Newspaper Page Text
it you are on a
Rural Free Delivery
Mail Route .... .
UNCLE SAM SAYS
That you must have^a
That isjapprovea
get your mail on
Postmaster General, If y
P. D., We have for sale one
on thef market; latest
General. fUlL ^
approved by the Postmaster
COOPER, Proprietor
Vienna Progress.
Don’t try to toll nn amateur
anything, because you cnn’t. ■
When you toll, u girl she Is us pretty
n picture, do not make her feel bad
telling her what kind of a picture.
secret n woman alwnyu
help.
cannot pay. a nolo the
are the shortest duyB
ms not caro for candy
uion buy It for her.
yon Imagine a innn going fishing
and taking a Jug of lemonade along?
It' Is bolter to cry over spilled milk
than milk that is not. The tears will
Mot spoil the former. *
Nothing Is Impossible with the al
mighty dollar.
A man must really lovo her If he
marries a girl who hnB taken n course
In a cooklug school.
A politician thinks that ho should
draw pay for loving tho pcoplo.
Perhaps It Is because speoch Is Bllver
that It always lias to be discounted GO
per cent.
PerlmpB the moon Is called Luna be-
• cause It Is responsible for so much
spooning.
Behind the Times.
“This parrot can say ‘Polly wants a
crnckor’ beautifully!” exdatmed tho en-
thrisiustlc dealer.
"Haven't you one more modorn that
asks for breakfast food?" Inquired the
young lady.
The Soda Fountain Clerk.
Itoro ho la In tho ring
With the Aral blUBh of opring.
A hot day
Sends his'stock way
Up.
/ He fills tho brimming cup, I
Beta it In place
. With ( hefiterfleldlan grace, |
Leana hack at eaae
And auya careteaaly, “Five cents,
please."
The soda fountain clerk !
Now gets In hta work.
He sots forth tho soothing drink, I
With or without, occording to the wink, I
And proceeds to All H
HIS till
To an overfiow !
With your hard earned dough.
And then
Ho tempts you to drink again.
Ho thinks it Ip funny
To sen you spend your money
For Ills
Fizz.
Monarch of all he surveys,
Tho crowd stc.yn
And buys his cold air
Whllo It has a cent to spare.
But where he la strong
Is when you have your girl along,
No Avo cent drinks then,
But It’s come ngajn,
With the twenty cent dishes
Whllo the victim. Ashes
For his lust dime,
And thinks he is having a Fourth of
July of a time.
Oh, well, It’s Ills way.
Ho has to make hay <
While the sun shines,
Bo he lines
Ton pp and Induces you to mortgago
your homo
To All up on his fonm.
. HIS FISHING T7JP.
He said he really couldn't sleep; »
His appetite was .minus; w
He felt some cause obscure and deep
Would by and by write finis
To his enreer unless he got
A change, unil that right on the spot.
His poor wife mourned 111 deep distress.
Her grli'f wp.s touching fruljc
She thought that he would suffer leas
lit he'd not work unduly.
He slyly winked and said he guess d
That he had bettor i. ke n rc: t.
Ho gathered up his fads and hooks.
Flies, Aoats. hiu mackintosh, o.
A few utensils used by cocks.
Gum bouts and old galoshes.
Packed these nit In his lilt and I hen
He said he'd leave Ihu haunts of men.
A burly boltlu deep and wide--
Ho really felt a sinner-—
He managed lit the kit tu l.lde.
Tho treatment won n winner.
''When lie got back a fortnight honco
He said his health was Just immense.
Just His Guess,
"Wlmt nro they woorlyg In hnts this I Factories
summer?” nsltcil the young lody just
In from tho wilds of her dearest friend.
"A very light nml giddy line of
hends, If I am any Judge,” observed
an old bachelor who had overheard the
question and couldn’t help butting In.
Might Want to
Bscape,
"Do you be
lieve In the
open door pol
icy?”
"Well, yos,
when I am talk
ing to tho fa
ther of the girl
on a delicate
subject.”
Had to Be There,
•"What were yon doing in a saloon
today?” asked the wife In her most Im
pressive tone.
"I Just dropped In to see a man.”
“I’d like to know what business any
man had In there.”
"Well, he was the bartender.”
Fable ol t|be Man Who Gdt to the Top,
A Certain Youth who lmd been told
$ by one who lmd never Boon There that
there was Plenty of Booin'at the Top
started out one Bright .Morning to
See for Himself.,
As nil of tho Authorities had agreed
that the Beginning must be Lowly and
Hint bo must start at tbo Bottom and
Work Up lie went forth with great
Confidence and One Meal Ticket to
look for a Place as a Bnse of Opera
tions from which to begin Climbing.
After Butting In at several Largo
mid Imposing Mercantile
Establishments where there was no
room at tbo Bottom bo finally Secured
a Job with a Sign Painter who was
such a Poor Speller that lie was Re-
gnrded ns one of the Best Sign Pointer,!
In the Lnnd.
For the Modest Sura of Six per week
be was Permitted to carry Ladders
nml In a Few Weeks was Promoted
to the Important Tusk of Mixing
Paints, though through some • Over
sight his Wages did not Partake of the
Boost.
After several years of Arduous Toll
ho became n Ren! Sign Painter and
could Decorate Windows in a Way
that was worth Going Several Miles
not to See.
Although lils_ Pay had been More
•than Doubled there was still a Vague
Longing In his Breast. It seemed Sev
eral Miles yet to the lop and the
Walking was much Worse than be hhd
Expected.
By tho time Our Hero had reached
Middle Life he could not read Any
thing Better In
the Signs he
was Writing
than a ‘Few
Years More of
his Present Job.
and he was Be
ginning to Won
der How Soon
he would have
to Give Way to
n Younger Man,
ii3 the Schools
were Turning
out every day
Spoilers . much
worse than he was. and They, too,
would Ilavo to Live.
Just when the Outlook was the Dark
est A Contractor jjrll ted M"and look
ing for a Feurless Man to paint Gluiveli
Istoeples. He accepted the Job and at
Last found Boom At The Top.
Moral.—Art Is Long. Particularly
Church Steeple Art.
Softer Nome,
While figures cold will never lie.
Yet It is safe to state
That those who figure on the sly
Will sometimes fabricate.
]’ A sebolurahip m the Ga.-Ala bus-
! iness college is for sale at this offieo.
'There":s a bargain in it.
Dr. Carlisle’s Liver Pills.
these pills meet a want of the people
that no patent pill cun supply, being the
intelligent administration of an offidun
remedy. When the elimination ol dis
eased matter is necessary, these pills have
no superior, especially in a Southorn
cllmiitfl, where the blood is loconlmr inated
with, malarial poison.
No intelligent physicitn will hositnte
for a moment to recommend these pills,
the formula, whiohis invariably approved
by tho medical profession, being prin'.ed
on onch paoKiigo.
Directions; For Torpid Liver, Dys
pasia, Indigestion, Sick Headachel con
stipation, Colds, Swimming in tho head ,
& c„ i no or two pills should ho taken at
bedtime.
For Chills and Fever, Billious Int-
ermittent'or continued Fever a full dose
should bo taken.
Asu laxative one to two pill athodtimd.
As n purge, two to three Ipills at bodtime.
DR. R. M. CARLISLE..
MACON',
Getting In Practice.
"Johnnie, If you swear so what do
you suppose will become of you?”
“If I learn to swear good enough, I
kin git a Job driving a four horse team
maybe.”
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
A thing Is not half so startling when
it is, put negatively, but' it is just ns
effective.
A battleship seems to be the favorite
roosting place for misfortunes Of all
kinds.
A reformer is an outsider.
An air castle is to the reality what a
private car Is to a tie pass.
Do your duty, and few people will
have a chance to do you.
To err is human, and to land a body
blow on the maker of the error Is hu
man too.
The unmistakable resemblance be
tween an attractive daughter and her
far otherwise mother has sidetracked
many u matrimonial game.
13,000 MILES FOR $25.
The Atlantic & Birmingham rail
way has placed on sale at its princi
pal Ticket Offices 1,000 Mile Tickets'
at rate $25.00, good over the follow-
i ig lines:
Atlanta & Birmingham Air Lino J£y
Atlanta, Knoxville & Northern Ry.
Atlanta & Wn«t Point R. R;
Atlantic & Birmingham Ry.
Atlantic Coast Line R. R..
Charleston & Western Caroliui Ry
Georgia Railroad.
Louisville & Nashville R. R.l
Nashville, Chattanooga & St. Louis Ry.*'
Richmond, Fredericksburg * Potomac RjR
Seaboard Air Line Ry.
WaBhington'Southern, Ry.
Western'* Atlantic R.R.
Wostern Railway of Alabama.
These Lines oompmo 13,000'
Miles of Railroads.
This ticket presents the oheapest
and most convenient form of travel.
H. C. MoPADDEN,
General Passenger Agent.