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Do not speak slightingly of the
rooster because he does not lay eggs 1
remember Christmas is coming.
If you could judge by appearances,
the floorwalker would own the store.
Most any man can shift his views on
the tariff overn.ght If the other side
gives promise of furnishing him with
a better Job.
How would you like to be the at
mosphere in a presidential year?
Freeze to a friend from whom yon 1
can borrow money .until ho asks yon
to return some of it
While justice 53 blind, sometimes you
fancy that 11s trained ear can hear the
clink of money.
Count your chickens before they are
hatched, If you think figures won’t He.
If time is money, ragtime ij probably
rag money.
A man likes to get board where lie
won’t get bored.
Yellow dogs think that this'country
is'suffering from an overproduction of
tin cans.
Actors, will be pleased to fall down
and worship any one wh» will Invent a
stage that Id all center.
Judging from his actions yon some
times think that the man without a
past is trying his best to accumulate
one.
The fact that horse traders are born
and not mado is no particular credit to
their parents.
It Is a slow office boy who does not
know more than his boss.
A secondhand watch Is often shy of
a second hand.
Behind.
The man bshlpd the shovel,
■The man behind tne sun.
The man behind the counter
This blooming land may run.
There's nothing doing for the gent
"Who only Is behind in rent.
Useful Knowledge.
“How Is he getting along studying
German?”
“Famously. He can say zwel bear
like a native."
The Usual Thing,
Sho wrought with patient, inVlng pride
A garment for her flanco;
The back was short, the- uloevcs were
wide,
And worked with oil’.; In oolors gay.
Bhe fondly hoped that when he muBed
lu Idle hours with hlr- Igar
He'd wear the coat, whbe he confused
The things to be with things that are,
And so she sent It by express
That ha might get It Christmas day.
Bestowing on It a caress
Before sho sent It on Its way.
Ho took It from Its coverings
And held It upside down, and then
He snld he wonderad how such things
Could bo acceptable to men.
Ho tossed It In a closet dim
Among some slippers bndly mired
And wrote to say Bhe'd sent to him
The thing that he had long desired.
Can't Afford to Lose Her Now,
“What makes Roberts so attentive to
his wife?’’
“She lms threatened (o sue him for
a divorce.”
“I did not think a little thing like
that would feazo him.”
"Oh, you see, her millionaire undo is
about to die, and Roberts considers
that It would bo bad judgment to let
her cut loose now.”
Mean Thing.
Ernestine—Will Grnntley Is the mean
est, man 1 know.
Josephine—Why, what has he done?
Ernestine—1 had the cleverest Joke
of the year on him and nicant to tell
It to all the girls.
Josephine—Did yon tell It?
Ernestine—No. lie went before m#
and told every one of them.
Pane Pictures,
Jack Frost lias etched, with careful band,
A picture on the window pane—
A garden full of lilies and
A lot Of trees along a lane.
This seems a mocking travesty
’ Of singing, smiling summer time,
This glistening, sparkling mimicry
Of summer done In winter's rime.
But Jack Is wise; he wants to show
That he knows love und laughter bright;
That ice and frost and drifting snow
Are not the whole of his delight.
And so he makes with skill and care
A picture full of birds and bees
That we may know he's had his share
Of happy summer harmonies.
Radical Measures,
When Mary is three hundredweight
And keeps on growing large and great, I
The weigh to treat a girl llko that
Is with a dose of antifat.
When a man rune up against a pro- ;
pective mother-in-law who thinks be I
Will not do. he Is apt to donbt If It is I
so very many years since the lost gia-1
dal period. j
No matter how much faith an in
ventor might have In a flying machine
be would be willing to trade hla patent
for a railroad.
When n mah claims to have disco-
ered a process of making gold out of
bnser metals It is generally for the pur
pose of making coin out of credulous
mortals.
Looks Out For Himself.
Man's Inhumanity to man
. Makes life tor thousands stale and flat.
Man's Inhumanity to mules—
Ah, well, the mule will tend to thatt
A Better Use For It
“Give him rope enough and he will
hang himself.”
“Don’t take any chances like that
<wlth him, or he will saw the bars out
of his window and climb down tha
rope."
Those Lucky Horseshoes,
Gossip Is a feminine pa&time which
when practiced by men Is simply get
ting a line on
I things.
A soft answer
tumeth many a
!.fresh young
• man down.
A bad penny
will return to
the collection
plate.
Sometimes the imitation Is mors bril
liant than the real thing.
Mrs. Outowork—I’ll not ask mother
fl»r another cent. "If you want another
hteal In this house you’ll have to earn
th6 money to buy It
Mr. Outowork (aside)—And here I'vo
Carried that horseshoe around with
me rll day!
Positively the Rarest.
Oh, rarer than a day in June,
Although perhapu not ,-;utte as tins
Her w'th the earth bo much tn turvv
Is February twenl. -nine.
Safer Place.
| You ahout for that hervlo one,
) The man behind the gun,
j But It's lots plcasan er to be
I The man bohlnd a tree.
J PBRT P.VRAGP A D HS,
I Wiill, It may ot ,.e kh! fnrr
have your hands ui you, -keta
even worse form to nave . at In ,
j other man'u pocl ts.
A latrrni
w> .ink ••
onywnere ti ..
sliver toegued
orator sh ufd
produce results.
The man who
was uniting for
le ip , r will
still be waiting
tvl >n it Is over.
A diver should ncom'ills h won-'era.
seeing that he works so mnet Ot thu
time under pressure.
Money must be the rooc of some
thing; It certainly does not grow on tho
branches.
Love your enemies, but send all tele- |
grams to thorn collect
Pntent medicine testimonials are so
nttrnetively written that a man Is apt
to believe them until he has given tho
medicine a trial.
The less help you have the better
you can keep a secret
All 1b fair in politics unless the trick
Is done by the other side.
The confidence man may be a hand
some fellow, but his beauty Is only
skin deep.
Money maltos the mare go, but It
must first be turned Into oats.
The longest six weeks In the year
ore those that are ruled by the ground
hog.
Time nlono will heal a broken heart,
though a better looking girl will help
matters along wonderfully.
ss
o V.
| siiirts, s
PL -\CE |
r.. s-inl.,, Hnc '
■es in iiaf *. ;
in the i: ! P C
econd dam* .he
ner where a select line is '
being closed out to give ♦
room for groceries.
rn 1
i a i R •
s n
Take It Away,
X don’t like to complain,
But. It there Is anything that gives ms a
pain
It la to have a great, big, ten by
splinter
From the backbone of winter
Sticking over Into spring
When It Is clearly time to ring
Oft on z<-ro daye
And make a raise
Of a few bushels of sunshine,
Several baskets of superfine
Perfume ladened air,
Borne breezes from down where
The orouge blossoms grow
And where snow
ts a curiosity.
But, dear mst
Xt Is a different .thing
When you’re looking for spring
On moat every train,
Expecting It to alight, take off Its
and remain.
To have tho baggageman unload a as*
of loo
Twice
A day
And oheerfully say
That there Is more to follow.
Talk about life seeming hollow
And vapid!
Tou feel like taking a rapid
Plunge Into the lake
If some way to shake >
Cold weather docs not appear
In the near
’Future. You look at the case
This way: Winter Is all right tp Its
place,
But Its place Is tho winter time,
And you hold It a crime
To have cold weather butting la
Just when you want to begin
To enjoy life. Enough Is enough
Of anything, and you call It tough
Tbit J„st when you have given year
order
For a-Jull Jeweled, double bock action
spring that old winter should get
the notion that it was a star sum
mer boarder.
K
i!y re- f
Is ire *
■ prices J
ies wil J
and \
ply the *
the |
t
W. F. NEWBY. |
l ♦
Paying In Work,
, “I believe la giving tho devil hla
due."
“Perhaps that is why yon put In so
much time working for the old fellow."
Looked Alike to Her,
*1 fairly dote oa our modern palat
es.”
“I can’t s«e where they or* a bit bat-
Ear than tho pap.-r hangers.”
Ar. T.i-k,
Aiihtds'bb a* trird *. re.
But be could beat the hi...bsf
Where-'-le Fe'.or.r-
“What Wi.ulS you do with a man
wbo can't slug, but will keep at JtT*
“Send him to Sing Sing if I
have my way.”
A Big Little,
Man wants but Uttle here 1
Veil. I deny the charge;
Or. .rrant'ng that It may be so,
v. vr .3 chat little large.
PBRT PARAGRAPHS,
Hf.-soidisavs a man wishes the married
| Sact wh, net.
Evu;j though they are made of Wors-
1 , ti tU-.v are kid gloves If they are (
i children's size.
A dead hog Is better than a live lion
If you are hungry.
Circumstantial evidence Is not the
best, but you cannot help having yout
suspicions when there Is powder on a
young man’s shoulder.
’Tta love that mokes the world go
round. It also keeps the furniture fac
tories running.
Charity begins at home, but reform
always starts to work somewhere in
the next block.
Judging from appearances tho fish
peddler Is not nshamed of his calling.
Nothing Is qultu so distressing as to
listen to an amateur swearer trying to
make you think that he Is a profes
sional.
Every dog has Its day, but there are
dogs that richly deserve thirty days
and costs.
If you have, It In for a druggist, the
way to get even is to buy all of your
stamps of him.
Naturally baldheaded men think that
football is a foolish game.
Strenuous health eulturists who live
•o one meal a day would be applying
to the humane Boclety If they had to.
It might be a surprise to some grocers
to learn that there are sixteen eunees '
to the pound.
It is ail right to lock the door after
the horse is stolen, for who would want
to lose the new horse boforo getting
acquainted with him?
It Is Iranian nature to spend 76 cents'
worth of time getting a fifty cent pass
to a theater.
When a grass widow can collect ali
mony, she Is In clover.
Farm: Machinery
Ctutators, Disc Plows,
AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS
Pumps, and Farm Tools generally
Undertakers
Buriaf Robes, Coffins and 'Caskets
We strive to pleas our customers. -
CUMMINCfcWEBB.
I ] . < ICLGJA.
JL.
By Their Works
You' Shall Know Th
PIANOS
Organs and Sewing Machines.
THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST.”
For the Best, get the
PIANOS and
Organs, all kinds
More Utility.
Oh, When you have a friend In fall
Don’t coma around with mournful talo
Or with * V'sr. pvett ho- inet
To http him pi.
And lonu> -.
Far hr wo
• the Uvu. away
V MSB *
n ui*.
GET THF. BEST.-
tty ire
the World
Tuning and ropairin^ d tn^ b?' f*rof W. R. 5Milh«
ti t*i t-'vl-
w
Will Cot Over It.
“How old la Maud?"
•T dav’t know, but she must be pretty
youM She said she would not marry
a maii wbo smoker.*'
Orojy mo 1 cHf I, -t ^otsr It (ImII
receive p*"' r nr>* iteration.
J. IT. NELSON,- Cordefe,