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8 "IT 8 II I H For Bl(wd ’ Skin
fin l|g I I I nd Bonos. Quick
II II 111 I I cures n<l small
j I H I nhjpS,
■ ■ 8 8 P ■ w Kcmedy Sure, safe
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IMH M! M
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111 Boils, Eruptions,
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<>t the-kin ntreoting old and young. Re
2, !-vx Scrofulous. A Glandular Swellings.
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e‘ - uresCatarrh,O/vena HipT)Ueß.*>e, old
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tTT I II m f'ttrss nil stapes of
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J I fill I
I leers and tertiary disease of the bones and
internal organs cured. Special and speedr
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'Oppressed and prolonged menstruation, or
"ho are prostrated from long sickness. If
BLOOD BALM
-ff r, B Tt B vfil please you. One boi
-1 curi-- some rases. Send for pamphlet of home
tut res. At all Drug Stores. One nettle, sl.
BLOOD BALM COMPANY, Atlanta, Oa
Ki r sale in Summerville by
.1. S. OI.KGHt >RN ,v CO.,
and TIlOMl’Sf >N Ml. I is.
V w - V
hew Home
fIMm e
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p£ NEV£R
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SUM M FRVf LLK OA
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HiehArm
DAVIS
The lightest running Shuttle Sewing
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For particulars as to prices, &c., and
for any desired information, address
m DAVIS SEWING MACHINE CO,,
WATERTOWN, N. V.
158 Tremont St., Boston, Mass.
1223 Chestnut St,, Philadelphia, Pa.
113 Publio Square, Cleveland Ohio.
40, 48 &50 Jackson St., Chic: . TU.
For sale in Summerville bj
J. 8. tLEGHORN & CO.
ALABASTINE
A Superior Substitute
for Kalsomine, etf
Alahastine Is the first and only preparation
made from calcined gypsum rock, for appli
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of experiments. It is the only permanent
wall finish, and admits of applying as many
coats as desired, one over another, to any
hard surface, without danger of scaling, or
noticeably adding to the thickness of the
vail, which is strengthened and improved by
each additional coat, from time to time. It
is the onlv material for the purpose not de
pendent ‘upon glue for its adhesiveness.
Alahastine is hardened on the wall by age,
moisture, etc., while all kalsornines or whit
ening preparations hav>- inert soft chalks
and glue for their base, which are rendered
soft or scaled in a very short time.
In addition to the above advantages,
Alahastine is less expensive, as it requires
hut one-half the number of pounds to cover
the same amount of surface with two coats,
is readv for use by adding water, and easily
applied by any one.
I'o: sale by your Paint Dealer. Ask for
Circular containing samples of 12 tints,
manufactured only by the Ai.abastink Cos..
y B. Churcii, Manager, Grand Rapids, Mich.
Never call a man a fool, my son; if he
isn’t already convinced of the fact he
will not be likely to take your word for
Cijc I'mjcttc.
VOL. XI.
* PURE *
PAINTS
ReadyForUse
Olives, Terra Cottas nnrt nil tho latest
lashionable shades tor
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Warranted durable and permanent.
Descriptive Lists, showing 32 aotual
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For sale by the prinoipal dealers,
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Ask for them and take no others.
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CLEVELAND, OHIO,
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HINTS A BOUT PUNKS.
|]n lo iWhlo' I’p llie Pnrty, and Now to 1
I In vc n Good Time.
Tho most important part of a picnic is !
not tho weather or the place or the din
i
ncr. You may clioohc the most beauti
ful spot in the world, and spread the
must delicious lunch ever prepared, and
yet have Hi*' whole thing a complete
failure, simply because the company j
was not well selected. Out-of-doors,
where people are free from formality,
unless they are congenial friends, and (
what Mrs. Whitney culls “Real Folks,”
they will be likely to feei ill at ease, and
miss the support given by company,
clothes and manners. Small picnics,
for tliis reason among others, are
usually much pleasanter than large pto
-lies.
Tn making up the party, be sure to
leave behind the girl who is certain to
be too warm or too cold, or to think
some other place better than the one
where, she is, and who has “a horrid
time" if she has to submit to any per
sonal inconvenience for the sake of
others ; and with her the boy who loves
to tease, and who is quite sure that his
way is the only gi od way. Put into
their places some others, young or old,
who love simple pleasures, and aro
ready to help others to enjoy them.
Next iu importance to the company is
the place. It must not be at a great
distance, or you will all be tired, not to
say cross, when you arrive there. It
roust, be reasonably shady, and not too
far from a supply of good drinking
water. If the company are to walk, you
must be especially careful not to be
overbnrdened with baskets and wraps,
for the bundles which seemed so light
when you started are sure to weigh
down much more heavily before you
reach your destination. Be careful to
have this work fairly distributed.
Never start until yon are sure that
you know just where you are going, aDd
the best way of getting there. Wander
ing about to choose a place, and think
ing constantly to find one more desir
able, is very fatiguing. That matter
should be settled beforehand by two or
three of the party, and the others should
go straight to the spot, and make tho
best of it. If any do not like it, they
can choose a different place when their
turn comes to make the selection. — St.
Nicholas for July.
'! en years ago a penniless man, with
n peculiarly-shaped head, made a bar
gain with a London professor of anato
my by which the latter was to have the
head on payment of the man’s funeral
expenses. Meanwhile the man became
wealthy, and when be died the other
day his friends tried to avoid fulfilling
the contract. But the professor insist
ed, and the matter is to be brought be
fore the law courts. Pending the deci
sion, the defunct gentleman has been
buried with his bead on his shoulders
Angelica fat a lecture) —“How rude
of that couple to go out, Algernon
Algernon (glancing toward the door
with a sigh that signifies he thinks tho
lecture a bore)—“Yes, but how happy
thev are now !’’
SUMMHRVILLK, GEORGM, WEDNESDAY EVENING, AUGUST fi, 1884.
MAROARRT.
PT ROSE HAUTMUOK TBOISPR,
Author of “Curfew Must Not Ring To-Night.
Oh, Margaret, beautiful Margaret,
in llie huvli ot the twilight oold,
The sun on a glittering fchtono has uot
In a cloud of ambar and gold,
And the great, green waves with their whit
caps wet
O’er tli© beach to thy feet have rolled.
Oh ! w hat is the charm of the great, green sea
The sea with its roar °ndits gloom?
The treacherous sea, how it shouts in gle*
O’er each jewel-decked coral tomb.
Art waiting the lorur who went from thee
In the light of a golden moon?
Art waiting the lover whoso kiss one day
Was pressed on thy quivering lips ?
The lover who sailed from your side away
In one of those swift-sailing ships;
O’er the waves that bright in the sunshine lav
’Neath the glow of his linger tips?
Whenever tho hush of the twilight creeps
O’er the earth, with her fair feet wot;
When the stars come out and the great work
sleeps,
When the murmuring waters fret
On the sandy shore, then she comes and weeps.
Lonuly, sorrowful Margaret.
Then she sHs ’mid the gleaming sands
By the shadowy ivied wall,
And over the clasp of her trembling hands
Like a show’r the tear drops fall,
While the sea brings whispers of far-off lands
And the blue sky bends o’er all.
“Oh ! bring hack my lover to me,’’ she cries,
“Must I die by tho sea alone ?
Oh ! pitiful Father, in Paradise,
Stoop down from Thy glorious throne,
And grant to the light of my waiting eyes,
One glimpse of his face, only one.”
And the sea rolls in with a mighty swell,
Will it bring a curse or a crown ?
For no echoing murmur comes to toll
Of the homo-bound ship that went down
'Mid the hidden reefs, with never a knoll
From the slumbering harbor town.
All about her the water moans and raves,
Who is drenched with the falling sloot.
Homething lies dark in the arms of the waves
Where the sky and the waters moot.
Lo ! a victim snatched from tho coral graves
Ik cast on the beach at her feet.
Oh ! beautiful Margaret, pale and fair,
By tho sea no longer alone;
For two faces lie in the midnight there
With their features like chiseled stone,
And the sea weed drifts from hiH tangled hair
lo the sunav locks of hor own.
MIIS. MILLS’S SPUING SUIT.
BY MAIIY N. BUEBOOTT.
“Now,” Haiil Mrs. Mills, as she took
her serai-annual dividend from the en
velope—“now I will have a spring suit;
it’s high time, too, and I mean to have
it made by Furbelow. Onoe in my life
I want a dress that will fit like a glove
and look stylish. I'm dead tired of be
ing dowdy, and running about in ready
made gowns that hang on me like a bag,
and ravel apart if one looks at them. 1
think I will have a gray Henrietta doth
and gray velvet. I saw one at an ‘open
ing’ that was too lovely for anything—
but a wedding. I am so sick of black
cashmere and black silk; it seems to me
I've never worn anything else. To be
sure, black is more economical; your
next neighbor can’t be certain whether
yon had your black gown tliis spring or
last, and it’s becoming and lady like. I
shcnldn’t care to have Mrs. Brown say,
‘There goes Mrs. Mills in her everlast
ing gray gown; whon shall we see the
last of it?’ Perhaps I should get to be
known as the woman in gray; and then
gray spots so easily, and benzine isn't
all that fancy painted it. To be sure, it
would dye—and shrink. Brown is a
durable color, and not so pretentious. I
could never wear a gray gown except on
fete days; still that gray gown has
haunted my imagination; it’s like a
poem, like the first sight of the silver
catkins, the first sound of the robbin.
However, I’ll go into town, and get pat
terns, and see Furbelow.”
So Mrs. Mills went in to town, and
btained patterns at the beet shop; pat
terns of velvet, of Henrietta-cioth, of
cashmere, of armure, of bonrette, of
bison-cloth and what not; patterns of
grey, of London smoke, of ashes of
roses, of clover red, Then she pro
ceeded to Furbelow’s, and looked at
fashion plates, and asked questions.
“Here's a gray we have just finished
for Mrs. Hyson, of Mount Vernon street:
It's thought to be very chic" said tho
assistant. “Our price for making is
forty-five dollars only.” Mrs. Mills
sighed. It was plain she could not have
a gown made by Furbelow, fit her never
so wisely. Her check was but for fifty
dollars. When sbe reached home with
her patterns, in rather a pleasant frame
of mind- for even the selection of pat
terns is a kind of shopping which ex
hilarates the feminine heart, more or
less—she found Mrs. Armstrong waiting
for her.
“You see,” explained Mrs. Armstrong,
•we are getting up a testimonial for
dear Mr. Gluoose —his thirtieth anni
versary—and we knew yon would wish
to add something; all of our best people
has given. Miss Clapp gave fifty dol
lars; nobody has given less than five ex
cept old Mrs. Blunt, and you know how
stingy she is. She gave a doliar.”
Mrs. Mills gave five dollars. “She
oouldn’t do less,” said Mrs. Armstrong
afterward. “I was determined she
shouldn’t get off with a dollar.”
“That rather cuts into my spring
suit,” said she; “but I can have it made
without the velvet, I suppose. ”
She returned to her patterns next day,
and meditated upon them; it was so hard
to decide. If gray shouldn’t happen to
become her. Brown might look okl
womanish. Black was the safer, of
course. She consulted with her friamls
and with several of her feminine rela
tives. She made np her mind in favor
of gray on Monday, and ohose brown
on Tuesday. She found her attention
wandering in oliuroh from the preaohar’s
text to the parishioners’ toilettes. The
woman who hesitates is lost, w# are told,
and Mrs. Mills was still debating the
subject when n letter arrived from her
dearest friend.
“You will bo glad to hear” (she
wrote) “that my wedding djty is set for
Hie 29th. You must come and stop
hero. It will boa quiet affair, without
much dress. Malcolm’s partner has sent
me suoh a lovely necklace. In haste.
“Neblih.”
“That means n wedding present,”
thought Mrs. Mills. "She gave me such
a beautiful vinaigrette when I was mar
ried; and ton dollars is all I can spare.
Well, I suppose I oan get my gown for
thirty-five, and have a dressmaker come
to the house; that will be cheaper. Of
course it won’t fit liko Furbelow’s.” And
she went to look up a wedding present
for ten dollars; and as slio couldn’t find
anything for just ten dollars that suited
the oireumstanoes of her friend, and us
she had the money in hand, she paid
fifteen for the loveliest piece of brie-a
brae, that had jusi been marked down
from twenty dollars. “I needn't give so
much for tho material for my gown,”
sho refleoted, as she counted hor re
maining ducats.
“Have yon decided about your spring
suit yet?" asked a friend, later. “Is it
to be gray or brown ?”
“I don’t know,” answered Mrs. Mills.
‘I have been obliged to spend some of
my money, and that makes it difficult to
decide.”
It was a few days afterward, when
sbe had happened at a neighbor’s in
tiro evening foi a game at, whist, that
that the conversation foil upon the Cin
cinnati sufferers. Everybody expressed
great commiseration. “Yes,” said Mr.
Salem, one of tlie guests present, “we
are all very sorry, but it doesn't keep us
aw,ike nights, and wo don’t tike to
abridge our own material comforts for
their sake; we are sorry in a poetical,
immaterial way. Now who of us would
give our personal adornments for their
benefit ? 1 mean to pass round the hat,
mid see who is in earnest about this
In ness. Hi re goes my seal ring, my
i' iiipiio, for an example; it came from
K ine, and was blessed by the Pope.”
“And hero go my ear-rings,” said a
lady present. “I always disliked
them 1” ‘
“Anil here’s my locket,” cried the
hostess; "lockets have gone out of
fashion.”
“I liavo no ornaments tli givo,” said
Mre. Mills.
"You have a tiny gold chain around
your neck, Mrs. Mills,” whispered her
neighbor. “Do you wear it for a
eh arm ?”
“Mrs. Mills has charms enough with
out it,” said Mrs. Langworthy, aside, at
her elbow.
“Ilnshl” returned Mrs. Mills. “I
have my pocket-book. Perhaps ten dol
lars will answer quite as well: it is the
smallest hill in it.”
“Oh, give him tho chain—ho only
asked for ornaments—and save your
money," advised a friend.
But Mrs. Mills only replied with a
flush, and threw in a ten-dollar bill,
mentally calculating the shrinkage of her
spring suit, perhaps.
"Twenty dollars is rather a small
amount for a spring suit,” she reflected
later. “Let me see, ten yards at a dol
tur a yard—it’s no use to buy cheaper,
for the elbows will be out In no time if
I do; that leaves ten dollars for the
dressmaker, linings, buttons and extras.
I'll ask how much Miss Slasher has a
day.”
“Three dollars a day is my price,
madame,” reported Slasher; “and I
might have it done in three days if you
are in a hurry. I suppose you have a
maohine ?”
"No."
“I could bring mine, but that’s a do!
lar extra.”
"And nothing left for linings and ex
tras," thought Mrs. Mills. “I must
give up Slasher too." Sho went home
lost in thought. Hor spring suit was a
problem which would have vexed New
ton’s ingenuity to solve: the laws of
gravitation were trifling in comparison;
and while she worked over its solution
an acquaintance who had seen better
days rang her bell.
“You can’t gness what I came for,”
she said, coloring furiously, and un
folding a lace fichu. “You know I got
into debt when the children had the
measles, and just now I want ten dollars
desperately. Now here’s this fichu—
what earthly use is it to me, a poor
widow doing her own house-work ? 1
haven’t worn it for ten years. I see
they’re coming in again, and I thought
maybe you could give mo ten dollars
for it, and not feel cheated.”
“But, Mrs. Knowles, it’s worth fifty
at least. I couldn’t think of giving yon
ten dollars for it; it would be like grind
ing the face of the poor. But why
dont you rafHe it ?”
“I don’t want to publish my poverty,
that’s all. I don’t mind an old friend
like you knowing it; it’s patent enough
anyway. But when yon raffle anything
people always feel as If they were con
ferring an everlasting favor upon you,
and these who don’t draw tire prize
Miink thoy’ve made yen a present. I
don’t care if it is worth a fortune. I
want ton dollars now more than I over
almll again."
“But I will lend it to you—l will givo
it to you. I have ten dollars that I
don’t exactly know what to do with. Do
let me have tho rare happiness of mak
ing a present.”
“No; let me pawn the fiolm to you—
that’s a dear I and maybe I'll be able
to redeem it some day; and if I can't,
maybe you’ll be able to pay me what
you think it’s worth. Now. is it a bar
gain ?”
And Mrs. Knowles went home with
her money, ami Mrs. Mills laid Hie
fichu in tho drawer and counted her
change. “Well, I must have a gown,”
she Raid; and before the remaining ten
dollars should molt away she wont out
and bought ten yards of black bunting.
“A black gown is always safe, espo-
C'nlly for a widow,” she thought, and
lio purchased the lust Sazar pattern,
and hired a sowing machine for a week.
And while sho puzzled over tho paper
pattern, Mr. Lungworthy dropped in.
Before she married, Mr. Langworthy
had been a lover of Mrs. Mill’s, and
there had been n lovers’ quarrel, and
Mr. Mills had stopped Into the breach
he had helped to make. All that had
happened years ago—Mrs. Mills would
have told you, when she w as very young
and foolish.
“Dressmaking, eh?” said Mr. Lang
worthy. “Why is this thus?”
“I don’t know why T can’t mako a
gown as woll as Furbelow.”
“Is this the gray cashmere and velvet
with which you wore to astonish tho
natives ?”
“The very same.”
“You should not give five dollars to
Mr. Glucose, nor fifteen for Miss Nel
lie’s wedding gift, nor ten to Mre.
Knowles, nor ton to the Cincinnati—”
“How did yon know Mr. Lang
worthy ?”
“Mrs. Armstrong told me of the first
indesoretion. I assisted yon to select the
wedding present, Mrs. Knowles confided
in me, and I saw the ten dollars drop
into Mr. Salem’s hat for Cincinnati.
Let mo ask, by-the-way, why you didn't
put, in the necklace you wore that night.
Was it because yon had forgiven the
donor, and loved the gift for his sake ?”
“Perhaps so,” answered Mrs. Mills.
It was a few days later when an ex
pressman left a lingo box and a tiny let
ter at Mrs. Mills’s door.
“Dear Cochin” (the letter began),—
"I’ve just lost an uncle in the Cincin
nati flood, a great-uncle whom I never
aw, anil hardly overheard of; but papa
says wo must wear black, and here’s my
lovely gown, lhat Furbelow just sent
homo, going a-begging. As yonr gowns
used to fit mo to n T when I visited at
your house in the days of my impoenni
osity—that word’s so big I’m not sure
of the spelling—perhaps you won’t mind
accepting this from your loving cousiu,
“Looia.
“P.B. —I oan’t bear to part with it,
but it’s no use to me, and will bo out of
style before I can wear it.”
It was a gray silk and velvet, a per
fect symphony of a gown, tho vory
shade Mrs. Mills had coveted.
“It. will answer for my wedding
dress,” sho said, with a little blush. —
Harper's Bazar.
The Holland Succession.
The serious illness of William 111.,
King of Holland, and of his sou tho
Prince of Orange, heir to the crown,
renders the question of the succession a
matter of grave importance to tho Dutch
people. The long existing sense of dan
ger to the national autonomy, both of
Belgium and Holland, from the reoog
nized longing of Prussia for the ag
grandizement of these two countries,
was exhibited by King William during
his recent visit to Leopold 11. at Brus
sels, when at a banquet, addressing the
general officers present, he alluded to a
possible union of the armies of the two
countries to oppose invasion of one or
the other by some Power which he failed
to designate. Last year the two kings
had a friendly meeting at Spa, and the
<nimte cordiale existing between them
is noticeable. King William iB not liked
by the Hollanders. He is irascible,
overbearing and takes no pains to in
gratiate himself with his subjects.
Queen Emma, on the contrary, is tho
delight of the people, hor affiable man
ners, her charming person and the easo
with which she manages the ill-tem
pi rod old monarch having made her a
universal favorite. It is not strange,
therefore, that a large and powerful
party should be preparing to support
her for the regency in the event of the
demise both of the King and the Crown
Prince, and that determined objection
should 1)0 Hindi) to Bismarck's intrigues
it: favor of the house of Nassau. Gcr-
UM.ey, which is hungry both for Ant
werp and for the mouth of the Rhine,
ma v yet find herself confronted by the
Belgian and Dutch armies, which com
bined would be by no means an ignoble
foe.
The plan adopted last year in London
ot sending po- r and delicate children
into tlie country for three weeks in mid
summer has proved very successful.
They are boarded iu cottagers’ families
at the rate of about 31.25 per week.
Manchester and other towns arc making
an effort to the same end,
NO. 2!L
GREENLAND ICE PACKS
Till-: M’PTTRINTKVDKN f OF MINFN
FOR TUB ItY*TFl<\,
Why Wo llnvo lu feuttli l,urgn
(liiiiiillMph A II nil l.uiik AliVnd.
[From the New York Herald.]
The report of the ice packs near
Greenland, just brought by the bark
Fluorine to Philadelphia, clears up the
mystery of the early efflux of ieo on the
Atlantic this year. The barks Fluorine
and Hilioa arrived at Arsnk Fiord, April
9, from Hamburg, and took rofugo in
the harbor of Kyrtalik. Tho Silica,
after having been driven north to lati
tude (ill degrees, longitude G 4 degrees
west, encountered a broad ioe belt, and
subsequently sailed along a pack fifty
miles, which was so high that one could
not see over it. The superintendent of
the mines at Ivigtut, South Greenland,
stated that the past winter lias beou ex
traordinarily severe for frost, snow and
gales, and the adjacent fiord froze
deeper and further out from shore than
ever before.
Fortunately for the navigation of the
Arctic seas beyond tho great rush of
heavy ice from Davis’s Strait ceased
after May i, and the Fluorine encoun
tered no ioe in coming southward. This
fact suggests that tho ioe masses in the
approaches to Smith’s Sound may have
thinned out in some degree by tho time
tho relief steamers—tie Thetis, the
Bear, and the Alert—reach that latitude.
It may, however, be found that tho ex
traordinary stream of ioe which for some
months has been moving off the Labra
dor coast, will not bo exhausted till the
middle of next month.
The exceptional iciness of the Green
land seas last winter may have been, as
Dr. John Rao has reoeutly suggested,
tho indirect cause of the exceptionally
mild winter of 1884, in the British
Islands. The natural effect of so large
a flow of oold water from the north,
meeting the warm Gulf Stream at right
angles, says an English explorer, would
‘ not only be to deflect the latter to the
southward of its usual course, oausiug it
to strike our shores further south, but
also in much greater volume, because a
much larger supply is required to re
place the increased quantity from the
Arctic.” This reasoning is sound, but
it would seem as if both the phenomenal
glacial flow west of Greenland and the
mild British winter are rather to bo
ascribed to one cause—tlie prevalence of
a vast cyclonic area of low barometer
over and east of Iceland, which would
induce powerful polar or northwesterly
winds in Baffin’s Bay, and equally
strong equatorial currents over the Brit
ish Islands. If this be the case, as the
present summer advances and the seas
northeast of Iceland grow warmer, this
area will move farther to the eastward,
possibly subjecting Great Britain, espe
cially Scotland, to occasional boreal
winds in July, which may be injurious
to the grain crops.
Dickens in this Country.
Ben I’erley Poore recalls poor “Boz”
iu the reminiscences which he is writing
for the Boston Bulletin in the following
way : "Charles Dickens, when he first
visited Washington in 1842, was justen
taring his thirtieth year. He was a
middle-sized, somewhat fleshy person,
and he wore a brown frock coat, a red
figured vest, and a fancy scarf cravat
that ooncealed the collar and was fas
tened to the bosom in rather voluptuous
folds by a double pin and chain. His
hair, which was long and dark, grew
low upon the brow, had a wavy kink
where it sturted from the head, and was
corksorewed as it fell on either side ol
his face. His forehead retreated gradn
ally from the eyes, without any marked
protuberance save at the outer angle,
the Upper portion of which formed a
prominent ridge a little within tho as
signed position of tho organ of ideality.
The eyeballs completely filled their
sockets. The aperture of the lids was
not large nor tho eye uncommonly clear
or bright, but quick, moist and ex
pressive, The nose was slightly
aquiline, the mouth of moderate dimen
sions, making no great display of the
teeth, the facial muscles occasionally
drawing tlie upper lip most strongly on
tho left side of the mouth opened in
speaking. His features, taken alto
gether, were well proportioned, of a
lowing arid cordial aspect, with more
animation than grace, and more intelli
gence than i; iiity.
“Scat, You Wretch I”
A citizen of a hamlet in Kidder wont
to the cars in White Haven one day to
see his favorite daughter off. Securing
her a seat, he passed out of the cars and
went round to her window to say a
parting word, as is frequently done on
such occasions. While he was passing
out the daughter left the soat to speak
to a friend, and at the same time a prim
old maid from Wilkesbarre took tho
seat and moved up to the window. Un
aware of the important change inside,
ho hastily put his face up to the window
and hurriedly exclaimed;
“One more kiss, sweet pet.” In an
other instant the point of a blu9 cotton
umbrella caught his seductive lip, fol
lowed by the passionate injunction:
“Scat, you gray-headed wretch I” and
be scatted
QUAKER CITY WIT.
A IIATim OF JOKEIS FIIOM THU
“BVIiNINU CAI,L.
MAKING! PROGRESS.
Fond Parent “Woll, Johnny, how
are you getting along nt school ?"
Johnny—“Oh, first rate. I started
on third, but I am on first now.”
“Glad to hear it, my son. Always
try to ho first. There is fifty cents for
yonr industry.”
“Ain’t that nice I I’ll try to get
higher yet.”
“Higher? now can you ite higher
, tlmn first ?”
“Easy enough. I can get to be short
step or pitcher."
DROPPING THE R.
Minks—“ The New Yorkers ‘ :\tf tiro
letter ‘r’ as much as the Flight t do tho
•b.”’
Fiuks—“l noticed that in speaking
they are quite apt to give the ‘r’ tho
goby.”
“That probably accounts for their
very tender treatment of their big
thieves.”
“In what way?”
"Instead of putting them in cells they
keep them in luxuriously furnished
apartments. ”
“What lias that to do with the letter
■r ? > ■>
“Why, don't yon see, they drop au
‘r’ from arrest uud it becomes a-rest.”
A DESIIIAnLi: STYLE OF MAN.
“Miss Smith,” lie remarked, ns they
seated themselves in the ice-cream
saloon, “will you begin on vanilla and
follow it up with lemon and chocolate,
or would you prefer lire chocolate first ?”
On tho way home he asked her to
marry him, and whatever sho said it
wasu’t “No.”
SPEAKING FROM OBSERVATION.
Little Nell—“Mamma gave me a
strawberry. Ain’t it big ?”
Little Jack—“ She gave me oue, too.
Here it is. It’s just as big as yours.”
"Ain’t that nice ? Let’s pretend it's a
strawberry festival 1”
“But it don’t seem like a festival I”
“Why don’t it?”
“There’s too many strawberries.”
THREE OBJECTIONS.
Jones—“l liavo a great mind to buy n
bicyole. ”
Smith—“ What for, pray 0 ”
"To ride on, of oonrse. A friond of
mine who is a dealer in bicycles says
they have many merits and only threo
objections.”
“Did ho tell yon what the ohjeoHons
were ?”
“Well, no.”
“I had one once. Your friend Is rivht.
A bicycle has but three objections. The
first one is that you are liable to break
an arm; the second ono is that you urn
liable to break a leg ”
“Good gracious 1”
“And the third is that you are liable
to break your neck.”
BIG WORDS.
Tt is never well to uso big words when
small ones will express the same mean
ing. A lady who was making noall on
some acquaintances observed that the
furniture hod boon changed, and re
marked to the lady: “You have been
metamorphosed, haven’t you?” “Y-e-s,”
sni.l tiro other hesitatingly. “You mean
caleimined, I suppose; it looks muoh
better, doesn’t it?” “What caused your
little boy’s sickness?” asked a plain
mother of a mother whose little son wan
very ill. “He was climbing a ladder,"
said thelady, “andlost his equilibrium.”
“Poor little fellow,” said the sympa
thetic woman; “do buy him another;
he’ll be more careful the next time 1”
“Did you find the people indigent?”
asked a clorgyman of a wealth t mem
ber of his church who had been •: ailing
on some vory poor families. ‘‘Oh, dear,
no,” answered the lady; "they i-re re
spectable, but as poor ns poverty,”—
New York Observer.
SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.
Mr. Purseproud—“No, sir, you shull
not marry my daughter. ”
Augustus—“ Your objection, sir.”
Mr. Purseproud—“Whoever marrum
my daughter must earn her.”
Augustus—“Oh! it’s all right then.
If there is no law against cremation
whon the time comes I’ll urn her."
DIFFERENCE IN MILK.
Jones —“Wliat a lot of lunatios there
are in this world. A New York crank
thinks he oan Jive sixty days on a milk
diet. ”
Smith—“ Milk contains all the ele
ments of the human blood. Why do
you oall that experimenter a lunatic?"
Jones “Because he intends to try it
with New York milk."
A BAD BTJSINEBS.
Minks—“ Why, howde do, Ftuks ?
Where have you been ?"
Finks—“ Right here. I have changed
my business."
“What aro you doing now ?”
“Manufacturing burglars’ tools, ’’
“What ?”
“Manufacturing burglars’ tools.”
“Great Cassar I And you coulees ‘.f )
How do yon know that I won’t betray
you ?’’
“Tell everybody you wish. All She
world knows it, however.”
“Was there ever such shamelessness‘
Well, what kind of burglars’ S'Aila dc
you manufacture, anyhow ?”
“Account books for Wall street Anna.’
Increased Population.
The Chili au newspapers contain some
curious Kiatistics concerning the occupa
tion of L mi by their country’s troops.
They estimate at 9,000 the number of
children born there of Peruvian mo
thers and Chilean soldiers during 33
months, and, as a great part of the
troops have gone heme already, and in
many cases taken these mothers and
children along with tlum by permission
of tho Chilean goveri m int, and the oc
cupation is expected to cease altogether
n August, they compute the accession
to tlie population of Chile from this
source at 14,000,