Newspaper Page Text
t
[ MWW1
^be progress
Publshed Every Thursday.
11 D SMITH, Editor and Publisher
, Entered nt the PostutHnn, *n Vionim
Ga„ hb sccond-olns* tr\h mutter.
A Parker club was organized at
Cordclo Tuesday.
Always aim a little higher than the
mark—it the mark is a dimple in the
chin.-■-IryinvUle Courier
Yes, Ves; but don't go loo high
imtl buss the smeller.
The people of Worth county
voted a largo majority for 'the
removal of the courthouse from
Isabella to Sylvester, but soino of
the opposites have tiled, or gnawed,
a counter nlea and the tfimor must
go through the courts before the old
pest is torn up,
The Carnogia liliray was turned
over, so a Cordelo paper says, but
nothing damaged; nothing spilled
out. • It win turned over to tho city,
or delivered thereto, last week. It
is a handsome thing, and cost, all
told, about $14,000,
TO TEAOPERS.
A Key to Examinations. It oon-
taius tho Questions and Answers of
tilery Public School Examination in
Georgia sinoe 1888. Sixteen years’
work. Wo will Bond it postpricl, on
roeotpt of One Dollar. Dceriptivo
circulars free. B. S. HOLDEN,
Cashier Gilmer County Bank, ELLI-
JAV, Ga.
UNDERTAKER
Leave orders nt Progress office
for coffins, oaskots, ana robes.
Deposit tho amount you wish to
invest in an'outfit, and I will send
the best and nicest that the money
will t uy and ship it on next train.
Coffins front $3 to as high as you
want. . LAMAR GRAY.
Maoon, Ga.
No matter how large the output, coni
is always going up—In smoke.
You may lend a horse to wnter, but
you cannot make him drink. When
you lend a man to the bar he will gen
ernlly do the rest.
Doubtless the burglar cjubl tell the
ball player that he would be nioro suc
cessful If he would try to steal his
bares after night.
Perhaps the man who Insists on be
ing cremated wants to have a warm
finish.
Anyway ii limn may’get some satis
faction by giving the hnvji WSV.'C
kick as he passes It with a hod of coal. :
The man whoso only boobs ut'e wom
an’s looks would get along faster if he
had a few checkbooks ns well.
If all flesh Is grass, why isn’t dried
beef hay?
All a nmn has to do who wants thir
teen different diseases is to call in thir
teen different doctors.
No •wise man will wear a celluloid
collar when Jhe starts out to have a hot
time.
A billposter Is a superstitious man.
lie beljpyps ip signs.
Great Germ Killer.
They tell ub that a microbe gay
Makes children misbehave.
Just use to chase that germ away
The old time barrel stave.
The boy who is smoking a cigarette
when he applies for a job does not
want tho job.
It Is a wise weather prophet who
ni't’.ej a i ' :ral use of the word “If” In
Via predictions.
The Mitl sinter Thaw.
Say!
Is there no way
To head off the midwinter thaw?
No law
■Which we may Invoke
And tell It to smoke
Up end do something for us—
Raise a fuss
That will cause Bloppy weather to
mako tracks
For Halifax?
■Where aro the police?
Does their authority cense
As soon ns old Sol begins to mix the
mess?
Is there no redress?
Can no Injunctions be secured?
Or moot It bo endured
Until lazy old .Tack Frost-
Comes round to make up Cor lost
Time?
To call It a crime
Is only speaking plain United States.
Compensation.
“Adam missed some vexations, any
way.”
“As how?”
“Well, ho never left U1b latchkey In
his other trousers pocket"
Noise Doesn't Count.
The mnn who makes the loudest noise
Don’t have tho goods to show;
You'd think the rooster laid the eggs
To hear him proudly crow.
THE GOOD OLD STOVE.
Til slimmer time to idly st.rol.1
Beneath the moon's pule glare
And held •inramiiiiii as mill with soul
With some young lady lair
Is all right for that lime of year,
JBut It does not inspire
Hike sitting lose to ducky dear
Beside the parlor tire.
There’s,comfort In Its cheerful g'uw,
Its ch’angi it; mystic scroll.
And this In always doubly so
A- pa pi. .s uii, for coal.
In dreamland sweet you loll about
Ai d watch Ids money burn;
The girl must almost push you o *
To get you to adjourn.
la Hummer time beneath the trees
On some bright cloudless night
You stroll about finite ill at ease
If the mosquitoes bite,
But on a good.old winter night,
Although Jack Frost may pinch
An ; all the ground outs'de Is white,
Tho parlor stove's a clneh.
| Felt His Royal Blood.
“I feel like n member of the royal
family.” sobbed the small boy who had
just received n thrashing.
! “Does it hurt that much?" naked his
J sympathetic clmm.
| “Yes," replied the sufferer, drawing
i his band across the sore place. “Them
, marks are the prims of wlmles.”
If we could skip Its dates
And have old fashioned winter clear
through until spring
We would gladly sing
Tho praises of any one who could bring
Proofs that he was the cause
Of the absence of thaws.
Of course It doesn't get you riled
S O have a pleasant, mild
ay occur.
But, jumping Christopher,
when the slush Is almost up to your
vest
It knocks tho pleasure galley west!
Who could bo gay
When to get downtown ho had to swim
halfway.
Or Juittp from stone to log
Like a frog?
Let those who lovo to wado In mush
And slush
Rejoice.
Our choice
Is different. Hard weather makeB n
hit
With us, nnd we don’t caro who knows
it.
One Constituent.
"What did tho poet mean when he
spoke of such stuff as dreams are made
of?"
"Pie, I presume."
Good For the Sights.
“What are them X rays that you
hear so much about that a man can see
most anything with?”
“I guess It must mean that when a
mnn can raise a ten dollar bill he can
see most anything he wants to.”
A Star Attraction.
Ho was an honest alderman,
But still he was not poor;
A ■■ bowman figured out a plan
His fortune to insure,
And mu ay curious people came
For miles dfta miles to ace;
They added to his wealth and fame
And jammed tho dime musee.
Had Use For Them.
"Always pick
UP a pin when
you see one."
"I do,” said
the small boy
softly. “I might
have a chanct to
put it In the
teacher’s seat.”
Shy on Poetry. .
Though wife and life so nicely rhyme.
Yet wedlock, don’t suppose,
Runs as a poem all the time;
It may drop Into proso,
And sometimes It Is even worse—
Perhaps h season of blank verse.
Another Point of View.
“Do you believe that wai’ is all that:
Sherman said?”
"Sherman did nut live in another'
country and have 3,000 bushela of
Wheat to sail.”
C «r. Bp!
Cheer up! The pried Is just the enme.
Cheer up and put your grouch to shame0
You need not t- tie a license out
To laugh when you’rejncllned to pout.
It does not cost a cent to sruile.
And, truly, It Is well worth while.
Cheer up!
Cheer up! Tho sun will rise and set
Though you, perhaps, have lost n bet.
There will bo things to drink and eat
Though you are long on panic wheat.
Suppose your bank account is shy—
Some girl may kiss you on tho sly.
Cheer up!
Cheer up! Remember, worry kills.
It’s bettor medicine than pills;
It boosts you merrily through life;
It makes you solid with your wife.
And when you amble up tho flume.
The neighborhood will be in gloom.
Cheer up!
Easy (o Keep.
“I haven’t bvoken a single New
Year’s resolution yet,"
“Remarkable!”
"I didn’t make any.”
When no one observation takes,
When scoffers ore not nigh,
1'U bet your vegetarian makes
Corned beef and cabbage fly.
Knew What One Was,
"Have you read the four most popu-
ular books of the year?”
"No. What are the other three be
side the check book?”
Had a Cutting Edge,
"Smuggle mo in some laundry from
the place where we used to get our
work done,” whispered the jailbird to
his confederate.
“Want to put on style in prison?”
“Naw; I want to saw my way out
With one of the collars.”
One Point Shy.
"What is your opinion of the bach
elor girl?”
“All I can say is that she Is no gen
tleman."
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
At some boarding houses none but
tho brave can face the fare.
When you are spending money the
storekeeper never asks you how you
got It.
If you are on a
Rural Free Delivery
Mail Route
• •
That you must have a
BOX
That is approved by the Postmaster General. If you
get your mail on the R. F. D., We have for sale one of
on theghiarket; latest approved by
General)
tha Postmaster
J. J. COOPER,