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▲ TRJEAT ODA
BT J. W. BILET.
* ’Bcurioaß-Mke!” Mid the tree-toad.
“ I’ve twittered for rain all day;
And I cot up toon,
And I hollered till noon,
But the sun jest biased away
Till I jest dumb down in a crawfish-hole,
Weary at heart and sick at anil
M Dosed away for an hour,
And I tackleu the thing agin
And I sung, and lung,
' Till I knowed my lung
Was jest about give in;
And then, thinks I, if It don’t rain now
There's nothin’ in tingin' anyhow I
" On?« tn a while some farmer
Would oome a-dnrin' past,
And he’d hear my cry,
And stop sod sigh,
Till I jest laid back at last,
And hollered rain till I thought my th’oai
Would burst wide open at every note I
“ But I fetched her! O, I fetched her
'Case a little while ago—
As I kind o' set
With one eye shet,
And a-eingin r soft ajnd low—
A voice dripped down on my fevered hrain,
Bayin’-' If you’ll jest hush. I’ll rain!’ •’
————■ ———
EiPorrriATioi.
Tears In those eyes of bluet
Sparks of fiery dew,
Scornful lightnings that flash
Twtxt dusky lash and lash I
Never from sorrow grew
That rain in my heaven of bluet
Full of disdain are you—
Scorn for these fetters new;
Sweet, you were free too long!
Izive is a master strong,
Hard are the words, but true.
None may his chain undo.
Nay! Let your heart chine through
And soften those eyes of blue!
Glide from your chilly heigh 1
Banish your anger bright;
Fairest, be gentlest, too,
Fate ia too mighty for you I
THE EMPEROR’S CHOICE.
A. Legend flrom History.
Michael the Second lay in the sepul
chral chapel erected by Justinian, in
the Church of the Holy Apostles at
Constantinople. It was in the autumn
of 829 that this Eneperor died, leaving
the throne of the Eastern Empire to his
•on Theophilus.
Married at an early stage of his great
ness to Euphrosyne, daughter of Con
stantine VI., Michael had suffered a de
gree of obloquy which he could not
avert, in conseoueuce of his marriage.
Euphrosyne had already become a nun,
when he accidentally saw her, as she was
returning from matins, across the court
yard adjoining both convent and chapel.
From this time her image haunted him,
night and day; and when at length he
came to the throne, his first act was to
obtain a dispensation from the Patriarch
for the beautiful recluse to share it with
him.
There were those who dared murmur
against the desecration, as they termed
it, and the sovereign’s life was embit
tered, and perhaps his death hastened,
by the reports that often reached him of
the disapproval of his subjects. Euphro
eyne, however, made as exemplary an
Empress as she had been irreproachable
as a nun, and mourned her husband’s
death with as true a grief as if she had
never abjured the world. All her re
maining affections centered in her son,
Theophilus, who ascended the throne
when his father died, in October, 829.
To please the fastidious taste that
characterized the new Emperor, and,
perhaps, to guard him against the temp
tation of invading the sacred precints of
the cloister for a wife, the Empress as
sembled all the most beautiful and
gi aceful among the maidens of Constan
tinople to a fete in her own private
apartments. Previous to their coming
she informed him of her object, and de
sired him to select a new empress from
among the the many fair and high-born
maidens who would grace it.
Perhaps it was only a whim that
prompted his quick answer; but he
eventually carried it out, in away that
accorded with his quaint and quiet
humor. Seizing an apple of pure gold
from among the costly ornaments of his
mother’s cabinet, he said, “ Look, moth
er! I will openly present this apple to
the maiden who most shall meet my ap
probation in your circle, this evening;
and that maiden, whoever she may be,
shall share with me the throne.
ihe Empress approved, and they sep
arated, to meet again when she soould
be surrounded by the flower of beauty
and grace in her own apartment.
The evening shades were deepening
into darkness, when a young and very
beautiful girl, dress d with fairy light
ness and taste, stood before the massive
steel mirror which gave back her dashing
eyes and crimson c eeks. She was
r bed in along, trailing garment of
transparent silver tissue, looped up at
one side with a knot of white fl we s
The shoulders were partially bare, and
the short sleeve was gathered up by a
single spray of delicate lilies. Across
the bosom the robe was drawn int >
graceful folds parting in the center,
and decorated with flowers. The I air
was braided ir.to a heavy knot at ti e
back of the head, and a wreath of tiny
green leaves encircled the knot. Except
the flowers, there was no decoration.
All was in the strictest simplicity, but
sn air of indescribable elegance and
r finenrnt pervaded her who e appear
slice.
A s she stepped from before the large
mirror she met the eyes of a young
ma ■, bearing a strong family resemblance
to her, fixing themselves earnestly and
admiringly upon her.
‘ You will go with me, Justus?” she
asked, ss he approached her.
‘‘lf it is your pleasure, Theodora,”
was the reply, “ 1 am only too happy to
The North Georgian.
>OL. 111.
attend you.” He bent toward her and
whispered. “If I could but know that
I might hope for your presence al
ways—"’
“Hush, Justus!” said she; “I think
you must remember that the subject is
forbidden as one likely to destroy the
bonds of friendship between us.”
“And is friendship all that I must
hope for?” he asked.
“All!” she replied. “Methinks it is
a great boon, the true and pure friend
ship which I have described. Be
sides, are you not my own relative?—
learer than any save a brother ? Sisters’
children we are, Justus.” And she laid
her white hand upon his arm with a sis
terly freedom that disarmed him of al!
resentment toward her. “ You will got’
she asked again.
“ Yes, Theodora—and as a brother
only, if that is all you can desire me to
be to you. But I shaH make a sorry at
endan’.’
The two passed out together, and just
as they were about to enter the quaintly
decorated Greek chariot, another chariot,
with wild, prancing horses, nearly run
against them.
“ That is Eikasia’s carriage,” said
Theodora, when her momentary fright
was over. “ Did you observe what a
beautiful thing it is?”
•• I saw that it was built in the form of
a sea-shell,” he replied. “ Eikasia has
taste as well as beauty.”
“ Yes,” said Theodora; “ and oh, Jus
tus! how grandly beautiful she is! how
full of glorious strength and majesty 1
Do you know that I shrink away into
nothing beside Eikasia? She seems to
overshadow me with her commanding
presence.”
“ And yet,” said Justus, passionately,
" one hair from that golden braid ex
ceeds her charms.”
“ Nonsense, Justus! Do you think
me so vain as to be caught by such
rhapsodies, my good cousin ? Keep your
fine speeches for finer ladies than I.”
When Justus and Theodora entered
the reception chamber of the Empress,
Eikasia was already there. She was
dressed magnificently in a rich green
robe, embroidered with gold stars. On
her head she wore a coronet composed
of gold and emoraids. Her train was
three yards in length, and was of white
Persian silk, bordered with gold stars on
a green ground. A broad girdle, in
which gold was curiously interwoven,
confined her loose robe in folds arouna
her waistand a chain ofemeraldsdrooped
from her white throat, setting off its ex
quisite fairness. A pale, olive hue was
faintly lighted up with a struggling
crimson, but it was the eyes that lighted
up the wondrous—the deep, passionate
eyes, whose glances seemed absolutely to
burn with the fires of the spirit within.
The long rashes that shaded them rested
on the cheek; and the dark eyebrows
were penciled so evenly that every hair
lay in its own place, and seemed as if it
could not be spared from the general
t fleet.
Eikasia’s hair was of that peculiar tint
of nurphsh black that is at once so rare
and beautiful; and, unlike Theodoras,
she wore it in long curls, that fell over
her face, partially concealing the pas
sionate look that sometimes welled out
from the very soul in moments of her
intensest enthusiasm.
Won by that look—for she wore it
now —a person, entering the room,
walked slowly past the others who were
standing in groups, or reclining on seats
about the apartments, and stayed his
footsteps only when he reached the spot
where she was standing.
Addressing her in the grave and sen
tentious tone of the period, he said,
“Women is the source of evil.”
Herquickeye caughtsightof thegold
en apple. She divined immediately the
cause of this, and the use to which he
was to apply it, and her dark eyes glis
tened with a proud yet happy expres
sion as she ouickly answered, “But
woman is also tne source of much good. ’
She turned aside to speak to Theodora,
but her words were bitter and sarcastic
now—for there was an air of sweetness
and purity in Theodora’s face, that con
trasted with hvr own passionate nature.
The Emperor, who saw it, too, was disen
chanted in a moment. All her beauty
faded from before bis sight, and he
turned away disenthralled.
What was it! Did her tones jar upon
his nerves? or was he attracted to the
other maiden, whose blushing cheek at
tested her modesty, and whose spirkling
eyes proclaimed her intellectuality?
Who Knows, save by what followed?
The apple quivered in his band. He ad
vanced—stopped - went on, in Corporal
Trim’s own fashion, hundreds of years
afterward, and placed the bright, shin
ing fruit in the hand of the fhir Theo
dora!
Never before had such a blow fallen
on the self-complacency of Eikasia. The
words died on her lips, and the tears
forced themselves into those large, black
orbs that burned so brightly a few
minutes before. It was like rain after
lightning. She had not counted upon
this. When the Emperor had entered
she looked proudly around, and the
memory of that last glance in the great
steel mirror was still vivid enough to
assure her that she would bear off the
palm of beauty. Now, the veil had
fallen from her eyes, and she saw another
preferred before her!
A few moments of that forced gayety
which disappointed pride puts on, at
first, to hide the keen pangs that are
crushing it, and then Eikasia was gone;
and the party, following her lead, as
usual, broke up. At the door, Justus
stood ready with a mantle of fine wool
to guard Theodora from the night air.
She was trembling all over with the
strong excitement of the evening. Jus
tus thought she was shivering, and he
wrapped her up still closer. Could he
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA. JUNE 17, 1880.
have known that she was dead to him
from that moment, the poor youth’acon
stant heart would have bled deeply.
In the monastery of Santa Maria
Eikasia secluded herself from every eye
save those of the good sisters and her
confessor. She had felt the throb of
ambition—she now wore the garb of
humility. The brief day dream had
faded, but its going down had left none
of those bright hues that the sun leaves
at parting. Henceforth, life was painted
for her in those sombre shades of gray
that are too dull already to subside into
any other tint. And while Eikasia com
posed and sang psalms, to cure the fever
of a soul parting for the gift of love,
Theodora was preparing to ascend the
throne beside him who, had he not been
Emperor, would have equally shared her
heart.
The Empress Euphrosyne, after he
son’s marriage, retired to a monastery t
pass the remainder of her days; one sigh
to the memory of Michael, and she was
lost to the outer world.
Theodora accompanied the Eniperor on
one of his visits to the neighboring con
vents. A nun attracted her notice by
the height and beauty of her figure.
Her face was almost entirely concealed,
by the broad bands which she, more
than the others, had drawn closely
around it. But the full red lips, un
faded and blooming still, and guarding
a row of pearls of unexampled beauty,
brought to her memory the proud
Eikasia, as she stood, waiting in the
palace hall, for the distinction she was
so sure would come to her.'
Eikasia’s eyes betrayed her emotion.
The Emperor spoke to her courteously
without remembering her, and the “ la«t
straw ” was laid on the pride that had
been her ruling passion. She answered
him in a low murmur that sounded little
like the tone that so jarred upon his
nerves when, years ago, the golded
apple seemed‘so nearly within her
reach.
Thus we struggle—ah! haw often
like wounded birds, against the destiny
that seems so cruel—yet how recklessly
we fling away the golden fruit that
might bs ours; and somewhere away
among dim cloisters in which we have
hidden our grief, we somet’mes catch a
glimpse of our coveted prize in the hands
of another! What wonder, then, if we
beat the bars of the dreary cage in
vhich we dwell!
ti—J 1 ..' .. !.! L'. . .■.'■■■ T-JB
low the Prince of Wales Puts In Hit
Time.
What n busy übiquitous man tha
Prince of Wales is! He seldom leaves a
etone unturned that is likely to bring
him popularity. He attended the first
appearance of Modjeski, and the same
evening was also at the Royal Academy
banquet, where Bret Harte was one of
the guests, got first inning in compli
menting the Prince, but at the same
time expressed himself as a little disap
pointed at not finding him such a big
man as he expected. Next, the Prince
is seen at the Newmarket race course,
where the American trotters that came
from New York were exhibited for his
amusement. His Royal Highness was
much pleased with their performance.
Let me give the programme of the
Prince’s labors and wanderings for a
week: Monday he went with tne Prim
cess of Wales to Portsmouth to bring
home his sons, Albert, Victor an«
George, “middies” on board the
Bacchante. Tuesday evening the Prince
and Princess saw the “ Pirates of Pen
zance.” Wednesday he gave a dinner at
Marlborough house, at which all the
new members of the Cabinet were pres
ent. Friday afternoon he held a levee
by command of the Queen, at St. James’
palace. Presentations to this Court were
considered equivalent to presentation to
Her Majesty in person. Among those
who were thus honored on the occasion
was the Hon. J. W. Foster, United
States Minister to Russia, who was pre
sented to the United States Minister
Charge d’ Affaires. Saturday night he
went to see Mme. Albani, in “ Lohen
grin.” Next Monday he will attend
Miss Genevieve Ward’s matinee per
formance of “ L’Aventuriere,” ana a
fortnight hence he is announced to lay
the foundation stone of Truro Cathedral.
At the Royal Academy banquet the
Prince seized the opportunity to highly
eulogize his brother, the Duke of Edin
burg, for his services in connection with
'.he American relief ship. At the same
lime he paid a splendid compliment to
American liberality. The Queen isseL
4om seen in public.
The Truth About Colorado.
It is thebounden du‘y of every news
paper in Colorado to tell the truth and
nothing but the truth in relation to her
mineral resources. Let us not send out
any false hopes to those who desire to
emigrate to this State with a view of
seeking wealth in the mineral districts.
We should tell them of the hard work,
the unremitting attention to business,
what stern realities stare them in the
face, what hardships they must endure,
the deprivation of all home comforts
and the luxuries of life, the difficulties
attending the development of our min
eral lanas. We lay all these facts bare
to them, and then if they are equal to
the emergency, and can stand the
racket, they can succeed.— Pueblo Chief
lain.
The Rochester Democrat says: "An
ordinance could be introduced in the
Common Council making it a misde
meanor for a young man to drive a
horse in the evening with one hand.
This one arm business endangers the life
and limb of the other citizens who have
outgrown that sort of nonsense.”
SOUTHERN NEWS.
The last Mississippi Legislature passed
seven hundred pages of new laws.
The sportsmen of Alabama have or
ganized a State Association.
There are seven or eight candidates
for State Auditor in North Carolina.
Reports of the wheat crop in Tennes
see are still gloomy.
The houses in Chejleston, S. 0., are to
be renumbered.
South Carolina has 20,000 colored
Good Templars.
Eighty-two houses were built during
the past year at Athens, Ga.
Clark Mills proposes to undertake
an equestrian statue of Gen. Joseph E.
Johnston.
The glass works of Wheeling, W.
Va., are unable to fill the orders made
for their products
There will be more grain and cotton
raised in Texas this year than during
wv three previous years.
The authorized capital of the Sibley
Cotton Mills, at Augusta, Ga., has been
increased to 11,000,000.
Ohly two cotton factories are in
operation in Louisiana, both of which
are located in New Orleans.
The United States Fish Commissioner
is depositing a large number of young
fish in the- streams of South Carolina.
The Sherman (Texas) Oil Mill is
nearly completed. Its owners have on
hand 600,000 bushels of cotton seed.
New Orleans papers state that from
the present outlook a magnificent crop
of sugar will be harvested this season.
Almost the entire wheat crop on the
line of the’ Nashville [and Chattanooga
Railroad is seriously effected with the
rust.
The Pratt Coal and Coak Company, of
Jefferson County, Alabama, arc now
getting out throe hundred tons of coal
daily.
One hundred tons of manganaie
were mined, washed and shipped to
England last week, from Augusta Coun
ty, Va.
• ’'HR proposed ship canal across ths
no'hhern end of the peninsula of Florida
is just now attracting a great deal of at
tention.
George Senkins, of Barbour Coun
ty, Ala., killed a rattlesnake which
weighed forty-two pounds and had four
teen rattles.
The orange grove of Mrs. Harriet
Beecher Stowe, at Mandarin, on the St.
Johns, Florida, yielded Jest year $2,000
to the acre-
The old Colonial church at Halifax,
N. C., is over a century old. In the
church-yard there is a tomb stone
erected in 1772.
The Alabama StateFa : r Association
will hold an attractive exhibition this
year at Montgomery, comment! ng on
the Bth of November.
Mrs. Deli la McKinney, of Dallas
County, Ala., will be one hundred years
old on the 7th of November. Sho is a
native of Tennessee.
In some parts of Middle Tennessee the
farmers have plowed up their wheat
fields, having lost all hopes of a crop,
and have planted vegetables
A gang of negro robbers has been
discovered in Tallahassee, Fla. They
had false keys, with which every door in
the town could be opened.
In Baker County, Ga., where last
year’s cotton stalks have been left stand
ing, they have put out new leaves an J
have plenty of squares on them.
The South Carolina Penitentiary has
received orders for palmetto hats from
the States of New York, Georgia, In
diana, North Carolina and other States.
Miller B. Grant, who has been in
the Savannah jail for a year on the
charge of embezzlement and forgery to
the amount of $13,000, has been adjudged
Insane.
.Idams Corbett, a miser, died near
Falkland, Pitt County, N. C., aged
wventy. Over 17,000 were found which
le had secreted, also $40,000 in Con
federate notes.
A popular vote in Powhatan County,
Va., on the question of subscribing $50,-
500 to aid the Richmond and South
western Railroad resulted in a large
majority in favor of such aid.
A young man married, plowing, his
wife hoeing, and his baby sleeping in
i the fenc* corner in a cradle, is what a
gentleman saw near Hartwell, Ga , re
cently.
Rice is becoming one of the most im
portant grain crops planted in southwest
Georgia. The rains have given it a
good start, and the largest crop ever
| made in that section is expected this
season.
There is a movement on foot to es
tablish a large cotton factory at Clarks
ville, Tenn., which will employ from
NO. 24.
four to five hundred hands. The move
ia headed by men of means and business
tact.
The splendid Gordon setter, Fan.
owned by T. F. Taylor, of Richmond,
Va., is dead. She probably was one of
the most “ valuable ” dogs in America,
having earned upwards of $2,000 in
prizes and from sales of her progeny.
The town council of Jonesboro, Ga.,
has adopted an ordinance prohibiting
whispering or other disorder in the rear
of churches during divine service, and
the town marshal has signified hili in
tention to enforce the order strictly.
Rev. G. W. Bbiggs, the Southern
Methodist minister at Galveston, in his
recent lecture against Ingersoll, said a
law ought to be passed making it high
treason against the Government for any
one to express open disbelief in the
Bible.
In Wheeling, W. Va., a huge bull
dog, weighing over 100 pounds, owned
by a man named Gillespie, attacked the
the mother of Gillespie, and almost
killed her before assistance arrived.
The dog then attacked his owner, and
bit five or six other men before he could
be killed.
Near Chattanooga, Tenn., Capt. C. 8.
Peak and wife were driving on a steep
turnpike near a precipice forty feet
high, when their horse became unman
ageable. The Captain and his wife had
only time to leap from the buggy
when the horse ran over the edge of th*
precipice and was killed.
Dainty Food in a Menagerie.
Next in point of heavy feeding come
the elephants. Their chief food is hay,
of which it takes about four times as
much to keep an elephant as it does to
keep a horse, the elephant eating about
100 pounds of hav every twenty-foui
hours. And in order to keep up his ap
petite the hay must be the best going,
being invariably timothy of the best
grade. Other animals that eat hay are
the giraffes, the camels, the deer, zebra,
and different animals of the cattle
species. Most all of these are fed on
what is known as mixed hay, timothy
and clover, which is about twenty pe'
cent cheaper than the timothy alone.
There are 101 other creatures requir
ing. in many cases, much more delicate
and costly food. The sea-lions have to
be fed on fish, usually fresh and salt
mackerel, each animal taking twelve to
fifteen to each meal twice a day, and
consuming all together 100 pounds of
fish daily.
Next m point of delicate liven come
the polar bears, whose regular diet is
bread soaked in milk, with fish now and
then for a change. The black bears are
also given bread, 100 pounds being used
daily. Vegetables of almost every sor.t
are fed liberally to the different animals
—cabbage, potatoes, carrots, onions and
turnips. The elephants are great cab
bage eaters, in addition to their standard
diet, hay. The giraffes singularly
enough, are great onion eaters, while
the deer and goats, and animals of the
cow species, eat carrots, and turnips and
potatoes. Bran and oats and corn are
also liberally distributed—mostly once
or twice a week—among the hay-eating
animals.
The most delicate and expensive
feeder in the place, perhaps, is the
ourang-otang, which gets beef, potatoes,
bread and honey. As there is only one
in the collection at present, the cost of
keeping this grinning satire on the
human species is not multiplied. An
other delicacy which must not be omit
ted in the diet of the polar bears is fish
oil, of which they get several supplies a
week. After the hay, the oats is per
haps the next chief source of expense in
the way of animal food. As for the
fowls, tne larger ones are fed on corn,
while small birds are fed on canary
seed, and all of them now and then get
a small chunk of meat. — Philadelphia
Timet. _
A Princess’ Romance.
About the recent marriage of the
Princess Frederica of Hanover there was
not a little romance.” “ Here,” said a
London correspondent, “is a Princess
marrying a private secretary; a descend
ant of the Hanovarian Kings marrying
an undistinguished Baron, doing it
against the will of her brother, making
her friends the Cambridges furious, ana
calling forth the sneers of the Imperial
family in Germany. She is encouraged
bv the Queen of England who applies
to the Emperor William for her dowry,
and braves the wrath of her family to
satisfy the will of her relative. The
Princess Frederica has loved the Baron
Rammingen for years. She sought long
ago for permission to make him her hus.
band. For his sake she had refused
more than one advantageous match.
It is said when Prince Leopold began
to show something more to her than a
mere friendly attachment she deter
mined to appeal to him as the favorite
son of the Queen. She told him her
story and asked his aid. Like a true
knight, he devoted himself to her cause.
He urged his mother until she caught
some of her son’s enthusiasm; he ar
ranged matters which without him
would have been difficult; he turned her
critics into her partisans; and so it
comes about that a sister of a crownless
King is able with even something like
pomp to marry for love.”
A Boston artist painted an orange
peel on the sidewalk so naturally that
lix fat men slipped down on it.
K
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BY JOHN BLATS.
Terms— sl.oo per an sum 50 centa for six
months; 25 cents forthree months.
Partis* away from Bellton are requested
to send their names with such amounts ol
money at they can pare, horn 2cc. ’o *1
PASSIKfi SMILES.
The best trained team of oxen gangs
aft a-gee.
“ A chi el amang ye takin’ notes”—
the pick-pocket.
n Talk of there being no women can
ibals. Think of the poet laureate.
The good mother and the accessible
dipper always make a spanking team.
Thm Indians are ready to bury the
hatchet whenever the agents will give
them a gun.
“Circumstances alter cases,” said the
unsuccessful lawyer, “but my case don’t
alter my circumstances.”
The hired girl who was called up at 4
o’clock in the morning thinks arose two
hours later would sound quite as sweet.
The Omaha Herald says a drink of
Counsel Bluffs whisky will make a man
go off to some secluded spot, and rob
himself.
Geobge: Yes, hanging is a capital
punishment, especially when you’re
hanging on some good-looking girl’s
arm.
An Illinois girl’s toast: ? The young
men of America—their arms our sup
porters, our arms their reward; fall in,
men, fall in.”
Deadwood obituaries state that ” the
deceased was of an unobtrusive nature,”
when he didn’t poke into more than
three fights a week.
Emma : The only point of resemblance
between flowers and women, that we
are aware of, is that they both shut up
when they sleep.
The Arab horse is not broken until his
fourth year. That’s why they differ
from teacups. But then Arab horsefl
are not washed by the average kitchen
girl.
The Norristown Herald asks, "Are
the great men weakening?” Not any
weakening. Somebody has been lying
about us. By the way, Willis, how
do you think you feel?— Peek’s Sun.
“Ain't that a lovely critter, John?’
said Jerusha, as they stopped opposite a
leopard’s cage. “ Waal, yes,” said John,
“ but then he’s dreffully freckled, ain’t
he?”
It is believed that cate can be made
tenderhearted by playing soft, sad
mvlc to them, but how much easiei it
|s to hire a boy to chuck ’em off the
bridge.— Detroit Free Press.
Physician to government clerk—
“ Well, what do you complain of?’ G.
C—“ Sleeplessness, doctor.” Physician
—“At what time do you go to b&iT’ G.
C.—“Oh, I don’t mean at night, but
during'oflfice hours!”
A lady subscriber writes a poem for
our paper which for private reasons we
must decline. She says: “The sun
thine is stealing my youth and beauty
away.” Why don’t you begin an
action for petty larceny, you goose, you.
“Why don’t you come in out of the
rain?” said a good natured dominie to a
ragged Irishman. “Sure it’s av no con
sequence, yer riverence,” returned Pat:
“me clothes is so full of holes they won’t
hold water.”
A Southern paper quotes a gentle
man of the colored persuasion as saying:
“No, parson, I probly’ll never git cour
age to jine de church. When a poor
darkey’s spiritual ’viser takes him down
in the riber and says, ‘I capsize thee,’ and
then ducks him under, it’s time dat
darkey looks after hisself. You don’t
play none ob dem games on me, old
man.”
There ia a man in our town,
And he 1b wondrous wise:
Whenever he writes the printer man
He dotteth all his i’s.
Toledo Coir mer dal.
And when he’s dotted all of them
With great tangfroid and eane
He punctuates each paragraph,
And crosses all his t’a.
—Nev Huven Remitter.
Upon one side alone he wrltea,
And never rolls his leaves;
And from the men of ink a smile,
And marks ’lnsert” receives.
—Oincinnali CommereiaL
And when a question he doth ask,
(Taught wisely he hath been,)
He dotn the goodly three-cent stamp,
For postage back, put in.
A Yankee running down to s
pier just as a steamer was starting. The
boat moved off some four or five yards,
as he took a jump, and coming down on
the back of his head no the deck, he
lay stunned for two or three minutes.
When he came to the steamer had gons
the best part of a quarter of a mile, and,
raising his head and looking to the shore
the Yankee said: “Great Jehosaphatf
what a jump.”
“ After all,” remarked the same
young man, skimming lightly over the
the gravel walk in the general direction
of the front gate, “ after all, what boots
it?’ And the muscular looking old
gentleman at the top of the porch, with
his spectacles jostled a little crooked,
■aid that if the young man himself didn’t
know, he didn’t know anybody in that
township that did.— Burlington Hanikcve.
Be Prepared for Emergencies.
A paragraph giving minute directions
how to stuff an elephant is going the
rounds of the newspapers, and is gravely
placed in some instances under th«
‘‘household department” head of the
lournals in which it appears. Prudent
lousewives who set store by new re
ceipes may not forsee any immediate
occasion for its use, but, on the principle .
that almost anything is handy to have
about the house, many of them will
paste it [carefully in their scrap books
for future reference. There is nothing
like being prepared for emergencies.
A very wicked CJernnntown man
wants to know if jieopl • <> pray in a
loud tone of voice are uuuer theimpres
sion that the good is deaf, or are
addressing themselves to their neigh,
bors.