot lips, from their abundant store,
Gave to the poor—in kisses!
I lie parting word—the long embrace—
Cupid's dangerous witchery,
Brought tire to many a boyish face,
And raised sweet hopes, et cetera.
Dear Susie Brown ; save you and I,
Os all that load of merriment,
No other pairs are left to try
Love s latest, best experiment ;
And when the coming snows are spread,
Our mutual hopes shall grow forth—
Hymen bless us when we re wed,
Increase our joys, Ac.
,S EL E<J T M ISC ELL ANY,
THE DEAD ALIVE. ~ *
“We doctors sometimes meet with
strange adventures,” once said a distin
guished physician to me, with whom I
was on terms ol intimacy.”
“I have often thought,” I replied,
that the secret history of some of your
profession, if written out in detail, would
make a work of thrilling interest.”
“I do not know that I agree with you
in regard to detail,” replied my friend,
“for we medical men, like every one alse,
meet with a great deal that is common
placed, and, therefore, not worthy of
being recorded. But grant us the privi
lege of you novelists, to select our char
acters and scenes, and work them into a
plot, with a view to a striking denoue
ment, and I doubt not many of us could
give you a romance of real life, compris
ing only what we have seen, which would
equal, if not surpass, anything you ever
met in the way of fiiction. By-the-way,
I believe I never told you of the most
strange and romantic adventure of my
life ?”
“You never told me of any of your
adventures, doctor,” I replied, “but if
you have a story to tell, you will have a
very eager listener.”
“Very well, then, as I have a few min
utes to spare, I will tell you one, more
wildly romantic, more incredibly re
markable, if I may so speak, than you
probably ever found in a work of fic
tion. ”
“I am all attention.”
“Twenty-five years ago,” pursued the
doctor, “I entered the medical college at
Fas a student. I was then quite
young, inexperienced, and inclined to
be timid and sentimental: and well do I
remember the horror I experienced when
oue of the senior students, under the pre
tense of showing me the beauties of the
institution, suddenly thrust me into the
dissecting room among several dead bod
ies, and closed the door upon me; nor
nor do I forget how my shreeches of ter
ror, and prayers for release from that
horrible place, made me the laughing
stock for all my older companions,
“Ridicule is a hard thing to bear; the
coward becomes brave to escape it, and
wrought up to a fit of desperation, I de
manded to know what I might do to re
does tlie belchiug cannon. I suffered
from it until I could stand it no more, and
the brave man fears it more than he
deem my character, and regain an honor
able footing among my fellow-students. ”
“I’ll tell you,” said one, his eyes
sparkling with mischief; “if you will
go at the midnight hour, dig up the
subject, and carry it to your room, and
remain alone with it till morning, we
will let yon off, and never say another
word to you about your womanly fright.”
“I shuddered. It was a fearful alter
native ; but it seomed loss terrible to
suffer the horrors that might be concen
trated into one single night, than to bear
day after day the jeers of my compan
ions.
“Where shall I go and when ?” was
my timid inquiry ; and the very thought
of such an adventure made my blood run
cold.
“To the Eastern Cemetery, to-night
at. twelve o’clock,” replied my tormentor,
fixing his keen, black eyes upon me, and
allowing his thin lips to curl with a smile
of contempt. “But what is the use of
asking such a coward as you to perform
such a manly feat ?” he added, deriding
*y-
“His words stung me to the quick ;
and without further reflection, and
scarcely aware of what I was saying, I
boldly rejoined :
“I am no coward, sir, as I will prove
to you, by performing what you call a
manly feat.”
“You will go ?” lio asked quickly.
“I will.”
“Bravely said, my lad 1” he rejoined
in a tone of appproval, and exchanging
his expression of contempt for one of
surprise and admiration. “Do this,
Morris, and the first man that insults
you afterward has an enemy in me.”
Again I felt a cold shudder pass
through my whole frame, at the thought
of what was before me ; but I hud ac
cepted his challenge in the presence of
many witnesses —for this conversation
occurred as we were leaving the hall, af
ter listening to an evening lecture—and
1 was resolved to make my word good
should it cost me my life ; in fact I
knew I could not do otherwise now with
out risk of being driven from the college
in disgrace,
I should here observe, that in those
days there were few professional resur
rectionists ; and it was absolutely neces
sary to have subjects for dissection, the
unpleasant business of procuring them
fell on the students; who in consequence
watched every funeral eagerly, and cal
culated the chances of cheating tlie sex
ton of his charge and the grave of its
victim.
There had been a funeral that day,
of a poor orphan girl, who had been fol
lowed to the grave by very few friends ;
and this was considered a favorable
chance for the party whose turn it was to
precuro the next subject, as the grave of
the poor and friendless is never watched
with the same keen vigilance as those of
the rich and influential. Still, it was no
slight risk to attempt to exhume the
bodies of the poorest and humblest—for
not unfrequently persons were found on
the watch over these ; and only one year
before a student, while at his mid-night
work, hud been mortally wounded by a
rifle ball, another, a month or two sub
sequent, hud been rendered a cripple for
life by the same means.
“All this was explained to me liy a
party of six or eight who accompanied
me to my room—which was ia a build
ing belonging to the college, and rented
by apartments to such of the students as
preferred a bachelor’s hall to regular
boarding ; and they took care to add
several terrifying stories of ghosts and
hobgoblins, by way of calming my excit
ed nerves, just as I have before now ob
served old women stand around a weak
and feverish patient, and croak out their
experience in seeing awful sufferings and
fatal terminations of just such maladies
as the one with which their helpless vic
tim was then afflicted.
“Is it expected I shall go alone ?”
I inquired, in a tone that trembled in
spite of me, while my knees almost
knocked together, and I felt as if my
very lips were white.
“Well, no,” replied Benson, my most
dreaded tormentor ; “it would hardly he
fair to send you alone, for one individual
could not succeed in getting the body
from the grave quick enough ; and you,
a mere youth, without experience, would
be sure to fail altogether. No, we will
go with you, some three or four of us,
and help you dig up the corpse ; but
then you must take it on your back and
bring it to your room here, and remain
with it all night alone. ”
It was some relief to me to know I was
to have company during the first of my
awful undertaking; but still I felt far
from agreeable I assure you ; and chanc
ing to look into a mirror as the time
drew near for setting out, I fairly started
at beholding the ghastly object reflected
therein.
“Come boys,” said Benson, who was
always by general consent the leader of
whatever frolic, expedition, or under
taking he was to have a hand in; “Come
boys, it’s timo to be on the move. A
glorious night for us !” he added, throw
ing up the window and letting in a fierce
TERMS--TWO DOLLARS IN ADVANCE.
gust of wind and rain ; the very devil
himself would hardly venture out in such
n storm !”
Ho lit a dark lantern, threw on his
heavy cloak, took up the spade and led
the way down stairs ; and the rest of us,
three beside my timid self, threw on our
cloaks also, took each a spade and fol
lowed him.
We took a roundabount course, to
avoid being seen by any citizen who
might be stirring ; and in something less
than n half hour wo reached the ceme
tery. sealed the wall without difficulty,
and stealthily searched for the grave till
we found it in the pitchy darkness, the
wind and rain sweeping past us with dis
mal howls and moans, that to me, trem
bling with terrors, seemed to be the un
earthly wailings of the spirits of the
' damned.
j “Here we are,” said Benson, as we at
j length stopped at a mound of fresh
I earth, over which one of our party had
stumbled. “Come, feel around, Morris,
and strike in your spade, and let me see
if you will make as good a hand at exhu
ming a dead body as you will some day
at lulling a live one with physic.”
I did as directed, trembling in every
limb; but the first spadeful I threw up I
started back with a yell of terror, that on
| any other but a wild stormy night would
have betrayed us. It appeared to me as
; if I had thrust my spade into a buried
lake of fire—for tlie soft dirt was all
aglow with li\ ing coals; and as I fancied
tho howling winds the wailing of tor
mented spirits, I now fancied I had un
covered a small portion of the Bottom
less Pit itself.
“Fool 1” hissed Benson, grasping my
arm with the gripe of a vice, as I stood
leaning on my spade for support, my
very teeth chattering with terror ; “an
other yell like that, and I’ll make a sub
ject of you ! Are you not ashamed of
yourself, to he scared out of your wits,
if you ever had any, by a little phos
phorescent earth ? Didn’t you know it
is often found in grave yards?”
His explanation re-assured me ; tlio’ I
was now too weak from my late fright to
be of any Use to the party, who all fell
to with a will, secretly laughing at me
and soon reached the coffin. Splitting the
lid with and axe which had been brought
for the purpose,they quickly lifted out the
corpse, and then Benson and another of
they party taking hold of it, one at the
head the other at the feet, they hurried
it away bidding me follow, and leaving
tho others to fill up the, grave that it
might not be .suspected that the body
had been exhumed.
Having got the corpse safely over the
wall of the cemetery, Benson now called
on me to perform my part of the horri
ble business.
“Here, you quaking simpleton,” he
said, “I want you ta take this on your
back, and make the best way to your
room, and remain alone with it all night.
If you do this bravely we will claim you
as one of us to-morrow, and the first
man that speaks a word against your
courage after that has a foe in me. But,
hark you! if you make any blunder on
the way, and lose our prize, it will be
better for you to leave this town before I
set eyes on you again. Do you under
stand me ?”
“Y-ye-yes 1” I stammered with chat
tering teeth.
“Are you ready ?”
“Y-y-y-yes,” I gasped.
“Well, come here. Where are you ?”
All this time it was so dark that I
could see nothing but a faint line of
white which I knew to be the shroud of
the corpse ; but I felt carefully around
till I got hold of Benson, who told me to
take of! my cloak; and then rearing the
cold dead body up against my back, he
began fixing the cold arms about my
neck—bidding me take hold of them, and
i draw them well over and keep them con
cealed, and be sure and not let go of
them, on any condition whatever, if I
valued my life.
Oh 1 the torturing horror I experi
enced as I mechanically followed his
directions! Tongue could not describe
j it 1
I At length, having adjusted the corpse
so that I might carry it off with compara
tive ease, he threw my long, black cloak
over it, and over my arms, and fastened
it with a cord about my neck, and then
inquired,—
“Now, Moms, do you think you can
find the way to your room ?”
“I don’t know,” I gasped, feeling as
if I would sink into tho ground the very
first step.
“Well, you cannot lose your way if
you go straight ahead,” he replied.—
1 ‘Keep in the middle of the street, and
it wiil take you to College Green, and
then you are all right. Come, push on
before your burden grows too heavy ;
tlie distance is only a good half a mile.”
I sot forward with trembling nerves,
expecting to sink to the ground at every
step; but gradually my terror instead of
weakening, gave me strength, and I was
soon on the run splashing through mud
and water—with the storm howling
about me in fury, and the cold corpse,
ns I fancied, clinging to me like a hide
ous vampire.
How I reached my room I do not
know—but probably by a sort of instinct;
for I only remember of my brain being
in a wild, feverish state, with ghostly ;
j phantoms all about me as one sometimes
j sees them in a dyspeptic dream.
But reach my room I did, with my
dead burden on my back ; and I was af
'Ur wards told that X made wonderful
I time ; for Benson and his fellow student,
fearing the loss of their subject—which,
;on account of the difficulty of getting
j bodies, was very valuable—followed close
i behind me, and were obliged to run at
the top of their speed to keep within
hailing distance.
The first I remember distinctly after
yetting to my room, was the finding my
self awake in bed, with a dim conscious
| ness of something horrible having hap
| pened—though for some minutes, for
j the life of me I could not recollect.—
i Gradually the truth dawned upon me ;
and then I felt cold perspiration start
j from every pore, at the thought that I
j was occupying a room alone with a corpse.
I The room was not dark ; there were a
j few embers iu the grate, which threw
; out a ruddy light; aud fearfully raising
| my head, I glanced quickly and timidly
around.
| Aud there—there on the floor against
| the right hand wall, but a few feet of me
| lay the coipse, cold and still, wrapped
j in its white robe, with a gleam of fire
I light resting upon its ghastly face, which
| to my excited fancy seemed to move.
; Did it move? I was gazing upon it,
thrilled and fascinated with an indis-
I cribable terror, when as sure as I see you
now, X saw the lids of its _ eyes unclose,
and saw its breast heave, and heard a
low, stifled moan.
■ “Great God!” I shrieked, aud fell
i back in a swoon.
! How long I lay unconscious, I do
] not know, but when I came to myself it
j is a marvel to me, that, in my excited
state 1 did not lose mv senses altogether,
and become a tenant of a mad house; for
there—right before me—standing up in
its white shroud—with its eyes wide
open and staring upon me, and its fea
tures thin, hollow and deatli-hued—was
the corpse I had brought with me from
the cemetery.
“In God’s mime avant!” X gasped.
“Go back to your grave in peace ! I will
never disturb you again!”
| The large hollow eyes looked more
| wildly upon me—the head moved—the
! lips parted—aud a voice in somewhat
j sepulchral tone said, —
j “Where am I? Where am I? Who
are you? Which world am I in? Am I
j living or am I dead ?”
| “You were dead,” I gasped sitting up
j in bed and feeling as if my brain would
j buret with a pressure of unspeakable hor
jror; “you were dead and buried, and I
| was one of the guilty wretches who dis
! turbed you in your p< aceful rest. But
| back poor ghost, in Heaven’s name!
j and no mortal power can over induce me
j to come nigh you again.”
| “Oh! I feel faint,” said the corpse,
| gradually sinking down on the floor with
Ia groan. “Where am I? Oh! where
| am I?”
| “Great God !” I shouted, as the sart
| ling truth suddenly flashed upon me;
“perhaps this poor girl was buried alive,
and is still living !”
I bounded from the bed and grasped
a hand of the prostrate body. It was
not warm, but it was not eold. I put
| my trembling fingers upon the pulse.—
! Did it beat, or was it the pulse of my
! fingers ? I put my hand on the heart.
llt was warm—there was life there. The
! breast heaved; she breathed ; but the
I eyes were now closed, and the features
had the look of death. Stilt it was a
| living body—or else I myself was insane.
I sprang to the door, tore it open, and
i shouted for help.
i “Quick? Quick!” cried I; “the dead
i is alive I the dead is alive!”
Several students sleeping in adjoin
ing apartments, came hurrying to mine,
. thinking I had gone mad with terror, as
some ol them had heard my voice before
had all knew to what a fearful ordeal I
and been subjected.
“Poor fellow!” exclaimed one iu a
tone of sympathy ; “I predicted this.”
“It is too bad!” said another; “it was
too much for his nervous system 1”
“I’m not toad,” returned I, compre
hending their suspicions; “but the
corpse is alive! hasten aud see.”
“They hurried into the room, one after
another, and the foremost stooping down
to what he supposed was a corpse, put
his hand upon it and instantly exclaimed:
“Quick ! a light aud some brandy I
She lives!”
All now was bustle, confusion and ex
citement—one proposing one thing, and
another something else, aud all speak
ing together. They placed her on the,
bed, and gave her some brandy when
she again revived. I ran for a physician,
(one of the faculty,) who came and
tended upon her through the night, and
by sunrise the next morning she was
I reported to be in a fair way of recovery.
! “Now what do you think of my story
j so far?” querried the doctor, with a
! quiet smile.
| “Very remarkable!” I replied; “very
: remarkable indeed! But tell me, did
! the girl finally.recover?”
I 1 She did; and turned out to be a
most, beautiful creature, and only seven
teen.
“Aud I suppose she blessed the res
urroctionists all the rest of hor life !” I
rejoined with a laugh.
-eVclvei-tiisiiifj- es.
One square, first insertion $ 1 OO
Each subsequent insertion 75
One square three months * 10 00
Onesqaresix months 13 00
One square twelve months 20 00
One quarter column twelve months. 40 00
Half column six months 00 00
Half column twelve months 75 00
One column twelve months 125 OO
f if Ten lines or less considered a squat®
All fractions of squares counted as square 3
j “She cer ainly held one of them in
J kind rememberance,” returned the doc
‘ ;or with a sigh.
“What became of her, doctor?”
‘ ‘ Wiat should have become of her, ac
i cording to the well known rules of poet
ic justice of all you novel-writers ?” re
turned my friend, with a peculiar smile.
“Why,” said I, laughing, “she should
have turned out an heiress, and married
you.”
“And that’s exactly what she did!” re
joined the doctor.
“Good heavens ! You are jesting !”
“Ho, my friend, no,” replied the doc
| tor in a faltering voice; “that night of
| horror only proceeded the dawn of hap
piness. for that girl-—sweet, lovely,
Helen Leroy—iu time became my wife,
and the mother of two boys. She sleeps
now- in death, beneath the eold sod,”
added the doctor in a tremulous tone,
; and brushing a tear from his eye, “and
|no human resurrectionists shall ever
raise her to life again !”
Ku-Klux Speech.
Fellow-Citizens, and Ladies in Par
ticular: I pear befo you dis evening
fresh from de preseuce of my washer
woman, and de balance of my family,
to elucidate de subject of all de funicali
ties, comicalities and originalities.
Whar’sde good time coming? am it
here ? am it dar !
My sweet geraniums, when de Prince
of Whales married Lucretia Borgia and
de Radicals run off wid all de Sunday
school stamps, what did Oliver Cromwell
say ? Why, as lie stood drinking a glass
of bay rum wid Bamum’s bearded wo
man, he said to himself—“dat’s what a
man said.
Secondly, in de third place in de time
of de wet weather, when it rained thirty
seven days and twenty-four nights in de
long dry mouth of Augus, when Noah
took into de Ark, out of de wet, de ele
phant, de little pig, de cock-roaches
and all de other birds—now do you
spose dat if he had given de contract to
build de Ark to Governor B dat it
would have been finished ? Os course it
wouldn’t. It would take every cent de
old man had to pay de commission and
de taxes, because—“dat’s what a man
said.
Fourteenth chapter eighty-ninth sec
tion, mahogony drawers—my night
blushing seriousness :
Let us take a front seat in do lobby
and look down amid de halls of Congress,
and dar we will find ebery ting a failure,
from ele rising ob de moon even to de
going down of de cotton nftrket. De
stars dat didn’t fell was a failure; de
bnro is a failure, because wliai is de nig
ger dat eber got one ?
One eyed chapter, clause twenty
fourth, special act of Bump Congress;
my beloved holy hawks, what does de
poic say on de subject of a—of—so
forth, and all dat sort of tings. Why lie
says:
Dar was an old woman, aud what do you
think,
Sko lived upon nothing but vittle and drink.
In de seventeenth place, section de
forty thieves : my Peruvian sunflowers,
give your divided years my attention,
i which a man enters de holy bonds of
padlock, when he leads his gal to de
linltar, does he ever think how sod’ll be
his fate before he is bridle wise ? Now
when his queen of spades consumes de
reigns of Government, spose he should
be a little sulky, or de bridle couch a
little buggy, den whar’s he gwin to git
his cup of coffee in de morning ? Why
den he will have to wagon the best way
he can, because when de woman gits to
wearing de feminine gender of de mas
culine goose, dey are soon to put de
blind bridle on de man and have dar own
way.
Spar grass de forty-third, sextion sick,
lobster clause ; toy infatuated cinnamon
drops when Abraham Columbus brought
dis world ober here, de new world dat
lie lias just got up and patented, when,
he came sailing up the beautiful river,
what was the fust question he axed ?
Why, my incipient dalilies as he stood
taking a drink of lager beer with Presi
dent Grant, the poet and home tamer, ho
asked Mullins what he got for the last
nigger he sold.
My disgusted herers, let us look at de
tax bill; dar’s gwine to be a tax put
upon everything, and more too. Free
dollars on inch on de gal’s hoops; ttjn
cents on R d’s melish, and dat’s
about as much as dey are worth. My
brudder ignoramusses, in de course of
human events, it becomes useless to pro
tract dis subject any furder, and now I
lay me down to sleep on a ladder.
It is said that a Galena girl at a circus,
some time ago was looking at a elown
whirling a hat with a stick, and remark
ed to her young man, “I used to do
that. ” The young man was looking at a
contortionist in a different part of the
arena who had his legs tied around his
neck. No explanation ensued until a
bet had been made that she couldn’t do
it again.
“Tell the mistress that I have torn a
sheet,” said a gentleman lodger to a fe
! male domestic. “Very well, sir ; mis
tress will pnt it down as rent.”
What is the difference between a jailor
and a jeweler ? One watches cells, and
the other sells watches.