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FUSSY CASE IN ELBERT COURT.
.Hintt Siyirj' KuniMcy hihl *• Irlliia.
yrn t l'*ininiretj\eet! of n Old Ueorgia Lawyer.
When T first attended F.lbert Superior
Court,.almost fifty years ago. I noticed a
large woman, “ fat. square and forty, or
more, drive on her ox-cart, back it up near
■ the pathway that led to the main door of
the Court Home, scotch the wheels, un
hitch her <%wo oxen, and, with the aid of
two friends who came forward, tie and
feed them. She then removed the hinu
jrate of her curt and exposed the end of a
cider barrel. Another friend climbed over
the wheels and handed out a table, cups,
pint and quart pots, a box filled with {rin
ger bread, and finally, a small bnpof chest
nuts. You have doubtless seen such trav
i cling restaurants in your day.
Hovy often Miss Nancy Rumsey had re
peated that scene in years past. ] cannot
say ; but I know she continued it to a late
day as regularly as the Court set, until a
lawyer once moved that the minutes be
amended by adding, after the words,
“ Present, the Honorable Judge, &c.,”
the additional words, “ and Nancy Rumsey
and ier two red steers," as she and they
had been coining long enough to make it a
good custom at common law ; for memory
of man ran not to the contrary; and the
whole county could swear that it had been
Continued without interruption ; had been
peaceable, etc.; and he doubted whether
any lawful court could be held without
them.
By her regular business of a few dollars
a day, (hiring courts and other public occa
sions, she had amassed enough to build a
comfortable house some six or eight miles
from Elberton, the county town, up in the
“chinquapin settlement, called Goshen.”
This house of hers was the great head
quarters of the. country round about, and
being on the high road she kept a country
tavern, at which I have often drawn rein
for rest and refreshment, and always found
Miss Nancy an obliging and liberal hostess.
From a capitalist she became a politician ;
and the first thing a candidate had to do
before entering the canvass, was to subsid
ize this influential lady. 1 learned from
conversation with several aspirants for pub
lic office, that she had taken tribute aliko
from all. Each got her promise of favor
and she got money from each. The candi
dates soon fbund’this out, but they knew
also that if they did not pay this tax to
the queen of Goshen, they would get her
earnest opposition : and so this white fe
male levied black mail on all office-seekers
in F.lbert county, fur half a oe.ntury.
For the last twenty years of that period,
after her throne had been well established,
not only candidates stopped to have a word
with Miss Nancy, hut the lawyers, who
were looking up business, took care tosay
pleasant things to her as they passed ; and
the Judge, as lie went by* paid bis respects
as she sal in her chair at the end of her
cart.
I have said that the custom of the at
tendance'of Miss NUficy and the oxen had
been peaceable; but on one occasion, it
came near being disturbed from a source
that seems to have been a disturber of all
thrones. A late importation from the
Green Isle, finding his way to Elberton,
and to Miss Nancy’s cake cart, bought a
mug of eider, but after it was drawn, and
before paid for, concluded he would swap
it for a ginger-cake ; to which she consent
ed ami poured the cider back into the bar
rel. Pat having eaten his cake, started off.
when lie was called back by the vigilant
Nancy, and reminded that he owed for his
purchase.
“ Not paid for the cake !” exclaimed Pat.
“ Didn’t 1 swap yc the mug of cider for it'/
and now you want pay too.”
“ But,” said Miss Nancy, “you didn’t
pay for the cider.”
“ Not paid for the cider, is it? Bedad !
ye poured it back into your bar'l, where it
now is. None of yer thricks, ye Jezebel;
none of yer shabby thricks to chate an
honest' furrener out of his little penny.
Mistress Rumsey. yc got yer cider in yer
bar'l which I swapt for yer cake, and now
To talk of pay for yer cake 1” and off he
turned indignantly.
Though Miss Nancy could not, in her
confusion, unravel Pat's false logic, she
could see so far as to know that whereas she
had eighteen cakes, she now had but sev
enteen, and no money for the missing one.
She therefore sued Pat, with the hope that
the Justice, learned in the law. could ex
plain it. When the suit oame on for trial,
Pat appeared and arguing the case with the
same earnestness and sublety that he had
at the cart, confused the court as mftch as
he had Miss Nancy ; but all unconsciously
to the confident Justice, xfho tried it. In
giving his opinion, the latter said the case
was very plain, though neither of the par
ties seemed to understand it; and pro
nounced his judgment that Pat should buy
and pay for another cake and swap it back
for the mug of cider, to please the plaintiff,
who seemed so dissatisfied with her former
trade; and she should let I’at drink his
cider and he would have the worth of his
money—and she the money for her cake,
and the worth of her cider in the cake
given back, which would make them even.
A Rising Lad.
A boy borrowed a tool from a carpenter,
promising to return it at night. Before
evening he was sent away on an errand and
did not return until late. Before going he
was told that his brother should see that
the article was returned. After he had
come home he inquired and found that the
tool had not been sent to its owner. lie
was much distressed to think that his
promise had not been kept, but was per
suaded to go to sleep and rise early and
carry it home the next morning. By day
light he was up, and nowhere was the tool
to be found. After a long and fruitless
search he set out for his neighbor's in great
distress, to acknowledge his fault. But
how great was his surprise to find the tool
on his neighbor's door-stone ! And then it
appeared from the prints of his little bare
feet in the mud, that the lad had got up in
his sleep and carried the tool borne and
$1.50 A YEAR.
gone to bed again without knowing it. Of
course a hoy who was prompt in his sleep
was prompt when awake. He lived re
spected, had the confidence of his neigh
bors. and was placed in many offices of
trust and profit. If all grown folks felt as
this hoy did. there would he a good many
tracks of hare feet found some of these
bright mornings : and what piles of books
and tools would be found at their owners'
doors.
Real' and Dumb.
For some days past an unknown female
has been in the habit of making an after
noon trip on the Woodward avenue cars
and riding to Brady street. The first two
or three times she paid her fare promptly
enough, but the next trip she wrote some
thing on a card, handed it to a gentleman,
and he paid her fare. The next trip she
waited till the driver rang the fare hell,
and when she saw him looking through the
door she advanced and held up a card on
which was written :
“ I am deaf and d,mnb.”
The driver didn't want to create a scene,
*u(l she rode as a dead-head. Next day
she went through the same performance,
but when she boarded the car the third af
ternoon he was ready for her. He had
every reason to believe her a fraud, as she
had been heard to speak in the ear coming
down. When she entered the car. she
took a seat and began reading, seeming to
have,po earthly interest in the fare ques
tion. There are no conductors on the
route, and the driver controls both doors.
.Before Brady street was reached the un
known female was the only passenger.
She rose and rang the bell at the street,
but the driver paid not the least heed. She
rang again, and he hurried up the horse,
then she tried to pull the bell off the car,
but the man never turned his head. The
woman rushed to the door and pushed’and
tugged till she was red in the face, but not
an inch would it budge. Rushing to the
front door she pounded the glass in a furi
ous manner, and by and bv the driver “ac
cidentally ” looked around. She gestured
wildly, and as he shook his head in a stu
pid way she held up her card which said :
lam deal' and dumb.” The driver fum
bled around for two or three minutes and
brought out a srnall placard on which was
printed :
“ So am I !”
They were then about half a mile above
Brady street, making excellent time, and
the woman’s indignation was so great that
she shook her fist at the driver and scream
ed out:
“ I'll have you shot for this !”
He held up his card, shook his head, and
paid no further attention to her blood
curdling threats. At the turntable, a mile
and a half above Brady street the door
slid back and the woman jumped into tiie
mud. She blessed that man from crown
to sole, and she blessed all his relatives
back to the revolution, but he did not seem
to hear her. As he started off she called
out :
“ You arc a monster, villain, sneak and
thief!”
He gave the lines a shake, got the card
from his pocket, and she was not too far
away to read the answer :
“ So am I !”
Nile Is Waiting.
Yankee Jtlade.
A well-to-do-widow living in the north
ern part of the city has during the past
winter depended solely upon the sun to
clear her walks of snow, and boys with
snow shovels and policemen with notices
have failed to alter her programme. Yes
terday morning after the big storm there
was a drift a foot deep in front of her
house and a boy with innocent blue eyes
and flaxen hair, rang the bell and brought
her down the hall at a trot.
“ Does the Widder live here?” lie
asked, as she opened the door.
She said she was the person named and
he continued :
“ You’ve been awful good to us poor
folks this winter, and I run over from
Woodward avenue to say that there's the
nicest sort of a man in a drug store over
thefe asking about you.”
“ About me?”
“ Yes'm. He’s got a big gold watch and
diamonds, and a plug hat and a gold head
ed cane, and J heard him ask the clerk if
you were married yet.”
‘•He did?”
“•Yes’m, and when the clerk told him
no, lie asked for the number of your house,
and 1 heard him say something like—old
love—graves—recollections—big house on
Fifth avenue, New York, and he sighed. I
believe he is coming over here.”
“Who can it be—who can it be?” she
mused.
“ Hain't the least idea. He doesn’t look
as if he was used to wading through the
snow, and I thought I’d slip overandclean
up your walks.”
“ Y'es, ah—of course—wait a minute,
bub.”
She ran and got a silver quarter, patted
bim on the head and went in to get on her
best clothes.
She didn’t see the boy any more, and at
5 o'clock in the afternoon she was still
looking over towards Woodward avenue,
her optics having a tired expression and her
nose a weary pose. Boys shouldn’t be up
to such tricks. If it isn't downright lying,
it is deception in the second degree, and it
upsets household arrangements for a whole
day. *
HARTWELL, CA„ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 35, 13'*.
TIIC Mprillg SJirtl.
Jturtinptvn Uawkeye.
Dear little blue bird,
Herald of spring.
Swallow this cough drop—
Boor little thing !
Warbling so hoarsely.
Of April's approach ;
Hunting around for a
Bronchial troche.
Poor little blue bird,
Don’t you go off;
Tie up your little nock,
Doctor tlint cough.
Soon April violets,
Kissed by the breeze.
Will shiver and wince as they
List to your sneeze.
Don't be discouraged yet,
Herald of spring;
Shake all the icicles
Off from your wing.
Who knows what v?bnders
Gough cure may do ;
Sing, little blue bird—
“ At-chce ! At-choo ! ”
The Man W ho tlrvw.
Otero it Free J'terr
One day last week a Detroit mechanic
was going down Michigan avenue and be
came favorably impressed with a pair of
pants hanging in front of a cheap clothing
store. The price was low, the goods seem
ed all right, and he mady up his mind to
purchase.
“ I gif you de word of Andrew Shack
son dat dose pants are shust like iron,”
said the dealer. “ I warrants dem efery
dime.”
After three or four days’ wear the pur
chaser found the bottom of the pants
crawling towards his knees. It was a bad
case of shrinkage, and he got mad and
went back to the store and said :
“ You swindled me on tsese pants! See
how they have shrunk !” j
The dealer looked him nil over, felt of
his head, pulled on the pants and finally
said :
“ I shall give you one thousand dollars a
month if you will travefwilh me.”
“ How—what?”
“ You are shust growing right up at the
rate of two inches a dfty, and 1 takes you
aroundt the country on exhibition. Dose
(units are shust as long as el’er, but you
have grown oudt off deni.”
“ I don't believe it!” shouSid the man,
“ 1 am forty years old, and quit growing
long ago !”
“ I gif you de word of Andrew Shack,son
dot you vas growing.”
“ 1 don't care whose word you give. I
say thttse pants have shrunk nearly a foot.”
“ Has de top of dose pants shrunk down
any?” softly asked the dealer.
“ Why, no.”
“ Shouldn't de vaistbands shrink down
just as queek as dose bottoms should shrink
up? If in do cloth, one part should shrink
like de odder, eh ! When I sold you dot
elegant pair of pants for tree dollar I don't
suppose you vos growing so fast or 1 shall
haf put zuin straps on de bottoms.”
“ Well, I don’t like this way of doing
business.” said the purchaser.
“Shust like me. If I sells such elegant
pants as doze to a man, and he grows out
of dem, it damages mv trade. You haf
damaged me five hoonered dollar, but I haf
low rent, pay cash for mein goods, and can
make you dis lifty-cent tie for five cents.”
The man walked out to the curbstone,
and turning around, shook his fist and said :
“\ r ou are a liar and a cheat, and I'll
dare you out here?”
“Such dings sink deep into my heart,”
sighed the dealer, as he took down his pipe.
“ l dinks l sells out dis peesness and ped
dles -some vases aroundt. Den when I
sells to somepody it makes no difference
how much dey grow.”
A Short Sermon.
Y’ou are the architects of your own for
tunes ; rely upon your own strength of
body and soul. Start by knowing a few
useful studies well. Learn much of men
and things, and accept practical talent as
the philosopher's stone. Select some spe
ciality for your life's work, and adhere to
Paul’s precept. “This one thing I do.”
Earnest effort in one direction will be your
surest road to wealth, and high position.
Let your star be Industry. Self-reliance,
and Honesty, and inscribe on your banner,
Luck is a fool. Pluck is a hero. Don't take
too much advice, keep an the helm, steer
your own ship command your business as
a general commands an army, and do not
forget that the great art of good general
ship is to take upon your yourself the larg
est share of tbe work. Don’t practice too
much humility; think well of yourself—
strike out—assume your position. It is the
jostlings and joltings of life that bring great
men to the surface—put potatoes in a cart
over a rough road, and small potatoes go
to the bottom ; turn a raft of logs down a
mill-race, and the large logs come on top.
Rise above the envious and jealous. Fire
above the mark you intend to hit—remem
ber that the great difference between men,
between the feeble and the powerful—the
great and the insignificant—is energy, in
vincible determination—a purpose once fix
ed, and then victory or death. Don’t
drink. Don't chew. Don't smoke. Don’t
swear. Don't deceive. Don't read novels.
Don't part your hair or name in the middle,
and don’t own a horse or a diamond until
you have made a name and a fortune. He
in earnest. Be self-reliant. Be generous
—there are two sides to every balance, and
favors thrown in one side are sure to he
reciprocated in the other. Be civil. Ben
gentleman—it is a foolish man who does
not understand that molasses will catch
more tlies than vinegar. Read the papers
—they arc the great practical educators of
the people. Advertise your business.
Seize opportunities by the forelock. Keep
your own counsels. Be the supreme head
of your own business, make money, and
do good with it. Love God and your fellow
man. Love truth and virtue. Love your
country, and obey the laws.
H. G. Eastman, LL. I).,
The Homely (.Ill's Nlrulcgy.
Virginia Chronicle.
There are two young ladies in this city,
one noted for her beauty and the other
quite plain. They are sisters and rivals.
The handsome one has the most admirers,
her lovely face effectually hiding her lack
of intelligence and good sense. The home
ly one, although overflowing with wit and
shrewdness, finds it impossible to make
herself attractive to the young men who
call at the house so long as her sister is
about. The girls mutually hate each other.
A few nights ago the homely one had her
sweet revenge. Half a dozen gentlemen
were expected to be present to take part
in music, singing, card-playing and other
enjoyments. Just before the arrival of the
guests, the the homely sister dropped a
grain of morphine into a glass of water
which the other had asked her to get, and
that is what did the business. The guests
arrived, and then hats and coats were taken
by the girls and hung in the hall. It was
“good evening. Miss and “how do
you do, Mr. •?” for about five minutes,
when the girls sat down, and the handsom
est was made the centre of an admiring
group. • •
“ The weather has been rather nice for
a day or so.”
“ V-e-s-a.” replied the fair one, with a
yawn that caused her mouth to open like
the iaws of a Blake crusher.
The group tried bard to keep her atten
tion engaged. The most fluent weather
talker of the lot exhausted himself on me
trological phenomena, hut without effect.
The chap who read a portion of Daniel De
ronada next turned himself loose, hut the
yawn of that mouth reminded him that
his conversational influence was not felt.
The musical fiend of the crowd hopped up
on the stool and belabored the piano,
while the others sang “Pull Down The
Blind,” but at the end of the song the
beauty was lying back in a rocking chair
fast asleep. What was the homely girl
doing all jliis while? She was making her
self as agreeable and sprightly as possible.
When the other began to snore she apolo
gized in a most sisterly way. “ I hope gen
tlemen. you won't take offence at tl>is.
She did it just for a joke. You know she’s
always doing such original things. You
won’t feci insulted, will you?” Then she
took them out in the pantry and tilled them
up with mince pies, cold tongue, roast tur
key, etc, and when they left that house
they came to the sworn conclusion never
to have any more to do with the beauty,
and cultivate the homely one more in the
future than in the past.
A Ten Thousand Hollar Oriiii.
At a recent temperance meeting a re
formed drunkard arose to make a few en
couraging remarks to those who had not
yet pledged themselves to abstain from the
flowing bowl. The man possessed a re
markable nose —remarkable for being bul
bous and of a brilliant crimson and it at
tracted considerable attention as he step
ped to the front and said :
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am not here to
make a speech. I am not much of a
speaker. In fact, I never made a speech
in my life. I have, however, been a hard
drinker, which you will probably infer af
ter a casual glance at my nose, but—.”
Here the audience began to titter, where
upon the speaker, feeling the organ in ques
tion tenderly, resumed : “ But I assure
you, ladies and gentlemen, although it may
strike you as being very funny, it is no
laughing matter. To bring my nose to this
blooming perfection has cost me at least
ten thousand dollars.” Hereupon there
was a perfect bowl, and the new recruit
stepped down and gave place to the next
speaker. .
A Blight Miwlake.
The gentleman who does the Annanias
and Saphira business of the Terra Haute
Express says that a city minister opened
his front door suddenly and surprised a
guilty looking man who was just in the
act of depositing a neatly-covered basket
on the door step. The meeting was not
rapturous. “Ah!” said the minister,
rushing out and grasping the man by the
collar, while he plied a heavy soled boot
vigorously under the coat-tail of his visi
tor, “what do you mean, you villian. by
leaving a baby on my door step? Ah, I
have you, you scoundrel ! I’ll show you
how to abandon an infant to the cold mer
cies of the world.” And all these remarks
were punctuated by kicks. “ I haven’t
left any baby at yoifr door.” said the man.
taking up the basket and lifting the cover.
“ I brought a right fat turkey for you. but
I'm d—d if j r ou shall have it now, if you
were starving,” and he walked away.
A N. Y. SENSATIONAL SEKMON.
One of Mr. Tnlmiiitv'w Merraon* that
Kejil lit* llenrem In a Roar of
LNUfklrr.
Kne Vert Am,
Dr. Tulmngo said, as he began yester
day’s sermon, that the reason lie had
preached ten sermons to men and none to
women was that the women are better than
men. He did not say this out of compli
ment or in gallantry; although when wo
men are had, they're dreadful. [LaughMk]
Statistics prove this. They have falter
temptations, are naturally more rererea
tial and loving, and it is easier for them In
become Christians. “They are in the ma
jority in the Church, on earth, and I sup
pose they will ho three-fourths of the pop
ulation in iHNtveik.'’ In a beautiful home
stead in BuXlamy. a widow was left to tnke
charge of the premises. The pet of the
house was Mary, a younger sister, who,
with a hook under her arm. has no appear
ance of anxiety or perturbation. ( nnst
and several friends arrived at the bouse.
They did not keep him waiting till they ad
justed their dress, and, after two or three
knockings. hasten to the door, and say.
“Why, is that you?” No. They were
ladies, and always presentable, though they
might not have on their best. If we al
ways had on our best, our best would not
be worth having on. [Laughter.] They'
threw open the door and greeted Christ
with, “Good morning. Be seated.*’
Martha went off to the kitchen; while
Mary, believing in division of labor, said,
“ Martha, you go and cook, and 1 will sit
down and he good.” (Laughter.] Some
thing went wrong in the kitchen. Peihaps
the fire would not not burn, or the bread
would not bake, or Martha scalded her
hand. At any rate, she lost her patience ;
and with hesweated brow, and possibly
with pitcher in one hand and the tongs mi
the other, rushed into the presence of
Christ, saving, “ Lord, dost thou not care
that my sister hath left mo to serve alone.’’
But Christ scolded not a word. He
seemed to say, “My dear woman, don’t
worry. Let the dinner go. Sit down on
this ottoman beside Mary, your humble
sister.” When a man comes home from
business and sees his wife worn out, he
thinks she ought to have been in Waif
street, and then she would have bail some
tiling to worry her. He does not know
that she conducts n university, a clothing
establishment, a restaurant, a laundry, and
a library; while she is also health officer,
police, and president of her residence.
[(ireat laughter.]
They have to contend with severe econo
my. Nhiefv-nine out of a hundred aro
subjected to it. If a man smokes very ex
pensive cigars and eats costly dinners in
New York, be is very desirous of making
five dollars do the work of seven at home.
T'he wife is banker in the household. Slur
is president, cashier, teller, and discount
clerk ; and there's a panic every few weeks.
[Laughter.] This severe discipline will
make heaven very attractive to you. There
will be no rents to pay. Every man will
live in his own hgmse, which will be a man
sion at that. If Stewart's Fifth avenuo
mansion were lifted into the celestial city,
glorious, glorified Lazarus, who sat in raga
on earth, would he ashamed to enter it.
NUMBER 35.
On Von ll<‘Hr That ?
From Reminineeneei of an Old Deorgia Laity or.
One frosty October night, by Mrs, Jones'
large and cheerful lire, at (’arnesville, Da.,
Judge Clayton told us of an application he
once had to prosecute an offender for using
profane language in a church. He said a
man applied for admission as a member,
and was required to give in his experience,
which he commenced, by saying : k * 1 was
riding in the low-grounds one dark, rainy'
night, on a bob-tailed pony.” Having the
impediment of a hair-lip, and speaking low.
a brother, of the church, asked if he would
“speak louder, that he might be heard by'
all the brethren.”
The applicant commenced in aloud voice,
but when he reached the bob-tailed pony,
was as low as before ; and a sister, asking
that he would speak louder, that the sis
ters might hear what the Lord had done for
him, he tried again but when he arrived at
bob-tailed pony, his voice was weak as be
fore. This time a negro, in the gallery,
called out and hoped “ the white brudder
would speak loud enough for the black
bredderen to hear what the Lord had done
for his poor soul.”
Neither the patience nor religion of the
penitent coula endure the torture anv
longer, and he replied to the ‘ black brud
der :”
“ You go to h—ll, you d—d black
scoundrel. Do yon hear that ? and taking
his hat walked out.
A III(ih Old Time.
Chicago Timet.
The other night Thomas Powell, who
was confined in jail at West Union, Dod
dridge county, W. Va., accused of the
murder of Thomas Burton, was released
from jail by a court heretofore unknown to
the jurisprudence of this State. The jailer
and several other persons got together at
the jail and drank freely. They became
so hilarious and reckless that they gave
Powell a part in their drunken spree, and
at length they determined to organize a
court arid try him for the crime with which
he stood charged. Accordingly one was
made judge, and another prosecuting at
torney, and the trial commenced. After
giving him a hearing Powell was adjudged
not guilty, amid much hilarity, and tho
door of the jail thrown open to him, and ho
was allowed to go. The sheriff has been
searching for him; and a reward of fifty
dollars has been offered for his arrest.
The jailer has been arrested for releasing
Powell.
The World appears very beautiful
when you are well; to remain well, healthy
and strong, take Dr. J. H. McLean’S
Strengthening Cordial and Blood Purifier,
the greatest tonic, in the world, it strength
ens the body and purifies the blood. I>r.
J. 11. McLean's office, 314 Chestnut st„
St. Lois, Mo,