Newspaper Page Text
The Lee County Ledger, Thursday, October 25, 2001 - Page 3B
Shattered Lives: Domestic Violence Destroys Families
by Carmen Knox
Victim Assistance Program
Editor's note: The following
story is a fictional event, written
to convey important information
regarding domestic violence. Oc
tober is Domestic Violence Abuse
Prevention Month.
Selena had been married only
a short time when I met her. Ev
eryone thought she and her hus
band had a bright future together.
He was an officer in the Marine
Corps and she was going to
school full time trying to earn a
degree. They lived on a military
base and had few bills. Selena's
husband always seemed nice but
that doesn't always match the per
son behind the closed doors of a
home.
I met Selena at a Women's
Health Fair we had on base. She
was gathering information for a
paper she was doing for school
on relationship abuse. Selena
asked a few questions and took
some of our brochures.She
seemed to be a very ambitious
person. I too, thought she had a
bright future ahead. I asked if I
could read the paper when she
was finished.
A few days passed and Selena
called my office and asked if she
could come talk to me. She had
the brochure I had given her at
the Health Fair. The checklist
read:
Does your partner's temper
frighten you? Do you make ex
cuses or minimize your partner's
behavior?
Are you afraid to disagree with
him?
Do you feel you have "put up
with it" because you feel you can
"change him"?
Do you feel you need to apolo
gize for your partner's behavior?
Are you frightened by your
partner's violence toward others?
Are you afraid of doing the
"wrong" thing, even if you're not
sure what that is?
Do you ever feel that this per
son is running your life, keeping
you away from your family or
friends, or preventing you from
going to work or school?
Does your partner keep track of
what you do, where you go, who
you talk to on the phone, or your
computer activities?
Do you have to ask your part
ner for money or does your part
ner give you an allowance?
Do you fear going home or your
partner coming home because
you don't know what kind of
mood he will be in? Do you con
stantly feel like your walking on
"eggshells"
Are you ever embarrassed or
humiliated by your partner's at
tempts to control your behavior,
at home or in public?
Does your partner accuse you
of being unfaithful, or are you
ever wrongly accused of flirting
or having sex with others?
Have you ever been forced to
have sex or perform sexual acts
that you find disgusting?
Has your partner ever injured
you physically, no matter how
slightly? Have you had things
thrown at you, been hit, kicked,
or shoved?
Does this person threaten to
destroy or destroy things you
own or care about?
Selena said, "This is a long
checklist but I can answer yes to
most of these questions." She had
such a sad look in her eyes. She
and her husband had been mar
ried for eighteen months and
hadn't known each other very
long when they got married. "I
thought it was fate," Selena said.
"He was so nice and concerned
about me and everything I did.
At first I was flattered by all the
attention and thought it was cute
when he would become a little
jealous when I talked to one of
my guy friends. I thought when
we got married he would have no
reason to feel threatened and he
would change; but it only got
worse."
Selena considered quitting
school because every time she
came home her husband would
question her about who she spoke
to at school. She was late getting
home from school one night and
her husband accused her of hav
ing sex with someone in her
class. He lost his temper while
she was trying to explain what
happened, and shoved her caus
ing her to fall backward against
the coffee table. She told herself
he didn't mean to push her that
hard. When asked, she explained
the bruises away. He had to ap
prove of what she wore before
she left the house. The control
had gotten so bad that he began
taking and picking her up from
school.
She thought he would be happy
if she quit school and got a job.
She told herself she would go
back when he felt more secure.
After she quit school, she
worked as a secretary, but the
situation was worse because she
stayed late most days. Sometimes
on her way home she would have
knots in her stomach playing out
the scenario in her head. She
didn't know if she would be
yelled at or ignored. Sometimes,
she would be relieved that her
husband wasn't home when she
got to the house. He constantly
called her workplace to check on
her. She had to call him most days
before she left so he would know
when she would arrive home.
Selena told me, "One time he
made me get out of the car be
cause I was waving to a friend
and her husband. He accused me
of having an affair with her hus
band because he didn't like the
way he looked at me." Selena
then started to cry. She quit her
job because he punched her in the
face and she was too ashamed.
She didn't know how to explain
the braises to her coworkers. She
had had other bruises before, but
if anyone asked, Selena told them
she was clumsy and fell or she
got into a biking accident. She
could always think of something
but this time she was just so tired
of trying to do better. If only she
knew what it was she was doing
wrong, she cried.
I assured Selena that she was
doing nothing wrong.These
things that were happening to her
were not her fault. Her husband
has a problem that he needs help
controlling. Selena's husband
was a good Marine. He had ex
cellent conduct at work. His su
periors never had any problem
with him. Selena was afraid to
seek help because he threatened
her each time an incident hap
pened. He told her nobody would
believe her and if she told any
one she would only be hurting
herself. He said, "You can't make
it on your own. You can't do any
thing. You can't keep a job and
you quit school so what are you
going to do?" Selena was start
ing to believe something was
wrong with her. Again, I reas
sured her. There was nothing
wrong with her.
Selena and I went over a safety
plan before she left my office.
Together we talked about:
Finding safe allies who live
close by and alerting them of the
danger she may face. She would
speak to them about using a sig
nal to alert them when she needs
help.
She would identify which door,
window, elevator, or stairwell
would be best then practice how
to get out of the house safely.
If an argument seemed un
avoidable, she would try to have
it in a room or area where there
was an exit and definitely not in
the kitchen or any room where
things could be used as weapons.
Finding a safe place away from
the house to place some items
such as: money, credit cards,
driver's license, checkbook,
medications, social security card,
or change of clothes and personal
items.
Not to tell anyone elsewhere
she would go.
Using legal resources for pro
tection. I explained that I could
do a Temporary Protection Order.
Also, his command can do a Mili
tary Protection Order.
We also discussed never under
estimate how dangerous an
abuser can be. The most danger
ous time is when you are trying
to leave.
Selena said she had been able
to keep only a couple of good
friends because her husband
wouldn't allow her to socialize
with or go to any family functions
with her mother or sisters. When
friends and family would call and
ask why she never kept in touch
she would apologize and say she
had a busy schedule. Selena
made an appointment with a
counselor from my office and
then left to go home.
Later that day, she called me in
a state of panic. "It's my hus
band," she said,
"He is on his way home and I
don't know what I should do." I
asked if something was wrong.
She said her husband had been
looking for her and she didn't
want him to know where she was
so she lied. He found out she lied
and now he was on his way
home. She knew she was not go
ing to be able to explain. He
never listens. "I know he is com
ing home to punish me. He
doesn't like me talking to anyone.
He thinks I'm always cheating on
him. Oh my god, he's here." I told
her "Follow your safety plan!! I
will call the police." I heard her
husband come into the house,
slamming the door, then yelling
at her to get off the phone. I tried
to keep the line open and I heard
her screaming "Please don't do
this again." Then the phone went
dead. I immediately called the
MP's and asked them to respond.
I left my office and went over to
their residence. By the time I ar
rived the MP's had Selena's hus
band handcuffed and in the back
of the police car. Her nose was
bleeding and her eyes were swol
len. She had red marks down her
arms from trying to protect her
self. I spent the rest of the day at
the hospital, looking into the
swollen eyes of this battered
woman, assuring her help was
there. Selena had been punched
in the face, threatened and
choked. She asked to keep a
photo of her battered and bruised
face.She wanted to look at it, to
remember, so she wouldn't
"soften up." That's when I knew
in my heart she would change her
mind.
Four days later Selena stood on
the steps of the court house with
her husband at her side scream
ing at me and a prosecutor from
the District Attorney's office to
stay out of her life. Selena and
her husband moved off base. She
became even more alienated
from family and friends, from
help. I tried to keep in touch in a
friendly way Selena always said
everything was better and hurried
to get off the phone.
Once you understand the cycle
of violence, you won't be frus
trated when this happens with a
battered woman. You begin to
understand that she really be
lieves things will change, that she
can love him enough to change
him. But it never works. This
wasn't the first time her husband
harmed her physically. It wasn't
the last time either. Five months
later Selena's mother called me
from her daughter's home where
she found my business card in
Selena's wallet. It was hidden be
tween a couple of pictures. When
I asked what happened she told
me Selena had been nearly beaten
to death by her husband and was
PUBLIC NOTICE
The Georgia Comprehensive Solid Waste Management Act
requires City of Leesburg, GA. to develop a strategy for
reducing the amount of solid waste going into landfills and
other disposal facilities. This reduction may be accom
plished by many techniques, including recycling materials
such as plastic, aluminum, and newspaper. It can also be
accomplished by diverting yard waste from disposal facili
ties into backyard or other composting operations. Many
other methods for reducing our local waste stream are also
available. Most of these methods involve your cooperation
and effort. If you are interested in information about what
you can do to help, please contact the person listed below.
The Act also requires all local governments to disclose to
its citizens the full cost of providing solid waste manage
ment services. This and other required information is in
cluded below:
Name of Government: City Of Leesburg
Fiscal Year: 06/30/00 - 07/01/01
Total Operating Revenues: $ 209,440.62
Total Other Dedicated Revenues: $ 0
Total Revenues from other Funds: $ 209,440.62
Full Cost: $200,124.38
Percentage of Full Cost Funded by User Fees: 100%
For further information about this notice, please contact:
Name of Solid Waste Coordinator Catherine Spillers
Address P.O. Box 890
City Leesburg, GA Zip 31763
Telephone 229/759-6465
Office Hours and Days of the Week 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. M-F
The Mayor and Council of the City of Leesburg do hereby announce that the millage rate will be set at
a meeting to be held at Leesburg City Hall on Tuesday, November 6, 2001 at 7 PM. Pursuant to the
requirements of O.C.G.A, 48-5-32 do hereby publish the following presentation of the current year's
tax digest along with the history of the tax digest and the levy for the past five years.
CURRENT 2001 TAX DIGEST AND 5- YEAR HISTORY OF LEVY
City Of Leesburq
1996
1997
1998
1999
2000
2001
Real &Personal
13,200,452
20,375,592
20,795,156
23,279,733
23,325,155
24,917,214
Motor Vehicles
2,095,571
1,148,409
2,463,488
2,493,147
2,781,261
3,094,842
Mobile Homes
102,270
112,770
161,962
303,702
341,434
336,788
Gross Digest
15,398,293
21,636,711
23,420,566
26,076,582
26,450,850
28,347,845
Less M&O ExemeDtions
Net Digest
15,398,293,
21,636,711
23,420,566
26,076,582
26,450,850
28,347,845
Gross M&O Millage
15.46
15.46
15.46
15.46
15.97
15.95
Less Rollbacks
6.82
7.46
7.46
7.46
7.989
7.974
Net M&O Millage
8.64
8.00
8.00
8.00
7.989
7.974
Net Taxes Levied
133,041
173,093
187,364
208,612
211,316
226,046
Net Taxes $ increase
15,701
40,052
14,271
21,248
2,608
14,730
Net Taxes % increase 13.38%
30.11%
8.24%
11.34%
-0-
.19%
still unconscious at the local hos
pital. Her mother started to cry
and said, "I didn't want her to live
the pain she grew up seeing. I
thought she would have a better
life."
To this day, one year later,
Selena still has not regained con
sciousness. Her mother is her
caretaker. Selena's husband is in
prison.
October is Domestic Violence
Prevention Month. The theme
this year is, "Peace at Home."
Domestic Violence is real vio
lence, often resulting in death or
permanent injuries and making
home one of the least safe places
for a person that is battered to be.
It accounts for more injuries to
women than rapes, muggings and
automobile accidents combined.
Unlike crimes by strangers, do
mestic violence is likely to be re
peated and often involves a per
petrator who will go to great
lengths to prevent the victim's
escape. Domestic violence is a
crime that uses abuse as a tool to
intimidate and control the behav
ior of another person.
Domestic violence is the pri
mary factor in 46 percent of all
female homicides since 1987,
and domestic violence is respon
sible for 53 percent of all homi
cides.
How can we help? It's not hard
to help. In fact, it's very easy. All
it takes is overcoming your own
discomfort with talking about a
taboo subject and reaching out to
someone who really needs your
friendship and support. You can
help by just by letting your friend,
family member or coworker
know that you care about what is
happening. You help them feel
less isolated, abandoned and
alone. You help them realize
there are options and people to
help them feel safe and sup
ported.
You don't need to have all the
answers. It's important that you
let the person know you care.
Please seek help before the vio
lence rains a marriage, family,
career or life. Thank you for read
ing this article and taking the first
steps toward a better understand
ing of abuse.
Put some life in your
^ protection
portfolio.
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We Make
Lee County School’s
Breakfast
and Lunch Menu
Oct. 29- Nov. 2
BREAKFAST
MONDAY, OCTOBER 29
Breakfast Bagel, Peaches, Choice of Milk
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30
Cereal Bowl, Toast & Jelly, Banana, Choice of Milk
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31
Chicken Biscuit, Fruit Juice, Choice of Milk
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 1
French Toast Sticks with Syrup or
Cereal & Toast, Chilled Fruit Cup, Choice of Milk
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2
Sausage Biscuit or Cereal & Biscuit
Fruit Juice, Choice of Milk
LUNCH
MONDAY, OCTOBER 29
Steak Strip & Texas Toast, Mashed Potatoes
Mixed Fruit Cup, Cookie, Choice of Milk
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30
Chicken Filet Sandwich, Lettuce - tomato, Tator Tots,
Pineapple Tidbits, Choice of Milk
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31
Spooky Spaghetti, Broomstick Breadstick
Vanishing Veggies, Graveyard Grapes
Casper Cookie, Monster Milk
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 1
Chef’s Entree of Choice, Green Beans, Sliced Peaches,
Jiggly Jello, Choice of Milk
Second Choice; Hot Dog with Bun
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2
Pizza Wedge, Corn Nibblets, Tossed Salad, Fresh Fruit
Second Choice: Chili & Crackers, Choice of Milk
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