Newspaper Page Text
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Vienna Progress.
H. D. SMITH.
EnteredTts second clas mail matter
JUNE 21 1004.
✓
It 1b not much cheaper to move than
'pay rent'If trouble counts for anything.
The'child often wishes he wore the
father to the man when ho thinks tho
parent needs spanking.
Often a married man writes out n
declaration of lndeponden . hut never
muBters up courage to r.V It to Ids
wife.
No matter how scarce It may he.
qulnlno Is always a drug on tho mar
ket.
It Is nil right to talk about telling
your troubles to a policeman, but just
try It once, If you have not a political
pull, and see how long he will stuud
for It.
The man who can make a mountain ;
out of. a molehill Is not necessarily a !
miracle worker.
• — !
It Is quite a safo bet that a politician
docs not offer you a cigar unless ho has
somo object In view.
Fourth of July ilrecrackcrs are be
ginning to look around for thumbs to
trim.
Sometimes tho bad boy In school
thinks It Is capital punishment to bo
mado to sit with the girls.
While there are- more ways than one
of skinning a cat, one will do the cat
No man lilies to bo presented with a
bill tho first of tho month unless It Is
a dollar bill.,
^
In Hard Lines.
Pause, stranger; drop
A tear for the Delaware peach crop.
Not dead, you say 7
Go away!
It has been killed thirty-six
ncur that amount
By actual count.
If It Is not dead yet
It hf-a safe bet
To say .
That It will be killed aeveral times a
day
Until the crop Is rlpo
Unless the pipe
Goes out.
And It must be n good, stout,
Husky peach crop i
Thnt will not dr#p
Out ot tho game
Or at least Walk lams - "
And feel
Limp and all used up after such an
ordeul.
But that Is the way.
Just ns soon ns tho peach crop begins
to feel gay
"Birrr
Says Jack Frost, and It is knocked stiff.
And even whllo Its friends gose
On the remains and the bnnd plays
Blow muslo It Is killed again.
Five, ten,
• A score
Or mors
Times
, It must
Bite the dust.
It Is hard to die younr.
Unwept, unhonored and unsung,
But tho peach crop Is resigned.
It doesn't mind
A little thing like that;
It thrives and grows fat
On killing.
It Is willing
To do that much to add to the gaysty
of nations.
Never fear, you'll And Its smiling face
Blushing as of yore In the market
place.
Ought To,
“You understand railroading?”
"Yes.”
“Tell me, then, does a mulatto ride
on a half fair ticket?”
"TBllOWS
He Understood.
“Miss Jonks has such a sweet face.”
“If you had purchased qb much candy
to stow away lu It as I have you would
know why.”
Very,
A little bird sang In a tree,
Ah, mel
But wouldn't It havo been absurd
Bupposa a tree sang In a bird?
Sharp Bargain,
“I wish I know how to get something
for nothing.”
"Can’t you trade your thoughts for a
penny?"
There may be sermons In Bongs, but
most people prefer ragtime.
A man hns a largo bump of confi
dence who goes on a visit to Ills wife’s
relntlons without purchasing' a return
ticket.
It Is unlucky,to look down the busi
ness end of a tblrteeu inch gun during
wartime.
Pride goes before u fall, and hilarity
comes round tho corner just behind it.
A thing one lias no use for is dear
at any price.
A big head Is n good thing if it is
natural and not superinduced.
When You Are Broke.
When you are broke Tfnd rent Is due
Tho world looks blue, your frlonds are
few,
And, though you try to catch their eye.
They never speak as they pass by.
When you nr© broke it’s very clear
That all tha sphere Is out of gear.
Though in deep gullo you try to smile.
You know that nothing Is worth while.
When you aro broke and long to meet
One who will treat so you may eat,
Each man will tell he’s broke as well
. Or else will ring the chestnut bell.
When you are broke the girls are shy. .
They turn and fly whan you come nigh.
Your heart they crush without a blush
And turn to some one with more slush.
When you nro broko turn any way,
Borne one will say, "Plcaso pay, please
pay.”
You almost can adopt a plan
By which to blithely kill a man.
Clear Gain, ,
"No young man should live beyond
bis means.”
“But isn’t he just that much ahead?”
SOMETHING FOR NOTHING,
When mother on a shopping tour
Pares iruyly through the tow a
She's not h<> eager to secure
The latest thing marked down.
She's Hoek/ng In her dnl'j- trarapB
Tliose gay, seductive : ading stamps.
A scholarship in tho Ga.-Aln 1ms-
'mess college is for sale at this otfioo.
There is a bargain in it.
Tho trading s'
Alluring Is ui
Thu most T- rs
It makes UP
And-buy and I
Of everyth':
When clir. with cart- and somo distress.
Has gathered to ner hold
A thousand of them! more or less,
She says, "They're good as gold.”
And to -the premium pnrlors she
Will fly as happy as can be.
There she'll select a rocking chair
Or else mayhap a lamp.
A thing of plainly third rate ware,
Of "bargain counter'' sump,
But mother proudly shows her prise.
“It didn't cost a tHIng!" she erics.
A New Reading,
“Come, come, John,’’ snltl his father;
"keep better hours. This will never
dp. The onrly bird catches tho worm,
you- know.”
“Nothnueh dad," returned John. “It
might Imre been so In your tlmo, but
tho worm will turn, you know, nnd bow
we go after him by tho moon’s pale
light, trn, la.”
When Up Is Down.
Manager — Stark these
goods down from $2.00 to
12.08.
New Clerk—Thnt isn’t
down.
Manager—It is for a bar
gain sale.
Her Sad Surprise.
When freedom from her mountain height
Unfurled her standard to tho air
I She flew It higher than n kite
{ And doubtless meant to keep It there.
' But, ah, her hopes were doomed to fall!
Behold that Btarry banner denr
Bedecking wagon, cart 'and hall
And advertising lager beer.
Even Worse.
Man cannot live by bread alono,
Though some bad men would choose
At once, could they but havo their way.
To live alone on boose.
And Her Husband Received His Orders.
“Doctor.” said tho sick woman wea
rily, waving aside the-glass be offered
her, “there is only one thing that I am
able to take."
"What Is that?” gently inquired tho
rising young physician.
"A trip to California.” And the doc
tor took a tumble.
Something as Warm.
"One swallow does not make a sum
mer.”
“Deponds on wbnt it is n swallow of.”
Dr. Carlisle’s Liver Pills.
these pills moet a want of tho people-
that no patent pill can supply, being tho
Intelligent adminiftration of an efficien
remedy. When the elimination ot dis
eased mutter is necessary, theso pills havo
no superior, especially in a Southern
climate, where the blood issocontnv mated,
with, malarial poison.
No intelligent physiol:n will hesitate’
fofn moment to recommend tbe*> pills,
tho formula, which is invariably ap; - oved
by tho medical profession, being printed-
on oach pr.cKngo. •
Directions; For Torpid .Llvor, Dys
pepsia, Indigestion, Sick Hoadachol Con
stipation, Colds, Swimming In the head,
& c., tne or two pills should ho taken at
bedtlmo. *
For Chills and Fever, Billious int
ermittent or continued Fever a lull dose
should he taken.
As a laxative one to two pill at bedtime.
As a purge, two to throe'pills at bedtime.
DR. R. M. CARLISLE. ,
MACON,
13,000 MILES FOR $25,
Tho Atlantic & Birmingham rail
way has placed on sale at its princi
pal Ticket Offices 1,000 Milo Tickets
at rate $25.00,good^over the follow-
i ig lines:
Atlanta & Birmingham Air Lino Jij
Atlanta, Knoxville & Northern Ry.
Atlanta & Wnst Point R. R:
Atlantic & Birmingham Ry.
Atlantic Coast Line R, R.
Charleston & Western Carolii a Ry
Goorgia Railroad.
LoitlsviUo & Nashville R. R.’
Nashville, Chattanooga & St. Louis Ry.’,
Richmond, Fredericksburg A Potomac R,Jt
Seaboard Air Line Ry.
Washington’Southorn Ry. '
Wostorn & Atlantic R.R.
Western Railway of Alabama.
These Lines comprise 13,000'
Miles of Railroads.
This tioket presents the cheapest
and most convenient form of travel.
H. C. McFADDEN,
General Passenger Agent,
If you are on a
Rural Free Delivery
Mail Route
UNCLE SAM SAYS
That you must have|a
BOX
That is approved py the Postmaster General* If you
get your mail on the R. R D., We have for sale one of
THE BEST
on the market; latest approved by the Postmaster
(jeneral. QTJjg StOrG.
J. J. COOPER, Proprietor
m-