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N ’ftl| oeorgfi&i),
PUBLISHED EVERY THUR'DA
, BRLLTON, GA.
BY JOHN BL ATS.
Teems—sl.ou per aninm 50 cents lor six
mon tbs; 25 cents forlhree months.
Parties away from Be 11 ton ate requested
to send their names with such amounts of
money a, they can pare, **om 2cc. s o |l z
* M rROFUNBUS."
■T ALFRKD TXNNTSOM.
Oat of the deep, my child, out of the deep!
X??*? lhat WM to be »n all that wu
whined for a million »ons thm’ the rsrt,
w ute dawn of multitudinous eddying light-
Out of th© deep, my child, out of the deep!
Thro all thia changing world of changeless law,
And every phase of ever heightening life,
! on ® nK>nthß of ante-natal gloom,
I; ith thia last moon, this crescent—her dark orb
Touch’d with earth’s light—thou eomest, darling
lx>y;
Our own; a babe in lineament and limb
Perfect, and prophet of the perfect man;
whoee face and form are hers and mine in one,
Indissolubly married, like our love;
Live and be happy in thyself, and serve
This mortal race, thy kin, so well that men
May blee>s thee, as we ble ■ thee, O young life.
Breaking with laughter from the dark; and may
The fated channel where thy motion lives
Be prosperously shaped and sway thy course
Along the years of haste and random youth
Unshattered - then full current thro’ full man;
And last, in kindly curves, with greatest fall,
By quiet fields, a slowly dying power,
To that last deep where we and thou are still.
—JVtaetecNtk Otfury.
cvpib’r bmt iHirr.
Prtd Cupid to me, come hither and see
Tl nt lady in rinalete so bright, boy.
Bald I, with a n<>d tn the knowing young god,
She puts them in paper at night, boy.
But, said Cuoid to me, did ever you see
On any girl’s cheek such a red bloom?
eaid J, half a score, but don’t mention It more,
She’s a small pot of rouge in her bedroom.
But, said be, if you’ve title, there’s a beautiful
waist.
The doves of my mother all haunt ft;
He does a good trade, her corset that made,
I cgn give you hfs card if you want it
Ah! said Cupid, I see you’re too clever for me,
And are heart>whc>le, where others have bled so;
and he fingered a dart ny the feathery part,
Ai d winked his blue eyes as he said so.
Then he hade me good-bye, but mid gaze in her
eye,
What love-light of beauty there’s in ft.
I could scarce turn to look, when an arrow he
took,
And pierced through my heart in a minute;
And he cried to the fair, as he flew through the
air,
Nor in stays, paint or powder love’s dart fa,
A glance or a smile has more power to beguile,
For nature more potent than art is.
- The Steeler Knight.
DEVILS IN THE CHURCH.
I True story of Burnt Cort Humor 01 tie ini.
“ Never heard of such a thing before,”
mid Charley Bennett, after prying open
a window nnd plunging head first into a
little wayside church to escape the
driving and chilling storm.
“Heard of what?’ questioned .Johnny
Lyon, carefully unwrapping his coat
from around his banjo and restoring it
to his shiverinc person.
■‘A church theatrical, and that’s what
this is bound to be to-night,” and Char
ley also removed the wrappings from his
violin, the rest of the boys following his
example, and producing bones and tam
bourine they had guarded from tbe
enow and sleet.
“ Not much,” put ’a Dick Lamb, with
a nonchalant whistle. “It’s something
entirely new on the programme, and
oucht to take.”
“ llsomebody donttakeus for burglar
izing a church, I’ll be satisfied.” laughed
Larry Conners, the fourth of the quar
tette that had “ busted ” upon the road,
slid out of the hotel window after dark
with their instruments (all the va'ua
files they had), leaving the landlord
minus for three days’board, and were
“hosing” it back to Chicago.
“ No danger of that ” answered Char
ley, “ but it s an entirely new wrinkle
fn the minstrel biz is a church theatrical,
and ought to draw a crowded house.”
“ Yes,” sa'd Johnny Lyon reflectively,
"I’ve heard of an orthodox dissen ing,
and even a militant, but never tny
tbing like this before.”
“Except,” interlarded Dick, “the
one that was a church up stairs, and a
saloon be'ow, and on the pillars of which
Edgar A. Poe is said to have written:
There’s a spirit abnv* and a spirit below,
A spir.t of jov nnd a spirit of woe;
The spirit above Ir the wpirit divine.
And the spirit below is the spirit of wine.”
“ Wish I was there now,” groaned
Larry.
‘ Where? In the church?”
“ No, you fool, in the gin mill. I
never was so dry in my life.”
“ Wet, you mean.”
“ Yes, outside, but dry as a powder
house within.”
“No matter, we are in snug quarters
for the night, and can take things com
fortable.”
“ Jf some constable don’t make it lively
for us.”
“ I'm not going to freeze, anyhow.”
Searching around, Charley found a
stove, a pile of wood, and by the aid of
matches and unused programmesof the
“Great and unrivaled Congo Minstrels
and un ipproachable delineators of Af
rican character,’ etc., etc., he soon had
t cheerful fire, and the boys were gath
ered round the roaring stove, and in
dulged in merry jists at their own ex
pense.
They were what is (was) called a
“snap company,” though the term was
nncoined then’ for it was in the early
days of burnt cork artist* in the West
en! country. The original Christy’s
Minstrels with “Ned” at the head, and
“George” at the end. had made theirfirst
visit to ■ hicago, and the boys were wild
with delight. Everybody who could
thumb a string, draw a boy, manipulate
bone.-, beat “Deacon’ sk : n and sinz at
at a tune, fancied they -aw an unworked
bon nz-i of untold wealth and waded in.
The “Congo’s” were among the earliest
to take the field—and leave it. With
dilapidated instruments, old songs, gags
and con’s —a very short allowance
of money and large stock of assurance,
they started out to astonish the natives
and rake in their pile. Os their original
occupations one was a printer, one was a
butcher’s sub, one a general loafer, and
the other a bar-keeper, and through the
buzzing of the first named, they were in
debted for their bills—and always would
be
With advance agent and treasurer
The North Georgian.
VOL. 111.
they started out with flying colors, but
soon came to grief. The agent (lived
and drank) high, ran them in debt, and
sloped; the treasurer paid no bills, gob
bled up all the available, disappeared,
and left them stranded in a strange
town, fifty miles from home, with hun
gry creditors pouncing upon them at
every turn.
A council of—well, not exactly war,
but ways and means—was held. The
boys, by dint of cheek, got an immense
programme for a benefit the following
evening, quieted the landlord with re
fulgent promises, filled themselves with
grub (and corn juice), retired early,
locked their doors, slid quietly out of the
windows, and took the back track on a
quiet “go-as-you-please.” The weather,
however, was against them, and a wild
Western snow-storm raged upon the
prairie. They were driven to the shelter
of a little point of timber, found a
lonely church, got inside quickly, and
made themselves perfectly at home, and
as comfortable as was possible under the
circumstances.
But, pretty well used up, they soon
grew tired of singing and poking fun at
each other, and began looking around
for some place to lay their weary bones.
A few cushions were found and dragged
to the pulpit platform; they doubed up
both themselves and their overcoats and
prepared for a snooze, with the under
standing that any one who chanced to
awaken should replenish the fire.
Slumber thev did speedily, heavily,
but not long. There came a thundering
at the doors sufficient to have awakened
the notorious Seven Sleepers, and the
boys fairly shook in their boots, believ
ing a band of revenging “Regulators”
were after them, and they would soon
swing by the neck from the steeple or a
tree, whichever came the most handy.
Fortunately they were at the extreme
end ot the church, screened by the pul
pit, the doors strong, and they had a
little time for reflection.
“ Let's slide out of the window and
cut for it,” whispered Dick, with chat
tering teeth.
“ Better hide,” suggested Johnny.
“Or get ready for a fight,” put in
Larry, whose Milesian blood always
“ Ixtomed ” at the prospect of a scrim
mage.
“ ilold on!" commanded Charley, who
was the coolest of the lot. “ Wait and
see what turns up.” ' *
Almost with ttie words the fastenings
of the door gave way and in rushed a
party of young girls and boys, shivering
with cold, who crowded around the
stove.
" Who could have expected to find a
fire here?” said one, stamping his fee
and blowing h’s fingers.
“ Lucky there was,” responded an
other, “ for since that miserable old
sleigh broke down I have nearly per
ished.”
Charley Bennett drank in every
word and whispered to the now re
assured boys. But unsuspecting the
presence of others, the sleigb-riding
party made merry over their mishap,
now that they were safe, crowded the
great stove with wood, and some of the
most daring even hinted that the fire
had been Started by ghosts who had
found it uncomfortable roaming around
in such weather.
“ Don’t talk that way,” said one of
the bevy of beauties, as she clung to
her companion and looked around in
terror.
“Oh, don’t please,” chimed in an
other. “It is bad and wicked enough
to break into a church, and I am certain
something terrible will happen. I am all
in a tremble.”
“&> am I, to kiss and console the
darling,” whispered Larry.
“Hush! or 11l choke you!” com
manded Charley. “ Remember what I
told you.”
But, though he succeeds*! in keeping
order in his part of the house, it was
not so easy in the other. ifie mere
mentiou of ghosts had caused the blood
to forsake the cheeks of the girls, and
they declared they would sooner walk
all the way home and be frozen to
death,” than remain any longer.
“Think of the pretty little dears
wading through the snow,” whispered
Larry.
"Be quiet, will you?” and a strong
hand was instantly laid on his throat
and a brawny fist shaken in dangerous
proximity to his nose, and he “ col
lapsed ” into silence, as he afterward
said.
And by degrees the other company
also were quieted. Going home afoot
over tbe prairie in such a howling storm
was an impossibility; there could be no
stirring until the sleigh that had been
sent for came, and so to pass the time
they began singing. But suddenly they
paused, looked at each other with eyes
starting out from pale faces and ques
tions with trembling lips:
“ What sound was that?”
“The wind,” suggested one of the
number in the lowest of whispers.
“It sounded like stringed instru
ments.”
“ Guess they think it is angels playing
on the golden harps’” interposed Larry,
to immediately have his wind shut oft
by Charley.
“ I knew it was,” exclaimed one of the
S’rl-. " I heard it as plainly as could be.
ark!”
A sound as of a far-away song, under
toned by the melody of harps touched
by the softest of fingers, came to their
ears and held them spell-bound. Now
the words seemed to float in the air
above—now to come from beneath their
feet—then to swell into chorus, and
then to die away as the whispering of
ghosts.
► .It was too much for the visitors to en
dure—was painfully suggestive, and
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA. JUNE 24, 1880.
with one accord they would have rushed
from the church had not the sleigh at
the moment arrived at the door. In
faltering accents the girls told the driver
what had happened. He laughed at
them and questioned from what direc
tion the sounds mostly came. They
pointed to the pulpit, and armed with
a huge whip he started thither.
“ I ll show you what fools you are to
be afraid,” he began vauntingly, to end
the sentence with “Devils!” and beats
rapid retreat.
And devils they appeared; four of
them, black as the ace of spades, with
immense mouths, and great white rings
around their eye*, woolley heads, claws
and armed with instruments that made
the most diabolical nois !
There was no standing upon the order
of their going. Every one of the com
pany rushed to the sleigh, tumbled in
promiscuously, and with horses lashed
to their utmost speed, were driven away.
And the last they saw of the imps of
darkness they were dancing regular
break downs upon the steps of the
church, with forked and lurid flames
playing fitfully around them!
That was the story they heard: but
the boys had a merry time over it as
they removed wigs, washed ofl’ the cork,
and settled down again; the last audible
remark being that of Larry:
“By my soul, that was a brilliant
idea of mine to open the door of the
stove and let the flames flash out.”
The first of dawn found the boys on
their journey, and though subsequently
they had many adventures, they never
again enacted the part of satan in a
church. ____________
Sleep and Sleeplessness.
Too much sleep is very injurious in its
effects. The whole nervous system be
comes blunted, so that the muscular
energy is enfeebled and the sensations
and moral and intellectual manifesta
tions are obtunded. All the bad effects
of inaction become developed The
functions are exerted with less energy,
the digestion is torpid, the execrations
are diminished, while, in some instances,
the secretion of fat accumulates to an
inordinate extent. The memory is im-
S aired, the powers of imagination are
ormant and the mind falls into a kind
of hebetude, chiefly because the funo
tions of the intellect are not sufficiently
exerted when sleep is too prolonged or
too often repeated. To sleep much is
not necessarily to lie a good sleeper.
Generally they are the poorest sleepers
who remain longest in bed— i e., they
awaken less refreshed than if the time
of arising were earlfer by an hour er
two. While it is true that children
and young people require more sleep
than their elders, yet it shou'd be the
care of parents that over indulgence be
not permitted. Whatever over-stimu
lates the circulation of the brain causes
imperfect sleep, if not absolute sleepless
ness. Although sleep is a natural and
involuntary state, it may be greatly
promoted by maintaining a good state of
health; by daily open air-exercise, or by
riding or sailing with the face exposed
to the air; by having the stomach free
from a heavy meal or anv indigestible
substance, and by the mit.d being undis
turbed with cares. Over-fatigue, indul
gence in food or drink beyond what
nature requires, want of proper exercise,
mental disquietude, are all causes of
sleeplessness Breathing in a confined
or overheated apartment is also a not
unusual cause ot broken slumber The
temperature most suitable for sleep is
about sixty degrees, which gives the
sensation ot neither heat nor cold, and
admits of a moderate amount of bed
clothes being used. The best posture of
sleep is to be on the right or left s de,
with the arm crossed over the breast in
front and tbe head well up on the pil
low. The mouth should be shut, so that
the breathing may be carried on exclu
sively through the nose. Some persons
acquire a habit of sleeping with the
mouth open, which causes the grotesque
and offensive habit of snoring. Going
to sleep while lying on the back should
be avoided; as, besides inducing the
sleeper to snore, it is apt to cause dis
turbing dreams. It isa well-ascertained
fact that sleep begins at the extremities;
the feet sleep first, and then the rest of
the person. On this account, in order
to fall asleep, we require not only to
compose the thinking faculties, but to
keep the feet still. The feet must also
have an agreeable warmth.
A German physician of celebrity has
lately been investigating the subject of
early rising, and has come to the con
clusion that, far from making i man
“ healthy, wealthy and wise, ’ it has
quite the contrary effect, and ihortens
life instead of prolonging it. In the
majority of cases which he has investi
gated the long livers hqve indulged in
late hours, and at least eight out of
every ten persons who attained the age
of 80 and upwards were in the habit of
not retiring to restnntil the small hours,
and remaining in lied until the day was
far advanced. He has no doubt whatever
that early rising is a most pernicious
habit for those who go to bed late; and,
like Charles Lamb, thinks it better for
everybody to delay getting up until
the morning has had a chance to become
well aired.
We are in the midst of anotner season
of remarkable occurrences—or stories.
North Carolina comes to the front with
the latest, it being stated that a woman
who was exhumed by grave robbers, after
having been buried two days, arose and
walked home, assisted by the would-be
robbers as soon as they had sufficient!*
recovered from their fright to render
that service.
The largest snm ever paid for a horse
in England was 572,000, given for Don
caster by the Duke of Westminster.
SOUTHERN NEWS.
Fi> Ceen new business houses are under
contract in Troy, Ala.
Tar turpentine business in Taylor
Coun’y, Ga., is flourishing.
Two ladies were appointed postmas
ters in Virginia towns last week.
It is an indictable crime to kill a tur
key buzzard or carion crow in Tennessee.
Sevtral lots of tobacco were sold re
cently in Oxford, N. C., at $1.50 pier
pound.
Columbus claims to oj the home of
more fine horses than any other city in
Georgia.
The Texas fanners are generally very
far behind the times in the use of labor
awing machinery.
Tim farmers of many counties in Geor
gia have planted cotton more largely this
year than ever before.
A man on the Peninsula Railroad, in
Florida, gathered ten thousand good
oranges from one tree last fall.
Thb competition in the ice business in
Charlotte, N. C., has reduced the price
to three-quarters of a cent.
Twenty-three new post routes are es
tablished in Mississippi by an act of Con
gress approved on the 3d inst.
Gold is found in fifty-six counties in
Georgia, copper in thirteen, and silver in
three, iron in fifty-three and diamonds in
twenty-six.
Planting flax for the production of
linseed oil and lint is proposed to be tried
near San Antonio, Texas, where flax
grows wild.
The Mississippi mills at Wesson have
their 400 looms running eleven orders
ahead for the full capacity of the mills
for the next three months.
North Carolina is taking an active
interest in fish culture. All the leading
streams in the State are now being
stocked with the best varieties of fish.
All the saw-mills along the South and
North Alabama Railroad are kept buy
supplying orders for lumber. Large
quantities of the lumber are shipped to
Northern markets.
jfonAoco from Western North Carolina
is scarcely ever injured by the horn
worm. This crop him been grown there
but a few years, and the worms have not
yet learned to claim it.
Puox quotes a colored philosopher as
saying, “ twenty years ago niggers was
wuf a thousand dollars a piece. Now
dey would bedeah at two dollars a dozen.
It’s ’stonishing how de race am runin’
down.”
The raising of Angora goats in West
ern Texas is increasing, and is alleged to
be a profitable business. It is said that
the meat is much better than mutton,
and each goat yields about two pounds
of hair annually. In the Eastern market
it is now worth 55 cents per pbund.
At Clarksville, Texas, a farmer named
Canterbury has been held to answer the
charge of swindling. He made cotton
bales with one hundred pounds of cotton
and the balance cotton seed. The bales
weighed so much that a cotton buyer,
suspecting foul play, bored into a bale
and struck the seed.
The Ocean Steamship Company, ot
Savannah, paid $7,000 cash for a city
tract on the water front, the terms of the
sale being “that the party purchasing
said property shall erect thereon a grain
elevator with the capacity for at least
100,000 bushels of grain, within twelve
months from the date of said sale.
While a number of ladies were sitting
in the piazza of a residence in Mt. Pleas
ant, S. C., a mad dog rushed into the
group and snapped several times at
them, catching the dress of one of the
ladies in its mouth. Fortunately, the
ladies were able to make their escape,
and the dog finally butted its head
against the building until it was insensi
ble.
One of the prodigiea brought into no
tice by the Exposition at Nashville is a
boy only five years old who is able to read
promiscuously in books and newspapers,
never stopping to spell a word, empha
sizes well and enunciating slowly and dis
tinctly, like a well-educated man. His
name is W. C. L. Wetmore, and his home
Wilson County.
In Edgefield County, S. C., Thomas
M. Blease was shot and instantly killed
by Gardner, his son-in-law. It is reported
that bad feeling existed between the men
on account of Gardner’s marriage with
Blease's daughter, and that Blease had
made charges against Gard ner of a deli
cate nature, and, threatening to kill him,
had Bought him for that purpose. Gard
ner being apprised of his father-in-law's
intention, killed him upon meeting him.
John Burnside is the most extensive
sugar-planter in Louisiana. He owns
and operates eight plantations located in
the parishes of Ascension and St. James.
On these fine estates, over an area in ex
cess of six square miles, the sugar cane
now waves in the breeze. The statistics
NO. 25.
of his last year's operations are as fol
lows: Acres of cane ground, 3,287;
pounds of sugar produced, 6,084,000;
barrels of molasses produced.7,29o.
L. J. McCormick, a native of Rock
bridge County, Va., but now a wealthy
Chicagoan, some time ago presented the
University of Virginia with a telescope
costing $50,000, which is the largest in
the world. William H. Vanderbilt has
since donated $25,000 td»the University
for the purpose of building an observa
tory, and the officers of the institution
are endeavoring, with good prospects of
success, to raise an additional $50,000 to
be applied to the building.
While an old man by the name of
Jas. A. Jones was taking care of a bull
belonging to Dr. Washburn, in Jasper
County, Mo., the animal became infuri
ated and charged upon him with the
fury of a wild beast. He gored him in
the abdomen, letting his intestines fall
out, and ripped open his thigh almost to
the bone. After being thus mangled,
the old man hitched the terrible brute to
his place in the bam, and then walked
to the house, but died the next day.
Probably the most beautiful woman
ever involuntarily within the walls of the
Virginia Penitentiary is a young girl
of about twenty-two, who was sent there
about six months ago from one of the
southwestern counties, where she was
convicted of horse-stealing. She not
only possesses personal attractions, but
is quite intelligent, and her manners are
quite pleasing. The fair convict might
readily be taken for a city belle, if she
had her liberty, instead of an inmate of a
cell, charged with the unromantic and
unwomanly crime of horse-stealing.
The New Orleans Picayune says of
Louisiana’s cotton king: The agricul
tural operations of Col. Edward Rich
ardson are on a scale unequaled any
where in the United States, and probably
in the whole world. Scores of vast cot
ton plantations, the management of any
one of which requires superior skill and
experience, scattered through Louisiana
and Mississippi, are successfully handled
by this able man. His landed posses*
sions rival those of the proudest estates
of the English nobility both in area and
value, and many of the German Princes
have fewer subjects than he has employes
on his pay-roll.
The colored societies of Richmond,
Va., united in holding a grand picnic the
other day, resulting in the following Con
glomeration: King Solomon Lodge,
Lone Star, Ebenezer, G. M. Council,
Ruth Degree, Friendship Helping, Hero
ines of Jericho, Loving Sons of the Vine
yard, Rising Israelites, United Sons of
Love, Infant Sons of the Cross, Inde
pendent Messiah, Reform Sons of Lib
erty, Supporters of the Vineyard,
Christian Sons of Peace, Richmond Ca
dets, Young Lambs, Morning Pilgrims,
Old Sons of Zion, Radical Drag, All
Nights, Golden Harp, First - Star
Jacob, Kingdom of Wealth and Golden
Chariot. Richmond was still in existence
when last heard from.
- L X. n-L'-SSS!
The Innocent Schoolmaster.
'Barnes Monthlv.]
He doesn’t know very much. He can
ask the questions laid down in his text
book, ana can determine with a good de
gree of accuracy whether the answers
are repeated correctly. He carries a
pen over his ear, a stick in his right
nand, and a book in his pocket. He
considers it of more importance to secure
obedience and submission than intel
lectual discipline.
He frequently says: “Learn your
lesson! If you ask any questions you
shall be punished! It is not for you to
know the reason why! Wiser heads
than yours or mine have written these
books, and it is your duty to learn what
is written, and mine to make you do it!
Study!”
He requires absolute, unquestioning
submission. He neither thinxs for him
self, nor permits his pupils to do so. He
believes his books, and follows his nose.
He is the sworn enemy of norpnal schools,
teachers’ institutes, and universal free
education. With new text-books he has
no patience, and takes no special interest
in new inventions; in fact, he rather
more than half believes that Edison is a
humbug. He daily puts on tne skull
cap of his own ignorance, and lives in
the foggy atmosphere of his favorite
pipe, and one of these days he will wrap
the drapery of his snug-stained garments
about him and lie down unhonored, un
wept, and unremembered.
The above is no ideal sketch. We
have many such teachers yet lingering
in the valleys of our dark corners. It is
only by persistent efforts that they can
be driven from the teachers’ ranks into
the darkness of obscurity.
A recent estimate gives to the
Church of Rome about one-seventh of
the population of the earth; to Protes
tantism between a twelfth and a thir
teenth, and to Christianity as a whole a
little leas than three-tenths. Another
authority places the whole number of
Catholics at 216,356, 000, of which num
ber Europe has 153,444,000, America
51,400,000, Asia 9,167,000 Africa 1,695,-
000, and Australia 650,000.
A glass bracelet, of elegant workman
ship, has been found eighty feet beneath
the surface of the ground, near Castro
ville, Texas.
Published Evert Thursday at
BELLTON. GEORGIA
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One year (52 numbers), $1.00; six mon tbs
( 6 numbers) 50 cents; three months (13
numbers) 25 cents.
Office in tbe Smith building, east of the
depot.
PASSING SMILES.
The rest of the week—Sunday.
General to-pics—chiropodists.
A two-foot-rule—don’t stumble.
Every tramp carries a roamin’ nose
'Tib very easy to re-cover an old unt
brella. ,
Dutchmen are but boys of lager
growth.
The carriage-maker never tires. Th«
blacksmith does that for him.
"Aftee Cincinnati, what?” asks »
political exchange. 0., of course.
No, Mary Ann, a newspaper dress it
not made of prints, however suggestive
“ The nearer the bone the sweeter the
meat,” said the thin girl to her country
lover.
A man may be right, and yet be left
Among the recognized small vices are
Vice-Presidents.
The holes in our harbor fortifications
were made for big guns. That is why
they hold the fort.
A printer’s girl fell exhausted into
his arms at a ball. It was a feint to
work in an em brace.
Joaquin Miller is said to be very
busy writing a war poem. Mr. Miller
was very recently married.
Few spectacles in this world, says the
Albany Journal, are so imposing as that
of a college boy with his first cane.
The cashier of an Eastern bank ran
away with all the funds and the direc
tors placarded the door, “No Cashier.”
Jackson—“ But say, who gave away
.he bride?” Jones—“l forgot, but at
any rate it was a perfect give-away.”
Croquet, says the Boston Commer
cial Bulletin, will be popular this season
notwithstanding that it is played out.
When Webster said “ there is always
room at the top,” he was not referring
to the advertising page of a newspaper.
The oleomargarine flies, with their
brilliantly colored wings, are fluttering
hithei and thither, more especially
thither
We see at last that we must cease
making jokes When it gets so they are
likely to explode and scare horses it is
time to stop
At a restaurant: “ Take away the
sauerkraut; there’s a hair in it!” “Mon
sieui vou astonish me. 1 thought I
had picked them all out!”
“Get up, my son! The early bird
catches the worm, you know!” “ 1 don’t
want to catch no worms, papa, and
have .0 take nasty medicine!”
Atmosphericai knowledge is not
thoroiiffhl}* distributed to our schools.
A boy being asked, “What is mist?”
vagutly responded, “An umbrella.”
A young man boasted that he had a
well-stored mind, whereupon a young
lady muttered, ‘What a pity we can t
find out where he stored it!”
The New Orleans Picayune discovers
that while the country doctorgoes about
doing good, the country politician goes
around talking about doing good.
One glass of plain soda water costs
one-tenth jf a cent, first price. Now we
can understand why it is that a drug
gist s clerk can use the most expensive
kind of hair oil and wear a very small
cant*
One of the war songs of the Zulus
runs:
“Dshl dab I dahl dahl
Ye! yet yel yel”
The enemy is supposed to take to flight
as soon as the song is started.
The Western girl who persistently
declared that she believed all country
editors are not only very handsome, but
immensely wealthy, has been adjudged
insane, says the Hackensack Republi
can.
When a fond parent finds that bis
little son has emulated the example of
the father of his country in regard to
arboiculture, he raises tne wind imme
diately ; that is to say, he puts the heir
in motion.
An Irish gentleman in London being
told by an officer of a bank that he had
overdrawn his account, replied that he
was not in the habit of twitting them
when he had money in their vaults, and
he did not want to be twitted by them
when he had none.
Nothing is more pathetic than to see
a gentleman rise in a street car and ofler
his seat to a lady who has been standing
for a mile, overcome her protestations,
and finally receive h.r gratitude, ami
then, with a benignant and satisfied
smile, hop right ofl at his own door.
“Drinkwateb is dead at last,’’ re
marked Jonesbury as he entered the
house the other evening. “Oh, dear,”
tx claimed Mrs. J.; “but then his widow
is left comfortable. He’s well off, isn’t
he?” “He is now,” replied Jonesbury
with an emphasis on the “now,’ that
Mrs. Jonesbury didn’t more than like.
JUDGE—“What is your name?"
Witness—” Mosesh Lazarus.”
Judge—" Where do you live? ’
Witness—" Mine residensh is in Chat
ham street.”
Judge—“ What is your occupation’’
Witness—“l vas in the try coods
peezines’, sekent hant clo’s.”
Judge—” What is your religion?”
Witness—“ Now, Chudge! 1 sav my
name is Mosesh Lazarus—that I ieeve
in Chatham street, where I selish old
clo’s, and now you will ask me vot is
mine religion! Don’t you give it away,
Chudgel 1 vas a Quaker.”
Emerson says everything good in man
leans on something higher. We differ
with Emerson. The good man leans
upon a staff which is lower than he; it
is the bad men who take to the higher
lamp post for support.