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<£t)e JttcDuffie Journal.
A Real Live Country Paper. Published
Every Wednesday Morning, by
WHITE At II U I)SO> .
“terms of Subscription.
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ss" All subscriptions invaribly in advance.
BUSINESS CARDS.
R. W. H. NEAL,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
THOMSON, GA.
Office.—Over R. H. Bush's Store.
H, O. RONEY,
ATTORNEY AT , AW
THOMSON, GA.
C-iT Will practice in the Augusta. North
crn and Middle Circuits. nolyl
W. T. O’NEAL,
Attorney fit Law, |
THOMSON, GA.
■W Will practice iu this and adjoining |
circuits. All business entrusted to his care
'will receive prompt attention.
March 11, 1874. ts
CHARLES S, DuBOSE,
ATTURNEY AT LAW,
WARRtNTON, GA.
SAT Will practice in the courts of the
Northern, Middle and Augusta Circuits.
M. T.
Attorney nt Law,
WAKRENTON, GA.
rj" Duo dilligence given to all business
entrusted to his care. By permission he
Tefera to
P. H- Mell, Athens, Gft.
Col. C. W. Dußose, Sparta. Ga.
Ex-lustice W. W. Montgomery, Savan
nah, Ga. Feb. 4, ts
PAUL C. HUDSON,
A1 TOMSK 1' AT LA It,
Thomson, Ga.
Will practice in the Superior Courts of
th* Augusta, Northern aud Middle Circuits,
and in the Supreme Court, and will give
attention to all cases ill Bankruptcy.
Aug. *2.1, 174. ts
Central Ilotd,
MRS. W. M. THOMAS.
AUGUSTA. GEORGIA
seplltf
I* ALM Elt I! 0 USE.
(Over Biguon &. Crump's Auction Store,)
28 1 Broad Street, Augusta, Georgia.
,/. I. PALMER, Proprietor.
Good board furnished by the week, month
or dny.
April 15 ts
ECHOLS A <JO.,
FACTORS
ANI>
Commission Merchants,
Cor. Jackson & Reynolds Street,
A UG VST A, GEORG TA.
Office opened September Ist, 1874.
.Tuly 15, 1874. 2m
A. .1. CLARK,
DEALER TS
Watches, Clocks, Jewelry,
Spectacles, Eye-Glasses, Etc.
Watches <t Clocks Repaired & Warranted
JEWELRY MADE AND REPAIRED
ALL KINDS OF HAIR BRAIDING DONE.
«c?T 184 Broad Street, Augusta, Ga.—
Next to the Telegraph Office.
Aug. I*2 1874. 6m
C. E. DODD. H. L. MEALING.
C. E. DODD & CO„
HAVE REMOVED TO 219 BROAD ST.,
Opposite the Central Hotel,
AUGUSTA, GA.
Call and see our Styles of
MENS’ BUYS’ AND CHILDREN’S
IHATS.
November 5. 1873. 6m
P. Q§lJf M»
75 Jackson Street, Augusta, Georgia,
Opposite Catholic Church,
DEALER IN
FRUIT mo SEG4RS,
Wholesale and Retail.
CENERAL RAILROAD NEWS AGENT.
Headquarters for
Prize Candies, and all sorts of Christmas
(Goods.
CsT All orders from Country Merchants,
sir orders left with News Agents on the train
■will meet prompt attention.
Oct. S 1873. lv
M. H. ScmvM'JPßft*
IMPORTER AND DEALER IN
WINES, ALES,
pORTERS,
Cigars, Etc.
Corner Broad and Jack
son Street,
AUGUSTA, GA.
May 7 ts
(The JfhJufjie (iTUtlslij
VOLUME IV—NUMBER 38.
Thomson High School
FOR
BOYS AND GIRLS.
EHE Spring Session of this School will
open on Monday the 19th day of January,
and will continue six scholastic months.
The Fall Session
WILL BEGIN AUGUST 10,1874
and continue four scholastic mouths.
Board can be procured in private families
at sls, per month.
For particulars apply to
N. A. LEWIS, Prill.,
Thomson, Ga.
SUMMER RESORT \
There will be opened, at Clarkeaville.
Ga., on the 15th of June, by MRS ANGUS
McALPIN. a largo, FIRST CLASS
PEIVATE BOARDING HOUSE.
The House is newly painted and furnished ;
very best Cooks, first class Servants in at
tendance. and everything thoroughly clean,
fresh and corn for tablo.
TERMS—S3O per month, for adults—
half price for children and sen ants; $25
per month, each : for gentlemen, more than
two in a room, by the day, $2.
REFERENCES—Rev. Hr. I. S. K. Axson,
Rt.,Rev. Bishop Beckwith, Gen. J. E.
Johnston. Mr. Geo. S. Owens, Mr. Henry
Hull, Gen. A. R. Lawton, Mr. W. W. Gor
don, Dr. 11. FT. Steiner, Augusta; Rev. Dr.
B. M. Palmer, New Orleans: Mr. Allen S.
Izard. Mr. Daniel Heyward, Mr. Wm. C.
Bee, Charleston.
Address, MRS. ANGUS McALPIN.
July 8, 1871. 3m Clarkesville, Ga.
PATENT STOCK YOKE a
"\\ E having purchased the exclusive right
to sell Hammett’s Patent Stock Yoko for
the counties of McDuffie, "Warren and Jef
ferson counties, call the attention of the
public t<» the same. They will prevent any
cow, mule or horse fjom jumping any or
dinary fence. They are light aud easily
adjusted. We sell Farm Rights with the
Yoke. Purchasers may apply iu person or
by letter to
IJODO & LAZENBY,
Thomson, Ga.
CERTIFICATES.
McDuFffe County, Ga.
I certify that I afcnve tried Hammett’s
Patent Yoke on a mule which l had yoked
by ordinary method and chained down but
could do noting with. After trying this
Yoke I have had no further trouble with
! him I recommend it to the public.
D. P. MONTGOMERY.
I certify that I have tried the above
named Yoke aud endorse Mr. Montgomery’s
certificate.
D. S. HODO.
Aug. 26, 1871. ts
A
j Fact for the People. The Cumberland
j University Business College ami Tele
! graph Institute, at Lebanon, Tennessee;
| and Bryant and Stratton Business Col
lege and Telegraph Institute, at Nasli
| ville, Tennessee, are the leading Actual
Business Colleges iu the South aud
SITUATION
| for all worthy graduates in Telegraphy, is
GUARANTEED
as soon as the course of instruction is
completed,
OR ONE-HALF
of all the money paid for
THE TUITION
will, within thirty days, be
REFUNDED.
All modern improvements in Business
trainiug. Rates to suit the Lard time.
Session perpetual. For particulars, ap
ply in person, or address the Principal,
THOMAS TONEY,
Lebanon, Tenn.
Or Nashville, Tenn.
January fi, 1874. ly [c2fiaug]
DR. JAMES S. JONES. J. V. JONES.
J. S. Jones & Son,
a m o c m it m
A ND
COB MISSION MERCHANTS,
THOMSON, GA.
Having gone entirely into the sale of
Staple and Fancy Groceries, take pleasure
in announceing to their friends and the
public generally that they now have and
will constantly keep on hand a
FULL AND WELL SELECTED STOCK OF
Staple and Fancy Groceries, principal
among which may be found Bacon, Flour,
Sugar, Coffee, Mackerel, of the finest grades
Syrup, Molasses of every grade, Cheese,
Crackers, Pearl Grits, Hominy, Rice, Lard,
pure Liverpool Salt, Goshen, and country
butter. In their line of
FANCY GROCERIES
the)* do not hesitate to say that they have
the finest variety ever exhibited in this mar
ket. In the selection may always be found
CANNED
Lima Beans, Green Corn, Fresh Salmon,
Fresh Mackerel, Fresh Peaches, Pine Apples,
Pears, Apricots, Oysters, Mince Meats,
Pickles, both domestic and imported
JELLIES,
Preserved Plums, Damsons, Raspberries,
Blackberries, Lime, Pepper Hash, Pepper
and Worcestershire Sauce,
OanclieH, Chocolate,
both in drops and for the tablo. Condensed
Milk, extracts of all kinds. Apples, Oranges,
Coeoannts, Almonds, Pecans, Brazil nuts,
English Walnuts Ac.
They also have a fine assortment of To
baccos, Segars, Pipes, Smoking Tobacco,
Tea, Soap, Plain and Toilet Lunch Baskets,
Cream Tarter, Soda, Yeast Powders, all of
which they are offering as low cash prices
that cannot fail to suit all.
Our motto is still “ Quick Sales and Small
Profits.”
JAMES S. JONES & SON.
[mr 13yl] dec 11 Thomson, Ga.
Thomson, McDuffie county, ga, September 23,1874.
ROEIICAL.
[For the Journal.]
[original.]
Iruthel, or A Vision of the Night.
BY NEWTON RANDOLPH FLEMING, M. D.
I walked abroad one balmy eve in spring,
And gazed into the crystal depths of night,
Whose waves, of ether seem to crack and
ring,
Beneath the pulsings of the stars. The
sight
Was glor’ous of these shining worlds of
light.
The moon was not yet up. The Milky-way,
In one long trail of puieless glory bright
Along the azure fields of heaven lay,
Shrouding its wilderness of worlds in soft
est ray.
Venus was trembling on the horizon’s verge,
And gleaming on the world with slanting
ray,
Like some far beacon seen from Ocean’s
surge,
Kindling the gloom of the unmfled bay.
The Pliades along the Zenith lay ;
And that wide sea of space whoso billows
lave
The shores of Mars and Jove, which wise
men say
Was in first epochs, but space vacant, save
One mighty world, since wrecked on times
relentless wave,
From whose dismembered fragments there
arose
Four minor planets—Ceres aud Juno ;
Pallas aud Vestra—which these bounds in
close,
There myriads of bright stars did sparkling
glow,
Like diamonds, which the limped seas o’er
flow—
Stretching away—a vast and flowing stream
Forever—calm, bubling with gems most
pure.
And as I gazed I had a wond’rous dream—
A thought of Man and God, beneath night’s
glor’ous beam.
Eolus lmd the winds and storms all ehaiued
Within his cave, nature was in repose ; '•
And like the soul, greater because it reigned,
Than had the tempests of the world arose.
O, how these great deep calius of night
disclose
The majesty of God—silence and space I
The greut forever presuppose;
Nature’s grand Prophets to the human race.
Preaching of the eternity which they em
brace.
The hour seemed for contemplation giv’n—
Bright constellations, chaptered off the skios
In starry words, lettered with worlds; which
e’en
The old Chaldean failed to read with eyes
That feign would search the heavens for
mysteries.
Wond’ring I asked : “Shall mind be so en
dowed
That man may yet translate God’s book
that lies
Spread wide, written with suns? When
lo! a cloud
Appeared, which dory's blighter hues
seemed to enshroud.
It was no cloml with earth-born vapors rife;
Rather a mist, for lo to me it seemed,
Rising from off some cyrstal stream of life,
Like atmosphere which spirits, pure, re
deemed,
Bring with them to the earth—or so I
deemed.
It moved as if instinct with life—at will :
All radient with golden light it beamed.
Now fast it came; then slow. At last stood
still,
Its shadow like a glory resting on a hill.
A solitary tree stood on that swell of ground,
Its green leaves in the shadow’s light did
«low,
Diffusing a sweet inscense all around,
When suddenly I heard a voice say: “Go!”
From out the cloud, most musical and low.
Spell-bound I turned ray eyes upward to
see
What this strange sound could mean, when
lo !
A bird of beauteous plumage flew to’ards
me
From ifo disporting bosom lighting on the
tree.
No soaring lark e’er could, ’tis well confessed,
Compare in beauty with the bird I sing.
The golden down on the wild pigeon’s
breast,
Or frigate-bird’s, who makes the cioud his
Spring,
Has not the wond’rous hue of this bird’s
wing.
The turtle-dove, when its soft wooing moan
Back to the nest its missing mate would
bring;
Nor Nightengale with notes so sweet and
lone,,
E’er poured upon tho air a more subdueing
tone.
This bird appeared so innocent and pure,
! It trembled with the perfect life within ;
I Shaking the limb where it had perched se
cure.
O, had in came too close to earth and sin—
Aye, but it had a glorious aim to win ;
And shaking from its wings the dewy spray
Brought from the streams of life, where it
hud been,
In soft, sweet dulcet notas it sang this lay,
Which yet remembered well, I will e’en
now essay :
Iruthel, Iruthel!
Be pure; be good,
Love man ; love God.
Seek first to know,
Duty below.
Let mystery be,
For faith can see,
Where the mind’s eye,
Cannot descry.
Immensity
Is Harmony,
iruthel, Iruthel!
All shall end well,
For lieav’n, as hell,
All go to prove
That God is love.
Our sufferings here —
Each groan and tear,
Would not have been
But for man’s sin.
And punishment
For crime is sent,
because all good
Requires it should.
Man must be free
That he may be
Glorious and great
In every state.
If man had been
’Thout risk of sin,
No hell, ’tis true,
For me or you,
Nor would a heav a
Os bliss been giv’n.
Here heav’n die ;
And hell expires ;
Necessity,
There e’er will be
That souls act free.
Here honor turns
And glory burns.
This lights the fire,
And tones the lyes;
And tunes the choirs
On blissful heights
Os sure delights;
Where Saints in light,
And Angels smite
Their harps of gold ;
And anthems roll
O er the bright plains
glory reigns.
Where harmony,
Is extacy,
And melody,
Eternity!
The song was ended and away, away
The beauteous bird did fly on rapid wing ;
And as it plunged that golden cloud of
spray,
I heard, or thought I heard, an Angel sing
That same sweet song ; for it did ring
Far down to earth. The echo clung to hill
And dale and flooded every place and thing
With its soft music, murmuring from each
rill,
And breathing from the crystal streams that
same song still,
“Iruthel, Iruthel!
Be pure; be good,
Love man ; love God, etc.”
’V-"' 1 9
SELECT MISCELLAN Y.
BILL AND THE WIDOW.
BY J. A. SMITH, ALIAS OAPT. TOTIIEKBT.
“Wife," said Ed. Wilbur one morning
as he sat stirring his coffee with one
hand and lidding a plum cake, on liis
knee with the other, and looked across
the tabic into the bright eyes of liis neat
little wife, “Wouldn’t it be a good joke
to get bachelor Bill Smiley to take Wid
ow Watson to Baruum’s show next week ?”
“You can’t do it, Ed ; he wont ask her,
lie’s so awful shy. Why lie camo by
here the other morning when I was hang
ing out some clothes, and he looked over
the fence and spoke : but when I shook
out a night gown he blushed like a girl
and went away."
“I think I can manage it,” said Ed ;
“but I’ll have to lie just a little. But
then it wouldn’t be much harm under
the circumstances, for I know she likes
him and he don’t dislike her ; but as you
sny, lie’s shy. I’ll just go over to his
place to borrow some bags of him, and
if I don’t hag him- before I come hack
don’t kiss me for a week, Nellie.”
So saying, Ed. started, and while he
is mowing the fields we 'will take a look
at Bill Smiley. He is rather a good
looking fellow, though his hair and whis
kers showed some gray hair and he had
got iii a set of artificial teeth. But all
said he was a good soul, and so he was.
He had as good a hundred acre farm as
any in Norwich, with anew house and
everything comfortable, and if he want
ed a wife, many a girl would have jump
ed at the clianco, But Bill was so bash
ful-—always was—and when Susan Ber
bottle, that ho was sweet on (though he
had never said “boo” to her) got mar
ried to old Watson he just drawed in his
head like a mud-turtle into his shell, and
there was no getting him out again, al
though it had been noticed that since
Susan liftd become a widow lie had pnid
more attention to his clothes and had
been very regular in his attendance at
the church that the fair widow attended.
But here comes Ed. Wilbur.
“Good morning, Mr. Smiley 1”
“Good morning, Mr. Wilbur. What’s
the news your way?”
•‘Oh, nothing particular, that I know,”
said Ed., “only Bamum’s show that
everybody and his girl is going to. I
was over at Sackridcr’s last night, and I
see his son Gus. has got anew buggy
and was scrubbing up his harness, and
he’s got that white faced colt of his slick
as a seal. I understand he thinks of
taking the Widow Watson to the show.
He’s been hanging around a good deal
of late, hut I would just like to cut him
out, I would. Susan is a nice little wo
man, and deserves a better man than
that pup of fellow, though I wouldn’t
blame her much either if she takes him,
for she must be dreadful lonesome, and
then she has let her farm out on shares
and it isn’t half worked, and no one else
seems to have spunk enough to speak to
her. By jingo! If I were a single man
I’d show him a trick or two.”
So saying Ed. borrowed some bags and
started around the comer of the barn,
where he had left Bill sweeping, and put
his ear to a knot-liole and listened,
knowing that the bachelor had a habit
of talking to himself when anything wor
ried him.
“Confound that young Bagrider!”
said Bill, “what business has he there,
I’d like to know. Got anew buggy, has
he ? Well, so have I, and new harness,
too, and his horse can’t come in sight of
mine. I declare I’ve half a mind to
Yes, I will ! I’ll go this very night
and ask her to go to the show with me.
I’ll show Ed. Wilbur that I ain’t such a
calf as he thinks I am, if I did let old
Watson got the start of me in the first
place!” Ed. could scarce help laughing
outright, but he hastily hitched the hags
on his shoulder, and with a low chuckle
at his success, started home to tell the
nows to Nellie ; aud about five o’clock
that evening they saw Bill go by with
his horse and buggy on his way to tho
Widow’s. He jogged along quietly
thinking of the old singing school days,
and what a pretty girl Susan was then,
and wondering inwardly if he would
have more courage now to talk up to her,
TERMS-TWO DOLLARS IN ADVANCE,
until at the distance of about a mile from
her honse he came to a bridge, over a
large creek, and it so happened that just
as he reached the middle of the bridge
he gave a tremendous sneeze, blew his
teeth out of his mouth, and clear over
the dashboard, and striking on the
planks they rolled over the side of the
bridge and dropped into four feet water.
Words cannot do justice to poor Bill,
or paint the expression of his face as he
sat there—completely dumbfounded at
this startling piece of ill luck. After a
while he stepped out of the buggy, and
getting on his hands and knees looked
over into the water. “Yes, there they
were,” at the bottom, with a little crowd
of fishes nibbing their noses against
them, and Bill wished to goodness that
his nose was as close for one second.
His beautiful teeth that had cost him so
much, and the show coming on aud no
time to get another set—and the widow
and young Sackrider. Well, he must
try and get them somehow—and no time
to lose, for someone might come along
and ask him what he he was fooling
around there for. He had no notion of
spoiling his good clothes by wading in
with them on, aud besides, if he did that
he could not go to the widow’s that
night, so he took a look up nud down the
road to see that no one was in sight, and
then quickly undressed himself, layinghis
clothes in the buggy to keep them clean.
Then he ran around to the bank and wa
ded into the almost icy water, but his
teeth did not chatter in his head, he
only wished they could. Quietly he wa
ded along so as not to stir up the mud
and when he got to the right spot he
dropped under water and came up with
the teeth in his hand and replaced them
in his mouth. But hark ! What noise
is that? A wagon! and a little dog bark
ing with all his might, and his horse is
starting. “Whoa! Whoa!” said Bill,
as he splashed and floundered out
through mud aud water, “confound tho
horse. Whoa! Whoa! Stop, you
brute you, stop!” But stop ho wouldn’t,
hut went off at a spanking pace with
tho unfortunate bachelor after him and
tho little dog yelping after tho bachelor.
Bill was certainly in capital running cos
tume, but though he strained every nerve
he could not touch the buggy or reach
the lines that were dragging m tho
ground. After a whilehisplug hat shook
off the the seat and the hind wheel went
over it, making it as fiat ns a pancake,
hill snatched it as he ran, and after jam
ming his fist into it stuck it, all dusty
aud dimpled on his head. And now he
saw the widow’s house on the hill, and
what, oh what would he do ! Then his
coat fell out and ho slipped it on, and
then making a desperate spurt he clutch
ed tho back of the seat and scrambled in,
and pulling the buffalo robe over bis
legs, stuffed the other things beneath.
Now the horse happened to bo one that
lie got from Squire Moore, and be got it
from the widow, and he took it into his
head to stop at her gate, which Bill had
no power to prevent, as he had not pos
session of the reins, besides he was too
busy buttoning his coat up to his chin to
think of doing much else. The widow
heard the rattle of the wheels and looked
out, and seeing that it was Mr. Smiley,
and that he did not offer to get out, she
went to the gate to see what he wanted,
and there she stood chatting, with her
white arms on the top of the gate, and
her smiling face tumedright toward him,
while the cold chills ran down his shirt
less back clear to his bare feet beneath
the buffalo robe, and the water from his
hair aud the dust from his hat had com
bined to make some nice streams of
mud that came trickling down his face.
She asked him to come in. No, he was
in a hurry, he said. Still he did not
offer to go. He did not like to ask her
to pick up his reins for him, because he
did not know what excuse to make for
not doing it himself. Then he looked
down the road behind him and saw a
white-faced horse coming, and at once
surmising that it was that of Gas. Sack
rider coming, he resolved to do or die,
and hurriedly told his errand. The wid
ow would be delighted to go, of course
she would. But wouldn’t he come in.
No, he was in a hurry, he said; had to
go on to Mr. Green’s place.
“Oh,” said the widow; “you’re go
ing to Mr. Green’s are you?” “Why I
was just going there myself to get one
of the girls to help me quilt some. Just
wait a second while I get my bonnet and
shawl, and I’ll ride with you.” And
away she skipped.
“Thunder and lightning!” said Bill,
and he hastily clutched his pants from
between his feet, aud was preparing to
wriggle into them, when a light wagon,
drawn by the white-faced horse, driven
by a boy, came along and stopped beside
him. The boy held up a pair of boots
in one hand and a pair of socks in the
other, and just as the widow reached the
gate again, he said:
“Here’s your boots and socks, Mr.
Smiley, that you left on the bridge when
you was in swimming.”
“You’re mistaken,” said Bill, “they’re
not mine.”
“Wliy,” 6aid the boy, “ain’t you the
man that had the race after the horse
just now?”
“No sir, I am not! You had better
go on about your business.” Bill sighed
at the loss of his good Sunday boots,
and turning to the widow said:
“Just pick up the lines, will you,
please; this brute of of a horse is forever
switching them out of my hands.” The
widow complied, and then he pulled one
comer of the robe cautiously down, and
she got in.
“What a lovely evening,” said she,
“and so warm I don’t think we need the
robe over us do we?”
(You see, she had on a nice dress and
a pair of new gaiters, and she wanted to
show them.)
“Oh, my 1” said Bill, earnestly, “you’ll
find it chilly riding, and I wouldn’t have
you catch cold for the world.”
She seemed pleased at his tender care
for her health, and contented herself
with sticking one of her little feet out,
with a long Bilk neck-tie over the end of
it.
“What is that Mr. Smiley ? a neck
tie?”
“Yes,” said he, “I bought it the other
day, and I must have left it in the buggy.
Never mind it.”
“But,” she said, “it was so careless
and stooping over picked it up and made
a motion to stuff it in between them.
Bill felt her hand going down, and
making a dive after it, clutched it in his
and held it hard and fast.
Then they went on quite a distance,
he still holding her soft little hand in his
and wondering what he should do when
they got to Green’s, and she wondering
why he did not say something nice to
her as well as squeeze her hand, and why
his coat was buttoned up so tightly on
such a warm evening, and what made his
face and hat so dirty, until as they were
going down a little hill one of the traces
came unhitched and they had to stop.
“O murder!” said Bill, “what next?”
“W 7 hat is the matter, Mr. Smiley?”
said the widow, with a start that came
near jerking the robe off his knees.
“One of the traces is off,” said he.
“W 7 ell, why don't you get out and put
it on?”
“I can’t,” said Bill, “I’ve got—that is
I havn’t got—oh, dear I’m so sick!
What shall I do?”
“Why, Willie,” said she tenderly,
“what is the matter? do tell me,” and
she gave his hand a little squeeze, and
looking into his pale and troubled face
she thought he was going to faint ; she
got out her smelling-bottle with her left
hand, and pulling the stopper out with I
her teeth she stuck it to his nose.
Bill was just taking in breath for a ]
mighty sigh, and the pungent, oder made
him throw back his head so far that he
lost his balance and went over the low
back buggy. The lltte woman gave a
scream as his big bare feet flew by her
head; and covering her face with her
bauds gave way to tears or smiles—it is
hard to tell which. Bill was “right side
up” in a moment, and was leaning over
the back of tho seat humbly apologizing
and explaining when Ed. Wilbur, with
his wife and baby, drove up behind and
stopped. Poor Bill felt that he had
rather have been shot than have Ed.
Wilbur catch him in such a scrape, but
there was no help for it now, so he call
ed Ed. to him and whispered iu his ear.
Ed. was like to explode with suppressed
laughter, but he beckoned to his wife to
drive up, and, after saying something to
her, he helped the widow out of Bill’s
buggy into his, and the two women drove
on leaving tho men behind. Bill lost no
time in arranging his toilet as well as he
could, and theu with great persuasion
Ed. got him to go home with him, and
hunting up slippers and socks and get
ting him washed and combed, had him
quite presentable by the time the ladies
arrived.
I need not tell how the story was all
wormed out of tho bashful Bill, and how
they all laughed as they sat around the
tea-table that night, but will conclude
by saying that they all went to the show’
together, and Bill has no fear of Gus
Sackrider now.
A Great Invention. —A letter from
Chicago speaks of an extraordinary dis
covery made in that city by an inventor
who has so succeeded in perfecting an
instrument which is reported to convey
Bound by the agency of that subtle, im
ponderable fluid, electricity, over an un
broken circuit without the interposition
of any automatic repeaters, which, in the
ordinary transmission of messages, oenrs
about every 580 miles, to renew the cur
rent of electricity. It is said that the in
ventor has transmitted sounds distinctly
at a point over an unbroken circuit of
2,400 miles, reproducing on a violin at
tached to the receiving wires tunes play
ed on a piano key-board at that enor
mous distance with tho greatest degree
of accuracy, which has led many celebra
ted electricians to predict, from tho great
success of tills experiment, that a time
will come when the ordinary, trouble
some, manipulating instrument will un
doubtedly be abandoned for the more un
sophisticated way of transmitting the
sounds of the human vo'oe along the con
ducting wires, so that we may laugh and
chat together with ease and comfort,
without the worry of telegraphing.
An old c ap, whose wife is as ugly as
sin, was reading an elopement ease
whioh seemed to affect him. Said he ‘,l
should be tempted to shoot a man if he
was to run off with my wife.” “Well,”
said a hearer, “a man ought to be shot
if he ran off with your wife.’*'
Advertising Rates.
One square, first insertion $ 1 00
Each subsequent insertion 75
One square three months 10 00
One square six months 15 00
One square twelve mouths 20 00
Quarter column twelve mouths 40 00
Half column six months 60 00
Half column twelve months 75 00
One column twelve months 125 00
■ST Ten lines or less considered s square.
All fractions of squares are counted as fall
squares.
WISE AND OTHER WISE.
Engaged for every set—the hen.
A Troy man advertises “walking canes
in all its branchos.”
Ladies, without distinction of sex,”
are invited to a mass meeting in Dublin.
Jennie calls her bay window, in which
the flower-pots are so numerous, Botany
Bay.
A Boston man says: “It is very easy
to remember the poor. I can remember
cases twenty years ago.”
Scene—Garden oi Eden. Adam —
Madam, I’m Adam. Eve —Adam, I’m
Madam. They embrace.
A Chiropodist announces on his busi
ness cards that he has “removed corns
from several crowned heads of Europe - ”
“Another hole in them pants!” said a
fond mother to her young hopeful.
“What a dreadful on-kneesy fellow you
are 1”
There is nothing more calculated to
weaken a boy’s moral character than to
get his fishing-hook fastened on rubbish
in the river.
A New York man has christened his
daughter Glycerine. He says it will be
easy to prefix nitro, if her temper resem
bles her mother’s.
For a young woman to begin to piok
lint off of a young man’s coat collar, is
said to be the first symptom that the
young man is in peril.
A New l 7 ork paper gravely observes
that the suicide of a farmer, which it no
tices, “is singularly strange, inasmuch
as he has not been in the habit of doing
such things-”
“Pompey, de corn’s up.” “De corn
up ! Why I only planted it yistedy.”
“I know that, but the bogs got in last
night and guv it a lift.”
Wilkins says his girl waved her hand
kerchief at him as he passed the house
last evening. In response, he waved his
coat sieve—which he uses as a handker
chief.
A dry goods dealer in a fit of somnam
bulism arose from his couch, neatly cut
tho bed quilt in two with his pocket scis
sors, and then asked his terrified wife if
lie could show her something else.
A friend was remonstrating with Clark
the actor about his profanity, and quoted
Scriptural injunction, “Swear not at
all.” “I don’t,” said Clark, “I only
swear at those who offend me.”
A telegram as sent: “Ft. Wayne, Ind.
Dr. Howard, Wellsville, Ind.: Come at
once with prescription. Case of Cerebro
Spinal Meningetis.” As received: “Come
at once to see procession of Carrie Spen
cer’s menagery.”
The Detroit Free Press says: “Here
is another sample of Chicago meanees :
A young man broke hi* engagement with
a young lady because be observed her
scratching her back on the edge of* a
door.
A land agent in Colorado remarkod to
an enquiring emigrant, that all that was
needed to make the place a paradise was
a comfortable climate, water, and good
society. “That’s all that is lacking in
h—l,” was the reply.
A naughty little boy, blubbering be
cause his mother wouldn’t lot him go
down to the river on Sunday, said: “I
didn’t want to go a swimmin’ with 'em,
ma I only wanted to go down to see
tho bad little boys drown for going in a
swimmin’ on Sunday.”
The Congregationolist advises its read
ers “to sit at the feet of the horse and
learn humility..’ “Jes so.” says the
News. “Sit down at the feet of a mule,
and if he don’t hmiliate you pull his tai*
and tickle the inside of his legs with a
stable fork."
An imaginative Irishman gave utter
ance to his lamentation: “I returned to
the halls of my father by night, and
found them in mins! I cried aloud,
‘My fathers! where are they?’ And
echo answered, ‘ls that yon, Patriok
McCarthy ?”
A cadaverous, meiancholy looking
man, in a suit of thread-bare black
clothes and a battered silk hat, excited
considerable interest by rising in the la
dies’ cabin of a Brooklyn ferry boat and
solemnly observing: “There are very
few red-eyed widows nowadays.”
“A woman can’t keep a secret, hey I”
exclaimed the wife of a man who had
just expressed his convictions on that
subject: “Why Mary Sikes told me two
days ago that she was going to be mar
ried next Simday, and I havn’t told you
yet.”
“0, graoiousi no,” exclaimed Mrs.
Marrowfat to Mrs. Quoggs. “She was
so ill when her new bonnet came home
that she couldn’t get up; but, dear
eakes! Jane, that didn’t matter nothing,
for she just put her bonnet on and lay
with her head out of the window the
whole afternoon.”
The observations of a married man have
led to the conclusion that money put into
mirrors is a good investment, as it affords
a marvelous amount of oomfort and gratifi
cation to a woman. He says his wife thinks
just as much of consulting her glass when
she ties on her apron as when she ties on
her bonnet, and while he goes to the door at
once when there is a rap, she exclaims,
“Mercy!.Joseph, who is that?” and dashes
for the looking-glass.