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FUNNY SAYINGS AND DOINGS.
New York offers h prize to the man who
will invent a plan by which street cars can
he rnn without horses. Try mules. Ask
us something hard.
The letter was to his mother : “ Dear
Ma —Send me a clean pair of socks and
somthing to eat; also a clean handker
chief and something to eat.”
Cleveland young women write comments
on the margin of the library volumes they
read. One emotional creature writes,
“ the pangs of love is great i have ben
there myself.”
IV henever a man, who has been arrested
for being •* tight,” calls at a New Orleans
newspaper office, and asks to have his name
suppressed, they call it “ A Suppressed
Tigntem,” and publish it anyhow.
Nobody likes tobenoboby; but every
body is pleased to think himselfsomebody.
And everybody is somebody ; but when
anybody thinks himself everybody, he gen
erally thinks everybody else is nobody.
How apt is the Josh Hillings’ descrip
tion of a mule : 44 The mewl is a larger
bird that the guse or turkey. It has two
legs to walk with, and two more to kick
with, and wears its wings on the side of
its head.”
Moliere was asked the reason why, in
certain countries, the king may assume the
crown at fourteen years of age, and cannot
marry before eighteen. “It is, ’’answered
Moliere, “ because it is more difficult to
rule a wife than a kingdom.”
A German citizen was called on ns a
witness in a case before one of the justices
lately, ami when the oath was administer
ed, ho raised both hands, and said : 44 If I
spoke noddings what ain't drew, if ever I
hope to die so quick as a minute !”
A New York school master told a
young miss that the word “ obligatory ”
meant binding, whereupon she laid her
head upon her hand, and after a moments
cogitation, handed the teacher this sentence
—“The obligatory of my spelling hook
is worn out.” He fainted.
A young and good looking bachelor min
ister. who recently took charge of an up
country church, rather astonished the Hock
the first Sunday by announcing that he
proposed getting up a girls’ Bible class
right off. and he wanted to embrace every
young woman within the sound of his
voice.
The New York World thinks Hayes is in
the same predicament about Louisiana and
South Carolina as the intrepid hunter, who
once secured a “ tail holt ” on an immense
black bear, and shortly afterwards was
heard bellowing for help. “ What do you
want help for?” inquired a comrade. “ I
want someone to help mo let go of this
bear,” replied the hunter.
A book agent, who has retired from
active labor upon the hard-earned accumu
lations of a life of industrious check, says
that the great secret of his success was
that when he went to a house where the
female head of the family presented her
self, he always opened by saying : “ T beg
your pardon, miss; but it was your mo
ther 1 wanted to see.” “ That always
used to gcs ’em. They not only subscri
bed for my books themselves, but told me
where I could find more customers.”
Cards are still played at the White House,
though the alluremants of draw-poker play
ed with all its pristine ferocity do not fasci
nate our pastoral President, who delights
rather in the more innocent excitement of
“old maid ” and “beggar my neighbor.”
The other evening they were making up a
party, but had only secured three players,
when one of their number called heedless
ly and perhaps innocently to Mr. Haves:
“Mr. President shall we count you in?”
An awkward silence succeeded, and Mr.
Hayes turned red as fire, but Mr. Schurz
seated himself at the piano and played some
selections from the “ Battle of Prague ”
and diverted the attention of the company
till Senator Stanley Matthews and Mr.
Charles Foster had removed the unfortu
nate individual and crucified him. — World.
The Brattleboro (N. C.) Advance says :
“ Our devil says that the first ’returning
board ’ of which he has any recollection
was a shingle in the hands of his father.
The three—father, son and shingle—used to
hold frequent committee meetings in :he
back shed, but the returns came in so
swiftly that a fair count was impracti
cable.”
An old negro slumbering with bis feet
to a glimmering fire opens one eye and gets
a glimpse of them as they stand in the ob
scurity. Mistakes them for little negroes,
and cries.
“ Gif fain fore me !” and relapsed into
sleep.
After a while opens the other eye, and
still seeing the intruder, says :
“ Gif fum fore me, 1 say! I kick you in
de fire if you don’t—l will shuah !” and
and again he snores.
His dreams not being pleasant he soon
opens both eyes, and still seeing the pests
he draws up his feet for his threatened kick,
but is alarmed to see the enemy advance
upon him and exclaims :
“ Wha-whar you comin to now ? ”
“Humph ! my own foot, by golly !”
The Biggest I.ic.
An English Bishop lately told this good
story at nis own expense. He was in the
habit of traveling incognito about his par
ish, after the fashion of “the good Haroun
Alraschid,” and in one of his walks came
upon a group of men who were wrangling
over some matter.
“ W<eU, ray good men,” said his lordship,
“ what are you doing?”
The response of one of the men was not
calculated to please and encourage the
amiable prelate.
“ We bin a loin’,” he said.
“LyingT” exclaimed thofiojrified Bishop.
“ what do you mean?” W
“Why, ycr see, was the explanation,
44 one of us fun’ a kittle, an’ wo bin atryin’
who can tell the biggest lie to have it.”
“Shocking!” said the Bishop; and
straightway improving the occasion, lie
proceeded to impress upon the sinners the
enormity of lying. Me informed them that
be had In,or. taught, that, onenf th greatest
sins was to tell a lie. and. in fact, so strong
ly had this been urged upon him. that
never in the whole course of his life had he
tohl a lie.
No sooner had the excellent Bishop made
this announcement than there was a gleeful
shout:
“ (lie the governor the kittle! Gic the
governor the kittle!”
Juilxo Marshall an<l I lie Turkey.
OoUleii. Thread*.
Chief Justice Marshall was a great man ;
but great men are not apt to be proud.
Me was not too proud to wait upon himself,
lie was in the habit of going to market him
self, and carrying home his purchases.
Often would he be seen going home at sun
rise with poultry in one hand and vegeta
bles in the other. On one of these occa
sions a fashionable young man from the
North, who had removed to Richmond, was
swearing violently because lie could find
no one to carry home his turkey. Judge
Marshall’stepped up and asked where lie
lived. When he heard, he said.
“ That is my way ; 1 will take your tur
key home for yon.”
When they came to the house the young
man asked, “what shall 1 pay you?”
“ Oh, nothing,” said the judge, “you arc
welcome ; it was all in my way, and it was
no trouble to me.”
44 Who is that polite old man who brought
home my turkey for me?” asked the
young man of a bystander.
44 Oh,” said he, “that was Judge Mar
shall. Chief Justice of the United States.”
“Why did Ac bring home my turkey ?”
“1 suppose he did it,” said the by
stander, “to teach you not to feel above
attending to your own business.”
Sings Like a Bird. The delightful
effects of this new principle. Dr. J. 11.
McLean's Cough and l.ung Healing Glob
ules. As the saliva in the mouth acts on
the Globule a gas is generated which
soothes and heals irritation of the throat
and' lungs, makes the voic clear as a bird,
cures Hoarseness, Coughs, Colds and Con
sumption. Trial Boxes, by mail. 25 cents.
Dr. J. 11. McLean, 014 Chestnut st., St.
Louis, Mo.
llnrt County lHreclory.
COI'XTV OFSICKItH.
Ordinary —Fred. C. Steplienaon.
Clerk Superior Court —C. A. Wbb.
Sheriff —J. Robert Myers,
Tax Receiver —J. M. Thornton.
Tax Collector —James 1,. Johnson,
Treasurer —J. O. Bobo.
Surveyor —Alien S. Turner,
Coroner — K. Phillips.
School Commissioner —Clins. W. Seidel.
TOWN OFFICERS.
Mayor —. John Peek.
Secretary and Treasurer —W. R. Stephenson.
Connciliacn —K. Is. llonson. James w. Williams,
W. 11. Stephenson, K. 11. Sunders. W. R. Stephenson
Hurt County Itclixtou* llrectory.
METHODIST.
Rev. W. P. Smith. Pastor.
Hethesda— lst Sabbath in each Month.
Hartwell —‘2nd “ and Saturday before.
Mt. /.ion —2nd “ at t p. m.
Cokesbury —:ird Sabbath In each month.
I’rovidence —4th “
Rev. John Quillan, Pastor.
Pellotcship — Sabbath in each month.
Red trine — “
Macedonia — " at 4 p. m.
BAPTIST.
Rev. 11. M. Barton, Pastor.
Hartwell —4th Sabbath and Saturday before.
Rev. J. T. W. Vernon. Pastor.
Milltown —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Rev. L. W. Srui’HKXS, Pastor.
Hendry's —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Rev. James H. McMit.t.rx, Pastor.
Line —3rd Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Reed Creek —4th “
Sardis —lst “
Rev. T. 11. (loss. Pastor.
Cross Roads —4th Sabbath and Saturday before.
Rev. JOHN I). Adams. Pastor.
Caution's —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Rev. J. R. Kaui.k. Pastor.
Sardis 2d Sabbath in each month.
Rev. Thomas Chymes.
Shoal Creek —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, mo'ly.
PRESBYTERIAN.
Rev. John B. Morton. Pastor.
Pleasant Hill —3rd Sabbath in each month.
!*T All white ministers in the County, of every
denomination, are requested to send in their appoint
ments for publication. A'o charge whatever.
R. T. BRUMBY & CO.,
DRUGGISTS ak„
PHARMACISTS,
DEALERS IN
DRUGS, CHEMICALS ,
PA TENT MEDICJNES ,
DRUGGISTS’ SUNDRIES,
Window Glaus, Paints , Oils, Lamps ,
Glass Shades, Chamois Skins,
Sponges, &/-c., fyc.,
Manufacturers of King’s Toilet Powder,
Agen(t) for F. G. Otto A Sons' Surgical
lustrumenU-Sold at New
York Prices,
College Avenue, between Bookstore
and Post-Office,
11 ATHENS, GA.
CHEAPEST AM) BEST
STOVES & TIN A \ . ARE
IN THE SOUTH.
AT A. K. CHILDS k CO’S,
ATHENS, GEORGIA.
Ayer’s
Sarsaparilla
IFor Scrofula, and all
scrofulous diseases, Erysi
pelas. Rose, or St. Antho
ny’s Eire, Eruptions and
Eruptive diseases of the
skin, Ulcerations of the
Liver, Stomach, Kidneys,
Lungs, Pimples, Pustules,
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Tetter, Salt llheum. Scald
Head. Ringworm, Ulcers,
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Weakness, Sterility, Leucorrhnea, arising
from internal ulceration, and Uterine
disease, Syphilitic and Mercurial dis
eases, Dropsy, Dyspepsia, Emaciation.
General Debility, and for Purifying the
Blood.
This Sarsaparilla is a combination of
vegetable alteratives Stillingia, Man
drake, Yellow Dock —with the lodides
of Potassium and Iron, and is the most
elficacious medicine yet known for
the diseases it is intended to cure.
Its ingredients are so skilfully com
bined, that the full alterative effect of
each is assured, and while it is so mild
as to be harmless even to children, it is
still so effectual as to purge out from the
system those impurities and corruptions
which develop into loathsome disease.
The reputation it enjoys is derived
from its cures, and the confidence which
prominent physicians all over the coun
try repose in it, prove their experience
of its usefulness.
Certificates attesting its virtues have
accumulated, andjare constantly being
received, and as many of these cases are
publicly know’n, they furnish convincing
evidence of the superiority of this Sar
saparilla over every other alterative
medicine. So generally is its superi
ority to any other medicine known, that
we need do no more than to assure the
public that the best qualities it has ever
possessed are strictly maintained.
PREPARED BY
Dr. J. C. AYER it CO., Lowell, Mass.,
Practical and Analytical Chmiists.
SOLD BX ALL DRUGGISTS EVERYWHERE.
E. B. BENSON & CO., Agents,
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107 V.
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X HE Spring Session for 1877 will open on Monday 29th of January, and con
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t < T
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