Newspaper Page Text
Cljt ftlrfuie 3onrnol,
IS PUBLISHED WEEKLY
—A T—
THOMSON'. 0.A...
—B Y
J. E. WHITE & CO.
BUSINESS CARD S,
jpV q v'jfjfjt 7
75 Jackson Street, Augusta, Georgia,
Opposite Catholic Church,
DEALER IN
FRUIT MID SEOIRS,
Wholesale and "Retail,
GENERH RAILROAD NEWS AGENT.
IST AU orders from Country Merchants,
or orders left with News Agent# on the train
will meet prompt attention.
Oct. 8, 1873. ly
AIRS, Sim j- siRSLYSt
Cheap, Variety Store,
FIRST DOOR SOUTH OF THE R. R.,
(House formerly occupied by Dr. Pitts.)
All kinds of .Millinery & Ladies’ Underwear.
Oct. 8. 6t
F. J. PRTDFAM,
ROUST ISISI Ml,
A. X<r TD
INTERIOR DECORATOR.
ADDRESS HIM AT
Aug. 20, ido Thomson, On.
JR* 'Semve ffz®*
IMPORTER AND DEALER IN
WINES, ALES,
JJKJUOS, pOUTEUS,
Oigars, I Itc.
Corner Broad and Jack
noii Street,
AUGUSTA, GA.
May 7 J*
PAUL C. HUDSON
ATTORNKY AT LAW,
Thom oti, Gin.
CST Prompt attention given to all busi
ness entrusted to his care.
March 12. 6m
PALMER H OUS E .
,'Over Bignon & Crump'# Auction Store.)
«*» Bn,.’ 1 strcet > Avsun a, Ceorjia.
J. J. PALM!:'!’ Proprietor.
Good hoard furnished by tin, W mo,ltll
or day.
April 9 Sw
R. W. H. WEAL.,
ATTUHNKY AT L\\\\
THOMSON, GA,
Orncr!.- Over 7. IT. Montgomeryshire.
CHARLIE'S. DuBOSS,
ATTiIhNEY AT I,AW,
WARRINTON. GA.
G-iT Will practice in the courts of the
Northern, Middle and Augusta Circuits.
FI. C. RONEY, "
ATTUftXKV AT LAW,
THOMSON GA.
S3T Will practice iu the Augusta, North -
ern and Middle Circuits. nolyl
WALTON CL ABIE dp" CO.
"77iioles?.ls Grocers
-—AND —
Commission Merchants,
IVo 30*3. Broad Streeti
3m.n, ly. UGUSTA SA.
Central IjoW.
33^5r
MRS. W. M. THOMAS,
AUGUSTA, GEORGIA
neplltf
Notice.
]~[ AVTNG recently located in Thomson, T
take pleasure in clPvn * .y to the
citizer sos Tor- town t> ■ ■'-> . ’
as a Mechanic r.- and » ■ v.
ing and repairing <fho * > . ti e r r
ing of cotton gins, and the lmildingan ! re
pairing of mills and water wheels. After
an experience of 28 years. T feel confident
that I can and will give satisfaction to all.
.both in my work and prices.
Oct-. 4 t E. AT. FITTS.
C. B, Wilkerson & Cos.,
MECHANICS AND CARPENTERS,
j\_RE prepared to execute promptly
and satisfactorily, all kinds of Oarwn
tering, Wood Work and Iron Work.—
Will build aud remir Gins, &c.
Orders addressed to them at Thomson,
(Ga., will meet prompt attention.
Oct. 7. ts
Now is tlie time
To get yonr Winter Hats.’
VRS. IVOB RILL
has received the finest and best assorted
Stock of Millinery goods and Novelties ever
brought to Thomson, consisting in part of
Ladies, Misses and Children’s Hats and
Bonnets;
Old Ladies’ Bonnets :.nd Caps, Flowers
and Plumes of I: kinds:
Lace CoH-irs. Mourning Collars;
Black and White Lace, of ill widths;
Ruffs for the neck. Silk T»e«;
Ribbons in every <?■ lor;
Crape and Love Veils;
Flair Braids, and Switches ;
Jet Bracelets. Jet Setts, Coronets;
Velve teens, of all colors, Silk Velvet;
’Velvet Ribbon and a great variety of
goods not mentioned.
Cal! and examine before buying.
I am sure you will be pleased in price
quality. Oct. T 5, 1873, 3m
(The tfUQitftir btlerhlii lournal.
VOLUME HI—NUMBER 42.
Fsimmonsl
J
Regulator!
For over FORTY YEARS this
l*iii-e«.y Vegetable
LIVER MEDICINE has proved to he the
Groat Unfailing Specific
for Lira Complaint and its painful off
spring, DYSPEPSIA, CONSTIPATION,
Jaundice, Bilious attacks, SICK HEAD
ACHE, Colic, Depression of Spirits, SOUR
STOMACH, Heartburn, CHILLS AND
FEVE . Ac., Ac
After year of careful experiments, to meet
y.vat an ! u-. :•* dem;* we m.v produce
from, our or ...hud Genuine Powders.
The Prepared.
A Liquid form of SIMMONS'LIVER KEGIT
LATOR, containiug nil its wonderful aud
valuable properties, and offer it m
Tne Dollar Bottles.
The Powders, (priceas before,) slooper
package. Sent l>y mai1,...) I.o+
Cv" CAUTION!
Buy no Powders or PREPARED SIM
MONS'LIVER REGULATOR, unless m
our engraved wrapper, with Trade mark,
Stump and Signature unbroken None
other is genuine.
J. H. ZEILIN & CO.
MACON, GA. AND PHILADELPHIA.
SOLO BY ALL DRUGGISTS
BEUMMEIi’S
LADIES’ BITTERS,
Mani»4si<*tnrotl by
fm '^w
-, -■ *
1282 Bi 1 ,, Auvjviii'A, GA. '
Rcctiuers, RcdiatUlcr?, Importei*., aud j
Wholesale Dealers in
ȣs*j ratal ifitjeEl tm ttLiuS
AND
Corn Whiskies.
FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC LiQUO S,
Brandies,
Wines,
Gin,
Rum, n ‘
Porter,
Ale,
. Etc. j
ANo a Superior Article of
LADIES’BITTERS.’
f,j> Tobacco and Hogan Os every variety.
January 29, 1873—dm.
e.l Qn -rifriy.
2.i ccrii ■. pa* s for the year, which is not half
the co.;t. hose who afterwards send mon
ey to the amount of one dollar may also or
der 25 cents worth extra—the price for the
Guide. The first number is beautiful, giv
ing plans for making Rural Homes, Dining
Table Decorations, Window Gardens, &c.,
and a mass of information invaluable to the
lover of flowers. l.V> page on tine tinted pa
per some 500 engravings, and a superb cot
oied plate, andChromo Cover.
’The first edition of 200,000 printed in Eng
lish and Gcrinrn.
JAMES VICK, Rochester, N. Y.
March 12
Columbia Institute,
Thomson, G:i.
T
* HE Fall Term begins on Monday, the
18th of August, auil closes on Friday, the
28th of November. For particulars ap
ply to .T. W. SHANK,
July 30. 3m Teacher in Charge,
c. K. DOBD. H. L. MEALING.
C. E, DODD & CO,,
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS IN
j Hats, Caps 'nd straw Goodsi
No-1350 Broad Street
jan2(»md .A. TGrTGA.
DR. HO CLAUD,
DENTIST,
Can be found at his Operating Room in
r rhomson. Ga.. on the first Monday in each
month, where he will remain two weeks, or
jnore except in ‘‘cases of sickness. ” aug7tf,
THOMSON, McDUFFIE COUNTY, GA., 00T0BEE 22, 1873.
POETICAL.
[original.]
Jesus!
In a manger a babe was bom—
No cradle liad he on earth ;
And as he grew no sin he knew—
Innocent from his birth. 9
This babe was not of man,
Nor one of Adam's host—
God brought him forth at his command,
Bom of the Holy Ghost.
Aud as he grew the mark he made
We never should forget,
Oh ! let us follow while we live,
The example he did set-
And when to manhood he had grown I
The people did find fault;
They crucified and laid him down
In a dark and gloomy vault.
And when they nailed him to the Cross,
His spirit, pure and true,
Cried out “Father, forgive them,
They know not what they do!”
And while he huug upon the treo
He drank the cup of woes—
Within the tomb he laid three days,
Then gloriously arose.
The tomb escaped, our Savior-King
On earth stayed forty days ;
His face, the while, shone as the sun,
• And bright his walks and ways.
His mission filled, be went to God
And bowed bofore His throne —
“I’ve bought a people with my blood
That I can call my own!”
In Tfeaven high behold him now
Bow ed down upon his knee—
His prayer is raised for sinful man—
He pleads for you me.
The end of time is drawing near—
His picas will soon be o’er.
Oh ! sinner, if you do not heed
lie’ll pray for you no more.
Willis J. Hillman.
Social Hall, Sep. 27,1873.
Song of the Grangers*
By Mrs. M. F. Tucker, to whom \yan
awarded the prize of twenty-fiveftfollars, cf
fi red by the National Grange of the Patrons
of Husbandry, for the best song adapted to
their use :
*Tis ours to guard n sacred trust,
esi ap a heaven-born plan;
T he noble purpose wise and just
To aid our fellow man.
From Maine to California’s slope
Resounds the reaper’s song :
“We come to build the nation’s hope,
To slay the ghmt Wrong."
Too Jong have Avarice and Greed,
With coffers running o’er,
Brought sorrow and distress and need
_ _ , , ’’' rl oor.
To Labor a qpint/ui .
From Maine, A c.
A royal road to place and power
I lave rank and title been;
We herald the auspicious hour
When honest Worth may win.
From Maine, Ac.
Let every heart and hand unite
In the benignant plan—
The noble purpose, just and right,
To aid our fellow man.
From Maine, &c.
trrvy. i. v gtnrsw jaaasx£.vanwßKSKTSimosMSuauimmv}jvam
SEL ECT M ISC EL LAW,
THE WAGERS.
Some years ago I took my seat in a
diligi n;e from Muiseiilta to F~—. The
railway that now coimecta those oities
was not completed.
There were five passengers in all. Os
these one was a short, fat man, with
smooth cheeks and a red face. Though
plainly dressed, his clothes were very
good ; he had a great number of rings
on his fingers, and across his waistcoat
he wore a thick gold chain, which ho
was careful to let me see was attached to
a handsome watch, on the back of
which was a crest in jewels.
There was no doubt he was a rich
inan, tu.u that 1, at ail events, might
have no Uoubt of it, he informed me
that his income exceeded fifty thousand
francs a year, and that he bid fair to
double it before five years were gone, so
prosperous was his business.
I was partly amused and partly disgust
ed by his loquacity. Why he should have
made a confident of me iu paiticular I
don’t know, unless it was that I happen,
ed to sit next him. Among other bits of
information lie gave 'me to know that,
this was the first holiday he had iuduig.
ed himself with for three years.
“Where do you get out?” I inquired.
“At F ,” said he.
“But why do you go so far from Mar
seilles for a holiday ?” I asked.
“Monsieur,” he answered, “I am
going to get married.”
“The deuce!” I exclaimed, laugh
ing; “and you call that taking a holi
day ?”
“Why,” said he, “that would depend.
If I were going to marry an ugly
woman, I should call this tom' by an
other name. But, my friend, the lady I
am engaged to is an angel, sir ; she
might have sat for one of Mohammed’s
bouris. Her eyes—”
Here he went oil into a iong acc- nn
: of liis mistress’ perfections, decorating
I his fluent description with ali manner of
shrugs, grimaces, and gesticulations.
“You are a very fortunate man, sir,’’
said I, “and I wish you joy.*’
‘ ‘Yes, aud you may wish the lady joy,
too, aud congratulate her as well, for
give me leave to say it is not every wo
man who has the luck to meet with a
husband who unites to the splendors of
wealth the accomplishments of genius
and the graees of courage.”
I smothered a laugh.
“So you have genius aud courage as
well as money ?”
He nodded vehemently.
“Without boasting,” said he, “I think
I may pride myself on being poss’essed
of all the qualifications that recommend
a man to the ladies. ”
“So long as they are sufficient to rec
ommend you to the lady of your choice
you should be satisfied. ”
“They should be sufficient,” he re
plied, “and iu my own mind I am pur
suaded that they are sufficient; but,
though the young lady is beautiful as au
liouri, I regret to say she is rather
perverse in her taste, so that for a long
time I could hardly make any headway
in her ailectious. Indeed she was weak
mindeu enough to avow her perference
for a cousin of lieis, a young lieutenant
—a beggar, sir, and a mighty impudant
dog to boot. Wliat she could see in him
1 could never tell. I’ll allow that his
nose is staight, his eyes good, and his
teeth white and regular, but what is the
use of these things in a man without
money ?”
“To be sure,” said I, drowsily, for
the day was warm, and the tendency to
sleep was aggravated by my droning
companion.
“I’ll be perfertly frank with yon,” lie
continued, “I confess that I don’t think
she would ever have accepted me had it
not been for her father, who is a poor
man, and is very eager to have mo for a
son-in-law, thinking I shall pay off his
debts. I wish lie may get it ! Bah !
T’vo allowed him to think anything he
likes, for his thinking costs me nothing,
and being anxious to wed the girl, who
1 declare to you, is beautiful—” And
here he went off again into another long
description, which he liberally garni.-h
--e.l, as before with shrugs and grimaces.
“Then you don’t care about her love?”
said I sleepily.
“Not a fig !” he answered, “not a fig!
I only want her. At my timo of life,
sir, we know the liypocrasy of love, how
easily it is counterfeited. I have a ring
at home with a paste stone, in it. I declare
to you it flushes like a diamond, aud is
thought as costly as most of the real
stones i wear. Ho with love. Th«
oouufoit passes for the real ninety-nine
times iu the hundred ; and, though I’ll
own I would rather have the real, if I
can’t get U I ruoiuil h " i ust “ R wll KatiK
fied with the sham.”
He then branched oft'into some cyni
cal remarks on the nature of love, which,
however, I am ashamed to say I do not
remember, as I fell sound asleep very
shortly utter lie had commenced them.
I was awakened by the diligence stop
ping at the Golden Lion inn, in tiie
principal street of F .
The fat, red-fneed babbler, who it
seems had been awake through the
whole journey, and lmd been boring a
nrild-looking gentleman who sat oppo
site him when he found I was asleep, got
out, and I followed him.
He pulled out His watch, which spar
kled most gorgeously as it took the sun’s
rays, and exclaimed, turning to me—
“A quarter to four, sir. Half an
hour after time.”
“I’ll bet you it is not,” said a gentle
man with a very fierce moustache, who
stood smoking a cigar before the door of
the low roofeil apartment.
“I should know,” retorted the litilo
red fact-d man, turning sharply upon
him, “for this is one of Leroy’s host
watches. It cost me two thousand
francs. ”
“I’ll bet you ten louis that it not
one of Leroy’s watches,” said the mous
tache smoker, cooly.
The red-faced man shrugged his shoul
der's, and went into the traveler’s room,
saying to me—
“ Don’t dine here. We can do better
at a cafe.’’
“I’ll wager you the value of the watch
that the watch is worth nothing ; and if
j you win, you will receive what you will
not find it worth your wl >e to take, said
the gentleman svitir the moustache, fol
lowing us.
“I did not address my remarks to ; oil,
sir.”
“I’ll bet you that you did,” said the
other with llio most provoking coolness.
The little man, amazed by this perse
cution, touched his forehead to signify
that the gentleman with the moustache
was mad.
“I’ll bet you don’t prove that I’m
mad,” said the other.
There was a pause. They lookad like
two dogs waiting to be slipped for a
fight.
“Upon my word,” said tlie red-faced
man, “I know nothing of this fellow.
He is a most impudent rascal, whoever
he is ; and I have a good mind to make
him march off.”
“I’ll make you any bet you like you
don’t make me march off!” exclaimed
the other, pulling his moustache; “aud
I’ll further bet yon anything you like
that I make you take the road back to
Paris, and that, too, without any delay.”
TERMS-TWO DOLLARS IN ADVANCE.
The little man, whose face was now
crimson with rage, bursted out—
“You won’t find that a very easy mat
ter, for I came here to get married.”
“One hundred Napoleons you do not.”
“Sir you are an impertinent scoundrel,
and I will pull your nose. ”
“I’ll make you any bet you like you
lie!”
The little man stamped with rage.—
He glared around him for some moments
in silence, then exclaimed—
“Do you want me to shoot you?”
“I’ll bet you don’t shoot me.”
“Where can we procure pistols?” ex
claimed the red-fneed man breathing
short.
“The landlord will accommodate us,”
answered the other.
He hurried into the house, and reap
peared with a box containing a brace of
pistols.
I had hitherto treated the affair as a
joke, laughing in iny sleeve at the red
faced man’s rage and the other’s cool in
solence. But I thought it was now time
to interpose.
“Gentleman,” I began.
But the moustached man turned upon
me with a frown.
“I believe this gentleman to be a cow
ard, sir,” said he; “aud if you interfere,
I shall conclude yon are conspiring to
prevent him from proving himself a
coward.”
I said no more, but followed the two
men to a lonely spot in the park, where
the cigar hero was saluted by an officer
of the garrison, who was w illing to be
come liis second.
Having loaded the pistols, we placed
the men. It was agreed I should give
the signal, which was to throw a five
franc piece in the air.
My position was a peculiarly disagreea
ble one. Up to the last moment I had
believed the whole business was only a
rather cruel practical joke on the part of
the man with the moustache; and as my
curiosity was excited to follow this ad
venture to its conclusion, I had volun
teered to lie the red-faced man’s second.
But it sci . « no" that one or the other
must be killed.
“Sir,” said the moustached man, turn
ing to me, "I believe Master Jacques to
be an honest man, but though I can
vouch for his wine, I can’t vouch for his
pistols. Before that gentleman and I
make a target of one an ot her, be so
good as to throw that five-franc piece in
the air to see how my pistol carries.”
I did aB he desired, and tossed the
money about seven yards high.
I heard the report of the pistol, and
the piece of money fell indented.
‘ ‘Bet, ” said the mail wii-Li tne moils! ache,
' wuu I Cm. pjeree that leaf, vibrating at
the extremity of yonder bough/’
And before the other could answer,
the trigger was pulled, and the leaf was
pierced.
“Bet,” continued the man, with the
most ridiculous coolness, “that I shoot
you clean through the pupil of Ihc left
eye and lay you dead and that you miss
me.”
The other was white as a ghost.
“I believe you,” be said trembling
from head to foot, and throwing the
pistol down.
"I guess your motives, and, as I am
not yet prepared to die, shall take my
road back to Marseille. ”
In fact, wc saw him deposit himself in
the imperiale of diiligence.
I turned to the moustached gentleman
for an explanation. He invited me to
take a glass of wine with him iu the
traveller’s room with gr< at. good humor
proceeded ■-«.•’v the enigma.
He v. is a ii-i- .id of tl. young lieuteu
ai: u'"’ b moils a- the most deadly shot
in I'V.i.icc. He had received a letter
only the day before from his friend, beg
ging him to come to F—, and help him
carry out a ruse, which he trusted would
enable him to marry the girl he was
passionately in love with.
The moustached gentleman complied,
left Baris, and reached F— in time to
receive from his friend's lips particulars
of the strategem he and the young girl
had concerted between them.
That strategem was perfectly success
ful. The red-faced man, as I afterwards
heard, on reaching Marseilles, wrote to
the father of the intended bride, apolo
gizing for not having been able to keep
li s promise to go down to them. You
may believe he took good care not to in
form the father of the real reason that
had prevented him from paying his du
ties to his betrothed.
The red-faced man, however, had no
intention of breaking off the marriage
until accosted one n irniug in the streets
of Marseilles by the moustached gentle
man, who asked if ho still persisted in
his intention t marry tlie young lady.
“Certainly,” was the reply.
“Then,” sail! the other, “if you want
to retail her hand, you will have to
mount, first on my .load body, and sec
ondly, on the dead 1 tody of the lieutenant.
Are you prepared to scale these for
tresses.”
“Certainly not.”
“Then go home ; write to the lady's
father that circumstances compel you to
abandon your promise to wed her. I
shall know by the day after to-morrow
if the letter has been written. If yes, I
will be your friend and help yon as I
have helped the lieutenant, iu any hon-
orable love scheme you may choose to
enter upon; if no, be prepared to meet
me in the evening.”
The letter was written, and six months
after the young lady was married to the
lieutenant.
Grant's Orphan Colt.
Mr. Hill happened to be in the city of
Washington. He had been before—a
member of Congress. Civility caused
him to visit Grant. In company with a
distinguished Senator from New England
he went to the White House. A small
trotting wagon, to which was attached a
smaller animal, stood beneath the porch
in front of the main entrance. As Mr.
Hill and his Senatorial friend approached
the door it was opened, and through it
came the President.
“Good morning, Mr. President,” said
the Senator.
“Good morning,” replied Grant, con
tinuing, “Senator, you see that colt?
Well, that colt's born since I came into
this house, and lie’s going to trot in less
than 2.50 before I leave it. He’s an
orphan. brought up by hand, and bom
since . Lave oeen here.”
“Mi. President,” said the Senator,
“allow me to present Mr. Hill, an ex-1
member of Congress.”
Grant shakes the ex-member’s hand
and continues: “That colt’s an orphan :
born since I came into this house, and
he’s going to trot in less than 2:50 before
I leave it.”
With these words still on the air, the
President mounted the buggy, bowed to
his callers, and drove into the avenue.—
Cincinnati Commercial.
Winter in Spitsbergen.— The single
night of this dreadful country begins
about the 30th of October; the sun then
sets, and never appears till about the
10th of February. A glimmering indeed
continues some w eeks after the sun;
then succeeds clouds and thick darkness,
broken by the light of the moon ; which
is as luminous ns in England, and dur
ing this long night shines with unfading
lustre. The cold strengthens with the
new year, and the sun is ushered in with
an unusual severity' of frost. By the
middle of March, the cheerful light
glows strong. Arctic foxes leave their
holes, and the sea fowl resort in great
numbers to their breeding places. The
suu sets no mole after the 14th, of May ;
the distinction of day and night is then
lost. In the height, of summer the sun
is hot enough to molt the tar oil the
decks of ships, but from August its
power declines—it sets fast. After the
middle of September, day is hardly dis
tinguishable, and by the end of October
takes a longfare well to this country; the
earth becomes frozen, and winter reigns,
Intermarriage of Whites and
Blacks. —Hon. Robert Townsend, a
Nebraska probate judge, has recently
taken some pains to ascertain, os far as
possible from official sources, the laws
in all the States concerning the inter
marriage of whites and blacks. The
Omaha Republican, publishing the re
sults of his inquiries, says that such iu
termarriages are now valid in New York,
New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachu
setts, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Wis
consin, Minncssotn, lowa, Kansas, New
Jersey, South Carolina, Florida, Ala
bama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas,
Arkansas, and the District of Columbia.
Maine, Michigan, and Illinois report
that, although they have prohibitory
st atutes, yet the law with them is a dead
letter, and that “such marriages fre
quently occur.” The gentleman reply
ing from Connecticut said: “There is
no law in this State that prohibits the
intermarriage of whites and blacks, un
less the black objects.
A Queer Talf,.— A correspondent of
the Country Gentleman has discovered
that, as a law of Nature, every spotted
dog lias the end of his tail white, and
ev' ry spotted cat the end of the tail
black. He says lie has examined many
dogs a>><‘ cats in France, England and
America, and always noticed the same
result. Our former minkUr to „apan,
Mr. Harris, fust mentioned the fact
concerning the dog in a letter published
some years since. He has looked at
many paintings of dogs in the galleries
of Paris and elsewhere in regard to this, j
and found even there the dogs spotted
always in order, proving to him that the
artist had invariably copied after Nature.
A sad-looking man was snivelling over
the loss of three hundred dollars to tliree
card monte men, on the Hudson River
Railroad, the other day, and taking out
the other cards to show to a sympathizing
passenger how it was done, he awakened
so nm h interest among the men stand
ing around that in less than twenty min
utes he had won a handsome sum. After
he had left they began to understand that
they had been gulled by the monte man
himself.
Some boys in Indianadropped an anvil,
weighing two hundred pounds, out of a
fourth story window on the head of a ne
gro who was passing, and he had them
arrested. He said he was willing to let
the boys have fun, but when they jammed
a jemman’s hat over his eyes, and spoiled
it that way, the law must take its course.
Advertising Hates.
One square, first insertion $ 1 00
Each subsequent insertion,.;-. 75
One square three months....' 10 0)
Onesqaresix months 16 03
One square twelve months 20 00
One quarter column twelve months. 40 00
Half column six months GO 00
Half column twelve months 75 00
| One column twelve
I r 'o" Ten lines or less considered a square
All fractions of squares counted as squares
WISE AM) OTHER WISE.
Our devil’s whaslierwoman says that
while there is life, there is soap.
“A coffin,” said an Irishman, “is the
house a man lives in after he is dead.”
Mrs. Partington says she gets np eve
ry morning at the shrill carrion of the
chandelier.
When yon hear a man say the world
owes him a living, don’t leave any hams
lying around loose.
It is sometimes a preventive against
bleeding at the nose to keep your nose
out of other people’s business.
A man in Peoria claims to have a
stone that Washington threw at a wood
pecker on his father’s cherry tree.
“We are fearfully and wonderfully
made,” as the man quoting Scripture
said to his friend as they were looking
at the skeleton of a donkey.
Another poor girl died last week in
Virginia from the use of tobacco, at the
age of 100. The account goes on to say
that she was a poor orphan.
A Winona paper telLs us that Winona
“is a bad place to get drunk.” If the
place persists in getting drunk, it is a
good place to stay away from.
Cerebro-spinal-meningitis is a tough
word for telograpliers to get off on tl*
wires. A Sioux City lightning-jerker
wrote it out, “Carabo Spencer’s Menag
erie.”
An Irish paper publishes the follow
ing ; “A deaf man, named Tass, was run
down and killed by a passenger train on.
Wednesday morning. He was injured
in the same manner about a year ago. ”
The best way to muzzle a dog is to
press the muzzle against the left ear—
then pull the trigger. Try it just once,
and if the cur ever bites anybody after
wards, or in any way gives offence, we’ll
pay the bill.
A woman at East Jeffrey, N. H., has
had an accurate picture of a juniper
tree printed on her I—g by a flash of
lightning, and the editor who chronicled
the event lias had a lively time explain
ing to his wife how he got the item.
A rather amusing indication of the
season was given last Sunday, in Dan
bury, when one of the congregation on
being nudged with the contribution box,
abruptly cried out, “drop them melons,,
blast ye !” Then he awoke, looked,
around, and scooted.”
“A horse ! a horse 1 My kingdom for.
a horse 1” cried a celebrated tragedian.
“Wouldn’t a jackass do as well ?” inqui
red an affected young man, rising in his
seat. “Yes,” triumphantly exclaimed
the actor, “just step up this way, air.”—
The young man sat down.
A case of feminine daring is related of
a Virginia belle, who rode to the edge of
a precipice, and defied any man of the
party with whom she was riding to fol
low her. Not a man accepted the chal
lenge ; but a tantalizing youth stood on
his head in the saddle, and dared the
lady to do that.
“If I were in California,” said a young'
fop, in company, the other evening, “in
stead of working in the mines, I would
waylay some miner, with a bag of gold,,
knock ont his liTains, gather np his gold
and run.” “I think you would do bet
ter to gather up the brains,” quietly re
sponded a young lady.
A priest was called upon to pray over
the barren fields of his parishioners.—
He passed from one enclosure to another
and pronounced his benediction, until he*
came to a most unpromising one. He
surveyed the sterile acres in despair.—
“Ah I” said he, “brethren, no use to*
pray here, this needs manure.”
The lady who tapped her husband
gently with her fan at a party the other
night, and said, “Love it is growing
late, I think we had better go home,” is.
the same who after getting home shook
the rolling pin under his nose, and said,
“you infernal old scoundrel, you, if you.
ever look at that mean, nasty, calico
faced, mackerel-eyed thing again, that
you looked at so much to-night, I’ll
bust your old head open.”
John Paul, in a Saratoga letter, speak
ing of the arrival of the Rev. Dr. Bud
dington, says: “When n man walks
i squarely up to the clergyman who mar
: ried him three years before, takes him
by the hand cordially, and without a
word of reproach, and inquires after his
health, it is useless for any one to main
tain that Christian forgiveness is a thing
of the past, and does not enter largely
into that man’s character, or that the
heroic virtues have all disappeared from
earth.”
A minister had a negro in his family.
One Sunday while he was preaching, he
happened to look into the pew where
the negro was, and could hardly contain
himself as he saw the negro, who could
not read or write a word, scribbling
away most industriously. After meet
ing, he said to the negro, “Tom what
were you doing in church ?” “Taking
notes,massa. -All de gemmens take notes.”
“Bring your notes here, and let me see
them.” Tom brought his notes, which
looked more like Chinese than English.
“Why, Tom, this is all nonsense.” —
“I thought so, massa, all de time you
was preaching it.”