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SELLTON, G-A..
by JOHN BLATS.
I'KBMS— $i.ou per annum ;50 cents for six
months; 25 cents for three months.
Parties away from Bellton are requested
to send their names, with such amounts of
money as they can spare, from 25c. to sl.
From a study of the action of tea’
Mr. W. J. Morton has arrived at these
conclusions: As with any other drug,
there is a proper and an improper use
of it. In moderation it is a mild and
pleasant stimulant, followed by no harm
ful reaction. Its continued and immod
erate use leads to a very serious group
of symptoms, such as headache, vertigo,
ringing in the ears, treniulousness, nerv
ousness , exhaustion of mind and body
with disinclination to mental and physi
cal exertion, increased and irregular ac
tion of the heart, and dyspepsia. Many of
the symptoms of immoderate tea-drink
ing are such as may occur without a sus
picion of the real cause.
A Chicago man has perfected a ma
chine for making from water gas of
highly illuminating power. By it he is
said to be able to disintegrate water, and
bring its component parts together again
and produce light, heat, or steam, as he
chooses. The light obtained is a beauti
ful and very brillant flame, and can be
perfectly controlled. Its heat is of the
most intense character. By the turn of
a valve he can transform the light into
steam The process by which this is ac
complished is a secret. The discoverer
admits that he generates a tremendous
explosive power—a power as great as that
claimed for *thc Keely motor, but he
utilizes it at once in the manner men
tioned. .
The financial measures offered in the
. house thus far are as follows: A bill to
authorise the conversion of national gold
banks; respecting the funding of the
national debt (one offered by Mr. Wood
and another by Mr. Garfield); bills to
Substitute greenbacks for national notes;
bills to declare the meaning of the word
dollar ; bill to restore gold and silver to
their full power; bill to amend the re
sumption net; one to repeal that act;
bills to issue gold and silver certificates
and to provide for the redemption there
of ; bill requiring reserves of national
banks to be kept in gold and silver.: Lili
in reference to bank deposits; bill re
quiring silver certificates to be paid out
by the treasury in lieu of coin on demand
thereof; bill to compel the paying out
of all kinds of money in the treasury not
needed for current expenses in the ic
demption of bonds; bill to restore the
legal-tender currency to its constitutional
requirement; bill to repeal the ten pe r
cent, tax on State banks ; and Weaver’s
bill to issue $500,000,000 to pay soldiers
the difference between the coin and cur
rency in which they were paid.
The London Times, in an article
treating of the recent marked revival of
trade in the United States and the di n
of gold from Europe that attended it
makes some very interesting assertions
alrout the future value of gold which
arc not without a bearing on the ne n< y
question in this country. It says:
The annual gold production of the
United States themselves, about six mil
lions sterling, should also be sufficient
on the average for very considerable de
mands. But making all allowances, the
United States’ current requirements for
bullion must henceforth at all times af
fect our money market greatly, even if
they go no further than the absorption
in America itself of its annual gold pro
duction. Wp must be prepared, thru,
in the next year or two, especially if
Germany should adhere to its gold stand
ard, for much higher rates for money on
the average than those which prevailed
during the last period of good trade.
The extraordinary demands for gold on
German account were certainly very
heavy; but they came upon full mar
kets, while the annual supply from the
mines was greater by several millions-a
year than it is now, and neither Ger
many nor the United States were then
gold using countries. There may be
some compensation for all this strain
upon gold in France being obliged to
part with its stock of that metal, under
the influence of what remains of its bi
metallic law ; but we doubt if it would
be prudent to rely upon France permit
ting this, while the strain would be seri
ously increased, of course, by any special
effort on the part of France to recover
the stock of gold it has lost. The chances
seem all to be, then, that gold in the
next few years will be in scarce supply
for all the current demands upon it, and
that money will consequently be dear
in countries which use gold for their
-tandard. Trade may be very good, of
course, with dear money, as it was in
1861 and 1865; but the conditions in its
favor will not be quite the same as when
money is cheap.
The late Mrs. G. F. Train showed
great business capacity in the early his
tory of the Pacific Railway, making at
out time SIOO,OOO in ’commissions.
The_ North Georgian
VOL. 111.
SOUTHERN NEWS.
The shipment of cotton iu Bremen is
urge and increasing.
Mississippi’s next legislature will have
a democratic majority of 103 on Joint
ballot.
A panther was recently killed in Pa
nola county, Mississippi, which was six
feet long.
The extra session of the Tennessee
Legislature, which lasted for eight days,
cost $12,174,31.
A handsome passenger depot is to be
erected in FernandianaFla., the building
to be of corrugated iron.
The Treasurer of Anderson county,
S. C., issued 450 tax executions for the
collection of less than S6OO.
From July 1 to December 13, Rich
mond, Va., shipped to foreign ports,
89,961 barrelsof flour, valued at $519,333.
Old John Robinson will sell out his
surplus rolling stock at Baton Rouge in
a few days. His show will travel by
water in the future.
Rev. C. S. Long, of Campbell county,
Tennessee , is going in the spring as a
missionary to Japan, under the care of
the M. E. Church, South.
Little Rock (Ark ) Democrat: From
fifty to sixty families per day have been
settling at Arkadelphia, Curtisand Gur
don, Clark county, during the past week.
Mr. J. N. English, of Macon county,
Ga., has picked and sold from one acre
on his farm this year two bales of cotton,
one weighing 474 and the other 475
pounds.
Mexico (Mo.) Herald: In Marion
county a gentleman captured a pure
wljite blackbird from a flock of black
birds that came to his bafn to feed a
few days since.
Memphis Avalanche : With munici
pal debt of over $5,000,000 and a total
tax valuation of less than $16,000, Mem
phis is not in a condition to try costly
experiments in sewerage.
The Gainesville (Ga.) Gazette suggests
that a sugar refinery in Savannah would
pay. At present the cane-growers are
content to turn their Crops into syrup,
having no machinery or means at hand
to make merchantable the dark sugar,
which only classes as “milado” in the
markets.
The law makes it the duty of the Lou
isiana legislature just elected to proceed
to choose a senator at the session about
to be held, for the term expiring on the
4th of March, 1883, to succeed Mr. Kel
logg, or the gentleman who shall then be
the colleague of Mr. Jonas.
Knoxville Chronicle: Mr. E. V.
Smalley, the well known staff corre
spondent of the New York Tribune,
is now in Cumberland county, on the line
of the Cincinnati Southern railway, as
we learn, with the view to the location
of a colony from New York.
Meridian Mercury: N.H. Munn lives
in Newton county, and is a wide-awake
and industrious farmer of no small pre
tensions, if he is a wee small man him
self. He weighs eighty-nine jxiunds and
is four and one-half feet high. His wife,
who is a Leak county lady, is only four
feet high and weighs fifty-seven pounds.
Reidville (Va.) Times: Mr. Worinby,
a very wealthy man, who lived in Ches
terfield, Va., had two sons, Tom and
Jack, both fond of playing poker, but
• lack was very harp at the game and Tom
very flat When the old man died he
left Tom $90,000 ami Jack only SI,OOO,
but he explained at the foot of his will
that SI,OOO was stake enough for Jack
to win everything that Tom had, and it
was a wise provision, for it so turned out.
Wheeling Intelligencer : It is said the
counsel fees and expenses in the suit
brought by the bondholders of the White.
Sulphur Springs Company to secure a
sale of the springs property under the
deed of trust supposed to secure their
bonds, already aggregate some $35,000,
and the end is not yet. At this rate the
parable of the wise counselor who ate the
oyster and handed the shell to the liti
gants is about to be still further illus
trated.
Richmond letter in Petersbug Index-
Appeal: The debt payers intend to oppose
the repeal of or any radical modification
in the present laws. Many of the lead
ing Read-adjusters in both houses are in
favor of a repeal of the Moffett system of
raising revenues. A warm fight may be
expected to ensue when this matter
comes up. The representatives of most
of the cities, whether they are debt
payers or not, will be apt to favor the
change.
Macon Telegraph and Messenger: On
last Sunday, at the residence of Mr. J.
C. C. Burnett, Mr. Benjamin S. Good
year was married to Miss Burnett, a
daughter of Mr. J. C. Burnett. On the
16th inst., Mr. J. C. C. Burnett was
married to Mrs. E. R. Goodyear, mother
of the young man mentioned’ above. In
this manner the children of the last cou
ple were first married, followed by the
nuptials of their parents. The occur
rence is rare and interesting. They are
good and esteemed citizens of Macon.
Petersburg Index-Appeal: Yesterday
morning about one hundred colored em
igrants of all sizes and both sexes arrived
here on the northern bound mail train
from Goldsboro, en route for Washing
ton, from which place they go to Indiana.
This makes between six and seven hun
dred emigrants of the colored persuasion
who have passed through Petersburg
from Goldsboro, N. C., on their way to
Indiana, during the past few weeks.
These emigrants appear in good spirits,
and arc apparently highly elated at the
idea of traveling to a country of which
they have heard so much ami know so
little. As before stated, a noticeable
feature of these emigrants is the number
of women with infants in their arms.
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA.. JANUARY 8. 1880.
BUTH.
Ah, her face la very fair,
Snowy white and rosy rod;
And the glorious golden hair
Hovers mist-like round her head.
And her voice is soft and low.
Clear aa music, and as sweet;
Hearing it, you hardly know
Where the sound and silence meet.
All the magic, who can tell.
Os hor laughter and her sighs:
Or what heavenly meanings dwell
In her kind, confiding eyes.
Pretty lipa as rubies bright.
Scarcely hide the tiny pearlst
Little wandering stars of light
Love to nestle in her curia.
AH her ways are winning ways.
Full of tenderness anti grace;
And a witching sweetness plays
Fondly o'er her gentle face.
True and pure her soul within—
Breathing God’s seroner air,
Evil, anti the ehamo of sin
Cannot dwell a inoiaent there.
William
My Beautiful Client.
BT MAUDB A. UTT.TOM.
It bad been an unusually sultry sum
mer day, and I was fretfully anathema
tizing the press of business that con
fined me to the city during the heated
term, while all my friends and associ
ates were enjoying themselves in fash
ionable watering places, or rusticating
in some pictuesque nook.
I was only a poor young barrister,
although rapidly rising iu the pro
fession, and there was a case on my
hands that promised a golden har
vest.
It is true the courts were not then
in session, but the case of Smith versus
Jones required a deal of study and
“working up,” and I was kept rather
busy all the time.
“ Confound the luck 1” I ejaculated,
as I tossed aside a brief over which I
had been pondering on the particular
summer afternoon of which I have
made mention. “Confound the luck!
I have a great mind to pack up my traps
and take a run out of the city, despite
the claims of a hundred Smiths and
Jones.”
While I had been giving way to this
unusually vehement outburst, there
had been a timid rapping at the outer
door, and my office boy Henry threw
aside the paper which he had been in
tently perusing for the last two hours
and admitted a young woman, pretty
and pleasant-faced, and with an agree
able smile—
“ Please, sir, are you lawyer Reaveyl”
she asked, timidly, and with the slight
est possible brogue, betraying her Celtic
origin.
“ That is my name, madam,” I as
sured her, as I placed a chair for her
near the desk from which 1 had arisen
at her entrance.
She handed me a note written in a
delicate female hand, and insisted on
remaining standing where she was un
til I read it.
I confoss to a feeling of curiosity, and
without much ceremony.l opened the
daint, pink-tinted note and read its
contents, which were brief and to the
point.
Mr. UufpL Reavey:
Sir—ls you are at leisure to wait upon
niv, I should like to see you on a matter of
business, the nature of which I will explain
when we meot.
If possible, I should like to have you re
turn with my maid, the bearer.
Respectfully yours,
Flenorr Herbert.
This was the note,word for word, and
I confess no stranger message had ever
been transmitted to me. There was
something in the tone of the brief
epistle that seemed io breathe a spice
of romance and adventure, and my
idea of a country trip was abandoned
instanter.
“ I am ready to accompany you, miss,”
I said to the waiting-maid; and watch
ing her closely, I could see that my
decision pleased her.
I found a carriage awaiting at my
door, and silently assisted the young
lady to enter it.
She made no attempt to enter into
conversation with me as I drove through
the city streets, and although I was —
as the ladies say—“dying .to know”
something of her mistress, I did not
stoop to question.
I heaved a sigh of intense relief,
however, when the carriage drew up
before the entrance to a superb resi
dence on Madison avenue, and my com
panion announced that our journey
was at an end.
A solemn-looking man-servant ad
mitted us, and in answer to some low
spoken inquiry of the maid, informed
her that the mistress would receive the
gentleman in her boudoir.
With a growing sense of my own im
portance, I followed the girl up the
broad, richly-carpeted staircase and
into a room that was like the home of a
fairy, so beautiful and pure-looking,
with its furniture of white and gold,
and delicate hangings of snowy silk and
lace.”
“Lawyer Reavey, Miss Herbert,
announced my companion, and a lady
arose from a couch near the window,
and came forward to meet me.
I could with difficulty repress an ex
clamation of astonishment, for my eyes
had never beheld anything so exquis
itely lovely as the lady addressed as
Mrs? Herbert.
She could not have been more than
eighteen years of age, and looked even
younger, although there was nothing of
the child in the expression of the sadly
beautiful face or in the blue depths of
the fair, shadowed eyes.
She motioned me to a seat near that
she had lately occupied, and I could see
TRUTH, JUSTICE, LIBERT'S:
that she was visibly embarrassed and at
a loss how to proceed. Her hands moved
restlessly from place to place, and I
could see the color fading out of her
perfe:t face, and she at last summoned
courage to address me.
Her brother had been my friend, she
told n.e, and when she mentioned that
brother’s name I started, for it was in
deed that of one of my most valued
friends, who had lately died very sud
denly.
“ iffy poor brother bogged me, with
almo.t his last breath, to go to you, and
ask you to take my case in hand for the
sake of your old friendship.” The
beautiful woman faltered; and it is
need mb to say that I answered her she
had hut to state her case, and count on
a wiling champion.
She thanked me with a simple grace
that was infinitely charming, and then
told me the story of her life.
Shu was uttlerly alone in the world
since her brother died, and tied to a
man whose cruelty was killing her.
Charles Herbert was a strange char
acter, thought peculiar by his friends,
but believed by those who knew him
best to be developing traits of mad
ness.
In the presence ot strangers he was
remarkably kind and devoted to his
beautiful young wife, but in the sanct
uary of home he was actually brutal
in hi’ cruelty to the unfortunate girl,
as w. s evident from the livid marks
upon her white arms and shoulders.
“ I want to be freed from him—l am
in actual terror of my life! Oh, Mr.
Reavey, can the fetters which bind me
to tlrs terrible man be broken? Give
me some hope, or 1 will no longer live in
this agonizing suspense 1” she cried,
and I was frightened at the expression
of her face as she stood before me, with
her small hands clasped in an agony of
supplication, and her beautiful eyes
I glancing hastily around her every min
ute, as if dreading the approach orher
tormentor.
I was ata loss for words to answer her
appeal.
She wanted to be freed from the hus
band who was cruel to her, and she evi
dently believed that I had but to write
out a couple of sheets of foolscap, and
pronounce her the divorced wife of
Charles Herbert. How was I to un
dece.s a her?; How was I to tell her
■ what, work of time and trouble it
would be to obtain a legal bill of di
vorce? I told her I would exert every
means in my power to aid her, and I
resolved to watch the movements of
Herbert closely, while t he lady prom
ised to communicate with me shsuld he
attempt any further violence.
I left that house like one in a dream,
my heart filled with pity for her hope
less condition, and my brain puzzling
itself over innumerable ways and means
of obtaining for her the release she
sought.
True to my first resolve, 1 soughtout
Charles Herbert in his usual haunts
about town, and studied him in secret.
He was a polished gentleman, dark
faced and handsome; but I did not like
the glitter in his dark eyes, or the
I treacherous and oft-recurring smile
that played about his full, sensual
lips.
I met him in where he was all
attention to his beautiful young wife,
and apparently devoted as the fondest
lover.
I shuddered as I thought of the life to
which beautiful Elenore Herbert
i seemed hopelessly doomed, for with the
i cunning of a fiend, her husband-wore
i his mask of smiles, and gave no chance
j to the most suspicious observer by
l which he might have been condemned.
I noticed, withan inexplicable feeling
of pain, that my beautiful client was
growing more fragile and worn-looking
every day, and the look of haunting
terror was deepening in her dark blue
eyes.
One night I saw her wandering alone
through the fragrant aisles of a con
servatory, having stolen from the bril
liantly-lighted parlors and from the
midst of the gay throng in whose so
ciety her husband lingered.
Watching a favorable opportunity, I
joined her unobserved, and had the
satisfaction of seeing a momentary look
of gladness sweep across her beautiful
face at my approach.
She questioned me eagerly as to the
progress I was making; but something
in myface must have told her how lit
tle I could do for her, for she threw out
her tiny band with a gesture supreme in
its agony, and I could nee the quick
shudder that ran through her frame.
“ What is it? Has he repeated his
cruelty?” I asked, huskily; for some
how the indignant blood seemed to rise
in my throat and choke me. and I felt
like strangling-the wretch whose cun
ning baffled me.
She did not speak again, but looking
into her pale face, I could see her lips
forming the word “Hush!” and looking
up quickly, I saw Herbert sauntering
toward us through the avenue of fern*
with that disagreeable smile on his lips,
and that strange, glittering light in his
black eyes.
“ My dear Nellie, I have been search
ing for you; now imprudent of you to
I stay out in this chilly place without
I your wraps. Ah, Mr. Reavey, I shall
I question your gallantry; see how my
i little wife shivers. Come, doling, I
think we had best return home.
He spoke lightly, and with his arm
i around his wife’s waist; but 1 could not
I banish tho impression that he bad been
I plavintr the snv: and to confirm the iin-
firession, I caught the gleam of abso
ute terror that Elenore Herbert threw
back at me as ho led her away.
“ That man is mad; there is danger
in his eyes to-night,” I thought, and
impelled by some irresistible impulse, I
found myself hurrying in the direction
of her residence half an hour later.
Was it fate or providence that guided
my wandering steps? I do not know;
It was all so strange and unreal; the
events that followed seem to me even
now, looking back into the dim vista of
years, more like the incidents narrated
in some sensational novel than an oc
currence in real life. I had just turned
into the block on which the Herbert’s
resided, when a wild, thrilling cry dis
turbed the silence of the summer night,
a cry that came from the lips of a
woman, and from the direction of the
house in which Elenor Herbert passed
her miserable life.
“Father in Heaven, save her!” I
cried, and no such fervent and heartfelt
prayer had crossed my lips since I
knelt at mother’s knee. I'cannot re
member how I sprang up the steps;
Sadie, the maid who had brought Mrs.
Herbert’s note to my office, was in the
hallway, wringing her hands and giv
ing vent to the wild screams that had
attracted my attention to the spot. I
did not wait for her explanation, but
darted up the stairs and toward the
door of the white and gold boudoir from
whence came the sound of maniacal
laughter and low groans of pain. Al
most mad with terror I forced my way
between a group of frightened and use
less servants, and threw myself wildly
against the door. It yielded, and if I
live for a hundred years I shall never
forget the sight presented to my view.
Beautiful Elenor Herbert lay prone
upon the floor, her white silk evening
dress dyed crimson with blood, and her
face rigid and pallid as that of a corpse.
Her mad husband stood over her with a
cruel-looking knife in his hand, chuck
ling gleefully. At sight of me he burst
into a terrible peal of laughter, and be
fore a hand could be put forth to stay
him, plunged the knife in his own
heart.
“ Ha—ha 1” he cried, “ see how nobly
I have foiled you I You would have
stolen her from me— take her now— she
is yours.”
tie fell to the floor dead, with the
last works on his lips, and at the same
moment an officer, attracted to the spot
by Sadie’s cries, rushed into the room
to ascertain the cause of the disturb
ance. I can never clearly remember
what immediately followed. I only
know that the words came to my ears:
“ The lady is not seriously wounded.”
Then I must have fallen ill, for when I
recovered myself the remains of Charles
Herbert had been laid in the grave and
his wife was slowly recovering. Years
have flown since that terrible night,
and looking up from the written pages
before me, my eyes fall upon the fair
ace of my wife.
“ Elenore, my darling 1” I call softly,
and she comes to meet me gladly, more
lovely than whenj saw her first in that
fatal room of white and gold, far more
beautiful, with the love light giving
place to the look of hunted terror in her
violet eyes, and a smile of infinite peace
upon the perfect lips.
“My wife—my own 1” I murmur,
fondly, and perhaps she guesses why I
kiss her face with such passionate ten
derness, for she shudders and nestles
closer to me, with her golden head upon
tny breats, and her mind straying back
to the tragedy of the past, that is dead.
Freak of a Judge’s Wife.
[Meadville (Pa.) Reporter.]
Social circles in Cleveland have been
considerably stirred up within a day or
two past, by the announcement that the
wife of Judge R. F. Paine had left him
to go on the variety stage. Judge
Paine was nearly 60 years old when,
five years ago, he married his wife, who
was quite a young woman—not over 23.
Her name was Humphrey, and she had
played on the stage in minor parts
through Michigah prior to coming to
Cleveland. She was also well known as
a reader in this city. She found em
ployment as a copyist in the Court
House, where the Judge, who was on
the bench, met and married her, she be
ing his second wife. Their married life
was supposed to be happy, and, as she
was surrounded with everything that
money could buy, there was seemingly
nothing to tempt her to leave her home.
The truism, that any one who pos
sesses histrionic talent is miserable
when not exercising it, seems to have
been exemplified in the case of Mrs.
Paine. For three years she has been
secretly studying for the stage, and a
few days ago, after receiving a consider
able sum of money from the Judge, she
departed for St. Louis, and it is re
ported, has made an engagement at a
variety theater. It is said that she was
accompanied by her husband’s son, who
recently married a sister of Genevieve
Ward, the actress, and that all three
are now together in St. Louis. Mrs.
Paine is a woman of rather fine appear
ance, possessing a good figure and a
pleasing face. Her histrionic talent has
always been admired in those circles
which she occasionally favored with
readings. Her desertion is said to be a
severe trial to the Judge, who was an
indulgent husband and allowed his wife
every privilege.
How strange that the widow of Bodie,
discoverer of the Bodie mining district,
should hear, at her home in New Bruns
wick, that the remains of her hushand,
who perished in the great November
snow storm of 1859, were discovered, re
cently, near the town which bears his
name. Fact is, indeed, stranger than
fiction in many instances.
Published Every Thursday at
BELLTON, GEORGIA.
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One year (52 numbers), $1.00; six mont
(26 numbers), 50 cents; three months hs
numbers), 25 cents.
Office in the Smith building, east of the
dep it. •
WAIFS AND WHIMS.
Rambling notes—bank bills.
A standing invitation—get up.
Are bits of advice presents of mind t
A crack company—a gang of burg
irs.
A deal of money has been made on
the ryes in whisky.
What’s the best joke of the. ?
Keokuk. Constitution. The, most ,cal of
course.
A man’s ambition is to be credited
with some great feat, while a woman is
»nly happy with small feet.
Female Dentistry.—“ It’s nearly
out; but my wrist is so tired that I
must really rest a bit.”
Smith wants to know what good the
new French cable is going to be to peo
ple who don’t understand French.
Nothing bo quickly dries a woman’s
tears as a kiss.— Progress. Do you want
to set all the girls to crying?
Americans wear more watches than
any other nation. We have the system
of tick to perfection in this country.
Pawnbrokers should makegood bil
liardists. They play the three-ball game
successfully. , .
A negro at Little Rock has had 242
wens and warts cut from his body.
They weighed eleven pounds.
A farmer asks the question: “Do
beets pay.” In our experience we have
found that, usually, they do not; they
beat their way.
A young lady attending balls and
parties should have a female chaperone
until she is able to call some other chap
her own.
It very frequently happens that the
girl who has the most bang to her hair,
has the biggest holes in the heels of her
stockings.
Do they call the place in the church
the preacher speaks from the pulpit be
cause he tries to pull sinners out of the
pit from that point?— Steubenville Herald.
Now the mighty NimroJ cleans his
gun, and goes to the field to have some
fun, steps on the trigger—his fun is
<3O*>e.
" Single man, sir!” asxed the law
yer as the witness took his place. “ Yes,
sir,” was the reply. Lawyer—“ Wife
living?” Confusion and rapid explana
tions.
A Connecticut woman sued a man
for taking off his hat on the street and
the jury gave her $6 damages. They
don’t put on any scollops in Connecti
cut.
“ Darling Kiss My Eyelids Down,”
is the latest moonshine song, and he
kisses them up and down and crosswise,
and then settles on her lips as a steady
thing.— Stillwater Lumbermann.
The latest thing at church festivalsis
to serve a search warrant with the
oyster soup. It doesn’t aid digestion
materially, but it renders valuable as
sistance in finding the oyster.
It is not strange that writers some
times get puzzled in their choice be
tween “ that,” “ which” and “ who.”
Relatives are always more or less trouble
some. — Transcript.
The young lady who aspires to be ad
mitted to the ranks of the legal profes
sion, does not reflect that the gratifica
tion of her ambition would only make
her a bar-maid.
“ Yesh, I shee,” said a moral inebriate
to a tramp, “ you want to go and swill
whisky.” “Well, yes, I did when I
asked you,” was the reply, “but a whist
of your breath has answered the purpose,
and I’m obliged to you.”
“ Two-forty on the level” used to be
a slang phrase, and not ‘ a many years
ago,” either. Now the horse that can’t
trot a mile in less than 2:30, could
hardly be sold to a drayman. This
world is progressing at a 2:20 rate.
Girls, look out! It isn’t always the
young men who wear the sweetest smiles
and nearly break their necks making
earth pleasant for you during the court
ship season, who are the quickest to get
up of a cold morning ana build, a fire
durimr married life.
Twenty-five thousand gold eagles
came over in one steamer recently. This
is the kind of bird we want to come
home to roost
Mrs. Foozle (improving the occa
sion) —“Is it not sad, my dear, about
vour friend Mr. Ruffles drinking so
lately ? I’m told his only excuse is the
loss of his wife.” Mr. Foozle (excitedly)
—“ Only excuse—only excuse, madam!
And a very good excuse, too. There
are many men who would be glad to
have the same excuse.”
How Do You Account for This 1
In the lodge the Marshal is directed
to retire to the ante-room to introduce
Bill Smithers and Tom Brown, in lan
guage something like the following:
“ Brother Marshal, you will retire to the
ante-room and respectfully inform his
High Mightiness the Most Puissant
William Smithers and the his Ineffable
Potency the Very Venerable Thomas
Brown that this reverent body awaits the
distinguished honor of their irradiating
presence.” Then the Marshall goes out
and says, “All ready, Bill; come Tom,
hurry up.” In the army, on the con
trary, this order was reversed, like this:
Gen. Bombastes yells out to his aid,
“ Go down to the forks of the road—and
go as if the old boy wife after you—and
ask 001. Sordnot what in Jhe means,
so long getting into line!” Away goes
the aid on the gallop, which moderates
first into a sober trot and then a walk as
he nears Col. Sordnot, whom he ad
dresses with great formality, saying,
“Colonel, Gen. Bombastes sends his
complimentsand desires that you move
your regiment up into line aS*speedily
as possible.”
NO. 1.