Newspaper Page Text
IflTMlCtfi
u I nwus&jhL
aiid satisfactory. Purities the tllood from
Infancy to old age. One bottlo proves its
superiority. Hereditary Taint and Scmfn
lous symptoms cured. Itching Humors
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sißlOl M! M
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f I It i|| 1 I Itching Humors.
ylnlllutvis
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of the skm affecting old and young He
duces Scrofulous, & Glandular Swellings,
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eu*. Cures Catarrh,Osvena. Hip Ydseaae. old
aiBLOOP BUM
BO TANARUS"” ft II In Pares all stages of
IIIA Eu 11
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1 lours and tertiary disease of the bones and
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tie cure-, some cases. Sand for pamphlet of boms !
cures. At aP l'rug Stores, One Dottle, $1
HLOOD BALM COMPANY, Atlanta, Oa
For sale in Summerville by
J. S. CLEG HORN cS: CO.,
und THOMPSON NILES.
MMM
newHome
o .^ngV^
fV-toac>jln e
"wjA $
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nrpOCT^ifITICULAR.
pwiwiscMACHiKK
/ 30 UNION 3C-UARE NEW YORK
i L.i f/, as Z G A.
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The lightest running Shuttle Rewing
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For particulars as to prices, &c„ and
for any desired information, address
THE DAVIS SEWING MACHINE CO,
WATERTOWN, N. Y.
158 Tremont St.. Boston, Mass.
1223 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, Pa.
113 Public Square. Clevelai. . Ohio.
40, 48 & 50 Jackson St.. Chic T’b
Fur aalt- in Snnme-rviUe I'3
j. s. ci.r.fiiioiiN a co.
ALABASTINE
A Superior Substitute
for Kalsomine, etc
Alabastine is the first ami nnb/ preparation
made from calcined gyp?um root*. for appli
cation to walls , ilia brush, and is fully cov
ered by patents and perfected by many years
of experiment.?. Ii is the only permanent
wall'finish, and admits of applying as many
coats as desired, one over another, to any
hard surface, without danger of scaling, or
noticeably adding to the thickness of the
wall, which is strengthened and improve I by
each additional coat, from time to tim-- It
is the only material for the purpose not tic
pendemi upon glue for Its adhesiveness.
Ala busline is hardened on the wall by age,
moisture, etc., while all kalaanines or whit
emng preparations have inert soft ehalks
and glue for their base, which are rtwderod
soft or scaled in a very short time.
In addition to the above advantages.
Alabastine is less expensive, as it requires
but one-half the number of pounds to cover
the same amount of surface with two coats,
is ready for use by adding water, and easily
applied by any one.
Fo: vale by your Paint Dealer. Ask for
Circular containing Samples of 12 tints,
manufactured only by the Alabastine Cos.,
v; B. Church, Manager, Grand Rapids, Mich.
An experienced tramp objects to the
custom so prevalent among his clients ol
advising him to go to work when he asks
for victuals. “Strange,” he says, “that
they will persist in talking shop."
Gl)c <s*umuicn)Ulc (^lycttc.
VOL. XI.
?■ PURE x
PAINTS
ReadyForUse
Olives, Terra Cottas and all the latest
fashionable shades for
CITY COUNTRY OR SEASIDE.
Warranted durable and permanent.
Desoriptive Lists, showing 32 aotual
shades, sent on application.
For sale by the principal dealers,
wholesale and retail, throughout the
country.
Ask for them and take no others.
BILLINGS, TAYLOR & CO.
CLEVELAND, OHIO.
*-*- SANDS’ *
PATENT TRIPLE
sMonoNyasa
rREEZEP^
Thfl only Froozor over made havinp three dlatlnrt
motions inside tin* can, thereby, of couree, prodmy
inf* finer and smoother Cream than any other
Freezer on the market.
300,000 in use. Catalogue and Prise
flailed upon Application.
WHITE MOUNTAIN FREEZER CO.,
NASHUA, N. H.
WHY THE SAFE WAS OPEN.
Ilnre Jewels l.cti Inseenre to Insure the
I’erwonnl Maleiv of it Wile.
The fact that the recent robbery of
S-*>,ooo worth of diamonds Irom the resi
dence of the Hon. 0. 0. B. Walker, in
doming, N. Y., during his absence was
committed with the greatest ease, be
cause tim safe in which the jewelry was
kept was not locked, has given rise to
much surprise and unfavorable com
ment. No one could understand, says
an Elmira correspondent of the New
York Sun, how a man of the ex-Oon
grensman’s strict business methods
could be so careless and thoughtless in |
regard to the protection of his house
hold treasures, especially ns many of
them, through association and long
family possession, had a value to him
much beyond their intrinsic worth.
When rpiestioned on the subject by n
friend, the latter was still further sur
prised to lie told by Mr. Walker that the
fact of the safe being left open was not
the result of carelessness or thoughtless
ness, but was left open by his express
order and direction.
“When I am at home,” said the ex-
Oongressman, “I always lock the safe
and put the key away. When I go
away from home it is understood in my
house that the safe must not be locked.
You will remember that when the
Wellsboro’ Bank was robbed a few
years ago, the cashier and members of
his family were treated with great cru
elty and violence by the robbers because
of their resisting the demands for the
keys to the vanlts and safe. That set
me to thinking, and one day X said to
my wife:
“ 'We have some things in that safe
which are valuable and very dear to us.
Now, it is only a question of time when
some ruffian or ruffians will come after
them. If lam at home the chances are
that they will not get them ; but X may
>,e away at the time. If they come then
and find that safe locked, they will hesi
tate at no personal violence toward .you
in their efforts to effect an entrance to
it. All the precious relics and treasures
in the world would not be recompense
for the results of such treatment.
Therefore, when I am absent from
home, the safe must not be locked;
then if robbers come they will secure
their booty and retire without disturb
ing you. ’
“Bobbers came while I was away, se
cured the booty aud left without dis
turbing Mrs. Walker or any one else.
They were even considerate enough to
administer ether to my wife for fear of
disturbing her. Suppose that safe had
been locked. I don’t care to even con
jecture what the consequences might
have been, and I feel that in saving my
family from them, the paying of §5,000
was a trifling matter. ”
A hen can only lay on a nest, but
a ship can lay both on and off. A ship
has another anx’antage over a hen. The
latter can lay one egg, and the former
can lay to.
SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY EVENING, JULY 30, 1884.
SUNRISE AMONG THF HILLS.
•‘His nifrrt* cr*nrw every morning- and His oom
panrioun f*Jl nvt.”
His mercies are new every morning,
Heavy and long is the night,
'Die sea moans in blackness of darkness—
There may be a wreck ere the light.
Lo ! sudden—a gleam on the mountains—
'Yh**- shadows are florins away;
nmi touches the elouds with sun-flngsn
And (‘pens the gates of the day.
Hie mercies are now every nx>rmng,
Aud oh, His compassion* ne’er fail,
To the timid sheep cropping the herbage,
The mariner hreastiug the gale;
The child, born to love and to laughter,
l he sinner, whom tears cannot shrive,
The mourner left “sleeping for sorrow."
The sick man who wakes up alive !
mercies are new every morning !*•
In the joy of our youth-time we sung,
* * ilia mercies are new every morning !"
We sing yet with faltering tongue.
And we’ll sing it till burst* the grand music
That all earth’s faint anthem stills,
Aud we see the Pay-star arising
Above the eternal hills.
—Dinah Mulock Craik, in Conqi'fgntionalist.
Too Busy.
a mothkk’s confession.
“Mother ! mother !” cried my little
Willy, coming in upon me, as I sat busily
at work, “I’ve lost my arrow in the grass
and can’t find it.”
He Avne just ready to burst into tears
from grief at his mishap. “I’m sorry,
dear,” I said calmly, as I went on with
nay work.
“Won’t you go and find it with me,
mother ?” ho asked with a quivering lip,
as he laid hold on my arm.
"I’m too busy, dear," I replied,
gently shaking him off. “Go and tell
Jane to find it for you.”
“Jane can’t find it,” said the little
-fellow, in a choking voice.
“Tell her to go and look again.”
“She has looked all over, and can’t
find it. Won’t yon come, mother, and
find it for me ?”
The tears were now rolling over his
face. But I was too busy to attend to
Willy. I was embroidering the edge of
a little linen sack that I Avas making for
him, and that, for the moment, seemed
of more importance than the happiness
of my child.
“No—no,” I replied. “I’m too busy
to go down stairs. You mnst take better
care of your arrows. Go and aek Ellen
to find it for you.”
“Ellen says she won’t look for it.”
Willy was now crying outright.
“There! there I don’t bo so foolish as
to cry at the loss of such a little thing
as an arrow,” said I, in a reproving voice.
“I’m ashamed of you !”
“Won’t you go and find it for me,
mother?” he urged, still crying.
“No indeed, Willy. I’m too busy now.
Go and look for it again yourself.”
“But I can’t find it. I have looked.”
“Then go and look again,” said I,
firmly.
Willy went orying down stairs, and I
heard him crying about the yard for
some ten minutes, until my patience
began to give out.
“Such a to-do about an arrow 1 I wish
I’d never bought him the bow-arrow !”
said I, moving uneasily in my chair.
“Ellen, won’t you make me another
arrow ? Here is a stick,” I heard him
ask of the cook, in a pleading voice.
But Ellen replied rudely—
"No indeed, I shall not I I’ve got
something else to do besides making ar
rows. ”
The child’s crying was renewed. I
felt vexed at Ellen. “She might have
made him the arrow,” I said. “If 1
wasn’t so busy I would go down and
make him one myself. But I must get
this sack done.”
And I sewed away more rapidly than
before. The crying went on. Willy
had loet his arrow, aDd his heart was al
most broken. Unfortunately, I was not
in a mood to sympathize with him. An
arrow, to me, was a very little thing,
and it worried me to hear him orying as
if his heart would break over a loss so
trifling as that of an arrow.
“Willy !” I at length said, calling out
of the window, “you must stop that cry
ing.”
“I can’t find my arrow, and nobody
will make me another,” replied the little
fellow.
"That’s nothing to make sneh a dis
turbance about!" I said. “Go and find
something else to play with.”
“I want my arrow. Won’t yon come
and find it ior me, mother ?”
“No, not now. I’m too busy.
The crying went on again as before,
and I soon lost all my patience. Lay
ing aside my work, I went to the Jiead
of the stairway and called down—•
“Come, now, Sir I There’s been
enough of this crying, and yon must
stop it.”
“I can’t find my arrow,” returned
Willy.
“Well, suppose you can’t; will crying
bring it ? You must take better care of
your things. Little boys must look the
way they shoot.”
'I did look, but I can’t find it.”
“Go and look again, then.”
“I have looked, but it ain’t there.”
And then the crying went on again.
To Willy the loss ol his arrow was a real
grief, and he was too young to have for
titude to bear his trouble patiently. But
I was not in a state of mind to feel with
him.
“Stop that orying instantly," said I,
as the worrying sound came again upon
my ears. “I won’t have snoh a noise iD
the house,”
But my words hod no effect; they did
not produce the arrow. Willy oried
on.
Unable longer to endnre the sound,
and also thinking it wrong to let him in
dulge the habit of crying, I laid my
work aside, and going down stairs, took
hold of him resolutely, saying ns I did
so—
“ Now, stop this instantly I”
The child looked up to me with a
most distressed countenance, while the
tears covered his face.
“I can’t find my arrow,” said he with
quivering lip.
"I’m sorry— bnt crying won’t find it.
Dome up stairs with me.” Willy n
oendod to my room.
“Now don’t let me hear one word
more of this. The next time you get an
arrow take better care of it.”
There was uo sympathy in my tone;
for I felt none. I did not think of his
loss, bnt of the evil and annoyance of
crying. The little fellow stifle*! his
grief, or rather the utterance of it, as
host he could, and throwing himself at
full length upon the floor, sighed and
sobbed for some ten minutes. A sigh,
longer and more fluttering than usual,
aroused my attention, and then I be
came aware that he hod fallen asleep.
How instantly do our feelings change
toward a child when we find that, it is
asleep. If we have been angry or of
fended, we are so no longer. Tender
ness comes in the plaeo of sterner emo
tions. I laid aside my work, and taking
Willy in my arms, lifted him from the
floor, and laid him upon my bod. An
other long, fluttering sigh, agitated liis
bosom as his head touched the pillow.
How reprovingly came the sound upon
my ears I How sadly did it eolio and
•c-echo in my heart 1
‘Toor child !” I murmured. “To him
the loss of an arrow was a great, thing.
It lias disturbed him to the very centre
of liis little being. I wish, now, that, I
had put by my work for a few minutes
until 1 could have found his arrow, or
made him anew one. I would have lost
no moro time in doing so than I have al
ready lost. And, after all, what is a lit
tle time taken from my work to the
happiness of my child? Ah, mo! I
wish I could learn to think right at the
right time. Hear little fellow I He was
so happy with his bow and arrow. But
all was destroyed by the untimely loss,
which I could have restored in a few
moments. Unfeeling—unnatural mo
ther ! Is this the way you show your
love for jour child ?”
I stood for nearly five minutes over
my sleeping boy. When I turned away,
1 did not resume my sewing, for I had
no heart to work upon the little gar
ment. I went down into the yard, and
the first object, that met my eye was the
lost arrow, partly concealed behind a
rose-bush, where it had fallen.
“So easily found I” said I. “How
much would a minute given at the right
time have saved I Ati, mo I We learn
too late, and repent when repentance is
of little avail.”
It was an hour before the deep sleep
into whioh my Willy had fallen, was
broken. I had, in the meantime, re
sumed my sewing, after having loet
fully half an hour in oonseqnence of
being unwilling to lose a fow minutes for
the sake of attending to my ohild, and
relieving him of the trouble that had
come upon him. The first notioe I re
ceived of his being awake, was his
gratified exclamation at finding his lost
arrow beside him. All his past grief
was forgotten. In a few minntes he
was down in the yard, shooting his
arrow again, and as happy as before. No
trace of his recent grief remained.
But I oould not forget it. With me
the ciroumstauoe was not as the morn
ing cloud and the early dew. The sun
shine that came afterward did not dis
sipate instantly the one, nor drink up
the other. I was sober for many hours
afterward; for the consciousness of hav
ing done wrong, as well as having been
the occasion of grief to my child, lay
with a heavy pressure upon my feelings,
—T. 8. Arthur.
A Heavy Cannonading.
The Fredericksburg Standard says:
John Russell, colored, was engaged in
plowing near Alum Spring, on Saturday,
and had to set fire to the stubble so
it would bum off. While the fire was
burning near the bank of Hazel ran, he
says it oocurred to him that he ought to
unhitch his horse and shelter himself
behind a tree near by from some danger
he knew not of at the time. This
thought so impressed itself upon him
that he did unhitch and took a stand
near the tree. He had been there but a
few minntes when a loud explosion took
place, followed by another and another
in rapid succession until the eleventh
one had taken plaoe. John says he was
terribly frightened, and for some time
pieces of shells and balls, etc., fell all
around him. It is supposed that a pile
of shells was left there during the war
and had never been found and when this
fire reached them they were all ex
cluded.
A oobrespondknt writes: Will you
please inform me when straw hats can
be worn without exciting comment ?
Certainly. Straw hats can be worn with
out exciting comment when they are
worn on the head. But when they are
worn cavorting along the street in a gale
r,f wind yon must expect a remark or
two.— Philadelphia Gall.
PRINCELY ECCENTRICITIES
THF WAT TilK (IDKHTS WERE Sit-
CKIVKU.
Ilw n, Nlr4 New Yorker l,le|teneri III*
lleepltnlUy.
[Fro the New York Tim**.]
Mr. Henry Havsmeyer, whose sanity
is to he inquired into by a commission,
has long been known to a wide circle of
friends and aoquaiutancce as a jolly gixxl
fellow and a princely boat, aud to this
circle the announcement of his unfor
tunate mental condition, If it does not
<vime wholly as a surprise, will at least
l>e received with unfeigned regret. Mr.
Havemeyor entertained freely at his
house in New York city, but it is chiefly
on his entertainments at his oonntry
scat that his fame for hospitality rests.
Tlis oonntry seat is on an islet known
as Havemeyer’s Island, in the Groat
South Bay, on the Atlantic shore of
Loug Island. Upon this property,
which Mr. Ilavcmcynr obtained by pur
chase a number of years ago, he sot up
a model country establishment and insti
tuted a princely and in many respects
unique system of entertainment. Com
munication with New Y’ork is hud chiefly
by way of Babylon and the Long Island
Railroad, and for the nonvoyanco of his
guests between the islaud aud Itivhylou
Mr. Havemeyor provided himself with
a fine steam launch. He frequently en
tertained parties of ladies and gentlemen,
but "stag parlies” worn his particular
delight. When a stag party apptoached
tho island in the steam launch it? mem
bers wore astonished, not to say st artled,
by a salvo of artillery from a masked
battery near tho landing. The surprise
of the guests waa increased on landing
to find a corps of tormonters attired as
United States Custom Houso officers,
rushing for their baggage, and insisting
on ttie formality of a rigid examination
of portmanteaux and bandboxes. Be
ing finally, and after all tho delay ordi
narily experienced l>y Now Yorkers re
turned from a European trip, acquitted
of attempted smuggling, tho guests pro
ceeded to Mr. Havemeyer’s residence,
and wore struck speechless at the sight
of uniformed and armed sentries pacing
Before the entrance.
If the arrival did not take plaoe near
his dinner hour, the party was beguiled,
as It eleoted, during the intervening
time, with a sailing or fishing excursion,
or some other out-door amusement. It
was at the dinner hour, however, that
tho farcial climax was reached. The
guests woro nshered into tho dining hall
with great formality by Mr. Havemeyer
himself. When all were seated the host
plaoed himself at the head of the table
and tapped a silver bell. Instantly doors
flow open on different sides of the room,
and in filed what seemed lo be an im
posing visitation of military command
ers, hut really waiters bedeoked in the
grudy uniforms of Austrian and Prasian
Generals, French Marshals, and offloers
of other effete European monarchies.
The somblanoe was complete down to
the smallest particulars. The mimio
officers were helmeted and plumod,
spurred, besworded, and epauleted.
But to heighten the carioatnre each gen
eralissimo bore aloft upon his gloved and
uplifted hands a dish of sumptuous and
savory viands.
But there the farce ended. There was
no caricature abont the cuisine. Those
who have had the good fortune to sit at
Mr. Havemeyer’s hospitable board would
have to go far to find a moro sumptuons
table. The peculiar features with whioh
he enoompasßod his hospitality were re
garded at the time as tho enactment of
a clever satire on foreign pomposity and
certain existing domestio customs.
A quarter of a Century.
At tho meeting of the Society of the
Army of the Potomac Gen. Horaoe Por
ter, in his address said :
"It is nearly a quarter of a century
since tho first guu was fired on Sumter.
It was not a loud report, but it was the
most significant shot ever fired from
cannon’s month. Its sound awoke a
sleeping North, its echoes aroused to the
frenzy of war a powerfnl people; its re
verberations did not cease till they had
reached to foreign shores and told the
whole world that tho Great Republic
was at war. Then every man, woman
and child in the land became a worker
in the cause which moved the nation's
soul. Then came the mighty gathering
of that vast army. The doors of the
workshops were closed, the fields woro
deserted. Armed wen poured down
from the hilltops and snrged np from
the valleys. The whole land became
one vast military osmp, and man felt
that he lived again in the heroio ages.
“Burke onoe said no war ever left a
nation where it found it. It was emi
nently so with our war. It found sla
very; it left freedom. It found treason;
it left loyalty. It found the leprosy of
secession; it loft a redeemed and regen
erated Union. It fonnd the name of
American citizen a byword and a re
proach in the world; it left tho name
American citizen the proudest passport
that man can oarry throughout the na
tions of the earth. The great lessons of
the war are ever present with us. The
record of its battles has passed into his
tory and the scroll on whioh that history
is written has been seourely lodged in
the highest niohe of the temple of
Fame.”
NO. 28.
VERY YOUNG MASONS
Mfljhf Rnthrr PrUhtrnfd Both !.*! RIIdiI
folded Into l.n Mlnrrrltr l.ode.
Tho ceremony of Masonic baptism
and adoption of children was performed
in the Grand Lodge room by the French
lodge La Sinoerite, of New York. This
ceremony has rarely been performed in
public in this oonntry, aud the great
hall was crowded with invited guests of
the lodge, including many ladies mid
gentlemen in evening dress. A local
paper thus describes the affair :
The members of the lodge formed
open rank in the centre aisle with
crossed swords held high, while, at r
given signal, eight hoys were brought
in blindfolded, led by their parents,
their age* ranging from three years to
ten. Some of tho hoys looked a little
frightened, and grasped thoir parents’
hands rather tightly. Brothor Herdet
received them at the top of the steps,
and at a given signal tho bandages
wore removed from the yonngsters’
eyes, evidently much to their relief.
They looked about in a dazed way, and
timidly walked upon the platform. The
youngest, to the great amusement of
the andienoe, stoutly resisted being put
in the place where ho was expected to
stand. His mother was obliged to go
upon the platform and assist in the cere
monies.
The sponsors of the children took the
solemn obligation to aid the children to
tho utmost in performing (he duties of
Masonry. Then the children were in
turn taken to the font nml baptized by
washing of their hands, and thence to
the altar, whereon was a blazing fire,
and where they knelt. The youngest
of tho eight kept np liis reputation, and
continued to nmuso tho andienoe by
stoutly resisting, and liis mother was
obliged to join the circle at the altar.
Next the members of LaSincerite Lodge
took the solemn vow binding them to
accept the children, which was duly
confirmed, tho members of the lodge
rising and clapping their hands in uni
son at a signal.
The children were then invested with
the aprons and jewels of Masonry, all of
them bnt tho youngest being highly
pleased with their regalia. The young
est, however, was again obstreperous
and had to be persuaded by his mother,
and possibly by surreptitious candy. Fi
nally the yonngsters were all settled.
Then they wore all consecrated, and tho
orator of the lodge, Brother Lellemand,
made an address. Brother Charles T.
MoOlenaohan explained in English that
La Sinoerite Lodge had pledged itself
to guard and protect these little ohildren
and see that they were educated In Free
Masonry, to restrain them from vice and
keep them from tho snares that surround
the yomig. The oeremony of the wash
ing of hands was not intended to inter
fere in the slightest degree with any re
ligions faith, bnt was symbolic of ap
proaching the throne of divine grace
with pure hearts.
Manuring I’ear Trees.
Fear trees often suffer for lack of
proper fertilizers. The correct way to
manage pear trees is to apply each au
tumn a dressing of well decomposed
stable manure, leaf mould, a little gyp
sum or lime and muck, this to be forked
in around the extremities of the roots.
Of course, on ricli soilH this compost i u
not necessary, but on poor lauds a dress
ing of well rotted compost two inches
deep will prove of value. Avoid fer
menting manures for fruit trees. Also
avoid tho common error of permitting
tho trees to degenerate for waDt of plant
food for several years and then apply an
immense quantity. This plan induces
an unnatural growth whioh is liable to
bo seized with disease. By the way, a
good plan when manure is required is tc
apply the compost one year and wood
ashos or ground bone the next.”
Fear blight remains more or less of a
mystery to horticulturists. Trees grown
on over-moist or too rich soil that stimu
lates to a late second growth are liable
to blight. Avoid damp soil for pear
trees and do not apply summer top-dress
ing that is liable to stimulate too late
growth. Eastern horticulturists say to
graft or bud tho Kieffer on pear stock;
it doeß not thrive when grafted on
quince stock.
A Washington Crank.
Tho Philadelphia Press says : That
remarkable crank, Manrioe Pinohovor,
who has hauntod tho halls of the Capi
tol at Washington so long and to whom
Ben Perloy Poore gave a national fame
by pntting bis pioture in tho Century
Magazine, is dying in an insane asylnm
at Washington. His pet delusion was
that some member of Congress, ustinlly
the Speaker, had swindled him out of
millions of acres of land. How often he
hris come storming around the House of
Representatives and been forced out no
body but the police can tell. Until lately
he was never more violent than to pound
with the big tin case in which lie carried
the title deeds to his fiotitious estates
whoever ventured to disagree with liim.
Then his crankism took a more danger
ous turn and for fear that he might do
harm he was committed to the asylum
in whioh he will probably take leave of
life. He is an interesting mental wreck.
Nobody knows anything of his antece
dents, but it is evident from his talk in
Incid moments that he has been a high
ly educated and intelligent man.
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WK Finn IN THEM TO NIMII.B
OYMR.
ONE CANDID VOTED.
“Papa, what is the tariff?" asked
a Congressman’s little boy. Gazing
compassionately at the youthful knowl
edge soeker and sadly shaking his head,
the father replied:
“My son, I cannot tell a He. I de
not know.”— Buffalo Express.
A SIT,KNOB STUNT FOB.
A goldon-liaired Silence put its head
in at a door.
“Did you send for me ?”
“Of course I didn’t,” replied a man
ill a long apron.
"A messenger hoy said somebody
nlong here wanted to see me.”
“Well, ’twa’n’t me; I’m a barber.
Maybe it was the merchant next door.
I heard him say he was going to quit
advertising. ” — Chicago News.
COMMERCIAL STATISTICS.
A yomig gentleman of Austin, whoso
tinanees were not in the bcßt condition,
and whoso reputation for industry asd
sobriety was not much better, applied
to an Austin merchant for a position as
salesman. He had hardly had time to
get fairly into the office, when he came
out very abruptly.
“Did the boss hir# you as salesman ?"
asked ft friend who was standing outside.
“No, but ho wanted me to travel.”—
Austin Siftings.
BOTH WEBB BOBS.
A guest entering hurriedly surprises a
man and wife flushed, indignant and di
shevelled.
“What's the matter?” ho asks.
Husband (triumphantly)—“Wo aro
settling as to who is boss !’’
Guest —“Have you settled it ?”
Wife—(victoriously)—“W<‘ have !”
Guest —“Whioh is it?”
Both—“Mo I”— Traveler’s Magazine.
OAN WHISKY TALK ?
Dnmley was making an evening call
and the nice little boy of tho family had
been allowed to remain np n little later
than usual. “Ma," he said, during a
lull in the conversation, “can whisky
talk?” “Certainly not,” said ma;
“what pnt that alißurd notion Into your
head?” “Well, "he replied, “I heard you
say to pa that whisky was telling on Mr.
Dnmley and I wanted to know what it
said.” — Chicago Tribune.
BATHEB PERSONAL.
When Gen. B. F. Butler was a young
man, two girls, dwelling in tho same
boarding-lionse, were simultaneously in
love with him. Both ladies were sitting
in the parlor one evening and Ben was
making violent love to one of them,
much to the chagrin of the other, who
flounced to tho piauo and sang “Rook of
Ages” at the top of her voice, layiug
particular stress on the line : "Simply
to thy cross-eye cling.”— Life.
MTTTtIAIi CONCESSIONS.
A young gentleman from Higboo,
while calling on his girl here, asked for
her hand and heart, and was accepted.
Ho told her he had something on his
mind for a long lime, bnt was afraid she
would get mad. She wanted to know
what it was then, and he made her
promise not to get mad. Says he:
“I havo two brothers in th 6 peniten
tiary.”
“That is nothing,” replied she. “I
have two brothers in the Arkansas Leg
islature.” — lioonville (Mo.) Topic.
SAFE FBOM INTRUSION.
Jones—“l see Eno has beencanght?”
Smith—" Yes; he made a great mis
take in traveling through the country
instead of staying at home.”
“But his house was being watched.”
“Oh lof conrse it would not havo
done for him to have stayed at his resi
dence, hut I know a place only a square
off whioh nobody ever thinks of enter
ing. Ho oould have slipped in there am)
been safe.”
“To what plaoe do you refer ?”
“To a store kept by a friend of Mr
Eno’s in the next street.”
“A store I" Why would he be safe
from discovery there ?"
“The proprietor does not advertise.”
—Evening Call.
SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE BE FOBOOT.
“Did yon know papa when he was a
boy ?” asked a Somerville nrphin of his
mother, os she doled him out half a
dozen of strawberries at the table.
“Why, what a qnestion, child 1 Cer
tainly not. I didn’t know your papa
until he was a yonng man. Why do
you ask ?”
“Oh, ’cause I wanted to know.”
'■What, for ?”
“ ’Cause you give him more strawber
ries than you give me, and you’ve known
me ever since I was born.”— Somerville
Journal.
■ THE SILVEB LINING.
Mrs. Blank—“Ah, Jim, our—”
Mr. Blank—“Oh, Mary, the news
is—
“ Why, who told you?”
“I saw it in the paper; tho hank
has—”
“The bank; what has that got to do
with—”
“Why, yon know the panio will—”
“Who’s talking about panios ? Who
cares for panics? Baby’s out a tooth I”
Philadelphia Evening Call.
A Reward.
In tho U. S. Senate a bill waa intro
duced providing for the offering of a re
ward of §IOO,OOO to any person of any
nationality who shall discover the true
cause or germ of yellow fever, with any
certain means of effecting its prevention,
destruction or material modification, or
who, without discovering the cause or
germ of said disease, shall discover a
certain and practical mode of effecting
its orevention or material modification.
Fiction has been invented and cul
tivated to supply the wants of man, and
is a necessary, just like tea and coffee.