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BELLTON. GEORGIA
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IX>TB AT TWO STOIUL
Ho, pretty page, with the dimpled chin
That never has known the barber's shear,
AH your wish la woman to win,
1 That la the way that boys begin—
Wait till you come to forty yeara!
CtiHv, gold locks corer foolish brains;
Billing and cooing is all your cheer;
Binning and singing of midnight strains,
Under Bonn vbell’s window panes—
Wait till you come to forty yean.
Forty times over let Michaelmas pass,
Grizzling hair the brain doth clear—
Then you see through a clearer glass,
Then you know the worth of a lass,
Once you hare come to forty yeara 1
Pledge me round, I bid ye declare,
All good fellows whose beards are gray,
Did not the fairest of the fair
Common grow and wearisome, ere
Ever a month was past awayT
The sweetest Ups that ever have kissed,
The bilghtest eyes that ever have shone,
Mey pray nnd whisper, and wo not list,
Or look Sway and never be missed,
Eie yet ever a month is gone.
f
Cillian's dead. God rest her bier;
How I fovea her twenty yean syne!
Marian’s married, but I ait here,
Alone and merry at forty years.
Dipping my note in the Gascon wino
A MYSTERIOUS PIANIST.
About a yeat ago I observed in the
columns of the Journal an article in ex
planation of certain aural phenomena
which are frequently ascribed to a super
natural agency. Many similar events
must frequently occur which are not re
corded, and whose cases, owing to su
perstition or fear, remain undiscovered.
An investigation of all such seeming
mysteries at the time and in the place
■where they occur, might save many a
cnean infinity of discomposingthougfits,
■which not seldom end in the reception
<of a most absurd belief. If the veracitv
«of the following narrative be questioned,
■names and places can afford no proof. I
•can therefore only assure the reader that
the narrative is true to the minutest
particular, and was jotted down while
the .circumstances were fresh in my
memory.
Oh the last day of 18791 left home to
p/y my annual visit to my widowed
mother and deliver my New Year greet
ings in person. On my arrival T found a
number of old friends assembled to ex
change good wishes and usher in the
dawn of the new year. As the com
pany was dispersing some one suggested
a song; and, as I was credited with some
ability in that direction, I was at once
appealed to. I consented, and we ad
journed to another room, where my sis
ter’s piano had stood untouched since
her lamented death, which had happened
two years l>efore. It was an old instru
ment, of six and a half octaves, of the
cottage shape, with nothing remarkable
about it save that solid, substantial look
which is so foreign to many articles of
modern furniture. 1 sat down and rat
tled off a few rollicking ditties suited to
the occasion, winding up with the ever
new “Auld Lang Syne ’ as our guests
departed. I noticed while playing that
the instrument was much out of tune,
and of the levers were dis
ordered o^displaced. I specially noticed
that one wire of the C in the fifth
octave was much flatter than the other,
which gave the note a peculiar and
easily recognizable sound.
As I was to sleep in the apartment, I
mat down by the fire to smoke a pipe and
muse on the changes time had wrought
on the little world of my boyhood. The
key-board of the instrument glistening
In the firelight insensibly led my
thoughts to that vanished hand that
had so often nimbly and skilfully
pressed it. Only two short years ago
she had sat there singing jny favorite
airs with the rich, mellow voice that
was hers alone. As wave after wave of
memory surged over my heart, I became
so abstracted that I fancied I heard the
cadence of her beautiful voice like the
distant echo in a dream I remembered,
too, that the last song I heard her sing
■was that touching me'ody wedded to
the words of Bums’ weird song, “ Open
the Door to Me,Oh!” With my mind’s
ear I hea'd the pathetic wail with which
the melody concludes, and was just on
the point of awaking from my day
dream, when the piano at my side slowly
and distinctly repeated the last simple
bar of the music, with the faulty C for
the key-note. I was not startled; the
mysterious accompaniment was so in
unison with my reverie that it was some
minutes before I realized what had oc
curred. My first idea was that, by long
disuse, some of the hammers had become
relaxed and had fallen forward on the
strings. But on trying the notes I
found they responded readily to the
touch. For some time I tried to solve
the enigma; but st length coming to the
conclusion that I had been duped by my
own ears. I shut down the key-board
and jumped into bed, where I was soon
unconscious of mortal and spirit alike.
J had slumbered for some time, when
I sudden'y awoke with that stinging
sensation over the whole body which,
with me, always betokens nervous ex
citement; and 10l the piano was sound
ing. I sat bolt upright; tried to shake
off the hallucination, and listened again.
There was no denying the fact. Some
invisible power was touching both the
baas and treble notes. I struggled
against a queer feeling that began to
creep over me, and tried to reason.
Judging from a former experience. I
thought it might be some animal travers
ing the wires; but then I reflected that
that was impossible in their perpendicu
lar position; neither could any animal
agitate both treble and bass at the same
time, as my ear informed me was be ; ng
done. Mustering courage, I jumped out
of bed, and approached quietly, when
the performance suddenly ceased. I
opened the key-board ana the top lid,
peered into every nook and cranny, ex-
The North Georgian.
VOL. 111.
amined the floor and wall; but could
discover nothing. I stirred up the fire,
and sat down with my face toward the
•nstrument Tn this position 1 distinctly
saw several of the keys move with a
gentle undulating motion; but no sound
followed. While I sat, this was repeated
more than once, and the peculiarity was,
that when the keys moved there was no
sound, and when the sounds were pro
duced there was no perceptible motion
of the keys. I felt the eerie feeling steal
over me again, but still sat and watched
for a repetition of the music.
My patience was all but exhausted,
when all at once the mystical performer
resumed his playing, at first in an unde
cided hesitating manner, gradually
merging into plaintive irregular kind of
notes, of which the faulty C was again
the key. When the sounds first struck
the ear, they seemed to be weak and
faint, butgradually increased in volume.
The treble movement was now and then
accompanied by a chromatic movement
on the bass notes, which though not in
accordance with the rules of harmony,
was not unpleasant to the ear. At times
run to the highest possible note;
too, the treble made a rapid
then after a pause, the irregular notes
were resumed. Seizing a moment when
the mysterious performer seemed much
engrossed with hi* task, I darted to the
instrument, when the sounds again
ceased, without affording a single clew
to their origin. I endeavored to opec
the front; but it resisted my efforts;
nnd as I did not wish to alarm the house
hold, I drew the piano forward from the
wall, gave it a parting shake, and once
more curled myself up in the bed
clothes, not without a fervent prayer
that the player might transfer his enter
tainment to a more appreciative au
dience.
All, however, was unavailing; for he
shortly began again as brisk as ever; so
bowing to the inevitable, I endeavored
to convert the disturbing performance
into a well-intentioned lullaby As I
thus lay in a half-sleeping half-waking
state, no longer interested in the causa
of the phenomenon, 1 was conscious of a
curious result. The strains seemed to
adapt themselves to snatches mere
snatches, of familiar airs, curiously
blended and interwoven. As soon as an
interval occurred that reminded me of
another jingle, it was immediately taken
up only to give place to another. The
range of the treble seemed to be con
fined to the third below the faulty note
and the fourth above, which of course
accounted for the plaintive character of
the music. I cannot sav how long this
curious phase lasted. 1 have, however.,
«. hazy consciousness of dropping off to
sleep, lulled by these unaccountable
note-rambliogs.
In the morning I learned that none of
the inmates had heard anything unusual
during the night. Being, however, de
termined to solve the puzzle, I lost no
time in returning to the room armed
with a screw-driver. When I had laid
bare the front of the instrument, I ob
served that the wires of the note adjacent
to the faulty one had snapped, and its
perpendicular lever had been disjointed
from the hammer and fallen forward on
the strings, thus forming an opening be
tween the back and front, and estab
lishing a communication between the
wires and the lower or horizontal levers
to which the ivories are attached. Still
no kev to the riddle presented itself. I
then proceeded to remove the leversone
by o le, and had partially accomplished
the task when the Gordian knot of the
mystery was severed in a rather prosaic
manner I pushed the instrument back
to its original position, when out scamp
ered—not one mouse—but two, by the
slit in the back which serves for a
handle. They ran along the wainscot
ing, which happened to be on the same
level, and disappeared in a press in the
corner of the room. It was plain that
my mystic performer had resolved him
self into the commonplace of a couple of
mice, whose performances had been
prolonged by the cutting off of their re
treat. Still I comforted myself with
the thought that if I kept my own coun
sel there was material enough te prove
me a first-class Spiritualistic medium!
An examination of their modal ope
randi explained in a very simple manner
the awe-inspiring phenomena of the
previous night. Mouse No. 1, on pop
ping through the opening in the per
pendicular levers, climbed the broken
one that lay handy, purched upon the
end in contact with the wires, and, in
his efforts to ascend farther, or in the
mere pleasure of the sound, produced
the melody before referred to. Mouse
No. 2. meanwhile condemned to play
second fiddle, amused himself by creep
ing through between the snapped wires
and scampering up and down inside,
where there was barely room tor him to
pass, and thus contributing the rumbling
bass and the occasional sharp runs on
the higher notes. A cross-bar for
strengthening the foot gave him a foot
hold, and vestiges of his fur on the
larger wires rendered the explanation
more than a probability. The motion of
the keys without the corresponding
sounds must have been occasioned by
their pattering on the extreme end* of
the horizontal levers, the majority of
which I found to be somewhat worn and
loose in their sockets The contingent
phenomena I believe to have been
the unconscious promptings of my own
mind, or of what may be termed my
musical imagination.
On recounting the adventure at the
breakfast table 1 discovered that the
mysterious sounds had been heard by
another member of the family on a
quiet Sabbath afternoon some weeks
previous. She, however, had been de
terred from mentioning the circum
stance from fear of the ridicule she
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA. JUNE 10, 1880.
supposed would have followed her re
cital. I may mention that the presa in
the room contained a goodly store of
things seductive to the stomachs of
mice in general. That they disregarded
the tempting viands and betook them
selves to the unproductive waste of the
interior of a piano, must help to prove
that the love of music often ascribed to
this little quadruped is a fact of natural
history renting on a more solid founda
tion than exceptional eccentricity.
Though at first sight the foregoing
tale—the truth of which is vouched
for by our contributor—may appear
somewhat weird, we gladly ’ place it
before our readers as offering additkukd
testimony to the fact that “unaccount
able sounds” are capable of being rele
gated to natural causes. A little
trouble bestowed upon their careful
investigation would, as our writer says,
“ save many a one an infinity of aie
composing thoughts.”
A Warm Corpee.
I must dwell upon a very ugly stoty
to-day, which has caused a great deal of
excitement among the lower classes, and
which would be the general topic of con
versation still had not death put an end
to it. Some months ago two women re
turning from a visit te Benia, where
their husbands are garrisoned, were mur
dered in a wood in Stiab, in Hungary.
The murderers were arrested and could
not deny their crime, but they did not
confess the motive, which is unknown to
this oay. One of the ruffians died in
prison before the sentence was spoker.
Ihe other was sentenced to be hung. I.
week ago the execution took place, and
as it was carried out in punlic, grea ■
crowds, eager for something uncommon,
even at the risk of it being uncommonly
horrible, surrounded the scaffold. The
murderer’s name was Tabaks, and he be|
longed to the lowest class of the country
population. When the cord, was already
around his neck he expressed h s deeirt
of addressing the public, and began say,
ing with emphasis worthy of an orator,'
“1 die willingly, but my dear ladies and ;
gentlemen ’ Here the executioner ’
interposed nnd withdrew the trap-door 1
so that Tabaks died in the act of speech*
without knowing it, as it were, ana with p:
out a struggle. The executioner hao ,
been mostearnestly entreated by a docto’t
of medicine, a professor, to provide him,
for once, with a “warm corpse.” To com
ply with this wish he shortened tbs'
iogal “eight miuutcsf' for which •<n Au.f ’
nal should hang, to three, and handed
the corpse over to a physician, who
declared Tabaks to be entirely dead,
'lhe body was spread upon the marble
table in the anatomy room and professor
and students prepared for the dissection,
which, had they been in anything of a
hur.y, might have become vivisection.
All of a sudden the body moved, first it*
feet and then its hands, and at last
trembled violently all over. The pro
fessor did not lose his presence of mind,
but calmly sent to the authorities to ask
if Tabaks was to be restored to life, or
executed again before he awoke) Tn
the meantime,he thought ithisdntyasa
human being to do all he could do to
restore the life which had so unexpect
edly shown itself. After an hour's hard
rubbing and inhaling of salts, Tabaks
was sufficiently recovered to understand
that he had come to life this side of the
Orcus, not the other side, as he at first
believed. He swallowed a plateful of
sonp and then fell prey to violent fever,
while his neck swelled in a most alarm
ing manner This was all we heard on
the first day, besides vague information
as to the authorities being uncertain
whether the half slain man should not
be hanged again more thoroughly.
There was a universal outcrv against
thia It was said that Tabaks had
atoned for his crime by suffering what
the officers of the law had declared
to be death. More can not be exacted
by the law. No man may be killed
twice. While people were watching for
the knights and ladies on their way to
the second and third representation of
the tournament described in my last
letter, the general topic of conversation
was Tabaks. The man’s death, which
took place exactly twenty-four hours
after his execution, happily put an end
to the controversy, and pity for the
sufferer was the universal feeling. He
had raved during a whole night, and
suffered the most horrible spasms, and
had so often attacked hie nurses that it
was found necessary to tie him to his
bed. The probable consequence will be
the removal of the executioner from his
ugly office, which he had discharged witb
so little cure.—Vienna Correspondence
Hew York World.
London’s Expenses.
The principal officers of the corpora
tion of London are paid as follows:
The Recorder (as Judge at Central Criminal
Court and at Lord Mayor’s Court)115,001
Registrar of Mayor’a Court, who fa also A»-
aiatant Judge 13,US
The Common Sergeant.... 12.750
Judge of the City of London Court, who ia
also Commiaaioner 12,525
Comptroller and Prothonotary 10,500
City Solicitor.. 10,000
Chief Commiaaioner of Police 9,000
Remembrancer.. 7,500
Architect and Surveyor 7,500
Town Clerk,- 7,.500
Head Master of City of London School.. 7,500
Regiatrar of Coal Duties and Inspector of
Fruit Matage 5,000
Solicitor to Commissioners of Sewera 5,000
The Lord Mayor is voted an annual
sum of $50,000, free of income tax, to
mam tai a his position; and in addition
to this he has nis robes voted to him, and
has the Mansion House, free of rent, to
live in.
A benevolent Detroit dentist an
nounces that on a certain day he would
pull teeth free for poor persons and pro
vide laughing gas. He used 700 gallons
of gas and extracted 271 teeth.
SOUTIIERNNEWS.
There are 8,000 Knights of Honor in
Mississippi.
A dozen iron furnaces will soon be
in blast in Wythe County, Va.
Thirty thousand saw-logs are being
rafted down Pearl River, Mississippi.
Railroad ties are being shipped
from Norfolk, Va., to South America.
The ice factory at Chattanooga,
Tenn., after a year’s inactivity, is again
in operation.
A company has been formed at Rock
port, Texas, for the purpose of doing a
large business In canning fish.
Four mills at Richmond, Va., manu
factured, during the ten months just
closed, 287,476 barrels of floer.
William H. Harris has been ap
pointed State Commissioner of Immigra
tion of Louisiana by Governor Wilts.
The receipts of ootton at Houston,
Texas, this season are 160,446 bales,
against 97,346 for the same time last
year.
Lynchburg, Va., is doing a heavy
business in the guano trade, large
quantities being shipped in all direc
tions daily.
There have been filed in the Eufaula
branch of the probate office of Barbour
County, Ala., since the Ist of January,
mortgages.
The Borahs zinc works of Wythe
County, Va., will furnish the United
States Government with zinc, for alloy
with silver in coinage.
The Mississippi State Board of Health
has ordered a quarantine to be estab
lished at the port of Pascagoula against
vessels from infected ports.
In Montague County, Texas, a gentle
work ox went mad and attacked a man
on horseback, goring the horse to death,
while the rider escaped by climbing a
tree.
The Commissioner of the General
1 vnd Office of Texas has had prepared
Mpa- te maps of fifty-seven counties in
that State, to be used in attracting emi
ation.
The Farmville (VA.) Foundery and
Saw-mill has secured a contract from
the Atlantic Oil-refining Company, of
Philadelphia, for 1,100,000 barrel stav. s
and headings.
Bartow iron furnace, in Bartow
County, Oa., with a capacity of twenty
five tons daily, has closed on account of
the advance in freights by the Western
and Atlantic Railroad.
Three-fourths of all the Baptist
Churches in the country are in the
South. The membership of this denom
ination in the Southern States is 1,600,-
000, of whom 900,000 are colered.
The Lynchburg News publishes re
ports from eight prominent tobacco
growing counties in Virginia, in all of
which there is a great scarcity of plants,
caused by the cool weather and the
ravages of insects.
The people of Arkansas are no great
office-seekers. The candidates for Chief
Justice, Treasurer, Secretary of State,
Superintendent of Public Instruction,
Chancellor and Chancery Clerk in that
State have no opposition.
Two men, without any other facilities
than a tin pan, in five days obtained
1100 worth of gold in Byrd’s Creek, ten
miles from Christiansburg, Va. They
havb now hired a number of hands and
gone to work systematically.
A handsome dome is to be con
structed over the new capital in Baton
Rouge, La., broad enough to accommo
date a dancing party at the height of
over one hundred feet from the ground.
Extensive improvements are going on
all over Baton Rouge.
A large lime-kiln has been built in
Washington County, Ga., where there
is a large quantity of limestone, on the
Central Railroad. This is three hun
dred miles further south than any other
lime-kilns, and promises to meet a ready
demand for its products.
A man in New Orleans has for pets a
host of big and little spiders. He first
Became enamored of them on account of
their thrift, courage, industry and skill.
He has at length become so engrossed
with them as pets that he spends his
whole time with them and does not care
to see visitors.
The valuable water power of Maj. G.
W. Anderson, near Williamstown, 8. 0.,
ogether with 272 acres of land, was sold
for SIO,OOO to a representative of a
Charleston capitalist. The object of
this purchase, it is understood, is the
erection of a cotton factory with a cap
ital of 1400,000.
A boy was stamping some packages at
the postoffice in Macon, Ga., when a
lady came in wbo bought a three-cent
stamp, and then, turning to the boy,
coolly asked him to run out his tongue.
The boy did so, when the lady moistened
ner three-cent stamp on it, applied it to
the letter, mailed it and walked off.
Southern newspaper property is rap
dly advancing in value. The property
NO. 23.
of this class is now worth more than in
any other year since the war, and a
South Carolina enthusiast predicts that
every newspaper that is now on a sound
basis and making money can reasonably
expect to double in value in the next
five or ten years.
The Council Chamber at Charleston,
8. 0., is ornamented with full length
portraits of George Washington, James
Monroe, Andrew Jackson and John
Caldwell Calhoun; portraits of Zach
ary Taylor, Wade Hampton and Gen
eral Moultrie, and marble boats of Rob
ert Fulton and Senator Calhoun. The
portrait of Washington is by Trumbull
and is valued very highly. The buat of
Calhoun is by Clark Mills.
Robert Bird, a colored employe on
the Charlotte, Columbia and Auguita
Railway, in a fit of jealousy, killed his
wife by chopping off her head with an
ax. He then fled several miles, told
some colored people what he had done,
jumped into a mill-pond and was
drowned. Bird is supposed to have
committed murder in Alabama a vear
and a half ago, but escaped by charging
his brother with the crime. About a
year ago he attempted suicide by hang
ing himself with a grapevine, but was
cut down in time to be resuscitated.
There were no witnesses to the murder
of his wife.
■ jean 1 —!'_i_ * ... ._u
Rnles for Spoiling a Child.
1. Begin young by giving him what he
cries for.
2. Talk freely before the child about
his smartness as incomparable.
3. Tell him that he is too much for
you; that you can do nothing with him.
4. Have divided counsels, as between
father and mother.
5. Let him learn to regard his father
as a creature of unlimited power, capri
cious and tyrannical; or a mere whip
ping-machine.
6. Let him learn (from his father's ex
ample) to despise his mother.
7. Do not know or care who his com
panions may be.
8. Let him read whatever he likes.
9. Letthe child, boy or girl, rove the
streets in the evening.
10. Devote yourself to making money,
remembering always that wealth is a bet
ter legacy for your child than principles
in the heart and habits in the life, and
let him have plenty of money to spend.
11. Be not with him in the hours of
recreation.
12. Strain at a gnat and swallow a
camel: chastise severely for a foible and
laugh at a vice.
13. Let him run about from church to
church. Eclecticism in religion is the or
der of the day.
14. Whatever burdens of virtuous re
quirements you lay on his shoulders,
touch not one with one of your fingers.
Preach gold nnd practice irredeemable
greenbacks. The ruses are not untried.
Many parentshave proved them, with
substnntial uniformity of results. If a
faithful observance of them does not spoil
your child, you will at least have the
comforting reflection that you have done
what you could.
Heat on Building-Stone.
Ths powers of the various kinds of
building-stons to resist pressure and at
mospheric influences are well known,
hut there scarcely ever occurs an exten
sive fire which does not emphasize the
need of better information as to the
effect of heat upon stone. This need
Hiram A. Cutting, State Geologist of
Vermont, has undertaken to supply by
a series of experiments, the first result
of which is to confirm and give exact
ness to the general impression that gran
ite is a poor heat-register, and the second
to show that there is wide choice—even
in granite-in this respect. He tested
twenty two specimens of the best known
quarries, and found that while all were
unaffected by the 500° of heat, damage
usually began at 600°, was serious and
frequent at 800°, and at I,ooo°, all the
specimens were ruined, the stone from
Mount Desert standing the test perhaps
better than any other. He gives it as
his opinion that the effect of water on
heated granite is rather apparent than
real. The importance of this informa
tion is very great, especially to builders
and insurers. In spite of these hints,
this favorite stone will probably con
tinue to be used in “fire-proof” build
ings, and possibly without serious dan
ger, if it is only used in very solid walls,
but to use it in buildings supporting
columns, especially within the walls, is
only to invite the gutting of the whole
interior of the building if a fire should
break out.
Various physicists nave tried to
measure the heat conductivity of
liquids, but so far the results have been
very discordant. Thus, some attribute
to saline solutions a greater conductivity
than water, and some a less. Beetz got
for glycerine a conductivity almost
double that found by Winkelmann. But
recently the subject has been studied
anew by Herr Weber. The tabulated
r-suits for some fourteen liquids show
that the conducting power is closely
connected with the specific heat of unit
volume, »nd nearly proportional to it.
The author attaches great value to this
resu't for the theory of the state of ag
gregation of liquids, for it is known that
the internal friction and other properties
of liquids have here only a secondary in
fluence. Water was found the most
conductive of liquids examined, and
aqueous saline solutions have a conduc
tivity very little inferior to water. It
is also proved that the conductivity i’4,
creases notably with the
)ftl)
PUBLISHED EVERY THURBDA
BKLLTON, GA-
BY JOHN BLATS.
Terms— sl.oo per annum 50 cent* for *i*
month*; 25 sent* forlhree mouth*.
Partiei away from Bellton are requested
to lend their name* with inch amounts of
money *• they can pare, from 2co. *0 $1
PASSING SMILES.
A LOW story—the basement.
Dead issues—old newspaper*.
The home stretch putting up a
clothes line.
Authors are spoken of as dwelling in
attics, because so few of them are able
to live on their first story
‘ Life on the Plains," a book just
out, won’t be much of a success Only
*ix Indians killed in -.he first chapter.
In reading the personals and depar
tures in the newspapers one discover*
that distinguished visitors, like loosa
powder, go off with a puff.
When a Georgina man get* too weak
to split a watermelon open with an ax,
his relatives begin to look around and
see what’s the best they can do on a head
stone.
“ What," says an inquisitive young
lady, "is the most popular color for a
bride.” We may be'a little particulai
in such matters, but we should prefer a
white one.
If Bismarck insists on his resignation,
the Emperor William knows our address.
Up two flights of stairs, and knock at
the right-hand door. Don’t kick the
panels.— Burdette.
Very red-haired passenger—“ I *ay,
guard, why on earth don’t your train
goon?” Guard—“ Good gracious, sir I
put your head in; how can you expec.
to go on while the danger signal is out?’’
“ I know a victim to tobacco,” said a
lecturer, “who hasn't tasted food fur
thirty years.” “How do you know he
hasn’t?” asked an auditor. “Because
tobacco killed him in 1860,” was the
reply
Over five gallons of castor oil have
been used in oiling the skates of the
Hartford rink. We are thankful that a
new line of industry has opened to the
dreadful stuff.— Banbury News.
He—“ Why, you see, the fact is, my
dear, I knocked your mediseval teapot
off the top shelf and broke—” bhe—
“Oh, my prophetic soul 1 My teapot?’
He (bitterly)—“ No. Merely my head!’’
“See, mamma!" exclaimed a little
one, as puss, with arcliing spine and ele
vated rudder, strutted around the table,
“ Bee, kitty’s eat so much she can’t shut
her tail down.”
Heavy swell—(to a customer of the
house) —“I think 1 have seen you before;
your face seems very familiar to me ”
Customer—“ Very likely, sir, I wa«l«ng
■ sheriff's officer. (Gent collapses.)
A German traveler in Africa charac
terizes a people he came across as “ in
tensely black, dolichocephalic and
platyrhine, prognathus, dichotomatic
and dolichodactylic.” We have seen a
man knocked down for less than that.
A young man who plunged into the
water and rescued a maiden who had
sunk to the river bottom, was rewarded
by her hand. She couldn’t doubt his
affection; she knew he was ready to dive
for her.
Emerson says everything good in
man leans on something higher. Emer
son is right. We have seen a man lean
on a talegraph pole, and the only good
in him was beer. At least he said it
was good.
•* Here, John, don’t eat those crackers up,”
Baid she with a hateful snap;
“ They’re some I saved on purpose
To nut in the baby’s pap.’'
“ Weli,” said John, edging for the dooi,
And reaching for his hat,
" What makes you so crow about it, then?
Ain’t I the baby’s pap?”
“ Fancy Farmer” asks: “How do you
keep weeds out of your garden?’’ Bless
your soul, we don’t! We tried having a
hand-organ play “Pinafore” to them,
but as they still kept on growing, we
concluded that it was best to go fishing
and let them grow.
Whkm the Intellectual typo inn’t careful,
au a. . a c »rvfui,
Os the poet’s voluntary clever rhyme,
tt * aa a . Cfever rhyme.
He is pretty sure to set them up most fearful,
For a printer’s work is occupied by time,
’Pled by time.
A MAN out West obtained a divorce
from his wife, and married again within
three days after the decree was granted.
An Irisman commenting on the man’s
action, remarked: “Bedad, he couldn’t
have had much respect for his first wife,
to be marryin’ again so soon after lavin’
her.”
Hs wm a little lawyer man,
Who meekly blushed while he began
Her poor dead huiband’e will to lean,
He smiled while thinking of hii Ist
Then said to her, so'tenderly,
'■ You have a nice fat legacy."
And when he lay next day in bed,
With plasters on hie broken head,
He wondered what on earth he'd said.
Colonel Ingersoll says he doesn’t
see “ how it is possible for a man to die
worth 85,000,0000 r 810,000,000 in a city
full of want.” Nor do we. Editors
should club together and resolve not to
die worth 85,000,000 or $10,000,000.
We would rather not die at all than to
leave this world worth that much money,
—Bbrrutown Herald.
*iz _ 1 ....
Can Any One Tell I
Can any one toll why your jg men who
always belnndhantf wu A B their cred .
.tors can play bi hards night and day,
with loose na 4 fop undera P lu e hat >
mar. -.irh i J J ts and a short coat, to a
it is that s r '** ns ? C an an y one te ll why
tar th. 1, x,nie mothers are ready to sew
home e -eathen, when their children at
.re ragged and dirty?
T is said that Indian babies never cry.
nis is because they are newer taken to
public entertainments. We ; believe that
lan Indian-rubber baby wor,ld yell fright
fully if it were ttjjien to a place of
amusement. They it.